This is something I need to express. If you're not one for sappy emotional stuff...you should not only stop reading now, you should probably ignore most of what I ever write and say.
I’m not much for the idea of The One. You know, that one person you’re destined to meet, the one who completes you, the one you fall in love with and grow old with and never want anyone else but them. There are a lot of people in my life who I love in one way or another. There are a lot of people in my life who help complete me. Every one of my romantic relationships thus far has ended, but everyone I’ve ever been romantically involved with has given me good times, taught me things, enriched my life, and helped make me the person I am today (and I think I’m pretty fucking awesome, all things considered).
But I’ll confess, I have always wanted to find someone I fit with in…well, a special way. Not a One True Love, not The Only One For Me, but a friend and romantic partner, a partner in games and mischief, a kindred spirit who dreams similar dreams, gets excited about similar things, who wants to have adventures with me, and also wants to hold hands and make out with me. Yes, I used to fantasize about finding someone like that, the Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley to my Percy Bysshe. In recent years, I’d basically given up on that. I’ve met some people I was attracted to and who were attracted to me, people I grooved with in one way or another, but there was a level of passion and enthusiasm that was missing. Maybe what I’d fantasized about didn’t really happen in this world, or maybe it just wouldn’t for me. Maybe I had fallen for the myth of The One after all and was just fooling myself.
I’ve known Natali (uberdorkgirlie) for a few years now online. I’ve admired her from the start. She’s strong, she’s smart, she’s funny, she’s tough, she’s enormously geeky, she’s creative and crafty, and she really cares about other people. Even when she’s having a shitty day, she does her best to spread and encourage joy, enthusiasm, and gratefulness. People say I’m optimistic and enthusiastic, but compared to Natali, I feel as much like Eeyore as like Tigger. But her positivity and creativity, her patience and endurance have inspired me to let those aspects of myself out more, to try not to fall prey to the negative thinking that can often feels inevitable and universal. On top of that, I thought she was super cute. It’s hard not to adore and have a crush on Natali, but I assumed she just saw me as yet another geeky boy, no one special. And then about a month ago, we were chatting online about my plans to visit Milwaukee to see my daughter off to college in Stevens Point, WI and to see some very dear friends I haven’t seen in years. She was clearly excited about me visiting and more excited when I told her I was thinking of maybe moving back to Milwaukee. As we chatted, I had one of those moments when I get brave and I told her that I had a huge crush on her, fully expecting her to give me a “oh, that’s sweet, but you’re reading more into this than there is.” But to my surprise, she had also had a crush on me but didn’t think someone like me would be interested in someone like her. Yay, insecurities! Since then, we’ve talk more and more, talked about past relationships, talked about boundaries and dealbreakers, talked about hopes and dreams and goals, fears and anxieties and neuroses…and what we’ve found is that we’re really, really fucking compatible. It’s hit us both like a Pan-Galactic Gargleblaster. BAM! It’s been a while since I felt this smitten, this excited, this goofy, this smiley, this…youthful. And it’s been a while since I’ve seen someone this excited about ME. It’s exhilarating.
I’m still wary of the idea of The One, but Natali is someone very, very special to me. This feels epic and magical, and I truly thought I’d never experience something like this. I just…guys, I really really really like her A LOT and she really really really likes me A LOT and we’re both really really really happy. So…YAY!
“For reals. I never thought I would ever find someone so compatible.” – Natali