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Things My Roommate Says Sentence Starters (Part 3)

“Hello, salt. Cleanse me.”
"’Whisper?’ That’s a stripper name!”
“He’s one of those mushy guys with too many emotions.”
“I’m always up for lots of intense, in-charge ladies talking to me.”
“What is going on upstairs? What sins have they committed?”
“Sometimes I spawn so many chickens at once that my phone slows down.”
“Get the blowdryer! The Gods have blessed me this day!”
“Pumpkin bathbombs? I don’t…want to smell like a pumpkin.”
“You don’t want to attract white girls in Uggs?”
“And that’s why men are so easy to just…just murder!“
“She asked me if I was gay or straight. I told her I was ‘stressed’.”
"We should watch that show about Satan.”
“Are we …like…in Jumaji right now?”
“Well, now I need cotton candy.”

Im not good at sex cuz of some bullshit myth about black men...

I taught myself day in and day out via research and experiences how to please a woman in every way imaginable. A woman is like a jigsaw puzzle. If you put all the pieces in the right places youll have an amazing picture but if you rush and put shit anywhere its gonna be all fucked up and she aint gonna call you again and will prolly end up wit some fuck boy named Jarrell who work at popeyes and wear mens uggs