two-selfs

6

“Won-ah, if I end up growing old alone, you have to come visit me often.”

Watching two depressed and self-loathing people assuring each other that their self-loathing is justified – just yuck.  Painful to read.  Not inaccurate, just painful.

Today
I woke up an Aries, headstrong and ready to set the world ablaze, instead I jumped off the edge of a cliff and swam to the ends of the ocean, saying hello to every fish I came across. I took a page from Jonah’s book and kissed a whale as he tried to swallow me whole.
Today
I woke up a Taurus, amiable and healed. There were no scars on my soul and I let the soft Earth caress the soles of my feet. The forests bid me a warm hello as they engulfed my body in waxy vines and made the storms in my soul disperse.
Today
I woke up a Gemini, playing hide and seek with the two sides of my self. My old heart was wired shut, encased in hard diamond so I cracked it open and let the secrets flow. I bid myself a warm welcome,
it has been so long since I last loved myself.
Today
I woke up a Cancer and tied up my loose ends with the strings of my past, my, what lovely gifts I give. A wok brimming with broccoli, carrots, and my mother’s words filled my soul,
it is time I give myself the nourishment I have always waited for from others.
Today
I woke up a Leo, I woke up the wind and the sun, I was the universe’s alarm clock. I challenged the mountains resilience and showed them the meaning of true strength because despite all the muck of existence, today,
I still woke up.
Today
I woke up a Virgo and I cleansed my mind of my own toxic presence. For the entire day, I had a make out session with Nirvana and teased the stars about their dust and how it would be well for them to be like me and realize their true potential.
Today
I woke up a Libra and put everything on my scale. I cut out the people who breathed life into things I hated, turning my insecurities into the undead. I learned the only enemy I need love,
is myself.
Today
I woke up a Scorpio, fierce and full of love so profound that as I twirled in dark caverns, Fire was born. I covered the ones around me in a soft warmth and caused one thousand days of Sun.
Today
I woke up a Sagittarius, and I created the seasons with gusto, gave the Autumn my brown eyes, let the winter embody steel resilience, gave permission to the summer to borrow my smile and the tender spring received my blessings.
Today
I woke up a Capricorn, and I listened to the laughter of the hills and valleys. I made a necklace of my favorite archipelago and wore her around my neck as unnamed planets gravitated around, crowning me.
Today
I woke up an Aquarius, and taught the numbers their names and places. I taught the words their meanings and gave validation to my fears as I declawed them one by tender one.
Today
I woke up a Pisces. I watched as the flowers mimicked my growth and the oceans grew jealous of the depth in my eyes. I listened to the wind try to enchant me and gratified the breeze with a kiss on my cheek. Today,
I woke up Me.
And finally gazed at the Beauty of the past twelve days.
—  B. Damani || Zodiac 
9

Organization XIII Fest

Day VIII - Flurry of Dancing Flames

“Go on, you just keep running. But I’ll always be there to bring you back!”

No one really knows me on here….but your reblogs and open-mindedness makes me want to share a bit of my journey. I’m 20 years old and an addict. Never tried harder substances than alcohol, prescription medications of ALL sorts and marijuana….didn’t need to. I was on a cocktail of medications, at one point tipping more than 900 mg daily and took myself off after years of feeling grey and battling side effects and began to self medicate two years ago using marijuana. I never thought I’d abuse my medication, but continuously picking up my avid drinking habits from age 15, in college, I abused every substance known to me. Even food, and sex. Addiction is real and a killing, chronic disease. I am 32 days sober, and in a week, 30 days clean. I’ve never thought I’d be here, on the road to 100% health and have the support system that I do. Hopefully this inspires someone to help a friend with addictive behaviors, or help yourself if you might think you have a problem. Working through my 12 steps daily and saying the serenity prayer more than I say the word “and” Much love, Good vibes, and most importantly, God Bless.

(Cringy caption alert) So today is my two year self harm free mark, I decided to get a tattoo to celebrate and remind myself everyday how far i’ve come, the lotus stem is the recovery symbol and the lotus flower symbolises mental purity and breaking the surface, like a lotus flower breaks the surface of the dirty water every morning, i broke the surface of being suicidal/depressed every morning. It also means rebirth, I feel like a new person, i have been born again as a better, happier, new me and I plan on staying above the water 🌷