Everyone at the 2016 MAMA’s: Why is it so dark in here?? I can’t even see them preform?? What is going on??
Me: Well, Na Jaemin, the sun, the lights, and everything bright in this world is not here, so you may just have to listen a little harder. It’s just like watching watching them in 140p with the brightness turned down. You’ll be fine.
the older i get and the more time i spend in survivor circles, the more tired i become of the survivors and the language they use when they do not want to interact with the vulnerability of other survivors.
You see it all the time. survivors who have zero time for people who have not survived as Well as they have. Survivors who lash out against trigger warnings because Life Doesn’t Give Warnings. Survivors who lash out against boundaries, because all you can do with boundaries is wait for them to be violated. Survivors who lash out against people who flat out can’t handle the things that have happened to them.
And I’ve felt it, I’ve felt that wash of contempt and anger and outrage and nausea that rises up when someone just isn’t hacking it. The gomer pyles of the world, the ones who cry a lot, or can’t handle things as well, the ones who have to say stop stop stop when you’ve weathered things three times as bad and didn’t make a peep.
And all it really is, is fear. Deep down under the anger there’s often a very real fear that this person just isn’t going to make it if they don’t get tougher. There’s the fear that this could have been you if you hadn’t been tougher, and often it’s been the case that if you hadn’t been as tough as you’d been forced to become, you wouldn’t have survived in the first place. Their weakness and vulnerability looks like a death sentence, it looks like self destruction, it’s borderline suicidal in some cases.
If you had cried and carried on like that, you would have died. If you cried and carried on like that now, you probably still would.
It’s a panic reaction. And it walls off your compassion, and your ability to access the things that will continue to help you maintain your survival. If you can’t learn to accept that kind of vulnerability and softness in others, there’s no way you’re going to be able to accept it in yourself.
You will hold on to the violence and lack of compassion that created you. You will become the worst of all possible things- not a person who survived, not a person who got out and got better, but a product of your environment.
You know, without a doubt, that what you survived would have destroyed you for being weak. That your survival was a testimony to your ability to learn and abide by the rules of a toxic system.
These toxic systems had zero room for splintering or dissolving or breaking down, and could not exist without your ability to grow hard and strong enough to hold them up. These systems couldn’t be supported by weakness, emotional openness, emotional rawness, and people who cry and say stop it at the drop of a hat. And you left these systems behind for a reason.
So when you see a survivor railing against “weaker” or more emotional survivors, you are looking at someone desperately trying to hold on to the old rules and the old hierarchy, where the strongest and the most emotionally invulnerable will live another day. You are seeing someone who is desperately afraid that the hammer is going to come down, that your parent is gonna come home and see your sister crying and moping instead of shutting up and doing the dishes and all hell is going to break loose. You are afraid your significant other is going to get you to flinch and break down and give them the emotional high they need. That kind of shit.
Survivors are exquisitely trained to work in very specific systems. And the process of breaking out of that follows some really obvious patterns.
Well, I had somewhat of a headcanon that Chuck has a special tablet (not like that piece of rock that took shitload of time to figure out, but more like an iPad) and he watches all the OTPs through that iPad thing but the one that makes him the MOST angry and frustrated is Destiel.
“STOP LOOKING AT EACH OTHER LIKE THAT AND JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY C’MON GUYS"
"HIS EYES ARE UP THERE, DEAN BUT KEEP DOING THAT MAYBE CAS WILL- NO CAS STAY THERE- NO!”
“OKAY PERFECT NOW KISS- WHAT NO WAIT GUYS I SAID KISS NOT KILL EACH OTHER”
So I came out with my dad yesterday night and he said he knew I liked girls because when he took me to see 5H for the first time and they went to the window of the venue to say hi he realized my crush on Lauren wasn’t just a simple celebrity crush CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THAT HE FUCKING KNEW BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING WAY I ACTED WHEN LAUREN FUCKING JAUREGUI WAS AROUND? because that explains my life and the Jauregui effect perfectly well smh
a trigger doesn’t have to be something that throws u into a panic attack/have flashbacks and whatnot. if something causes your anxiety to flare up, that’s a trigger. cause it triggers your anxiety. if something causes your depression to worsen, that’s a trigger. it’s triggering your depression. i’m tired of seeing posts saying you shouldn’t say it’s a trigger unless it gives you a full blown panic attack