hannah’s endless list of favorite films - kill your darlings (2013) “Another lover hits the universe. The circle is broken. But with death comes rebirth. And like all lovers and sad people, I am a poet.”
“Dear younger me, If I knew then what I know now Condemnation would’ve had no power My joy my pain would’ve never been my worth If I knew then what I know now Would’ve not been hard to figure out What I would’ve changed if I had heard…
Dear younger me It’s not your fault.
You are holy You are righteous You are one of the redeemed Set apart a brand new heart You are free indeed
Every mountain every valley Thru each heartache you will see Every moment brings you closer To who you were meant to be!”
How wonderful it is to discover that you are loved! When you thought
you were alone, to find that you are wanted! To know that all along
there were those who believed you were great!
SUMMARY : (Y/N) finally decides which one she likes better- British puns or Greasy hair.
A/N: I’ve only been on Tumblr for less than a month but it’s crazy how much support and love you’ve all given to my fanfics simply just by reading it- especially this one! I’m so grateful. You guys have made my summer really really productive, trust me! I love you guys so much! Do send me feedback , I just love love love reading your comments you have no idea ! I hope you enjoy reading this one just as much as I enjoyed writing it. So much love xx
You woke up to the sound of steady knocks at your door. Since
you were in such a deep sleep, at first you thought you were just dreaming but after
hearing your name being called out for the next 5 minutes, you realized it was
all too real to ignore.
Groaning, you sleepily walked up to the door. The time was
Okay, ever since Tom joined Riverdale he has been disturbing
your sleep a lot more than you would’ve liked. I mean, Tom is adorable and you
may have a little puppy crush on him but hey, SLEEP is everything.
“Aww,” he chuckles at your sleepy face.
Combing your hair with his rough fingers, he instructs,”It’s
a beautiful morning, I’d hate for it go to waste! Put something on.Let’s go for a walk,”
“NO!” you try to shut your door but his hand intervenes.” Oh Come
on, Tom! It’s 4am. I’ll take the morning walk later,”
“No,” he retorts,”Either you’re coming with me now or I’m
You snicker at the last comment.
“Oh, you take me for a bluff, darling?” he attempts to carry you but
you defend yourself. “Fine, fine, fine! Gosh, you’re so bossy sometimes,” you
“You have 5 minutes, darling!”
Ugh, you can’t get mad at him even if you wanted to.
succumbed to an oversized white shirt similar to what Tom was wearing and a
cute pair of pastel pink shorts.
“Aw, look who’s stealing my style!”
“It has nothing to do with you, idiot”
“That’s what they always say,”
You roll your eyes. Why does he always have to pick on you?
Tom has his arms around you, as always, as you take a stroll
along the coastline.
“This is nice,” you happily comment.
“Not you, idiot. This walk. The island looks heavenly at
And most certainly it does! The waves are mild. The birds
tweet as they resort to the palm trees, the sand is not coarse and Tom..well,
he looks ridiculously cute with his undone hair and his muscles all puffed out.
“Ah, that’s a nice spot!” Tom blurts as he quickly takes you
by the hand and runs over to a corner with huge gigantic rocks.
You sit on the sand and lean against the giant rocks for
support while Tom does the same. Blissful is the word.
“Come over here,” Tom puts his hand around you and makes you
lean over to his shoulder. You’ve noticed how he always likes to get comfortable around you, or maybe with everyone else, you’re not sure.
You try your very best not to let the jitters and the
butterflies in your stomach act out as you look over to the most stunning
sunrise with Tom by your side.
“Did you really love Cole?”
You’re quite surprised at the sudden question about Cole.
Although Tom and you has gotten quite close over the pass few weeks, he has
never really touched the Cole topic.
“Hmmm,” you try to think of an answer,”I guess I did. I mean, just because I don’t
feel the same way anymore it would be unfair not to validate what I felt when I
was, you know, young and completely in love.”
Tom quietly nods at your answer. “(Y/n)?” he calls you
“Do you think you could ever fall in love again?”
You give him an odd look,”Are you in love with me Mr.
Holland?” before bursting into laughter.
“Bloody, I was just-“
You quickly get up and start yelling at the shore,”Tommy
over here has a huge crush on (Y/n)!!”
“I DO NOT! Get back here, you!”
“Tommy has a huge crush on-“ you start running away from
him and yelling at the same time while he chases you.
“Oho, you’re gonna regret that when I catch you,” he
threatens as he takes off his shirt, revealing the heavenly body made by God himself, and runs over to you with the biggest grin on his face.
You laugh hysterically as you try to run and tease him at
the same time.
“Tommy has a huuugggeee- eek!” you squeak as you feel his
strong arms grab you by your waist from behind and swing you around.
“Tom!! Stop,” you try to sound assertive but you can’t
control your giddiness as he continues to swing you by the waist.
He finally stops twirling you around, yet not letting go of
your hand still.
“Tom, you evil lit-“
He pulls you closer towards him. The distance between the
two being infinitesimally small. You lose your breath for a second there as you realise he’s really shirtless and he’s really close!
“Tom, let me go!” you try not to sound nervous as he brings
his face closer to yours.
“I told you you’d regret it,” he says in a low tone as he grabs your
hand even tighter.
“Awww, look at this little puppy!” he loudly announces as he
lets go of your hand, laughing hysterically at your face,”You should’ve seen
You hit his arm,”You’re so annoying, I’m leaving!”
You angrily stomp your feet as you walk away from a very
“Hey, (Y/n)!” He calls out.
“What?” you turn angrily.
“Maybe I do have a crush on you,” he winks.
Wrapping the second, and the last, day of the shooting in the island was
very fulfilling. You had butterflies running in your stomach the entire day since 4am when Tom admitted that he does have the hots for you. He kept passing annoying cheeky comments
during the entire shoot which made you pretend to be annoyed, when really you were just falling for this boy even more.
Just like the other night, you’re all gathered around the
bonfire. And just like the other night, you’re cuddled next to Cami while Tom
sat across you, next to Cole.
“Oh my god, I have an idea!” Cami excitedly yelps.
“Be right back!” she’s too excited for life. She quickly
goes inside her hotel room and comes back with small crumbled sheets of paper.
“GUYS!GUYS!” she calls out. “Let’s play a game!”
Everybody quickly becomes silent and pays attention to Cam.
“So I’ve written some questions here in these sheets of
paper. One by one, we’ll pick a sheet each and answer, no matter what it asks.
Admit defeat and the person to your left gets all the authority to post
anything on any of your social media accounts,”
The game does sound fun and enlightening but the defeat dare
“I’m all in!” Tom excitedly agrees.
The rest of you weren’t too sure but Tom and Cami eventually
managed to pull you all in.
“Okay, Tom pick one!” Cami instructs.
“What? Why do I have to go first?” Tom complains.
“Because it’s way past your bedtime, Tommy. Answer and go to
bed!” you answer him earning yourself plus points for annoying Tom while
everybody else laughs at him. “(Y/n), oh how you entice me!”
“So the question I got is, ‘ one word for each person in
the circle under 30 seconds’.”
“Okay okay okay, wait,” Tom prepares himself.
Lili, girl next door.
Cami, total bonkers.”
“Whoa, well done!” everybody applauses Tom for his quick
You gush at the sound of darling again while Tom secrely winks
“Cole, you’re up next.” Cami instructs.
“Let’s see what we have here,” Cole takes his pick.
“Kiss the prettiest girl in the room,”
“Whoaaa,” everybody cooes. He got a good one!
“Do I really have to do this?” he nervously laughs.
“Or you could hand your phone to Tom,” Lili replies
Cole sighs. “Okay, let’s do this.”
Cole stands up. “Ohhh, he’s going for it!” KJ teases.
He slowly walks up towards Cami. Pauses. Leans over and
places a small kiss on your cheek.
Ok, you did not see that one coming.
“WHOAAAA,” everybody cheers Cole as he happily goes back to
You try to force a smile but you can’t help but notice
Tom’s glare. He didn’t look happy. He had an expression on his face which you couldn’t really read.
“Guys,” Tom stands up,”I think I have to call it a night”
Okay, That is so not Tom.
“Everything okay, mate?” KJ asks Tom.
“Ye-yeah, I’m tired. You guys carry on!” Tom blunty answers
as he head towards his hotel room.
“Tom, wait!” You go after him. “Are you sure you’re o-okay?”
I mean, you would’ve just let it go had he not looked so uncomfortable.
“Y-y-eah,” he tries to avoid your gaze as he spits,”I want to be alone, okay?”
“Tom,..” your voice softens as you try to reach out to him
but he backs himself.
“I-I’m sorry, I’ll see you later,” he hastily says before
The way he left made you feel some other kind of empty. Why
was Tom acting that way? Was it because Cole kissed you? It was only a dare,
right? There’s nothing to be mad about..
“Hey, (Y/n), everything okay?” you hear a voice from behind.
You turn around to find Cole himself.
You’re reluctant to answer. You want to tell him everything
is okay and move on, but the 4am smile of a certain messy haired Londoner has
You’ve never been this scared to answer a simple two-worded
question, because you know that once you tell him the answer it’ll all be over.
Everything with Cole will be over. Everything that has ever had anything to do
with this raven-haired prankster with the amazing sense of humour will be over.
Not that this answer has anything to do with Tom..or maybe it does, you’re not too sure.
It’s like jumping off of a cliff all over again. But this time, you know
someone will be there to catch you, and it’s all upto you just who.
You hold your heart together as you gather up all your guts
and answer,”Cole, we need to talk.”
He looked frightened. Maybe he already knew what was coming.
You walk slowly towards the boy you once fell so deeply in
love with. Although you’ve moved on, you still remember all that you once were.
You take his hand as he quietly watches, unsure of what to
do or say.
“Cole, you asked me a question the other night.”
“Yes, I did.”
“Cole, you were the first guy who made me feel loved and
sexy and beautiful. I know things weren’t always great but I still remember how
things were and how happy we were,” you
take a small pause,”You made me the happiest girl for 2 years and for that I
will forever be grateful to you,” you smile up at him lovingly as you hold back
the tears in your eyes. You can’t believe you’re doing this. For the first
time, you’re putting yourself first.
Cole refuses to look at you as he tightens his grip on your
“But,” you continue,”You broke my heart and I don’t think I
could ever look at you without having all the flashbacks of the hell I went
through. I still see good in you, trust me, you’ll always be important to me.
But everything has changed. And maybe, for the first time, change is good.” You
take a deep breath,”So what I’m trying to say is, no. My answer to your question is No. I’m
You finally said it.
You thought he would’ve stormed off angrily by now, but he
Cole looked up at you lovingly. You could easily tell how
hard he was controlling his tears. One thing you knew about Cole, he was not a
He forced a smile as he gently stroked the side of you face
like he always used to,”(Y/n), you were the best thing that had ever happened
to me and I’m grateful for all the times we shared together,” he turned away,
he couldn’t bear to look at you knowing you’ll never be his anymore. “Tom is,
Tom is a really lucky guy.”
“Cole, it’s not-“
“Can I atleast have a hug before this night ends?” he
adorably questions, trying to lighten up the mood.
You smile weakly as you give him the
“You have the biggest heart in the world,(Y/n). The
biggest,” Cole whispers into your ear as he quickly breaks the hug and walks
And there you stood, idle as you watched your first love
walk away. There you stood, confused , sad and empty but content.
With your heart so heavy and your mind so full, you decided
to take a walk along the coastline all by yourself before going to bed. It has gotten quite dark
now, the sand is more coarse than it was in the morning, the waves are a lot
more rougher but the wind is calm and soothing. You sit yourself near the giant
rock which Tom directed to you earlier today.
You close your eyes and take a deep breath as you try to
relive the past few weeks. It has been a roller coaster of emotions. Good
How Tom just popped into your life out of nowhere and changed everything for better, or for worse. Lately, you’ve been drinking a lot of tea..for someone who refuses to have anything other than Lemonade.
You can’t believe you just said no to the guy you were
hopelessly in love with for 2 years. It’s strange how fast things change. Few
months back, you couldn’t stand the thought of not being with Cole but here you
You smile to yourself as the thought of a cheeky
brown-haired guy peeps into your mind. You know he’s not at his best mood now,
maybe he’ll be okay in the morning. There’s just something about this guy. Maybe it’s his
horrible attempts at making puns or the way he’s ridiculously good at
everything, his messy hair or the way he says darling, there’s just something
you can’t exactly pin point out but gosh, is there someth-
“(Y/n),” your reverie gets interrupted by the sound of a
very familiar voice.
You get back up and look around to find a messy haired,
red-faced, shaken Tom.
He quickly makes his way towards you and pulls you in for a
really tight hug.
“I’m so-“ he tries to apologize.
“Shhh,” you retort silenty, “It’s okay, it’s all okay,” you
whisper as bury your head in his body while his strong, warm arms
“(Y/n),” Tom slowly breaks the hug. “I don’t know what got into me earlier, I-“
You cut him off, “It’s okay, Tom. Really, it’s fine.”
Tom pushes your hair aside to get a full glance of your face.
“Look,(Y/n), all I know is that I didn’t like the feeling I got when I saw
somebody else kiss my girl and I don’t want to have that feeling ever again, it
makes me sick, it makes me-“
You cut him off again.
But this time, with a kiss.
You stand on your toes as you try to reach up to him and
lay a soft subtle kiss on his lips. Tom quickly lifts you up, making you wrap
your legs around his waist. He deepens the kiss as wind cautiously blows your
hair and the waves take turn to steal glances at their favourite couple.
“Tom,” you try to murmur whilst he’s still busy kissing you.
“The director said ‘Cut’”
“GOT YOU!” you yelp as you laugh hysterically and run away
from him. “Can’t believe you fell for that!”
Tom sighs in disbelief and runs after you as he warnes,”Come
here, you! You’re going to regret this, darling.”
From the moment you woke up, you could tell it was going to be a bad one. It was one of those mornings where you woke up with what felt like an empty pit in your stomach, like a black hole that made you feel uncomfortable from the moment you opened your eyes.
You went through the motions in the morning, shower, breakfast, getting ready for work, and head out the door still with that strange anxious like feeling in your stomach. Usually, you had Hercules at home with you in the mornings, while Lafayette has to quickly make his way to work, but this morning Herc wanted to get something done and left before you even woke up.
You tried to ignore the feeling in your stomach, to concentrate on something that would make you feel better but every time you tried to think of something else it was like the feeling got stronger like it was calling out for your attention.
When you finally got to the office and sat down at your desk you tried once again to focus on something else to ignore the feeling but it just wouldn’t go away.
As you tried to get yourself caught up in your work, your eyes drifted down to the picture you have framed on your desk. It’s one of you Hercules and Lafayette in Paris last year when Lafayette had taken the two of you to meet his family and show you around where he grew up. The photo is your favorite one of the three of you, you’re all smiling brightly at the camera standing in front of the Eiffel tower for the compulsory tourist photo in Paris.
A small smile pushes its way onto your face as you think about the time the three of you spent in Paris. You and Hercules loved seeing how excited Lafayette seemed to be, to be back in his hometown. He was so happy showing the two of you around, getting the both of you to try different dishes and doing his best to teach you as much French as possible.
You glance at the time in the bottom corner of your computer screen and sigh, you still have four hours until you can get home, and you can’t just daydream about your trip to Paris for the whole time to ignore the weird feeling in your stomach. So instead you decide to text Hercules.
It’s not a long message, you quickly send him a message telling him how crappy you’ve been feeling all day and how you’d really appreciate it if he and Laf could be waiting when you get home.
Owning his own tailoring business, it’s easier to talk to Herc during the day than it is to Laf. Herc can do what he wants and finish at whatever time he want’s to. Laf, on the other hand, isn’t as easy to reach, he’s a French teacher and is always busy either teaching or grading his students work to have any kind of proper conversation during the day and he doesn’t really have the option of leaving early unless it’s an emergency.
Luckily for you though, since Herc can choose to finish whenever he wants both boys can finish before you and be waiting at home for you when you get there, and that thought is what keeps you going all day long.
As soon as you open the front door, you can smell something incredible and you know Lafayette is responsible for it.
“I’m home,” you call out, dropping your keys in the bowl on the table by the door and hanging your coat up on the hook.
“There she is,” Herc says, making his way down the hallway to where you stand and wrapping his arms around you tightly, lifting you off your feet just slightly. “How you feeling darling?”
“Ugh, I’m just glad to be here with you two,” you mumble into his chest.
You let out a deep breath, allowing yourself to really relax into his hold. “You wanna talk about it?” he asks.
Before you get a chance to reply, however, an accented voice calls out from the kitchen. “Hercules, don’t hog all her attention I want to hug her too,” Laf calls out.
Both you and Herc laugh as you pull apart, he swings an arm around your shoulders tucking you close against his side. “Let’s go into the kitchen before french fry get’s upset,” he teases as the two of you make your way into the kitchen.
“There’s our girl,” Laf says as you and Herc turn the corner into the kitchen.
His face breaks out into his signature, wide smile and you pull yourself away from Herc to crash into him, letting the Frenchman hold onto you tightly.
“Oh mon coeur, I’m sorry you had a bad day,” he whispers to you, pressing a gentle kiss to your head. “I’m cooking your favorite French meal and I brought home the perfect wine to drink with it,” he announces and you can tell how proud he is of himself.
“Thank you, Gilbert,” you mutter as you reluctantly pull away from his hold. “I need to change into something more comfortable,” you tell them before heading into the bedroom.
After your long and miserable day you want nothing to remind you of it, so you strip out of your work clothes, pulling on a pair of leggings you rummage through the draws until you find an old t-shirt of Laf’s and one of Herc’s hoodies to pull on and after wiping off your makeup in the bathroom you make your way back into the kitchen with the boys.
While you were changing Laf had poured the three of you a glass of wine and he hands one to you after you pull yourself up onto the counter.
“Did you spend ages picking out ‘the perfect wine’ again?” You ask with a grin, swirling the dark red liquid around your glass before having a sip.
“He did. He kept pulling out the same three bottles before making a decision,” Herc explains.
“Do not make fun, I can’t help it if I like to drink good wine with good food,” he says, turning away to check on the food as you and Herc chuckle.
Herc moves to stand beside you, one of his arms snaking around your waist and you lean against him slightly.
“Hey I’m grateful for it, if I didn’t have you around I wouldn’t be able to pick good wine for myself,” you admit with a shrug.
“Me too, actually before you I never used to drink wine so I wouldn’t have known the difference between the good stuff and the bad,” Herc says causing Laf to roll his eyes.
“You are both lucky to have me around,” he mutters.
You smile, putting your glass down on the counter and slipping down onto your feet. You wrap your arms around Laf’s middle and rest your head on his back.
“I’m lucky to have both of you around,” you tell him sincerely.
At that, Herc comes up behind you, wrapping his long arms around both you and Laf, sandwiching you between the two much larger men.
Both the boys laugh at that, and Herc leans down to kiss your head.
“Sorry darling,” he says, pulling away and pulling you back with him. “I just wanted to show you how much we both love you.”
“I love you both so much,” you tell them, looking up into Laf’s eyes who has turned his head to look at you both over his shoulder.
“After dinner we were thinking we could watch some movies and cuddle on the couch,” Herc suggests, resting his chin on your head.
“And we bought the candy we know you like,” Laf says pointing to a bag on the counter.
“You two are too good to me,” you tell them, a bright smile spreading across his face as Herc squeezes you slightly.
You’re grateful to have two amazing boys in your life, they are always there for you when you need them, always ready to do what you might need to make you feel better when you’re down. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that you’re this lucky, to have these boys in your life.
“Oui, but it is because we love you very, very much. You know this yes?” Laf asks, smiling back at you.
“Yeah, yeah I know it,” you mutter, holding onto Herc’s arms around your waist as Laf comes over to hug you from the front.
With the boys around you, the smell of Laf’s cooking in the air and the taste of his carefully picked wine on your tongue, that horrible anxious feeling in your stomach has finally faded away until you’re finally feeling comfortable and happy again.