The boy in the red hoodie stared in silence at the empty room in front of him. It was just a mundane guest room, the one his family always used for exchange students.
Marco was feeling weird, almost out of breath, the heart in his chest pumping wildly as if he’s just finished running a marathon. There even were, strangely enough, tears in his eyes. How did those end up there? He kept staring at the simple bedroom around him, as if he was desperately looking for something. Or someone.
He could hear the party from downstairs going on normally, people laughing and having fun. Which made him question his presence in that meaningless room even more. The boy closely inspected the room’s walls and furniture as if it could give him some answers. He could swear that there was reason he felt so weird. A reason why he was there in the first place.
“Marco… there you are!”
He turned around, startled by a girl’s voice. It was Jackie, his girlfriend, whose haunting green eyes could read through his fake smile in a moment.
“What are you doing here all alone? Something’s bothering you?” she asked.
As crazy as that sounded, Marco could only think of one answer, which was another question.
“Yes actually… what am I doing up here?” he chuckled, realizing how silly that sounded.
Jackie smiled at him and gently took his hands, stepping closer to him. “I don’t know… having a ‘Marco Moment’ maybe?”
“No, seriously.” he said, trying to sound as serious as possible. “I feel like I ran up here for a reason but… I can’t really remember now?”
That made him earn an amused look from his patient girlfriend, but he didn’t want to sound crazy.
“Maybe I *am* having one of my weird 'Marco Moments’ after all…” he admitted, smiling at her.
“Or even weirder… someone put a weird spell on all of us or something…” she joked, poking at his head. “But it’s OK: I like weird.”
The two teens smiled at each other and left the room, closing the door behind them, heading back downstairs, the music getting louder, despite being late. Marco turned back one last time, looking at the wooden door leading to that empty bedroom. He could swear that there was a reason he rushed there, a very important one.
Marinette felt the world freeze as the nickname hung in the air. The nickname her black cat knight gave her.
“Did you just call me Princess?” The Blunette asked as she took a step back.
The blonde model felt himself sweat bullets as he tried to think of something, anything, to get him out of this situation. He figured the best solution was to play dumb.
“No, I didn’t say that.” Adrien spoke as if he was trying to convince himself more then Marinette.
Marinette wanted to believe that Adrien was telling the truth. But the smile and the way he said it. She had seen that smile before. She had heard that nickname before, there was no way that was a coincidence. Suddenly everything began to make sense, the coincidences kept piling up and soon she couldn’t ignore it any longer. Marinette had realized what all of Paris did not.
Adrien Agreste was Chat Noir.
Marinette backed up a bit, her memories of last night smacking her senses at the worst time.
“I-I am not feeling so well… I am going to go get some air.” Marinette exclaimed as she ran out of the Library.
“Marinette!” Adrien called out as he watched Marinette run out of sight.
Plagg had popped his head out of Adrien’s bag to see the situation. Now that the girl was gone he came out to watch the results.
“You were doing so well until you tripped at the finish.” Plagg pointed out. “I think this is a record. Two monumental screw ups in twenty four hours.”
“Do you think she knows?” Adrien asked with worry.
“She would have to be pretty dense not to know by what you said Romeo.” Plagg retorted.
“I have to find her, I have to explain everything. If she tells Alya that I am chat noir, all of Paris will know in seconds!” Adrien said as he grabbed his stuff.
Plagg went into Adrien’s bag just as he dashed out of the Library. He began to search every part of the school, but Marinette was no where to be found. Adrien quickly checked the Ladyblog, to his relief, there was not a single update.
“I am guessing she hasn’t seen Alya yet.” Adrien said with a bit of relief.
“Maybe she wouldn’t tell Alya. I mean, she might have been able to figure out you are chat noir, but explaining how she knew to her friend might be a touch hard to believe.” Plagg commented.
“So you think she didn’t leave to tell Alya my identity?”
“I think she left because something bothered her about finding out you were Chat noir.”
“But that doesn’t make any sense. Marinette is a fan of Chat Noir. If anything, wouldn’t that make her want to ask me questions about it or something?” Adrien questioned. He was beginning to feel frustrated by what the black cat kwami was driving at.
“Perhaps Chat noir did something that hurt Marinette.”
“That is completely insane. You know better then anyone how protective I am of Marinette. I didn’t do anything to harm her, or anyone for that matter. The only person that might be a bit upset with me is Ladybug and I haven’t seen her since… Last night…”
Adrien felt a weird click go off in his mind. What if he had seen Ladybug today? what if she was upset that the person she was in love with liked someone else? What if Ladybug was Marinette?
The realization hit Adrien like a freight train going full speed.
“Marinette is Ladybug.” Adrien vocalized his thought.
“Took you long enough.”
Adrien looked at the cat kwami, his anger now apparent.
“You knew? Why didn’t you tell me?” Adrien asked as he glared at Plagg.
“You never asked.”
Adrien took a deep calming breathe.
“I need to find her.”
The sun was setting over Paris as a Ladybug clad heroine stood at the top of the Eiffel tower.
Marinette stood as she looked over Paris. It looked absolutely stunning. The spot was the perfect spot for her to just process what she had learned. She could feel the stillness of the air as she let her mind roam.
Adrien was Chat noir.
The more she thought about it, the more right it began to feel. The blonde hair, the green eyes, the smile, the kindness they both had. In retrospect, it was practically staring her in the face.
A sudden landing on the tower caused the girl to come back to reality. She turned to see the very black cat hero she was thinking about.
“You were here the whole time? I have been looking all over for you.” Chat noir said as he was catching his breathe.
Ladybug turned back to view of Paris she was looking at before she began talking.
“How did your confession go?” Ladybug asked, keeping her voice calm.
“I didn’t confess yet.” Chat noir responded softly. “Can we please talk about this?”
“There is nothing to talk about. You like a girl, go confess to her. I want you to be happy.” Ladybug said firmly, tears streaming down her face, which was still hidden from the cat.
Chat noir took a deep breathe, his heart beating faster then a hummingbird flapping it’s wings.
“I am in love with you Marinette.” Chat noir exclaimed.
The world around them grew completely quiet as the words graced the area.
Ladybug turned around to see Chat noir looking at her.
Chat noir gulped as he felt his heart come up in his throat.
“I-I said I am in Love with you Marinette! I have been for a long time.” Chat noir said with clear sincerity. “I am sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
Ladybug looked at the cat hero with complete Awe. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
Chat noir made himself de-transform, revealing his civilian identity to the heroine.
Ladybug followed suit and transformed back into her civilian identity. The two looked at each other for a moment that seemed to last for hours. As if Mother nature could sense the mood, made the clouds above release a touch of snow.
After an eternity, the two ran to each other. The two embraced softly as snow flakes dance around the,. For this whole time, the person they were in love with was right by their side.
“I love you too Adrien.” Marinette whispered softly into his ear.
Adrien felt his heart leap for joy. He picked up his blue haired princess in air and spun her gently. Marinette felt herself laugh lightly.
“Put me down you silly cat!” Marinette squeaked.
“As you wish my Lady.”
Adrien lowered Marinette to eye level as they stared into each other’s eyes deeply. The two began to kiss.
This was the kiss that they both wanted, the one thing that was so dream like, yet so real. The very thing that confirmed that this was not some convoluted dream, but glorious reality.
As the two broke the kiss the two heard giggling behind them.
They turned to see their Kwami’s looking at them and smiling.
“It is about time you two figured it out!” Plagg commented.
“I am so glad you did! You two look so precious!” The ladybug Kwami said with as giddy grin.
The two teens smiled as blushes graced their cheeks. Everything felt right at the highest point of Paris. And to think it all started because of a talk on a rooftop.
*suddenly next to them; exasperated* Sorry I'm late...may I join you?
*frowns* Excuse me?
*rolls her eyes* Edward, this is Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock, Edward Castle *mutters* Sherlock is my soon-to-be-ex husband.
*raises an eyebrow* You never told me you were married.
*pulls up a chair; smug* Ah, first date. Remember ours, dear?
*narrows her eyes* Where are the kids?
*splutters his drink* Wait, you have kids? Plural? As in...more than one?
*still looking at Sherlock* Yes. Where are they?
*thinking* Hmm...one is out solving a crime probably, teenagers, I'm sure I left the twins downstairs with Mrs. Hudson, John and Mary wanted the toddler practice and Mycroft is babysitting the, erm, baby.
*alarmed* Jesus, how many have you got?
Sherlock & Molly:
*glance at each other* Five.
*confused* Well, then...why are you splitting up?
*smiles* The sex was crap.
*chuckles; takes her wine glass* Now, Molly, give him an excuse he'll believe *raises the glass to the light*
*looking between them* What's going on?
*sighs* Does the name Julia Smith mean anything to you?
*shakes his head*
Nooo *sniffs the glass* You never get to know their names first, do you? Did you know she was fifteen years old?
Her mother hired me to investigate her attack. Dinner at a restaurant with someone she met in a chatroom... *dips his finger in the wine glass* I don't think I need to tell you the rest *tentatively tastes the liquid*
*calm* You see, while you're sat here with me, the police are raiding your flat and, well...I don't think you're getting away this time.
*fuming* You have no right-
*fuming* Our eldest is the same age. It is taking all my willpower not to force you to drink this and leave you at the mercy of my girls. Far worse than anything I could do to you.
*enters Angelo's; approaching their table* Come on, Castle. You have the right to remain silent... *leads the suspect away*
A Navia BROTP fic because… they’re are important. And my two favorite FT characters cough. I started on this a few days ago, I just decided to finish it now though.
This is based off a headcanon I have, and the headcanon is Natsu and Juvia get together to go buy gifts for Lucy and Gray.
Setting: College, AU
Pairings: Navia (BROTP), NaLu, Gruvia
Summary: Juvia needed help shopping for Gray, what better person to go with than his best friend? And with Natsu’s anniversary with Lucy coming up, there was no way he could refuse. Who knew going shopping for your significant others could be so much fun?
“Natsu-san?” Natsu looked over his shoulder at the female who had called his name. He smiled, seeing that it was Juvia. He gave a two finger salute before turning his body around to face the blunette.
“Whats up Juvia?”
Juvia nervously twirled a piece of her blue hair around her finger. “Juvia… needs help.”
Natsu lifted an eyebrow in question. “Okay, with what?”
“Juvia wants to get Gray-sama a gift, but Juvia doesn’t know what to get.”
“Get him a cardboard cutout of himself so he can wake up everyday and see how much of an asshole he is.”
Natsu put his hands up in the air, signaling it was a joke. “I’m just kidding… okay I’m not but that’s besides the point. Did you have any ideas on what to get him?”
Juvia just shook her head, looking down to her feet. “Juvia has no idea… Juvia came to Natsu-san since Natsu-san is Gray-sama’s best friend.”
“I wouldn’t necessarily say we’re friends.” Natsu deadpanned at the female. “But I do know that Eskimo like the back of my hand.”
“So Natsu-san with help Juvia?” Seeing the pink haired boy nod his head with his ever present grin on his face made Juvia’s mood brighten up. She didn’t miss the way his head twisted to the left down an almost deserted hallway. She turned her head the same direction, spotting an all too familiar blonde approaching them.
“Say, isn’t Natsu-san and Lucy’s anniversary coming up?” Watching Natsu tense up answered her question. She looked at the male, a smile on her lips. “Has Natsu-san gotten a gift for Lucy?”
Natsu tugged at his white dragon scale scarf, gulping audibly. “Er, well… you see-”
“Then Juvia assumes that Natsu-san will have to go shopping for Lucy anyway.”
“Who has to go shopping?” A new voice cut in startling the two teens. Lucy gave an uneasy look to the duo. “What exactly are you two planning?”
“Nothing Luce! Honest! Juvia just needs help shopping for Ice Prick is all.” Lucy stared knowingly at her boyfriend, a stern expression on her features. After a few moments of him unwavering, she sighed. Still not believing him because after all, it was Natsu. The boy had something new up his sleeve everyday.
“Alright. You’re just lucky we have class in a few minutes.” Lucy said stepping closer to her boyfriend. The corner of her lips turned into a smile directed at Juvia. “And Juvia, I’m sure Gray would love absolutely anything you get for him.”
“Really?” She asked, slightly surprised. “How does Lucy know?”
“Well he told me silly.” The blonde began to explain. “In art his direct words were ‘I don’t care what Juvia gets me as long as it’s from her.’”
Butterflies began to erupt in the bluenettes stomach at what her blonde haired friends just told her. The excitement she felt was short lived, the butterflies in her tummy soon coming to a standstill as jealousy began to boil in her veins. “Why was Lucy talking to Juvia’s Gray-sama?”
“Are you still going on about that?” Lucy replied, rolling her brown eyes while doing so. “Mine and Natsu’s three year dating anniversary is Saturday and you’re still angry with me for talking to my friend Gray in art class?” As Juvia was about to retort, Lucy’s shout of distress filled the air.
“Ahh! I’m gonna be late for class! I’ve never been tardy for class before! I’ll talk to you two later!” Natsu and Juvia watched as the blonde raced down the hallway to her class. Natsu groaned at the thought of going to his history class. He looked over at Juvia who was still standing in the place his blonde girlfriend had left them. Natsu smirked, an idea forming in his head.
“So, you wanna skip and go shop?” Natsu suggested.
Juvia grinned. “Lets go Natsu-san.”
“Wow are you serious?! Gray has emotions?!” Natsu hollarded in laughter as him and Juvia walked down the strip of shops. “Who would’ve thought.”
“Gray-sama is just a closet romantic. Gray-sama just wants Juvia to know Gray-sama loves Juvia and Juvia only.” She looked down at her hand, eyeing the shiny ring on her ring finger that Gray had given her for their one year anniversary last year. “And Juvia likes it that way.”
Natsu eyed the ring on her hand, eyes narrowing focusing on it. He tried to decipher what kind it was since Lucy talked to him about the different types of rings. All the talking she did went in one ear and right out the other he guessed because it just looked like an ordinary ring to him. He lifted a hand and pointed to the shiny object.
“What kind of ring is that?” He questioned.
“Oh, this is a promise ring Gray-sama gave Juvia.” With her other hand she lightly touched the ring, smiling while doing so. “Does Natsu-san know what it symbolizes?”
He scratched the back of his head, trying to recall his girlfriend’s words. “Lucy told me a promise ring is when the guy ‘promises to marry the girl he gives it it to’ or somethin’ like that.”
Juvia nodded, looking over to the taller teen. “Does Lucy have a promise ring?”
“No, but I think she was kind of hinting that she wanted one.” His hand still on the back of his head as the they just passed a jewelry store. Natsu abruptly stopped, going up to the window seeing the assortment of jewelry they provided.
Juvia stopped, watching at the pink haired teen did some window shopping. “Natsu-san?”
“Do you really think Lucy would like a promise ring or an engagement ring?”
Juvia nearly fell to the ground at the force of how unbelievably shocked she was by his statement. She stared at him, eyes nearly bugging out of her head. “E-Engagement ring?”
Natsu nodded. “Well I mean yeah. I’m gonna marry Lucy one day anyway, so should I just skip the promise and go straight to the engagement?”
“Considering Natsu-san is 21 and Lucy is 20, and still in college… engagement is out of the question.” Juvia sighed, but a soft smile developed on her lips. “Besides, imagine what Lucy would do to Natsu-san if Natsu-san proposed to Lucy.”
Natsu scrunched his face up, thinking of what his girlfriend would do. His expression softened, a chuckle rumbling through his throat. “I can imagine. She’ll get all flustered and probably hit me, calling me an idiot. Then she’ll scream at me about how young we are and we need to wait.” This time Natsu sighed.
“But, I’m just so in love with her I find it pointless to wait ya know?”
At his statement Juvia looked back down to her hand. A pleasant smile stretched on her lips, thinking the same thing with Gray. “Yes, Natsu-san I know.”
“To avoid my girlfriend getting all embarrassed and to save me getting bruises, promise ring is the way to go right?” Juvia nodded at the male, following him into the jewelry store.
“Theres so many choices!” Natsu exclaimed, looking at the shop glass windows containing all the expensive jewelry. He eyed the rows of necklaces, bracelets, earrings until eventually they came to the ring section. “Juvia over here!”
Juvia heard her name being called and walked over to the male, looking at the different assortment of rings.
“Is there anything I can help you two with today?” The two teens looked up to see an employee with a ever-so-nice smile on his face.
“Yeah! I’m trying to get a promise ring for my girlfriend.”
“Ah, what an exciting thing.” The employee looked over to Juvia. “This is your girlfriend I presume?”
The two teens looked to the man in horror. Natsu’s temper flaring a bit.
“Hell no! She’s in love with a stripper!” Juvia sweatdropped besides her friend. Her face was heating up at the dreaded expression on his older features.
He just coughed awkwardly, diverting his attention back to the male. “Anyways, a promise ring you say? Well sir you chose the right store.” His grin returned back to his face. He began walking over to the ring section.
“Hey, while we’re here maybe you should get Gray something?” Natsu told her, following the employee. Juvia look up at him, confusion twinkling in her eyes.
“Natsu-san thinks Gray-sama would like jewelry?”
Natsu scoffed at her answer. “He’s a princess, of course he would.” Natsu shuddered at his last thought. “And since Erza’s going to take my life because I skipped the rest of my classes for the day, this probably will be the only store I can go to.”
Juvia giggled at him statement, thinking how true it was. Erza would surely kill Natsu for skipping and dragging her along with him, even though she was willing.
“So, you shall be shopping for your stripper as well?” The employee asked, making Natsu burst out in laughter and the bluenette’s face turn red.
“Y-Yes Juvia will be shopping for Gray-sama as well.”
“Excellent. What piece of jewelry did you have in mind?” Juvia looked over to Natsu, who had a questioning look on his face. He scratched the top of his head, racking his brain for an answer.
“Well, he’s always blabbering about something he can wear in his hockey games and hide from the refs. So, maybe a necklace or something?”
Juvia face lit up. “That’s an excellent idea Natsu-san!”
“Awesome. I’ll get your friend taken care of here and then we can go on a hunt to find your boyfriend a necklace, sound like a plan?”
The two teens smiled, nodding their heads.
“My poor wallet…” Natsu groaned as he and Juvia finally left the jewelry store. Juvia patted the male on the shoulder as they began to make their way down the strip.
“There, there Natsu-san. Lucy is going to love it.”
“I sure hope so.” Natsu looked at the little bag in his hand, a sad look on his features that didn’t go unnoticed by Juvia. She gave him a concerned look.
“Natsu-san, whats wrong?”
Natsu sighed. “It’s nothing…”
“Its just… I just don’t understand.” He seen the confused stare the blue eyes female was giving him, it made him run a nervous hand through his hair. “I just don’t understand why a girl like Lucy chose a guy like me. She’s rich, beautiful, she could literally have any guy in the world she wants… and yet she chose me.”
Juvia stopped walking. Natsu noticed she wasn’t beside him anymore, so he glanced back seeing her frozen in her spot.
“That’s why… Juvia thinks Gray-sama is going to leave Juvia for Lucy.”
“But Gray doesn’t like Lucy like that.” He responded making his way back over to her.
Juvia looked away, feeling tears burning in the back of her eyes. “Still, Juvia isn’t worthy of Gray-sama’s love.”
“Why would you think that? You go out of your way to make him happy, you buy him gifts, you shower him with love and affection… if anyone deserves his love its you.” He just stared at her trembling form. His heart went out for her, he knew what it felt like to feel like you weren’t good enough for someone you truly loved.
“G-Gray-sama doesn’t do any of Juvia’s gestures of love in return. Only on the holidays or anniversaries does Gray-sama give Juvia something…”
“Juvia, you gotta remember that’s just who Gray is.” His comforting words made the girl stare up at him. “He isn’t affectionate whatsoever, hell I don’t even think he knew what love was before he met you. But, he’s trying right?”
“Juvia guesses so…”
“Just look at the ring on your finger. He promises to marry you someday, right?”
“I see the way he looks at you, the way he casually grabs your hand in the hallways, the way he opens doors for you… the way his face always lightens up when you smile.” He seen the way her face was getting more red by the second. “Its the little things in life that count the most.”
Juvia’s heart began to race with every word Natsu was saying. The more she thought about it, the more she began to realize what he saying was the truth. Gray was a gentleman towards her. Opening doors for her, holding her hand whenever they were together, always making sure she was smiling… just the thought of it made her insides bubble with happiness.
“Natsu-san is right. Gray-sama does the little things to make Juvia happy…” She said with a smile on her face.
He grinned back at her. “Besides, I’m not letting go of Lucy… not without a fight that is.”
“Lucy is very lucky to have someone who cares about her like Natsu-san does.”
Natsu scratched his nose, a blush appearing on his face before he could stop it. “Real men are suppose to care for the woman they love. Oh Mavis I’m sounding just like Elfman!” Natsu shouted gripping his hair as Juvia laughed, making their way back home.
“Gray-sama!” Gray turned around hearing the familiar female voice shout his name. He turned around to greet his girlfriend. He was slightly confused as to why she was there, she knew he had hockey practice after school today.
“Hey Juvia-” He was caught off guard when a bag was thrusted in his face. He carefully took the bag from the female, eyeing it questionly. “Whats this?”
Listening to her orders, he shoved his hand inside the bag feeling a velvet box. He took it out, eyes widening.
“Juvia just wanted Gray-sama to know Juvia loves Gray-sama. Gray-sama does enough for Juvia to show Gray-sama cares… Juvia just wanted to show Gray-sama how much Juvia loved Gray-sama Juvia’s own way.” She walked up to him, pecking his lips with her own for a quick kiss.
“Have fun at practice Gray-sama, Juvia will talk to Gray-sama later.” She smiled at him one last time before turning around and walking out of the ice cold arena.
He watched as she walked away, totally frozen in his spot. When he recovered slightly, he looked at the box in his hands. Slowly, he opened it gasping when he seen it.
It was a simple cross necklace, with a sapphire gem lodged in the intersection of the cross. He felt the material, already telling it was made with real silver. He smiled softly at his girlfriend’s gesture. It wasn’t even their anniversary or the holidays. She got him that simply because she loved him.
“Hey, Gray! Practice is starting!” He whipped his head, eyeing his teammate as he gestured him to come on the ice. He nodded slightly. He quickly took the necklace out of the box, latching it around his neck. He held it in his hands before pressing his lips to it for good luck, and tucking it away in his shirt.
There was no way he would ever take the precious necklace off.
“Happy anniversary Lucy!”
The blonde smiled at the male who was walking in from her kitchen, his gift for her in his hand.
“Happy anniversary to you too, Natsu.” She noticed he slightly bent forward lowering his face down to hers. She met him halfway, giving him a sweet kiss before he plopped himself next to her.
“What’d ya get me?” She laughed at his eagerness, handing him the small bag in her hand. He practically ripped the bag apart trying to get to the contents on the inside. He seen that it was a pair of two tickets and a piece of paper. “Whats this?”
Lucy rolled her eyes. “Read it would ya?”
Natsu looked at the font on the pair of tickets, eyes widening at every word. “Lucy… these are VIP passes to the Magnolian wrestling showdown! How did… they’ve been sold out for months.”
“Well, lets just say all those days I was cranky from staying up to late to be the first one to purchase them paid off. It was hard, but seeing how happy you are is worth it.” She explained, she felt his strong arms wrap around her.
“You’re seriously the best girlfriend ever.” She laughed, pushing him back slightly.
“Thats not all, take a look at the picture.”
Doing as he was told, his mouth gaped open. “No way…”
“I’m three weeks.” Natsu felt the tears develop in his eyes, seeing the sonogram picture of his three week year old child.
“I… ahh.. you’re… pregnant.” He couldn’t find the words to say. Lucy just laughed at him.
“Yes Natsu, I’m pregnant.”
“But, aren’t you mad? I mean… we’re still in school.”
Lucy just shook her head. “I’m only getting my two year degree remember? I’ll be done with school in a few months. Plus, I have enough money saved up to be able to last a few months until I can find a job.” She reached up, brushing the tears falling. “We’ll be fine, Natsu.”
Natsu nodded his head once, wiping the rest of his tears away. He leaned down and gave Lucy a gentle kiss on the lips.
“I guess my present is a necessity then.”
Natsu pulled the velvet box from his pocket, presenting it to Lucy who gasped as he opened it. The band was simple, but on top was a heart shaped diamond on the top, four simple diamond gems on each side decorating the band.
He chuckled, taking the ring out of the box. He took her shaking hand and slid it on her ring finger. “I knew you always knew we would get married someday, but for all your doubts you might have I got you a promise ring. I’m not going anywhere Lucy.” He paused, placing a hand on her still flat abdomen. “Especially not now.”
Lucy let the tears slip through her eyes, wrapping her arms around her boyfriends slender neck bringing his face down to hers for a passionate kiss.
Natsu smirked into the kiss, he would have to go shopping with Juvia more often.
they called them “gunmen” because whoever heard of “gunboys”?
but they were boys
before they walked into their school armed to the teeth
like they were going to war,
as if they needed to defend themselves
against unarmed children.
because they’d needed to every other day.
but not that time.
and people ask why i care about them
as if i’m wrong for seeing children
where they see monsters.
every sentence starts with “i don’t condone…”
because we feel the need to defend ourselves
against the judgement we know we’ll get
for looking at two smiling teens
and discovering that they were human too.
their deaths were treated as a victory:
“standing shoulder to shoulder, we will not be beaten by evil.”
like they were dragons that needed to be slain.
and everyone ignores the fact that
they saw themselves that way too.
the rest of the world needed to catch up with them.
it turns out that it took them acting like monsters
for everyone else to see what they saw every single day.
and is it really so hard to imagine how fury –
bubbling and boiling and growing and festering –
could translate from spitting slurs to shooting bullets?
think about carrying all that hatred every second of every day
as it weighed you down like atlas carrying the earth
breaking your back and making your legs buckle until
you straighten up one day and say that enough is enough
only to find you speak a new language.
hateful words i can’t repeat because they carry too much weight.
they must have been so heavy to feel.
and i can’t even comprehend saying them and meaning them,
but it’s not too hard to see how mixed-up teenage boys
could have found solace in alienating the world with words,
creating a barrier of racism and sexism and homophobia
so that, afterwards, everyone could point to them and say:
“look. only monsters think other people’s lives are worthless.”
but isn’t it monstrous to cut down children’s makeshift graves?
and aren’t you deeming their lives as worthless
when you write “evil bastard” and “how can anyone forgive you?”
right in front of people who are lining up to write messages of love?
apparently that’s okay because they put themselves six feet under,
as opposed to the other children beside them, who were put there.
as if being someone else’s victim is so much worse
than being your own.
i remember high school,
where i used to fold myself smaller
until i wished i would disappear into nothing.
so i can absolutely understand
what it’s like to have so much sadness
that it spills out towards other people
while simultaneously eating you alive.
I didn’t plan to post this today, but it is my 2 year tumblr anniversary. when I started this account it was nothing. Now I have over 10,000 followers and I couldn’t be more grateful! I love you all . xx fallforit