twofrontteethstillcrooked

It’s Black Friday, and you know what that means – it’s time to kick capitalism to the curb, and support the arts instead!

I’m selling out – to your benefit. I’m employed, but due to shitty circumstances, won’t be paid again until mid-February. On top of that, the management at my apartment is charging me $400 to exterminate the bedbugs which have been feasting upon my flesh, despite the fact that they spread from a neighbor’s apartment. I’m not going to let this get my hippie art commune down, so I’m opening myself up to fanfic commissions.

I’m offering Les Misérables fic and Historical RPF, rated Gen right up to Explicit. I’ve included examples below of the sort of work you’d get for each type of commission (warning: some links are NSFW). 90% of what I’ve ever written is up on my AO3. Here are my rates, with amounts adjusted for Paypal’s fees:

3 sentence fic - $3.50 

Flash fic of 250-500 words - $7 

Short fic between 1000-1500 words - $16 

Medium fic between 1750-3000 words - $32 

Long fic between 3000-5000 words - $48 

For the Historical RPF, I will write literally anyone – ANYONE – who was alive between the dawn of time and the 1960s. If your request involves more research than browsing Wikipedia would provide, I charge a $10 research fee. My pricing is based on the amount of time which goes into my work, which still results in you getting a fic written for less than minimum wage. Since some people have asked about if I will write commissions in the same universes as my other fanfics (i.e. Coptaire), the answer is a resounding YES! I’m going to start with 10 commission slots open, though there’s no cap for 3 sentence fics. 

My askbox is open, but formal commission questions and offers should be sent to my email: sathwrites[at]gmail[dot]com. I’ll be offering commissions right up until the 2nd week of January. Please review my formal commissions page here for more information. 

Illustration for this post, as always, is by the lovely and talented Nisie

grantaire and prouvaire snuggling up against the winter cold

(seriously bro cant you spend a little less on wine and a little more on coal?)

a very late drawing for twofrontteethstillcrooked; our miserable advent winner from the 29th! the promo might be over but don’t forget to always leave feedback for authors and artists!

twofrontteethstillcrooked replied to your postheeeey i’ve got a bad writer’s cramp right now so…

Cold War era spyHux and his unreasonable affection for gadgets (poison glasses! glove pistols!)

allow me to engage in my favorite bit of spytech: the rectal pistol

Keep reading

here’s another commission i did for the wonderful, amazing and supportive twofrontteethstillcrooked!

she asked for a simple line art of joly, bossuet and grantaire in a cuddle pile! How they all managed to fit on that sofa is beyond me.

other points of interest in the drawing are: comet, grantaire’s three legged diabetic dog; a terrible 80’s fantasy inspired painting of enjolras as an amazoness riding a unicorn through space, a skull lamp lovingly crafted by prouvaire, and a coffee table on cinder blocks because bahorel broke the old one.

(and yes commissions are still open)

twofrontteethstillcrooked  asked:

Chicagoverse Bossuet

1. Fell asleep once while waiting for the train, woke up to find 5 dollars left in his hat because people thought he was homeless. Needed the money to buy lunch, but forgot and gave it away to actually homeless people.

2. First met Joly when he called for an ambulance while experiencing worrying symptoms from the medication he was taking as part of a clinical trial to earn some extra cash. Joly had to revive him, at which point Bossuet, still groggy and impaired, called him Beyoncé. 

3. Is ridiculously good at card games (at least, the games where counting cards will get you ahead, which is 99% of them), but never gambles.

twofrontteethstillcrooked  asked:

Pere Lachaise cemetery; Courfeyrac and Feully; soggy, zany, crooked. (wow this is random *g*)

“Wouldn’t Prouvaire be more of a…"  Feuilly couldn’t really think of the word for what Prouvaire would be more of, but it encompassed all the qualities necessary for haunting the Père Lachaise in the winter. 

Courfeyrac shook his head.  “Prouvaire says it is predictable.”

"I thought he would like all these things.  Haunting.  Graveyards.  Appearing in mirrors and saying boo.  Whimsical schemes.”

"Now he says it would be too obvious.”

Feuilly sighed.  Someone else should have gone with Courfeyrac.  Joly and Bossuet—they always claimed they enjoyed haunting.  Or Bahorel—he was a fine poltergeist when he felt like it.  But no.  Here he was, the ghost of Feuilly, dutifully slogging a crooked and noncorporeal path among the tombstones, feeling the sleety rain soak into his ectoplasm, just to keep Courfeyrac company.  (Enjolras and Combeferre were above such things, and Grantaire disinclined to take the effort.)

No one was around to be haunted, of course.  Not in this weather.  They reached the crypt of Abélard and Héloïse and stared at the love-letters with their smudged ink.  Courfeyrac rearranged them in a vaguely spooky manner, then settled down to make mysterious creaking noises for a minute or two.  There was still no one around.  Feuilly thought of the newspapers he had left unread on the Musain table.

“Well,” said Feuilly.

“Well, said Courfeyrac.

Feuilly patted him on his ghostly shoulder.  “There’s always next Valentine’s Day.”

"I suppose.”

“Come on.  We’ll go back to the Musain and warm up.”

They drifted out of the cemetery again, nodding politely to the handful of shades that were braving the weather as well.  Not very many. 

“It’s only,” said Courfeyrac.  “It’s only that I feel it’s proper.”

“Mmhm.”

“I like to get into the—”

“Don’t say it.”

“Into the—”

“Don’t.”

“—spirit—”

“No.”

“—spiritofthings.”

“Next year you’re bringing someone else.”