u barely know her

~~ controversial ~~ but victoria is very much projecting her want for a kid because her marriage has just crumbled into a million pieces and the life she was so sure she’d have (be a mum, with adam) is gone and she’s clearly… not…. coping

au college ally is really keen on watching cooking shows but not having time to actually do any of the recipes bc she has to study. also she doesnt know if she should major in gender and women’s studies or go straight for the artistic singing stuff.

what they’ve been arguing about seems irrelevant ; snow falling down around them & her jacket ridiculously over her head - as if that’ll act as some sort of preventative measure, a barrier, from the wind & snow - remembers just how much he loves her. 

❛ shut up, anya, and marry me ❜

the words slip out of his mouth without him realizing ; too late to take them back now. it’s not like he doesn’t mean it though - marriage ( spending eternity with her ) has been on his mind a lot. the ring’s been in his pocket for weeks ( waiting for the perfect moment ), too paranoid to leave it at home. 

@whosmiled

you know when u see a girl and see her bare legs and ur like wow… looks soft… and then u see her cleavage and u like… oh wow.. that’s also soft.. then ur stare at her body and arms and face and say wow…… that’s. wish u could touch that. Anyways im gay

the signs as shitposts from my drafts that never came to be
  • Aries: Michelle Obama’s O-Bomb-Ass pussy
  • Taurus: i should start wearing a “some assembly required” sticker because my life is in shambles
  • Gemini: hey are u 99% of my email cause i wanna put u in the trash
  • Cancer: CANCER!? I barely know her!
  • Leo: does anyone else ship khaleesi with green power ranger?
  • Virgo: a lannister always pays their debts until they encounter student loans
  • Libra: are white guys actually capable of walking under signs without reaching up to touch them?
  • Scorpio: my favorite fruit is the fruit of yo girl’s loins
  • Sagittarius: *poops at a gas station* ah yes, the ol’ pump and dump
  • Capricorn: wow those plans are A+ 10/10 would totally cancel at the last minute
  • Aquarius: don’t call me “daddy” only your mother calls me that
  • Pisces: sometimes i accidentally have caps lock on when i google something and i feel the need to apologize to google for yelling