Oh dear Lord; I have made terrible mistake. My stupid ass self thought that since I can’t sleep watching A dogs Purpose for the first time at 11:30 at night was a great idea. Now I’m gross sobbing and it’s almost 1. Why do I do this to myself!?
So looking back at the episode after I stopped yodeling because of the kiss I decided to go back to this scene because it’s just so real. fair warning, this will be quite a long post.
It’s not a secret that Yuri’s an emotional and anxious person. This was established in the first episode, and I’d say Viktor knows this better than anyone. Still, he thinks a reality check would be the most effective at cutting through the tension and reminding Yuri what he’s skating for. Kind of odd that Viktor’s idea of motivation is destroying someone but you do you fam
the ultimatum. Viktor is threatening Yuri, and as much as I love Viktor, this was a little unnecessary and excessive, HOWEVER, his intention was to snap Yuri back to reality my dude, you done fucked up tho
which proves to be the final straw for Yuri (understandably so) and Viktor quickly realizes this (so y’all talking about how heartless Viktor is can stop, he acknowledges he done fucked up)
I have anxiety myself and I 100% see where Yuri is coming from. It’s implied on several occasions that this is his last season. I’m not an athlete, but I’ve watched enough pro sports to have some idea of the kind of toll it takes on a person. Naturally, all this time, Yuri’s been thinking about what kind of note he wants to end on. I’d say a lot of Yuri’s anxiety stems from this, but we also have to look at how Viktor fits into this.
Viktor isn’t skating this season and he’s not young. Both of their careers are essentially close to the end, and that pressure has been building up in Yuri until this moment. We saw this in the last episode with how Yuri reacted to people hating on him for taking Viktor away from the ice. Yuri says he wants people to hate him, but I feel like it’s a face he puts on. What good is having people hate you for pulling the top skater away from the ice to coach you if you’re a monumental mess who can’t even make it to the Grand Prix Final? There’s a lot going through Yuri’s mind at the moment, and almost everything can be linked back to Yuri not wanting to disappoint or let Viktor down.
Ultimately Viktor saying he’d quit being Yuri’s coach solidified all of the thoughts Yuri has been having for the past couple of months, and it was the catalyst for this whole scene. Even if it wasn’t true, hearing it from the one person you care about most doesn’t help the situation
Again, Viktor knows he royally fucked up and he’s trying to apologize for it
Yuri consistently acknowledges his career hasn’t been stellar. Coupled with generalized anxiety and the added pressure of having Viktor’s reputation on the line, it’s no wonder Yuri is in tears. Everyone reacts to pressure differently. Some people are motivated to try harder (which was what Viktor was trying to do with his whole “shatter the heart” thing), but some people just don’t react well to it. Yuri wants to try to be the best damn bowl of katsudon in the world and prove to everyone that Viktor being off the ice isn’t a waste, and he’s been doing well lately but that’s made his anxiety worse.
And that’s the thing. He has been doing well, but what if that momentum is short lived? What if he actually can’t do it and can’t prove his worth to the world? What does that mean for Viktor, who will most likely never return to the ice? It’s a lot for one person to handle. Yuri cares about Viktor deeply (which is also not a secret), and the thought of performing poorly and letting Viktor down utterly destroys him
This was the most heartbreaking part of this scene to me. Yuri knows Viktor won’t quit, and Viktor almost finds it laughable that Yuri would think such a thing. Viktor constantly reassures Yuri throughout the series, but Yuri’s so damn worried about what would happen if he doesn’t do well.
You can tell yourself the opposite all you want but anxiety always forces you to think about the worst case scenario, no matter how outlandish it sounds. You can’t simply will yourself to think logically about the situation, and someone else can’t make you either. No matter how hard Yuri tries to tell himself it’ll be okay and no matter how many times Viktor reassures him, Yuri will always find himself stressing about how his mistakes will affect Viktor
I loved this line and the following lines because Viktor’s always been portrayed as this suave and young coach who is seemingly perfect, but he’s truly fucked up this time, making Yuri cry and he does. not. know. what. to. do. As inexperienced as Viktor is as a coach, we haven’t really seen any of his weak points until this episode. And I love it. It shows that not even this flirtatious and charismatic living legend is perfect. Viktor Nikiforov DOES make mistakes, and he DOES own up to them
He’s not pretending he knows what he’s doing. He’s never coached someone. He’s never had to deal with someone else’s feelings or had to comfort them. But he acknowledges it instead of saying otherwise
“Should I just kiss you or something?”
This (I feel) implies that they’re already in a relationship. Yes, Viktor is known to be flirtatious and tries to placate Yuri with hugs, but the fact that he says it so casually, thinking it will fix the problem, sort of implies that he’s done things like this before. This also reiterates that Viktor does not know how to properly comfort someone. What Viktor has done in situations like this up until now is placate them with his charm, hugs, and kisses, and it’s just not enough this time (I’m here for the character development)
And Yuri’s not having it. He don’t want no kiss from Viktor
What he wants is Viktor’s support. Yuri knows as well as anyone else that there are a lot of things Viktor is unfamiliar with, but he trusts Viktor. It doesn’t matter that Viktor threatened him with a lie. Nothing matters as long as Yuri knows he’s not walking alone.
Even if you think lowly of yourself, it feels so damn good and empowering to know that at least one person believes in you. It gives you the motivation to see your task through and give it everything you have to try to make that one person proud. In the end, you want to be able to see their smile and hear them say they always knew you could do it. That little bit of validation, especially coming from Yuri’s idol, means the world. It sounds a little selfish, seeing it all in writing, but that’s honestly what anxiety does to me, personally, and what I think it does to Yuri.
I ended up writing a novel about this scene but fuck it meant so much to me. I watched this episode about six hours ago, and I’m honestly STILL SHOOK. It means the world to me to see that the writers portrayed anxiety so accurately. This show continues to do me proud every week ugh *gross sobbing* :’)
Probably outdoors somewhere around Christmas at night with snow falling, Christmas lights shining, beautiful atmosphere and all, but all you’d be able to hear in the background is Yurio screaming at his embarrassing dads to stop sharing that goddamn scarf because they keep goddamn tripping all over each other.
I’m egregiously behind on the Home art. I only got 7 drawings done in a month and I haven’t touched my stylus in a week because I got a job at a super high end florist shop that’s training me full time. On top of that I’m in the middle of redoing my room because I just really need that change in my life, and I’m painting a giant canvas. And I’m organizing the layout for my bday dinner next week at grandma’s house. And building an aquarium with my dad.
This is like, a huge amount of cargo for me to handle since my anxiety is sky-high 24/7 anyway, so I’m really looking forward to when all is completed and out of the way. A new room with a fish tank, a belly full of bday dinner, and part-time hours. Yay! Then I’ll get more time for finishing up Home. With that said, I am sad to announce:
The last chapter will be up early 2017.
There’s just no way I’ll be able to finish 53 drawings in less than 2 months. Even if I had no job and no other projects, the rate I’m going with adding all the extra detail in these last pieces, requires more time. I don’t want to half-ass it and pump out sloppy drawings, because it wouldn’t feel right to end Home like that. The last chapter deserves extra attention.