Summary: in this chapter, there’s a short trip into jim’s head.
A/N: a jim chapter. s’all about how jim’s feeling, nothing that drives the plot. forgive typos, im really tired.
He didn’t start any wars that day— and it wasn’t for lack of desire to do so. He would’ve loved to shake the frustration from his system with a few phaser shots here, couple torpedoes fired there. He almost asked Spock to run bioscans on every nearby planet so that once a deserted one was found, he could launch the entire payload of long-range explosives onto its surface.
Obviously, societal norms, morals, and common sense kept him from doing so— but he was still tempted.
There was too much frustration in his system, too much pent-up energy he would have rather spent yelling at you. Nothing malicious, of course, just the usual shouts of “I’m so in love with you I can barely breathe, why can’t you fucking see it?” and “I just want to love you, and care for you, and make you feel the way I feel every time you look in my direction— what the fuck is wrong with you that you won’t let me?”
But he couldn’t do that. Not only because he hated the idea of seeing your eyes lose some of their precious light at his tone, not only because he didn’t think he could stand to hurt you even inadvertently with his volume— he was also terrified.
There was no closing the floodgates once they opened. If he told you he loved you once, he’d have to keep saying it, he’d have to keep assuring you of it, he’d have to keep kissing you in a way that made sure you knew it.
He pictured every possible scenario. You hearing that he loved you and walking out of his quarters without a second glance over your shoulder, you hearing that he loved you and heavy divorce papers finding their way to him in a sooner eventually than he was prepared for, you hearing that he loved you and continuing to fulfill your obligations only because you were obliged to, not because being around him brought you as much joy as it brought him to be anywhere in your vicinity.
The most poisonous scenario, though, was the one bursting with red, bursting with pink. You hearing that he loved you, you understanding that he loved you, you loving that he loved you. Your smile would rival brightness he thought only existed in every star his ship warped past, your eyes would be as filled as anything in his chest with emotions so foolishly blissful, so beautifully scary he’d be unable to look away. You wouldn’t need to say it back until you were ready to, until you were sure you meant it— but he would know it was coming, he would know he’d hear your voice returning his sentiments and it would be worth the wait.
It played in his head repeatedly. He hated so much that his every thought revolved around it, he hated even more how much he hoped for it to come true. He didn’t know what forces controlled the universe, he didn’t know if any forces did— but he asked whatever it was, whatever it wasn’t to give you everything you wanted and then to give you to him.
As he stepped through the doors of the medbay, he didn’t bother keeping a soft focus. He kept his eyes trained in the direction of Leonard’s office and didn’t dare perceive the hall holding the exam rooms he knew you’d be near.
“Alpha’s done, Bones,” he said as he walked through the agape door and planted himself in one of the chairs across from Leonard’s desk. “Time to drink.”
Kasamatsu walking past a group of girls who don't notice him and hears them talk about how scary and violent he appears to be :( but then his crush who is also there defends him :) and he's all pleased... sorry if it's too specific
Normally, Kasamatsu had very high morals about eavesdropping on a conversation. Today however, he was being a little lenient on those standards. After all, it wasn’t every day that you heard a conversation start with your own name. Curiosity piqued, he hid around the corner to the front lockers, ears straining to hear more of the conversation.
“He’s just so brash sometimes,” a girl was commenting, her voice a little high.
“Oh, I agree,” another one said. “Did you see the way he treated his ace the other day? Practically barbaric, if you ask me.”
From the context of the conversation, Kasamatsu knew it wasn’t going to be a good one. Maybe he should leave before he heard more of something he’d regret. Scuffing his shoes against the floor a bit, he started to make his way toward the gym.
“No way!” The third voice had been louder and much more commanding of attention. It forced Kasamatsu to stay put for just a second longer. “I think he’s a great leader type. You can’t just have people doing whatever they please all the time and he knows how to keep people in line.”
There was a bit of silence where none of the girls spoke. Kasamatsu could feel a bit of heat making its way to his cheeks. He didn’t exactly know who it was that had spoken up for him, but he was finding himself more and more intrigued. He needed to figure out her name, just so he could think about it for a little while.
“Didn’t know you were such a masochist, ____,” the first girl teased.
Instant embarrassment had a red faced Kasamatsu practically running in the opposite direction of the girls. Despite the fact he hadn’t even been involved in the conversation, he could already tell it was heading in a direction he’d rather not be around for.
Still, now he had a name to a voice. The next step was to find her face.
Can we get back to not being offended by every-flipping-thing people do!?!? You don’t like it? Unfollow. Complaining on social media is doing nothing to improve the world you hate so much…
Don’t get me wrong, if you believe in something, and you’ve done the research and found your opinion, by all means, stand up for it. But, for the love of all things, don’t get mad about something bc everyone else is. It makes you look like an idiot.
"I have this fucking song stuck in my head, Harry. I don't even know where the fuck West Virginia is located!"
“I have this fucking song stuck in my head, Harry. I don’t even know where the fuck West Virginia is located! Or the Shenandoah River. Or what the fuck a mountain mama is,” Eggsy whines, running a hand through his hair. “Why do songs have to be so fuckin’ cryptic?”
“Are you wondering what a ‘blue corn moon’ is again?” Harry asks as he fights to hide a smile.
I hope it hasn’t been too obvious because I think I’ve had my queue going for a little while, but I’ve been pretty MIA for the past week or so.
Life has been hectic and I’m having a really hard time with art right now. Lots of discouragement and un-fun feelings. Art is my coping method, my activity to go to when I am feeling stressed or down or what-have-you, but lately it’s been a major source of negative feelings.
I’m so bummed because of course I know it is Tsukki’s birthday this week and I desperately want to get something done for him…but I really don’t know if I can right now
I’m sorry. I know 95% of you are here for my art, not for me rambling or screaming in tags of countless reblogs, so I’m sorry if I’ve been letting any of you down lately.
OH GOODY i got hit by Random Whisper Harassment Guy while doing my daily lumberer - he just randomly starts screaming at people in /w, and blocking you so you can’t reply (i assume he just unblocks, hits send, and reblocks)
anyway heres the sn if u wanna save yourself some rando yelling homophobic & misogynist slurs at you (censored here)