okay so. as someone who runs one of the very, very few ocpd-centric blogs on tumblr (not this one, i mean @thatocpdfeel ), its actually so upsetting how little people know abt ocpd, even here on tumblr amongst other mental health bloggers. not to say anything bad abt those bloggers!!! its just not spoken abt much. maybe thats because its not as common as, like, bpd or avpd, but its also because SO many ocpd symptoms are ENCOURAGED by society. i get so many tags on my posts saying “thats an ocpd thing???” or “thats not normal???” or “im not supposed to do that???” like so much of what is killing us from the inside are things parents, teachers, and guardians all think are positive attributes to have, but we internalize those things in such a twisted and intense way that we suffer and yet are idealized for our suffering.
ive had so many people with other illnesses, like depression, tell me how ocpd has its upsides because i can be productive and get stuff done when they cant even get out of bed. thats not how it works.
ocpd is not being perfect.
ocpd is NEEDING to be perfect because even the tiniest mistake means you are the scum of the earth and deserve to die.
ocpd is not double checking your work to make sure you got everyting right because you want a good score.
ocpd is perfecting the wording of a single sentence because if it doesnt imply the exact thought you are trying to get across then it means you have failed and even if it is still technically right and no points are taken off, inside you know that it was wrong and it COULD have been better and your personal standards are ten times higher than the official standards because you know that the goals you need to reach to be successful are leaps and bounds above what the average person needs, not because you are better than them but because you must strive to become better than them at all cost because second best is still a loser.
ocpd is not orangizing your work station before starting a new project.
ocpd is crying and screaming while you trash 42 different versions of the same attempted project and shoving everything off your desk and wanting to pull out your hair or bang your head on a wall because you messed it up so many times already and if you dont get it right this time you will never get it and you will be marked as a failure for the rest of your life, unable to accomplish literally anything and youre so terrified of that thought you take six hours to scrub at your desk and mop the floor and take a razor to that bit of wax thats been stuck on the leg of your chair for a week and half and meticulously organize everything into boxes, counting every ration you put in to make sure they all even out, and listing everything thats there and labeling the boxes then straight up leaving the work area and not thinking about the project for another month.
ocpd is not having a folder of all your important documents because you know you will need them some time.
ocpd is having six folders, each containing vastly different documents, some of which are important, some of which are just old receipts to mcdonalds, some are keepsakes from friends, some of which are just a scap of paper with scribbles that you dont remember what they mean but maybe one day you will, and the rest are just any paper youve ever come across in your life. theyre all just as important as everything else though because the thought of prioritising them is nearly incomprehensible because they are all important and you need them all for equally important things so when you need, like, that paper for your auto insurance you first must sift through six hundred pages of notes your friends passed back and forth in middle school over five years ago and you dont even talk to them anymore but you absolutely cannot get rid of them. its all so important.
ocpd is not being productive.
ocpd is waking up and remembering that you are an inherently flawed and imperfect being, but also that your worth in this world is defined by what you put into it, so even if you cant be perfect, if you make enough perfect stuff or do enough stuff perfectly, it will all give the illusion to others as well as yourself that you are perfect. so you push yourself to do whatever it is you do. regardless of your other illnesses, you work and and try to be as productive as you possibly can because thats your only chance. you go into work sick. you push yourself past your limits, past what you know you are physically/mentally able to do, and you suffer for breaching those limits but all that pain is WORTH it because you are temporarily overcome with a sense of accomplishement and SOMEONE is finally proud of you. you did something right FOR ONCE. so even if you go completely nonverbal, or lay in bed for the next week in pain, or end up in the ER, or seventeen other things didnt get done, there was the most brief sense of absolute euphoria even if its almost immidiately replaced by a sense of overwhelming anxiety about what you messed up, forgot, did wrong, or ignored to achieve that feeling and the cycle of fixing, fixing, fixing repeats itself.
ocpd is not being bossy, egotistical, or controlling.
ocpd is a deeply psychological understanding that even the most insignificant mistake will reflect back on you in the most exaggerated and horrendous way possible. its knowing that if you ask your friend to go get you a red pen, but they bring you a blue one, and you dont know they got blue instead, so if you write even the smallest mark in that blue ink, even if its technically okay to write in red or blue, you specified red, so the fact that its blue makes it wrong and unnacceptable so in your mind its better to drop what your doing and get the correct red pen yourself even if its right beside your friend and you are already focusing on something else. the concept of asking others to do something, not even something in a manner of helping you but just to divide up jobs evenly, its absolutely impossible. because if they do something wrong, it will reflect on you, then you did something wrong and we both know that doing something wrong is completely out of the question. you would rather multitask four things at once, but the sight of someone else just twiddling their thumbs while you bust your ass is so infuriating! why cant they do what you are doing? why cant they just read your mind and know exactly what you need, when you need it, and be helpful? thats what you would do if they were in your situation! if they were working like you, you would hand them everything. you would also probably go ahead and just put that back for them. well, you could also handle that too. and before you know it, their job is your job and there they are twiddling their thumbs and looking at you for a job to do. its the phrase “if you want something done right, do it yourself” taken to a whole other level.
ocpd is so much more than what people think. were more than just a “type a personality” or “perfectionists” and its not just “mild ocd” either. ocpd is painful. please remember that.
im boiling pasta for myself to snack on as a late night snack and my mom asked me what i was doing and without thinking i was like “im boiling some pasta to choke myself on” and i didnt realize how fucked up that was until she just said “alright” and went back into her room
“Ohm, I swear to the Heavens above, I will smite you!” Bryce threatened Ohm once more. Ohm had his demon tail snaked around Bryce’s right leg and continuously nudged a certain spot with the pointy tip.
“Ohh but Brycey, you try to avoid it but your little aura is turning a lovely shade of red~” Ohm teased, wrapping himself closer into Bryce’s arms as he let his fingers slide underneath his shirt and gently glide over the angel’s back.
“I…” Bryce tried to fight back the temptation, unfortunately, he knew that he lost this fight once Ohm started to tease him. The fact that this happened multiple times for many years and that Ohm was a very open incubus, although it seemed like Ohm was only focused on making Bryce his ‘special meal’, made Bryce disappointed in himself that he would allow himself to fall for a sexual demon.
“Love me? Don’t worry, I love you just as much~” Ohm giggled, now relaxing his head on Bryce’s chest and slowly rubbing against it, soft purrs escaping his lips a few seconds later.
They both stayed in the same position for a while before Ohm felt something shiver down his spine. He unwrapped his tail, using it to violently swing into the tree like an axe. Bryce jumped out of surprise from the sudden attack and jumped again when two figures fell down onto the grass, wings instinctively sprouting out in a defensive position.
“Hey guys~,” Ohm said casually, his tail was stuck in the wood but he managed to free it after a few twists and turns. He wrapped it back around Bryce’s leg and resumed back to normal as if nothing happened. Bryce, on the other hand, was still in shock as the figures laid awkwardly on the ground, groaning in pain.
“Ohm what the fuck was that for?!?” One of them called out, standing up and brushing the dust off his blue hoodie. Bryce instantly recognised him as Delirious, the local merman of Floria Lake. He wanted to question why he was in human form but then the other figure cut him off.
“Yeah, come on man, not cool at all” The other commented. He had random patches of blood red all over his body, two small horns of similar colour on his head and a tail with a never ending flame at the tip, burning the grass slightly. Bryce remembered Delirious talking about a fire demon before, going by the name of Cartoonz.
“Ohm…?” Bryce questioned in a monotone voice, unknown fear spiked Ohm’s senses but he tried to play it cool.
“How long has this been going on…?”
“Eh… about 2 years ago. Why?”
“That was when we started to…”
“To what Bryce?” He got up, looking at Bryce once he straightened himself.
It was the first time that he saw such hatred in Bryce’s eyes before. A memory was triggered open in his mind, 2 years ago was the first time that they ever had properly ‘sinned’ in sexual sense…
“Ohm ‘Ryan’ Wrecker, you better start explaining yourself before I smite you into nothing but a pile of ashes…” Bryce’s tone and facial expression changed into a mix of anger and embarrassment.
“Ohm, I think you’re fucked so you might want to run…”
Listen I get really pissed about this whole hiding in your room to eat as quickly as possible when you’re on your period during Ramadan, in your own home so that the men in your family don’t see like????
hey !! so checking out my old blog i realized a B U N C H of gif icons i spent lots of time creating dissapeared off the face of the tags earth , so i’ll be reposting them here :-) by clicking this link you’ll find around #120 100x100 gif icons of the ultimate Love of My Life™, debby ryan.none of these gifs belongs to me – i just found them, cropped them, and added a psd. please like/reblog if you find this useful. enjoy!!
earth au f*nnpoe where they live in the city (IDK WHERE YET ALRIGHT) n they’re jus tryin 2 figure out life Finn isn’t really sure what he wants to do career wise but he really likes painting and photography but he’s been in a creative rut for stuff he doesn’t want to talk abt *ooo* and he’s currently a dog walker and he rly loves that a lot n Poe wants to b a journalist but is strugglin w the fact his dad doesn’t rly support him cos he was gna b a pilot but he’s not gna join the military n they’re in love but like not together Finn has a hard time explaining his feelings n cos of past stuff he’s scared! N Poe doesn’t kno abt finn’s past a lot except he’s been through some stuff and doesn’t want to push him into anything but they’re always super affectionate n they’re working through it
Imagine stealing james' hoodies and T-shirts! He would act resilient but secretly thing it's adorable to see you in his clothes
UGH i love this concept so much like he would be such a sucker those moments but would always pretend it wasnt a big deal
LIKE one day you came over to hangout for the day with him because you two havent had any alone time recently due to his busyness with videos on both channels. you guys wanted to be comfy with eachother, just watching movies, talking, and playing games but towards the end of the night you two start getting cravings
“ice cream?” he suggested already looking for places that were still open at 11 at night woth a hand on his stomach, you shook ur head, ur hunger craved more than that and by the sound of his stomach it was the same story for him. “what about in n out?’ he looked up with squinty eyes thinking over the idea for a little longer than usual to bother u and u just smile a little waiting for his little nod, he goes to grab his keys and a jacket and looks over at you, u look stressed, not knowint what to do because you csme in a tank and shorts because it was warm in the morning but now its pitch black and breezy out you look up at him with puppy dog eyes and he just rolls his eyes back at you, tossing you a sweater that you knew was one of his favorites, he walks out the door not making it a big deal while you have a big ass smile plastered on your face and u follow close behind putting the sweater on, it was big on you but it was cozy and he could agree with you on that, he liked the way it fell on your body, and he would kind of space looking at you while you guys sat at a booth waiting for your order, you had your feet up on the seat and were talking about how u didnt eat in n out often but he barelt heard a word you said he just thought you looked so cute in his sweater, he wanted you to wear more of his clothes, it made him feel like you were really his, he grasped ur hand which caused you to lose ur own train of thought and he look at him like ???? and he looked back at you like ??? acting as if he just wasnt drooling over you, ‘why are you looking at me like that?’ and he would just shrug with a small smile, ‘idk what youre talking about’
im SCREAMING in my HEART abt the part when saru confesses that he cant deal w michael anymore bc he associates her w the terrible trauma of losing his beloved captain…….. meanwhile michael’s like uh dude and u didnt even use to eat her out on her desk so wrapped up in passion that u didnt even give a shit that her creepy lil puppet was watching or ANYTHING… how do you think **I*** feel? this post got away from me perhaps
Jimin comes back to the dorms completely worn. He feels kind of noodle-y with his limbs stretched and shaking and over-exerted while also feeling tense, like he can’t unbunch his shoulders. His drooping eyes are screaming at him to go to sleep, and mentally, he feels like a deflated balloon that’s sunk to the floor as the helium slowly leaks out of it.
Basically, he’s tired, he’s cranky, he hasn’t rested all year day, and he would really like a shower and a 12 year long nap.
He comes in the door as quietly as possible, seeing as it’s almost four in the morning, and drops his work out bag by the door. He toes his shoes off and lets both his jacket and his snap back drop to the floor, since he’s not sure he’d be able to remember where the hat and coat rack are if he even cared to try.
Jimin drags his feet toward the kitchen where the light over the sink remains on. He’s focused entirely on the fridge and thinking about downing one of his chocolate protein shakes when he spots Jungkook slumped over the kitchen table, his head resting on his arms and a blanket over his shoulders.
안녕하세요 진인데요 다들 한살씩 더 먹었는데 떡국도 먹고 신년계획도 세우셨나요 난 있지만 원대해서 말 못함 그리고 떡국도 아직임ㅠㅠ
Hello This is Jin We’re all one year older, have you guys eaten tteok-guk and made new year resolutions I have (made resolutions) but they’re quite big so I can’t say them Also I still haven’t eaten tteok-gukㅠㅠ
(T/N: Tteok-guk which is known as rice cake soup is traditionally eaten on new year