eat yr fucking brussels sprouts
im so sorry to everyone whos ever been made to eat greyish soggy and completely tasteless brussels sprouts bc they are capable of so much more okay holy shit so im abt to set yall straight
first, do not boil them. literally dont boil vegetables unless its potatoes bc it tends to sap everything of flavor okay. you can cook veggies in the oven or steam them in a pot, or like a million other things. sauteed is my favourite though bc you can cook them in like less than five minutes.
first, cut off like a centimeter of whats left of the stem, bc thats old and will taste weird. then wash them they can be pretty dirty, though the dirt is only on the outside (unlike leeks ugh).
after you’ve washed them and have them on your cutting board, get a pan (small is good if you’re just making a snack!), put it on the stove and turn it to medium heat if u have an electric stove, or like 6-7 if u have propane. pour approximately ½ tablespoon of olive oil (you might want to add more but thats fine to start with).
back to the brussels sprouts: cut them in half width-wise (theres pictures below for reference) then take each half and cut that into four pieces. if they’re super big, you might want to cut each piece in half again, if theyre super small then just cut the whole thing into quarters. it’s okay if the size varies a little!
the oil should be hot by that point (if you pick up the pan and tilt it, the oil should run kind of quickly, instead of super slow like cold oil does). dump the cut brussels sprouts into the pan (gently and with love !!).
put some black pepper over it–this is to taste, so if you dont really like black pepper then only do a little, or skip it entirely. i put probably ¼ teaspoon because i love black pepper. start small, though.
stir it a little, then put some salt on–also to taste. it’s gonna need more than you’d think, i promise, but also you dont want to overdo it, so sprinkle a little salt over it to start with, and once they’re cooked, you can taste them and add more if it needs it. remember, when it comes to salt, its best to put a little, and then taste, and then a little more, and then taste, and then more, etc.
stir them again and then cut a lemon or a lime (lemon is best but use what you have) in half, and squeeze some into the pan–it will start steaming and making popping noises, which is good. this is to taste as well. i love sour things, so for me maybe half the juice of half a lemon for every 5 normal sized brussels sprouts. thats a lot, though, so if you dont like things too sour, just squeeze the half a little. you can always add more later if it’s not enough!
if they start to stick to the pan that means theres not enough oil, so pour a little more olive oil in and stir.
stir them often! they cook pretty fast when theyre cut small, like 2 minutes maybe depending on how hot the pan is. when they lose their sharp cut edges and the white gets a little yellow and green is darker, they’re probably done! pull one out to taste it and make sure its cooked, and add more flavor if you want.
when they are cooked, they should still be crunchy, but there shouldnt be any harder part in the middle. crunchy all the way through. you’ll be able to tell when you try one.
here’s the pictures so you can see what i did (sorry they are bad pictures my hands shake hella):
brussels sprouts are great because they’re usually incredibly cheap, they keep a long time (i store them in a brown paper bag in the fridge, and they dont go bad for 2 weeks or so, if they last that long), you can cook as many or as few at a time as you want (instead of having to use one whole big vegetable, u no?), and they are good for side dishes if you are someone who does like full meals or whatever.
you can cook them a million different ways, this one is just my favourite! they’re also really good with potatoes or sausage (presumably, i only eat soy meat really but theyre really good with Tofurkey sausage so idk), with or without lemon juice, etc.
anyway please eat them they are vegetables which are high in vitamins or something presumably and they taste really good i promise!