two puns for the price of one

A Skele-Ton of Japes

(undertale spoilers)

What is a jape? It’s another word for a practical joke! Surprisingly, for all his mentioning of japes, Papyrus actually does not use many pranks. Similar to how Papyrus is actually the one who makes the most puns between the two, Sans is the one who pulls off the most pranks! 

Read more to see a compilation of the japes the wacky skeletons pull off.

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Thursday Night (May 7th Domestic +Justice League)

“We shouldn’t be doing this.” Raven said almost too quietly to hear.

“Raven you say that every time,” Cyborg replied as he opened the door for her “but every Thursday you’re here with me.”  

“Victor, this still feels wrong.” her voice still muted.

“Raven we both love this and you know it, we are not going to stop. ”

“Garfield is going to find out, what would he think of me?”

“Raven you don’t think he already knows? ” He asked putting his large hand on top of her delicate one.  You have needs and he wouldn’t want you to go without them"  

“Um are you ready to order?”  The waitress asked a slightly confused from the exchange she just witnessed.  

“Oh, sorry. I will have a full rack of the Saint Louis, fries and the baked beans. ” Cyborg replied  

“The Baby backs, baked potato, and the cold slaw please. ” she said as she handed the menu to the waitress. “What were those small things we had last time?”

“Burn ends” Cyborg’s human eye lit up. “Can we get an order of those for the table please” he asked the waitress.  She polity nodded and left to put in their orders.  

“Burnt ends too? You must be hungry” he said before reaching into a basket on the table.

“Since I started my second trimester I can’t remember when I wasn’t she said her gaze lowered to the table.  "Garfield is going to the store almost every day” a hint of embarrassment in her words.

“With that kind of appetite, it must be his kid, still I would think you would be craving wheat germ or something not hickory and molasses” He said between bites of cornbread.

"You really think Garfield knows?” She asked playing with her fingers as if they were not properly attached to her hands.

“He texted me twenty minutes ago to have fun on my date with his wife.” he said as he leaned back on his chair laughing. “So how is lean, green and soon to be a Daddy?”

“You talk to him as much as I do.”

“That’s just Xbox, mostly us trash talking and jabbing each other in game.  Things don’t get too deep when there monsters that need killing. ”

A small smile formed on her lips as she remembered admonishing her husband’s language a few nights before. Beast Boy yelling into the microphone of his headset with Victor on the other end.  "Garfield! You are not going to talk like that around the Baby.” Before he got a chance to respond Victor started laughing so hard that the sound escaped the headphones and into the room.  

“Yes, I have heard your…discussions”  

An easy and warm laugh rose out of Cyborg. “I will try not to rile him up so much when the baby comes” he said grabbing another piece of cornbread from the table.  

Raven had missed that laugh. These meetings were more than satisfying pregnancy cravings for smoked meat. It was good to sit with her adopted brother again. The food came and between bites they reminisced about old times, and traded stories about his new adventures with the JLA, and hers with motherhood and marriage.  

“Is he still is trying to put it together?” He asked leaning back in his chair.

“When I left, he was on his fourth attempt I think,” Raven remembering Beast Boy struggling with the dozens of wood pieces scattered all over the floor. “he is getting closer the crib stood up right for almost 5 minutes before it collapsed.”  

“I can come by Sunday, and see if I can salvage it, that is if Darkside doesn’t attack or Luthor decides not to go golfing this weekend”

“There maybe take out Chinese in it for you if you could also help with the stroller, and maybe the car seat?”

“Your loving hubby is no good with his hands.”

“Oh, yes he is, just not in that way” a small smirk curled her lips.

“Beast Boy is rubbing off on you” he groaned out, trying to push away the mental image.  

“I know, and no one is more disturbed by that then me.  I will be making bad puns any day now, the price you pay for love. ” Raven said running her hand over her belly.

“Well I hope the bambino takes after her mother.”

“His” she corrected “We found out two days ago”  

Cyborgs smile split his face. “AH! Now I know what kind of toys to get!”

“Victor, we don’t want to spoil him”

“You’re not going to. That’s his uncle’s job. ” He said pointing both thumbs at himself.

Cyborg’s and Raven’s relationship was always unique in the group. Maybe it was there bisected natures her being half demon and him being half machine. Maybe it was the fact that no matter happened his priority was the team.  It was times like these that reminded them both about that first meeting.

“I don’t exactly fit in.” She said all those years ago.
He replied “He’s green, half of me is metal, and she’s from space. You fit in just fine.”  Cyborg was the first person ever that made her feel accepted.  It was a start of a long road that lead her to loyal friends, a loving husband, a family.  She would not have any of it, if Cyborg hadn’t put his large hand on her shoulder that night long ago.

I did a head cannon a while ago for @teentitansheadcanons #5276 Did I have any of you jumping to wrong conclusion in the beginning? 

“Fill Or Be Filled”

(UT!Sans Undertum thing I guess)

A/N-Warning to those who don’t like mild gore and vomiting!!! There is a little bit of torture in here so be careful. It’s nothing serious and the antics are mostly feeder based, so yes this is also a kink fic. IF you do not like any of the things I mentioned above then DO NOT READ!
Thank you!

Inspired by @Pewun who drew this for me and I wanted to repay them. Thanks, dude! Link to the pic is –>HERE<–!!!

Story under the cut, as usual for privacy and safety.

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1. Chloe knows all of Max’s sensitive spots. ALL of them.

2. Max is a great cuddler.

3. Chloe and Max love ballpits.

4. Max likes wearing Chloe’s hoodies.

5. Max has a thing for Chloe’s scent.

6. Chloe carries Max when she is tired.

7. Max is Chloe’s trophy and she likes to rub that in people’s faces. Specifically Warrens.

8. Chloe is protective over Max.

9. Max and Chloe love to binge on Netflix when they’re alone.

10. Chloe always insists on paying.

11. People don’t pick on Max now because they know that Chloe will most likely murder them.

12. Max loves cuddling with Chloe.

13. Max loves spending time with Chloe.

14. They’ll both try and sneak kisses with each other when no one is looking.

15. It’s all fun and games until someone does something that involves hurting Chloe. Max may not look much but she can break an arm or two when it comes down to it.

16. Chloe will always compliment Max.

17. Max and Chloe love building forts and they’ll spend hours in them exchanging kisses, cuddles, compliments, cheesy remarks, puns, pick up lines and etc.

18. Max loves taking pictures of Chloe.

19. When Max is sick, Chloe will do anything to help her feel better again.

20. When either one of them is feeling down, the other will do anything in their power to help their partner.

*They’re bonded for life. It can’t be changed.*

The Price of Stories

This is a thinkpiece on the use of narration in Wicdiv. It contains spoilers for issue #23.

Also this time the Sandman title pun is actually relevant ! Minor Sandman spoiler, MAJOR Watchmen spoiler. For those of you who are tired of my critical stuff, don’t worry, this is a good old hair-splitting analysis. Positivity ! Thank you so much for reading.

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anonymous asked:

Hey, Sam! The real question is how much is a hems worth? Do you need a ton of hiddles to make a hems? Do they go up and downey in price, or stay relatively evans? When you get change for a hems, do you a bucky or two or just coins? All these questions just stan around in my brain. (And I can't think of any more name puns. Have a good day!)

I think the ratio is actually three hems make a hiddle, which would be why there’s only one of him and three of them. :D But they tend to renner up a tab, so it’s hard to tell sometimes! 

Dear Love Bracelet anons, (Yes. Plural.)

This Love Bracelet business is interesting and fishy isn’t it? You curious little cats! More than two asks, you all really want to know my, me, a mere peasant, thoughts on this?

IMHO, I think it’s a very very nice bracelet Tao’s got on his wrist. No. 1 it’s Cartier. No. 2 it’s unique concept and the symbol it represents. The screwing concept means that whoever the person screw it on you is screwing you. Pun intended. It represents love and commitment between lovers. I repeat lovers.

But like all branded items, people make replicas of it. With cheaper price and same designs. Now it would make us peasants feel better if kris (if he has one) and Tao bought the replicas somewhere, wouldn’t it? And they would just wear them as a part of their fashion like usual, rather than the way it should -a symbol of love and commitment-. Then probably us peasant would have a good night sleep.

But things didn’t go like that. Nooo..

First, Dumbtao’s time of wearing it is very suspicious. Not on China during new year. Not on the airport when he got back in Korea. But at the airport after Tao reunited with Exo K. Riiiiiing first alarm bell ringing.

Second, the way Tao the little shiet displayed it when he was with sehun, holding his hands up with the excuse of ear infections is just sooo fishy. Fishy. Fishy.

He was obviously showing it off.

Now if we go by the first theory -that it’s a fashion replica of cartier- then the message Tao was trying to send would be like “Hey peasants, lookie. Yep. Its the Cartier Love Bracelet replica I’m wearing proudly look. I know it’s cheap and the design is sooo not my AB skull style, but I really really want the whole world to know I’m wearing it. So here peasants loookie!”

So.. No.

Third, if it were given by kris, then we would see Taoris lovelove explosions happened in airport. But it didn’t! All Tao ever done to Kris was fed him worm jelly. Now that’s very romantic isn’t it?

Ridiculously, Taohun was all over each other at the airport. Tao shamelessly showing affections, hugs, blows kisses and sehun’s almost never seen bashful, smitten face?? Getting caught hugging (tao’s hands on sehun’s waist) by the tv interview. Very fishy sehun’s ‘caught in the act’ face if I may add. All happened at the same time as the first appearance of the Love Bracelet. At the SAME TIME?!

Riiiing, alarm bell number two. Time to wake up now.

Lastly, since I’m keeping it short. Tao is still wearing it until this moment. Took a selca with a love shape finger with it. He displays it. It means something special to him. It’s not just a fashion. I’m very sure Tao loves his fans wholeheartedly. But Love Bracelet isn’t meant as a symbol for it.

Now what’s wrong with a little tinhatting? What’s wrong with thinking that Tao is probably having something really special right now. That it is probably a taohun love bracelet and it does represent what it suppose to. Love and commitment between tao and who else can I narrow it down to, but sehun… Unless tao is banging some rich ass noona between his none existent spare time. Hahahah..

So yeah. If it means taohun is happy. I will forever tinhat this.

“Look there, peasants…They thought we couldn’t afford a Cartier.”