11 moments that marked Sirius and Remus’s relationship (at Hogwarts)
The first time Remus Lupin talked to Sirius Black, he had wanted to slap him. He had been 11 years old, self-conscious, quiet, and had sworn to keep to himself for the entirety of his 7 school years, but he had wanted to slap him very much.
“That’s what Mother says ayway,” Sirius kept repeating in that superior, pedant tone. “She says there has never been one single person in Slytherin that isn’t completely pureblooded.”
Remus thought he saw the greasy-haired boy next to the red-head move uncomfortably on his chair, but said nothing.
“I don’t know what’s Slytherins’ mania with pureblood, personally, though,” Sirius continued. “I myself am sure I will be sorted into Gryffindor,” he smirked triunphantly.
“Whoa!” The boy with the spectacles- James Potter, Remus was almost sure- exclaimed. “Can you imagine that? The first Black to be sorted somewhere other than Slytherin. That’ll give people something to talk about.”
Remus followed the conversation from his place next to the window, biting on his tongue to avoid saying anything that might make these boys hate him before they had even set foot on Hogwarts grounds. He settled for looking out the window, rolling his eyes at every new comment the two boys made.
Sirius turned to James, his eyes sparkling. “I know, right! That’ll show my family.” A pause. “What about you, Lupin? Where do you think you’ll end up?”
Remus turned his head slowly, trying to mask his surprise at being addressed.
“I dunno,” he muttered, shrugging a little bit. He thought of adding something else, seeing the expectant looks of the other 4 people around him. He didn’t want, however, to tell them how incredibly freaked out he was, how he thought the Sorting Hat would probably just laugh (if hats could laugh) and tell him You? You thought you had a place here? How marvelous! How incredibly amusing! and just laugh and laugh and laugh until someone took it off Remus’s head so he could run out of the school and hide under a rock forever and ever.
So he just blinked and turned back to the window. He heard Sirius let out a disappointed breath, and it was a few seconds before he resumed his conversation with James. This time, however, Remus listened without rolling his eyes.
Sirius walked up to the stool where the sorting hat rested, his heart drumming like mad inside his chest, his legs feeling like melting butter. He hid his hands under the sleeves of his robes so no one could see them shaking, and tried to muster every single piece of confidence that could possibly run into his Black blood. He brushed past Remus Lupin in the process, and let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He could do this.
“Sirius?” Remus whispered, pressing his ear against the drapes of the four-posted bed. Immediately he heard the other boy let out a shaky breath. “Sirius, I’m going to open the curtain, okay?” No response.
He pulled the drapes aside, revealing a curled-up lump on a corner of the bed. The lump- Sirius- was shaking with silent sobs. Tentatively, Remus climbed on top of the bed, putting a hand on Sirius’s arm and coaxing him to turn on his side.
Reluctantly, Sirius did, and Remus tried not to wince at the look on his friend’s face; it was tear-stained, the long-ish hair plastered to his forehead, his eyes red. Sirius sniffed. “What do you want?” he asked weakly. Remus assumed that, under any other circumstances, he would have snapped.
“Move over,” he said softly, pulling the tangled sheets from under Sirius, and getting under them when Sirius moved against the wall without objecting. Once they were settled, Sirius slowly moved to curl against Remus’s bony side. Remus didn’t move, but didn’t pull away either.
“I’m sorry I woke you,” Sirius muttered. Remus turned his head slightly to look at him.
“I get them too, you know.” Sirius exhaled slowly, his breath tickling Remus’s neck. “Nightmares. I get them a lot.”
Sirius didn’t say anyting, just reached for Remus’s hand under the blankets and gave it a squeeze. They went to sleep peacefully for the rest of the night (and nights that followed).
“I mean it, James. We need to confront him about it.”
“Sirius! For the thousandth time, he’ll tell us when he’s ready.”
Sirius scowled. “But what if he’s never ready? You can’t just expect us- he can’t just expect us- to simply sit here while he goes through excruciating pain in that horrible excuse of a shelter! We need to do something!”
James threw his hands up, losing his patience. “And what do you expect us to do, Sirius? Werewolves can’t be near humans. He’d kill us without ever realising it. What do you want us to become, animals?”
Sirius opened his mind to retort, then closed it again, realization hitting him. He smirked.
Remus fidgeted with the hem of the sleeves of his sweater. “Is everything okay…?” he was starting to get nervous. His hands felt cold and he was sure most of the color had drained from his face right now. His heart was thumping painfully in his chest, and he took a deep breath in, playing off his dread with an awkward smile.
Sirius, James and Peter stood in front of him in their room, and looked at him directly in the eye. James seemed to be pondering, trying to read him. Sirius, on the other hand, seemed to be looking for the right words to start.
“Remus,” Sirius breathed out, then cleared his throat. “Remus weknowyou’reawerewolf.”
Remus knew he hadn’t heard wrong. Sirius had spoken in one single breath, words tumbling against each other, in such an unlike-Sirius manner, that Remus, even though he knew he had heard right, couldn’t help but ask,
“What was that?”
Sirius seemed to compose himself after that. “You’re a werewolf, Remus. We know.” Remus’s whole blood drained from his brain, and all he could do was gape at his friends. Peter kept throwing worried glances at James, and James was still looking at Remus as if he were trying to read into his soul.
“I-,” Remus started. “I don’t-”
Sirius raised his hand to stop him. “It’s no use, Remus. We know. We’re sure. But-” he reaised his hand again when Remus started to deny it, and apologize, and say he would be away from their lives forever at the same time. “But we don’t care. James, Peter and I wanted to say that we don’t care that you’re a werewolf, Remus.”
There was such decision in Sirius’s voice, his tone so definite, Remus’s eyes swelled against his will. The anguish that had been building up inside him had been finally released, and he was so relieved he couldn’t help the tears that started to flood his eyes and spill down his cheeks. Embarrassed, he put his face between his hands and rubbed his cheekbones furiously.
Sirius chuckled. “You didn’t think we would be mad, did you? I mean, I was mad that you hadn’t told us so we could help, but you do realize there’s nothing wrong with you, nothing that could make us push you away, right?”
Remus barely registered what he was saying. He sniffed into his palms, trying to stop the convulsing sobs from shaking his body from head to toe. He felt James sit next to him and put his hand on his shoulder. Then he felt Sirius sit on the other side.
“Remus,” James said, speaking for the first time. “You are our best friend. Even if we’d found out you had killed someone, we would have asked you whether you had hidden the body well enough.”
At this, Remus let out a slightly hysteric laugh.
“I think he’s hysteric,” whispered Peter. Remus agreed very much.
“Remus. Rem,” Sirius said, starting to rub Remus’s back. “Everything’s going to be okay. You don’t have to go through that alone anymore.”
At this, curiosity got the best of him and Remus lifted his head to look at his friend. “Wha-” he cleared his throat. “Wh’ you mean?”
Sirius smiled his trademark smile, and Remus hiccuped.
“We have a plan.”
“Moony! Moonymoonymoony we did it!” Remus looked up from his book to see his friends barging through the portrait hole, earning the glares of a few students. “It worked, Moony!” Sirius repeated, this time in an eager whisper so as not to attract anymore attention than they already had.
“It did?” Remus asked, closing his book and sitting up slowly. His heart, once again, was hammering wildly inside his chest.
James nodded, a huge smile spread across his face. “The three of us. We did it.”
Remus stared, realization slowly hitting him. When it did, he beamed at the three of them. He looked at each of his friends, his eyes taking in the proud smile on James’s face, the gleeful one on Peter’s, and then resting on Sirius, who looked back at him with a proud, satisfied smile, and a mischevious glint in his eyes.
“Show me,” Remus said.
They ran back through the portrait hole outside.
Remus and Sirius were lying on Sirius’s bed, staring at the ceiling.
“Sirius?” Remus whispered hoarsely. Sirius felt a shiver run down his spine, that he masked by turning on his side to look at his friend. “Promise me you’ll never stop being my friend, Sirius. Nor James or Peter. I don’t want to be alone.”
Remus sometimes got like this, after a particularly bad dream. It broke Sirius’s heart every single time.
“I promise,” he said without hesitation, and he meant it. He wove his fingers through Remus’s, and rested his head on the werewolve’s shoulder. He exhaled slowly. “I promise you James and Peter and I will never leave you.”
Remus nodded his head, and rested his cheek on the top of Sirius’s head. “Thank you.”
Sirius hadn’t been sure what had gotten into him when he said what he said to Snape. He didn’t even really remember the moment the words had escaped his lips. If it hadn’t been for James… Sirius didn’t even want to think about that. He just steadily made his way to the hospital wing, his legs burning from running all the way from Herbology.
He opened the doors and barged in, ignoring Madame Pomfrey’s objections.
“Remus,” he said, opening the curtains around his friend’s bed, and stopped dead when he saw the state Remus was in. There were long, deep gashes on his chest and legs, and a huge bruise forming on one of his hipbones. He had black shadows under his eyes. There was also a cut running from one temple to the opposite corner of his mouth, across his nosebridge. “Remus, please-“
But Remus wasn’t looking at him. He was staring ahead, his eyes glazed, his jaw clenched. Sirius took a careful step closer, but stopped when Remus’s shoulders tensed.
“Remus you have to let me explain-“
“Save it, Sirius,” Remus said, still not looking at him. “Just fucking save it.”
“I didn’t mean it, Remus. I- I don’t know what happened-“
“Oh, you didn’t?” Remus turned to look at him, his eyes full of rage in a way Sirius had never seen them. He took a step back. “You didn’t mean it, Sirius?”
“Don’t call me that,” Remus snapped, and Sirius felt it like a blow to his stomach. He visibly blanched. “Just,” Remus said, and suddenly he looked very tired. “Just get out, Sirius. I don’t- I don’t really feel like looking at you right now.”
Sirius gulped, trying to catch his breath. His lungs seemed to be refusing to work. Just as he was about to reply, Madame Pomfrey opened the curtains all the way.
“Mr. Black, I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” she looked sternly at Sirius. “Mr. Lupin is very delicate at the moment and he needs to rest. Upsetting him will not do.”
Sirius looked at Remus pleadingly, but the werewolf pointedly looked away. Sirius felt another stab at his chest, and hung his head defeated.
“Of course, ma’am.”
And without another word, he left the hospital.
Sirius’s eyes were tinged with red, had lately always been so. Red-rimmed and red-tinged and puffy most (if not all) of the time. At first, Remus had been secretly, not-so-guiltily pleased. He was slightly scared of this feeling, but way too angry at Sirus to really analyze it. Sirius had tried to apologize a couple of times more, but Remus refused to talk to him. The level of betrayal and indignation he felt was way too big for even himself.
He knew he wasn’t being entirely fair– 90% of him was sure Sirius had not been thinking when he said what he said to Snape. He knew Sirius’s nature; he talked without thinking, exploded way too easily, couldn’t help himself sometimes. He really shouldn’t be holding it against him.
Yet that 10%… that 10% kept nagging at him, telling him not to trust his best friend, to question it. It had been really hard to ignore that 10%, hence Remus avoiding Sirius at all costs.
But it had been two months already, and the voice had subsided, becoming just an annoying, mostly ignorable buzz in the back of his head.
“Sirius,” Remus said rigidly. He’d forgiven Sirius, sure, but he wasn’t about to let Sirius see that yet. “Let’s talk.”
Sirius had looked up from his Transfigurations homework when Remus had first said his name, and Remus had to fight the urge to throw his arms around his friend’s neck and hold him forever and tell him everything would be alright. He looked tired, he had eyes under his bags, and his eyes were eternally red. Remus’s heart clenched painfully in his chest as he realized he was responsible.
“S-“ Sirius cleared his throat. “Sure.”
Sirius huffed. His head was resting on Remus’s chest, and Remus’s fingers were running through his hair softly. Sirius sighed pleasantly.
“Wanna know a secret, Moony?”
Remus hummed. His eyelids felt heavy, and the steady weight of Sirius’s head was making his brain start to shut down into bottomless, peaceful sleep.
“I got so scared.” Sirius whispered. Remus’s fingers stopped for a second, then kept going. Sirius took a deep breath. “That time. I know you don’t like to talk about it but… I was so scared I’d lost you forever.”
Remus was silent, didn’t know how to reply. He felt his heart pick up in his rib cage and was sure Sirius felt it too.
Sirius’s voice was barely audible when he spoke again. “I thought you would n-“ his voice breaks. Remus’s fingers clenched on Sirius’s scalp. “Never talk to me again.”
Remus took his hand off Sirius’s head and Sirius lifted his head slightly to look at him. The thin ray of moonlight made his hair and eyelashes look silver. There were tears in his eyes.
“I wouldn’t, Sirius,” Remus said softly but firmly. He put his hand against Sirius’s cheek and rubbed it ever-so-softly with his thumb. “I would never.”
Sirius closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, two thin lines of water spilling from his eyes. It was still such a rare sight to see Sirius so vulnerable like this. It made Remus’s insides twist in a painful, nearly agonizing knot.
Sirius bit back a sob, and Remus just couldn’t take it anymore. He pulled Sirius closer to him, and Sirius buried his face in the crook of his neck, letting himself cry. Remus held him, pulled him onto his lap, and cradled him. “I missed you s-so much, Rem-mus. I’m sorr-ry.”
Remus held him, kissed the top of his head repeatedly, whispered soothing words in his ear. “Sirius. It’s okay, Sirius. It’s okay. I’ve forgiven you, you know that. It’s all okay.” And there were tears flooding his eyes as well, and they were both a sobbing mess but yeah, it was all okay.
“Sirius, what the hell are you doing?”
Sirius turned to face Remus, a mischevious smile tugging at his lips. Then the music started to play.
“Dance with me, Moony.”
Remus froze, his eyes widened in terror. It was one of the funniest things to see Remus like this, Sirius thought. All taken by surprise.
“Yes way.” Sirius started to walk towards him, moving his hips in a way Remus thought should be absolutely illegal. He tugged at Remus’s hand, pulling him to himself.
“Sirius-“ Remus began, throwing his head back.
“I want you to want me,” Sirius sang, and Remus’s heart fell a little bit south. He swallowed. “I need you to need me.”
And they were dancing. There was something compelling about the way Sirius moved, with his hair falling on his face and his hips swaying and his chest heaving. Remus couldn’t help but move along.
When the song was over, Sirius and Remus were flushed together, Remus’s back against one of the posters of his bed. Sirius leaned in, slightly out of breath, and whispered in Remus’s ear, panting, “I’d love you to love me.”
Remus let out a puff of breath that stirred Sirius’s hair. Sirius pulled back to look at him, and his eyes fell on his lips, and before Remus could do or say or think anything, Sirius was kissing him, kissing him hard and wet and perfect. Remus made a noise in the back of his throat and kissed back, coaxing Sirius’s mouth open with his tongue, tasting cigarettes and toothpaste and Sirius. And he loved him.
((I’m gonna leave it at that because we know that afterwards everything becomes angsty and I am fUCKING TIRED of writing angst. So here, have this little thing I wrote in the course of this week.))
This show is my third time seeing cursed child, second time in dress circle, second time premium tickets. Paid a ridiculous amount of money for the tickets (they were the £250 ones,,, I cried when the money left my bank account) buttttt the seats were amazing. Row C, aisle seats !!! amazing. Incredible. Best seats I’ve had so far.
Little run down of moments that made me smile:
Everything. He is a gem, a rare gem. This is the second time I’ve seen anto as Scorpius and (my first one was in August last year) he has changed COMPLETELY. He is so much more gentle and emotional, his voice is still squeaky and charismatic but he’s outgoing in a less obvious way. His movements and voice mean that whenever there is an exciting, funny moment- the audience appreciate it so much more. Everyone loved him today. He was so adorable ??? He kept wiping his nose, sniffing (I thought anto was sick but I’m pretty sure he was fine at stage door), fiddling with his hair. The library scene and staircase ballet ended me. I’m pretty sure he actually cried at the staircases. Therefore I cried. He was so sweet during the owlery scene. He and Sam kept bumping into each other during the show and in the owlery scene as Scorpius says “and wake up everyone at hog warts?” he just echoed “hogwarts warts warts warts” and everyone died. The whole yelling “help” moment was sweet as well. He ran across the stage and everyone lost it. He and Sam were also very sweet during a lot of the play. On the train anto knelt down and held onto sams leg, cute. In the church scene they side hugged and patted each other on their backs. Also as Albus reassured Harry he was fine, anto was sat on the floor and he shuffled over to gently squeeze Sam’s arm. Eeeeep! Special mention to the last scene- the two of them were soooo close, there was a nose boop, several pokes and it was adorable. He also repeatedly overexaggerated certain lines like “you can stand with me” as Albus got sorted into slytherin. I love anto, I can’t wait to see him in something new but I will miss him as my baby Scorpius.
Oh Sam. Sam is so under appreciated, today was a Sam day for me. I spent so much time just admiring Sam. He’s exceptional. His angst and emotion, facial expressions and movements destroy me. Even in the first few scenes as he sits on the trunk watching everyone stare he had me broken. His facial expressions…. gahhhhh!!!!! I told him several times today how exceptional he is and he’s responded to all of them so I’m glad he’s getting the love he deserves :’) he looked so sad during the ballet, as usual. And he and Jamie were on fire today during the arguments. Right up in each other’s faces, yelling and so overcome with emotion. He’s the kind of actor who doesn’t just learn what he has to do- he learns the lines but the lines become part of who his character is and it all feels so natural. He’s so talented. His interaction with poppy always makes me cry and his chemistry with anto,,, there would be no scorbus without Sam and it seems that people forget that sometimes. He is so talented and deserves love and acknowledgement of that. He was so incredible during the Delphi/Scorpius/Albus scenes. His face and voice when Scorpius was crucioed god I cried so hard. Sam always brings something new and fresh and I feel so honoured to have seen his Albus three times. He made Albus for me, he is Albus and I honestly appreciate his characterisation so much. Sam clemmett is an exceptionally talented actor and I will be front at the queue to purchase tickets to whatever he does next.
Have only ever seen Alex’s draco so this was a wonderful surprise to see James. And boyyyy he loved up to my expectation. Alex has a more humorous side, his lines have a hint of laughter and he makes draco funny while also sensitive. But James,,,,, god James took it to a different place. He took draco somewhere darker, someone trapped inside his own emotions. I felt the intensity whenever he was on stage. During the duel with harry, he sounded almost sinister on the “I want to hurt you” likes. It was immense. The office scene in part two with Scorpius,,, the way he speaks the line about Scorpius. I was so emotional during his delivery of the speech about Astoria. He built up all these sinister walls around draco and tore them all down in the really emotional moments. I am so glad he is taking over as draco because he is AMAZING. During the church scene he comforted Scorpius at the door, kept rubbing his shoulder asking if he was okay. I felt the malfoy love and he played dad!draco so well. During the next scene watching Lily and James die,,, he pulled anto into his side, comforted him with love while battling his own emotions. Breathtaking. Truly breathtaking. I’m honoured to have seen him perform.
As usual the rest of the cast were incredible. Noma always impresses, Paul was as funny as always. The polyjuice scene always brightens my day. Jamie was incredible. He was more emotional than I’ve ever seen him before. During fights and yelling and after the dreams he was so deep into Harry I had shivers down my spine. I also want to celebrate poppy because she is also lovely. I love her Ginny. She makes her the doting mother while retaining the independence and strength Ginny has had all her life. I also just want to appreciate her run- when she runs on and off stage it makes me happy. She has an adorable run. I wanted to tell her at stage door but it seemed like such a random thing to say to someone lmao.
The audience took a while to get into it today. There weren’t many laughs until the second interval of part 1. Which was a shame because the polyjuice potion scene didn’t get as much appreciation as it deserved. A lot of the funny lines also got overlooked (imo) but lord knows hannah was there laughing herself to tears at everything. By the end everyone was enthralled. Standing ovation, cheers and tears and happiness all around. The rightful response. This cast are immense. I love them. I love this play.
4/100 days of productivity | I just woke up from a nap oops! hehe but I spent a good 2-3 hours at a nearby Starbucks earlier today, because my friend invited me to join her (wouldn’t have known it was open today otherwise!). lighting was bad inside, but fall foliage was absolutely phenomenal outside. I hope you’re all having a great day, and happy happy turkey day!
1. do you have a favourite piece of music?? I don’t. I love music and I enjoy and appreciate it, but I don’t have a piece of music or a song that is the one.
2. do you prefer movies, tv shows, comics, or books? I prefer books! And tv shows too, but I’m very picky about what I watch and I lose interest often so there are only a couple tv shows I regularly keep up with.
3. if you could have any animal as a pet 100% legally, what would it be? a tiger. or a wolf because it’s my favorite animal. BUT only if I lived in a magical alternate universe where I roamed the forests or something like that. Because in real life, I’m all about keeping animals in their natural habitats so I’d probs just get a dog.
4. whats your dream hairstyle? long and wavy, without being frizzy. But my hair grows so slowly it sucks
5. do you spend a lot of time on your appearance? yes, shamelessly
6. do you spend a lot of time on personal growth and focusing on yourself as an individual? yes! I believe it’s important for me to know myself before putting myself out there in the world. Because if I know who I am, others cannot turn me into someone they want me to be
7. what’s your most prized possession? I have this necklace i got from my great aunt which I never take off and a cute little poster I got from my host sister when I went to Japan as an exchange student. Also my laptop and phone because I’m not gonna lie and say I’m not materialistic.
8. which fictional character would you say you relate to most? honestly, Pansy Parkinson. Because she is a very “me and mine first” type of person, and I am too.
9. what is your favourite outfit/accessory/item of clothing? black jeans because they go with anything. black skirts because they go with anything. Also, I love rings!
10. do you watch much youtube? if so, who? I love the youtubers Sarah’s Day and Kalyn Nicholson! Other than their videos, I watch stuff like room makeovers, fashion, self betterment things
11. what are your top 3 books/book series? Harry Potter, The Foxhole Court, and Six of Crows (very original, I know). I also really liked the Young Elites!
my 11 questions for you: 1. Do you prefer oceans, lakes, rivers, or ponds? 2. What is one pet you could never imagine having? 3. If you were to have kids, what would you name them? 4. If you could change your name, would you, and to what? 5. Are you a city person or a countryside person? 6. Who is your favorite Disney character and why? 7. You go back in time and wake up as the person you were 3 years ago. What would you want to change about your life if given this opportunity? 8. Would you rather speak every language but never travel. Or travel everywhere, but only be able to speak one language? 9. If your life were a book, what comment from another author would you find on the back of it? 10. What is the best dream you’ve ever had? 11. What does your dream apartment look like?
God we thank you today that no matter what circumstance we are facing that you are God almighty! That you have all authority on, below and above earth, and that through your grace and love all sin and evil is overcome! We pray to see our lives from your perspective God, we ask for the gift of heaven’s eyes to see your incredible victory God in every situation! In Jesus name we pray this Amen!
Happy Holidays!!! It’s been such a long long year, but it’s also gone by so fast. I’ve been through a lot in 2014 and I’ve matured a lot (while keeping my immature humor). That’s why I decided it’s time to post my last, and grand, follow forever. These people (and YOU) are such amazing people and deserve the very best! They’re creative, friendly, and just make me so excited to see them on my dash and or talk to! Simply, they’re lovely and amazing. Friends, faves, senpais, mutuals, followers and all; I hope you all have great joys! Sooo… mutuals are italicized