type every word i know

Parks and Rogues: The Typewriter

Jonathan: I found this typewriter next to the courtyard dumpster. An old Underwood 5 with original carriage return. Took her home, polished her up and bought a brand new ribbon off of electronicbay. com. 

Jonathan: *loud typing noises*

Edward: Okay, somebody has got to do something. I’m getting a cluster headache. 

Joker: He’s leaving. 

Jervis: Let’s go. I’ve got to throw it away. No, I’m not. It weighs a billion tons. 

Joker: What is he typing, anyway? 

Two-Face: “If you sons of bitches try to remove this typewriter, I’ll kill you.”

Jonathan: I’m going to type every word I know! Arachnophobia! Metathesiophobia! Vehophobia! Vehophobia! Catoptrophobia! *sound of loud typing*

Rogues: *groaning*

-Parks & Rec theme plays-

(based off this)

sentence meme - parks & recreation pt. 1
  • “Are you mad at me? Because without eyebrows I can’t really tell.”
  • “I hope you brought a change of clothes because your eyes are about to piss tears.”
  • “I made my money the old fashioned way. Getting run over by a Lexus.”
  • “I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seem to hate you.”
  • “Your mom kind of made a pass at me.”
  • “I think at some point you and I should probably make out with each other.”
  • “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?”
  • “I like you… in a, you know, romantical kind of way.”
  • “And let’s be honest, it would be nice to not have to pull strange things out of people’s butts every night.”
  • “Everyone shut up and look at me!”
  • “I want to spend the rest of my life, every minute, with you. And I’m the luckiest man in the galaxy.”
  • “That’s the second most awkward way someone has grabbed my breast.”
  • “Normally people tell you to talk about your problems. I’m gonna recommend you bottle that noise up.”
  • “If you would be willing to just take a brief pit stop, we could see Indiana’s second-largest rocking chair.”
  • “You don’t have to buy me things. I just like being around you.”
  • “We are colleagues with benefits. We’re colleagues who benefit from the fact that we’re also friends.”
  • “I’m going to type every word I know! Rectangle. America. Megaphone. Monday. Butthole.”
  • “Look I love you like a brother. But right now I hate you. Like my actual brother, who I hate.”
  • “My ex likes to check in every so often and make sure I’m doing OK. And if I am, she tries to fuck everything up.”
  • “When they say 2% milk, I don’t know what the other 98% is.”
  • “Dude, that is the coolest sentence I have ever heard somebody talk.”
  • “First of all, you did the right thing by hiding underneath this table.”
  • “I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems.”
  • “OK, well I’m not very good at visiting people in hospitals, so I’m going to go.”
  • “I dig your groovy tunes, man.”
  • “I love you and I like you.”
  • “You are a wonderful person. Our friendship means a lot to me. And you look very beautiful.”
  • “Don’t try to bond with me.”
  • “I hate talking to people about things.”
  • “I am deeply, ridiculously in love with you.”
  • “This is like a crazy sex fantasy of mine.”
  • “Hogwarts is fictional. You do know that, don’t you? It’s important to me that you know that.”
  • “I know what things are.”
  • “I have no idea what I’m doing, but I know that I’m doing it really, really well.”
Saints & Theives

I know it’s the oldest lesson in the book, but is having it all really account for anything?

I used to think stuff could make me happy, food could make me happy, a relationship could paint a smile on my face; but it turned out none of those things have, did or ever could.

Some might think it selfish to focus on oneself in this situation but honey, you enter this world alone and you will die alone. People will fill that middle chunk of your life and paint colourful whispers of ink on your canvas.

But In the end, it’s just you. Learn, try to be the best person you can, I’ll post for the rest of my life - blog and advise until my fingers bleed but not one word will make a difference unless I believe every letter, every word that I type. So I start with me, because I know I’m a wreck, I know I know little to nothing about everything, I know how weak I can become - so I work on myself.

Just me, because figuring yourself out is the first step to literally anything - most of all influencing the people you know, you love for the better.

One person has the power to change the world, it always begins with one. What will you learn about yourself, now?

Sentence Starters based on Ron Swanson quotes,
Part 2 

“Son, there’s no wrong way to consume alcohol.”

“Breakfast food can serve many purposes.”

“Every two weeks I need to sand down my toe nails. They’re too strong for clippers.”

“This might be the first time I’ve ever wanted to attend an event.”

“I’m going to type every word I know! Rectangle. America. Megaphone. Monday. Butthole.”

“Everyone shut up and look at me!”

“What the fuck is a German muffin?!?”

“The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am.” 

“I’m not interested in caring about people.” 

“I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.”

“I hope the rest of your day is cool beans.”

“You are an unstoppable good idea machine!”

“Here. I didn’t know what to bring you, so I just got some magazines and lipstick. Woman stuff.”

“Listen, I’ve eaten a commissary hamburger for lunch every day for twelve years. I just wanted to make sure this pointless health crusade won’t affect the only part of my job that I like.”

“Your work is appreciated. Eat some corn.”

“Never half ass two things, whole ass one thing.”

“What exactly will you be cutting? And how much of it, and can I watch you do it while eating pork cracklings?”

“Sell the zoo animals.”

“We’re already late. Now be a man and sit on that girl’s lap!”

“You may have thought you heard me say I wanted a lot of bacon and eggs, but what I said was; Give me ALL the bacon and eggs you have.”

“It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.”

“I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible.”

“The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy.”

“Well, I am not usually one for speeches. So, goodbye.”

“My first wife *insert name here* tried throwing me a surprise birthday party. When I saw my friends hiding through the window, I drove to a gas station, called the cops and told them people had broken into my home. I’m not big on surprises.”