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2016 is almost over. Yes the endless, rotten sh*t hurricane of a year which took away Bowie, Prince and Florence Henderson and gave us Trump, Harambe and the Zika virus is finally drawing to a close. So, to give this b*tch a proper viking funeral, Jack O'Brien and the crew, which includes Dan O'Brien, Alex Schmidt, and comedian Caitlin Gill, are going to send out 2016 with Cracked’s year in review in review. They’ll rectify where every other year-in-review goes wrong by giving some much needed airtime to the positive stories from the 2016 and shedding light on the year’s most important stories that got overlooked.

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The Cracked Podcast Live - Year In Review

Teachers: America’s unsung heroes…and secret drunks and all-around degenerates. To shed light on the dark side of this trusted occupation, The Cracked Podcast host Jack O'Brien, along with comedians and the cast of truTV’s ‘Those Who Can’t’ Maria Thayer (Abbey Logan) and Andrew Orvedahl (Coach Fairbell), will interview some real life (and probably anonymous) teachers who will share all the filthy, outrageous, and hilarious tales from this supposedly squeaky clean profession.

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Every summer we’re treated to the same buffet of three or four science fiction movies with the same basic conceits. There’s man vs. aliens, man vs. robots, man vs. army of clones and man vs. complicated time travel rules. With virtual reality and self-driving cars fast approaching, it’s time to consider what type of sci-fi movie we want to be living in for the rest of our lives. Co-hosts Jack O'Brien and Adam Tod Brown are joined by Cracked’s Tom Reimann and Josh Sargent and comedians David Huntsberger, Adam Newman and Caitlin Gill to figure out which sci-fi trope would be the best to make a reality.

Which Sci-Fi Trope Would You Bring To The Real World And Why? 

Say hello to the letter “thorn”:

It’s based on a rune, it’s a useless substitute for the “th” sound, and it’s why you don’t understand the medieval era.

THIS WEEK: To get a grasp at the enormity of the English language and its bizarreness, host Jack O'Brien is joined on the phone by Susan Bennett, the original voice of Siri, to talk about her time recording every sound in the English language and how programmers put it all together.

Later, Jack is joined onstage at the UCB Sunset Theatre in Los Angeles by Dan O'Brien, Carmen Angelica and Alex Schmidt. They talk about the history of English, how it combines the best of French and the worst of German, the grammar’s endless nonsensical rules, and some simple things other languages do that we wish we had.

Why The English Siri Had It 4 Times Worse Than The Others

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Last Halloween, The Cracked Podcast creeped you out with tales of ghost ships, mysteriously dead people, and a man from one of the most famous paintings in US history, who years later went all Jack Nicholson in ‘The Shining’ on his family. This October, Jack and the Cracked staff are back with some special guest comedians to share more unsettling and unexplained true tales of death, disappearance and the great beyond.    

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The Cracked Podcast LIVE - Unexplained Ghost Stories

backstage

We’ve never spoken.

But you take stage after me;
you always pile your hair in a bun
and forget to wear makeup,
so three red dots show on your chin.
Sometimes, backstage, you do cartwheels.
Deep dimples bookend your smile.

For three weeks, I’ve been trying
to find the words to introduce myself;
you would think
that a girl who studies improvisation
would have no trouble
speaking without cue cards.  But

you terrify me.

Because you laugh too loudly
and can’t look people in the eye,
because you trip when you walk
and your singing voice cracks—and yet
I can’t look away.

I find myself humming your name
and when you take stage, I find excuses
to watch.
I’ve never felt so light
as I’ve felt watching you perform.
I’ve never laughed so fully
as I’ve laughed,
sitting in your audience and rehearsing my lines.

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It’s time for round 2 in UCB’s Black History Month series! This time we have a little audition advice for you. BE BLACKER.

In the muggle world, we’re not given the opportunity for a magical hat to tell us which school we should go to. Usually we just have to go to the high school closest to where we live or whatever college accepts our SAT scores and personal essay. This month, our goal is to determine what would be the best fictional school to go to. 

Join Jack, Daniel, the rest of the Cracked staff, along with comedians Brandie Posey, Steven Wilber, Riley Silverman, & Alison Leiby as they figure out if it’s a realistic school like Degrassi or West Beverly High, or an institution from a fantasy world like Hogwarts with its ghosts and dementors, or Bayside High, haunted by a monster known only to humans as ‘Screech.’

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The Best Fictional School to Attend

Remember that weirdly overlooked part of The Prestige when Nikola Tesla (played by David Bowie) invents a freaking cloning machine and then sort of disappears because the movie needs to be wrapped up by the two-hour mark?

What happens to Tesla? Where’s the Tesla v. Edison sequel where Tesla is the most powerful man on Earth because he invents cloning in the late-1800s?

THIS WEEK: we recorded LIVE at the UCB Sunset Theatre in Los Angeles, where Jack O'Brien, Michael Swaim, Dan O'Brien, and Soren Bowie discuss The PrestigeWall-E, the Indiana Jones franchise and a number of other films with awesome sequels that don’t exist, but should.

Great Movie Sequels That Don’t Exist

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Will Hines signing up for Harold auditions.

Ever since we started letting friendly wolves and tiny tigers into our homes a few thousand years ago, society has been split into two camps: dog people and cat people. Sometimes the battle lines are drawn across gender lines; the term cat-lady evokes an image in your head in a way cat-man doesn’t. We use the word dog to colloquialize a sly, rakish man. Often we choose sides purely based on what our parents allowed in the house when we were kids.

But rarely we stop to consider all the crazy superpowers our pets have: like how dogs can read human emotions better than other humans can, and how a cat’s purr can improve your bone density.

THIS WEEK: Recorded live at the UCB Sunset Theatre in Los Angeles, Team Dog (Jack O'Brien, Dan O'Brien, Cody Johnston), Team Cat (Carmen Angelica, Jake Weisman) and Team Turtle (Alex Schmidt) go back and forth with rarely-known facts about the pets we keep at home to decide who is the ultimate victor in this war that has been waged for millennia. Team Cat will blow up the way you think about the gender binary, and we may decide after it all that the best pet to have is a pig.

We Finally Solved the Dog Vs. Cat Debate

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There’s the Harold, Lloyd, Maude teams… but what about the Beta teams?

Welcome them. Embrace them. They will steal your heart and your car.

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Brought to you by UCB Comedy.

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Watch this video to learn more about the struggles of all some of your favorite American Girl Dolls! 

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They have GOT to do something about all this censorship. It is getting absurd!

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Spice up your kid’s birthday party with communism!