we played this at a classics crew date so, fuck marry kill with the first & second triumvirates maddie
fuck caesar. i feel like any longlasting relationship with him would’ve resulted in my death and also i’m really extra about caesar so this is the way it has to be. remember when he crossed the rubicon and started a civil war like a boss ass bitch? i’m into that. being stabbed 23 times? not as much.
marry crassus because the dude was so fucking loaded, he was buds with caesar and he hated pompey which are good qualities in a husband.
kill pompey. friends with cicero which is straight up unforgivable. seemed like a tool. started a civil war. also not that i frequently jack off to busts of roman patricians but his bust is fucking ugly. a two at best.
second triumvirate (ho boy):
fuck mark antony. if anyone is surprised by this, you haven’t been around my blog for long enough. my boy and i have a lot of things in common, mainly being drunk sluts with suicidal tendencies. plus, he possibly married cleopatra and she manipulated him into killing himself so i don’t think that would work out very well.
marry lepidus… u know what… i feel like he’s the sort of guy that u could walk all over. u could get away with doing whatever the fuck u wanted to do and he’d probably just leave u alone before dying peacefully. dream marriage.
obvs i would kill octavian because there is nothing i like about him, he was a limp fish of a man and used other peoples’ successes for himself (i mean i understand this is ancient rome and everyone did this but he took it to an all new level). dedicated like ten years of his life to demolishing mark antony into the dust. he was also devious af so i feel like you’d always have to watch ur back if u were anywhere near him, and u’d probably slip up one day and he’d kill you so. no thanks.