u.s.d.a

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The Brief News - Bye Bye Food Pyramid

President Obama has cooked up a plan to tear down one of the nutritional blunders of the world - The Food Pyramid. The Food Pyramid, estimated to have been built by the hands of more than 300,000 matzah ball slaves, has long stood as a symbol of the tyranny Israeli food has endured. Skeptics see this as another step in Obama’s plan to return Israel to it’s 1967 eating habits.

The Pyramid came under fire after it promised to give a cuts of calorie burning bacon to an individual only if that person could get more people to invest in the idea. People who fell for the ‘Burnie’ scheme said, “it seemed legit.”

Government officials are tight-lipped concerning details around the new symbol, as most have pinky sworn to secrecy - a new tactic employed since the wikileaks debacle exposed that President Obama admitted he’d never seen The Hangover. One official, however, had his fingers crossed at the time of making the oath, revealed the new symbol for nutrition - a boring old pie chart of some sort - came about after turning down less popular ideas like The Food Berlin Wall and The Food Treblinka. 

The U.S.D.A has spent 2 million dollars to create and promote the new symbol - which initially disgusted many fussy tax-payers. The U.S.D.A responded by saying, “here comes the airplane!” and followed that up with a really neat noise that sounded like a plane landing.

Expect to see the new symbol starting June 2nd.