two of my favorite boys

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Naw thanks for being curious, traditional-anon :)
I’m a digitally spoiled person, traditional drawing is super hard to me! But I still got a sketchbook which is mostly filled with random Jimins and studies of hands and shit.

But really a more accurate representation of my traditonal art quality is this.

Oh god your comment is making me teary-eyed, how… why.. thank you! :’)) let’s cry together, not-the-emotional-type-anon.

My bias! There is no way for me to decide, but my favorite two boys that are closest to my heart are Jimin

his soft, high-pitched voice, cutest laugh I’ve ever seen, his elegant dancing style where every movement is perfected from fingertips to toes, his gentle and caring personality, but also that shameless, pervy side and his impressive aura on stage. He is that intriguing mix of cute any manly that I’ve never seen before. Also those sinful lips and mochi cheeks. AND THOSE THIGHS.

and Yoongi.

I really respect him for his blunt and honest lyrics. Like. Really respect. They’re so personal, he’s such a couragous little motherfucker. I think he’s a great role model in addressing such serious topics that shouldn’t be kept quiet about. I also love that almost nostalgic feeling that all the songs he produces have to them. Also his rapping is hot af. And his slanted fox eyes and the way the corner of his lips curl up into that cheeky grin when he smiles. His sassy personality is loveable.

My fav ships are Yoonmin – soft and angsty and so much feels. I think they have a deep respect and trust for each other.

Originally posted by smol-jims

Sope – my fluffy butterfly ship. Yoongi laughing like a lovestuck idiot no matter what Hobi does made me ship this. They balance each other out so well it’s the cutest shit.

Originally posted by yoonseokismyreligion

Originally posted by cammellodisidratato

Originally posted by pastelyoonseok

and Jikook – they seem the realest to me. All those touches, stares and that tension. I’m pretty sure Kookie is at least a little bit whipped for Jimin. They’re that ultimate smut ship. And. They look fucking gorgeous next to each other.

Originally posted by yourpinkpill

Originally posted by bias-oxygen

Originally posted by juholiv06

I’m sorry that was a long answer, but once I start I cannot stop.

And no, I studied 3D animation (: We did have one nude drawing class, but apart from that I rarely ever got to draw in college. I hope I still learned a thing or two that can be applied to 2D art as well.

Hello new-artist-anon! :)

I don’t think I’m well known, but. Well I just. Draw. It’s about drawing and having fun for me. I created this blog in hopes I would gain one or two friends in the BTS fandom since I didn’t know anyone and I did, so.. I’m happy.

If you really want me to give you some practical advice though. One thing I noticed is that people follow me more on this blog where I post art only, rather than the one where I post art but also 95% other stuff (: Guess it’s nicer to only get one kind of content instead of being spammed with other fandoms and lots of stuff you don’t wanna see just for those 5% that you’re following the person for. So maybe that’d help?

Thank you, that is so, so sweet, story-anon! ^__^ Tell the other Jules hello from me! :’)) It’s actually a dream of mine to get better at writing and do a full length story :) As a kid I wanted to write a book and add drawings to it on every other page.

At the same time I’m very, very self-conscious of my writing. I hope I’ll manage to finish plotting my story ideas soon and then I’ll start writing in earnest. Even if it’ll be crappy writing, it’s the only way to get better, right?

Originally posted by myloveseokjin

Amy-anon you’re back! ^_^ You seem full of energy, I’m so glad I could be of help! ♡  make sure to share your art, alright? :>

Another short thing with my favorite two boys. (Am I compensating a bit here? Maybe.)

“You know..” Lucien said as he approached the other boy who was still sitting on the sidewalk, clutching his back pack as if it was his life line, “It’s kinda getting cold out here.” Ernest didn’t answer, he just stared down the street, waiting for a car both of them knew wouldn’t show up. Lucien sighed, it wasn’t the first time Ernest’s other dad has stood him up, far from it even, but this time was…different. Ernest normally never made big of a deal about it, he didn’t like showing when stuff like this went under his skin but this time…

“It’s been a month.” This were the first words his friend spoke since he stopped coming up with possible explanations as to why his father was so late to pick him up. Mister Vega called him after 2 hours of waiting with his son, hoping Lucien would be able to get him back inside. He himself has been waiting with his friend for four hours now. “It’s been a whole month without me seeing him at least once. He promised Lucien.” Lucien felt a lot of emotions right now, anger twoards this no show dick of a father, pitty twoards his friend, and guilt for not being any help.

“I know man. This sucks.” He said, sitting next to Ernest. “Sorry for making you wait with me.” Ernest said and Lucien felt even more anger twoards the man. Ernest shouldn’t need to apologize for anything right now! It really didn’t help that he already doesn’t like the man. Never did really. He remembered that one time Ernest ended up with a broken arm while they were hiking, mister Hemingway was more occupied with calling his new lover then keeping a eye on the two 8 year olds. Lucien swallowed his anger, “Nah, don’t sweat it.” He said as he slung a arm around the shorter boy’s shoulder.

“Be careful, dog hair.” Ernest said and Lucien had to smile, “I took my medicines before coming here, as long as the Dutches doesn’t attempt to jump me I’ll be fine.” Ernest took that as an invitation to lean on the other boy, burring his face in Lucien’s chest. “He took money from us again last time I saw him.” Okay, now he was really pissed off by that guy. “Dad didn’t want me to know. What a joke. Why did I even think it wouldn’t end up that way again?”

Lucien just held him tighter, moving his hand from his friend’s shoulder to his head, stroking his untamed hair. “He’s a dickhead.” Lucien declared and Ernest chuckled, “Guess he is. It still hurts though.” “I know….wana go inside and watch those cheesy movies you like so much?” Lucien asked but Ernest shock his head.

“Can we stay like this? Just for a little while longer?” He asked and Lucien felt blood rush to his cheeks. “Sure.” He said as he adjusted their position to be more comfortable. He looked up to the stars, spoting a shooting star. He didn’t necessarly believe in this stuff but he made a wish non the less.
The next time Ernest’s other dad shows up he had a broken nose. ‘Thank you shooting star.’ Lucien thought as Ernest told the man to leave, having already made plans to sleep over at his house that night.

.This drawing was inspired by the amazing @mellenabrave who wrote an amazing story. I suggest you read by clicking on the link provided. They are an amazing writer and have other cool stories you should check out. 

http://mellenabrave.tumblr.com/post/163403782705/another-short-thing-with-my-favorite-two-boys-am

(for @yoituuri and @starryfeathers. I accidentally deleted this whole thing once so hopefully it doesn’t happen again/ it’s not rushed. I hope you enjoy you two, and anybody else who reads this!)

I made a post about my favorite boy Victor not too long ago, and I mentioned a shot in passing that I really loved, but because it wasn’t the focus of the post, I didn’t go into it. I would like to now. Here it is:

This is the first glimpse of Victor we get within canon. Well, beyond the opening sequence with Yuuri watching Victor skate as they grow up but I think we can all agree that was outside of canon and can be discarded here.

Anyway.

It’s a damn good first glimpse. As you’ve probably already noticed, Victor’s eyes are covered. Deliberately. Dude fuckin does a twirl and the camera is framed in such a way that we don’t get to see his eyes until he looks up for the cameras. That’s an interesting touch, for several reasons. 

First, when a character’s eyes are not visible, it implies something is hidden within them. A trait, motivation, true emotions, etc etc. 

Secondly, the fact that we can’t see Victor’s eyes until he turns to the cameras with that fake-ass media smile. In this scene, we’re being treated as the public. Victor is immediately hiding from us and the rest of the world. You know, something he does all the goddamn time.

Victor is scarily good at masking. For those who don’t know what I mean, masking is the act of hiding one’s true personality, desires, and/or emotions to conform to society. I mask due to past trauma. Victor masks to meet public expectation. 

You’ve probably guessed already that masking is incredibly unhealthy–it’s repression, after all. If it gets bad enough, you’ll stop knowing where masking ends and you begin. Sometimes it takes me months to figure out how I feel about something because I need to sort through so many layers of masking and anxiety and doubt. It’s really difficult sometimes. 

We see tons of lovely examples of Victor masking throughout the show. Here are a few off the top of my head: 

(^absolutely terrified vitya trying to be smooth)

(^living up to his press image)

(^so incredibly upset on so many levels but he doesn’t dare show it)

(^pissed enough that yuuri picks up on it. and then acts dishonestly w/ yuuri by trying to come off as pleasant)

(i love that yuuri is comfortable enough by this point to call victor out on his bs. if you’re gonna get mad, get mad) 

(you can actually see Victor’s hand shake if you watch the scene. boy is so pissed and he’s holding it in)

etc etc. 

Victor is actually incredibly reserved in all the emotions he shows, especially if it’s anger or sadness. For most of the series, he only lets himself go in front of Yuuri or alone. Victor hides from himself, he hides from Yuuri, and it helps no one in the end. 

The beach sequence, actually, is important to this idea too. As we know, Victor asks Yuuri what he wants them to be. 

And then he lists off all these options before essentially asking to go out with him, but in a way that says he’s too scared to do it outright.

Now, this is partially to gauge Yuuri’s feelings towards him, but it’s also highly revealing of Victor’s self-worth. He’s willing to put on any mask, any persona to be with Yuuri. Yuuri, of course, doesn’t want this at all. 

🚨 HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP ALERT!🚨

And looking at Victor’s reaction (guarded surprise)

This may be the first time Victor has been asked to just be himself. 

So if Victor was a world champion at 16

(boy is 15-16 in that article)

He must have been skating for a while beforehand. We can probably approximate by saying he started competitions around the time Yuri did, which I estimate to be about 12-13. However, Victor does say this 

And if we’re to believe him, 27-20=7, and therefore something happened at the age of 7 to force Victor into backing away from others and working himself to the bone. Uhm, wow. I don’t know how accurate it is to say that, but regardless, he’s been in the public eye for a long fuckin time. 

Victor has spent this long fuckin time building an image: elegance, confidence, charming yet untouchable. The perfect playboy, in a way. This is the person he presents to the public. I think he’s been masking like this for so long he forgot that this isn’t who he is–Victor has the ability to be all those things, but it’s not who he is. Victor is excitable, bubbly, caring, vulnerable, depressed, lonely, hardworking…Yuuri, by asking Victor to be himself, released a metaphorical floodgate on Victor’s emotions. He’s broken that carefully crafted persona. 

Victor is now publicly goofy and affectionate

(i love how he hides his face a little here…how cute and shy while showing off that he’s yuuri’s)

And can drop his composure comfortably 

(also vitya always wears gloves to competitions until they get the rings and then victor keeps the gloves off completely :v) 

I love that Victor’s relationship with Yuuri has allowed him to find himself again, and peel away those masks to live and breathe and love as he was always meant to. 

2

I love how Jon repeats what Damian said to him in the second panel. Even though he bickers with him and they fight a lot, Jon does listen to what Damian says and takes his words to heart. I love that about their relationship. They act like they don’t get along but in the end, there is this kind of grudging respect between the two of them. It’s great and I honestly can’t wait for them to become real friends.

“What’s going on here?” Clint asked, head tilted to the side and eyebrows furrowed. 

“Tony’s braiding my hair,” Bucky said nonchalantly, leaning his head against Tony’s thigh. “It relaxes him when he’s stressed out.”

Clint’s gaze fully settled on Tony and watched as his hands worked on another braid. He was neat and quick, already had a quarter of Bucky’s head done. Tony was also muttering to himself, nose scrunched up as he tried to figure an equation he couldn’t quite get. 

“And you’re okay with this?” Clint pointed at the braids and Bucky nodded. 

“Yeah I am,” Bucky replied, his lips curving into a soft smile. “If there’s anything I can do help de-stress him, I’m game,” He turned his head and pressed a small kiss against the bend of Tony’s knee. “Even if it means sitting here for hours until I can’t feel my ass anymore.”

Tony let out a brief chuckle at that before saying, “It’s fine, that won’t need to happen because I think I cracked it,” Tony stood up from where he was seated before bending down and pecking Bucky’s cheek. “But don’t go anywhere because it may not be correct.”

“I wouldn’t even dream of moving.” Bucky told him, his tone playful and Tony rolled his eyes but his smile was wide. 

“Hey, birdbrain.” Tony said, giving Clint a mock salute as he passed him on his way to the elevator. Once he had stepped inside and the elevator began to descend, Clint looked at Bucky with wide eyes. 

“Dude, you’re gone,” Clint said, grinning. “You’re so gone for him.”

“Yeah,” Bucky replied, his own grin sappy as he played with a braid. “I know.”

Because Adam Parrish’s bisexuality is very important to me and I felt the need to write down the Feelings I was having. This has no plot, just so you know.        

AO3


It’s really you on my mind

He’s fifteen years old and tired. Sitting in front of the trailer he calls home, he lets himself feel it for just a second. Allows himself to acknowledge the heaviness pulling at his limbs, his drooping eyelids getting pulled down by some invisible power; allows himself a moment of anger and exhaustion. Feeling sorry for himself and letting his misery take over his senses isn’t something he necessarily likes to do. He knows his life sucks, there’s no use dwelling on that. He also knows there are people who have it worse and that he will get out of here. One day one day one day. It’s a song that replays itself inside his head when things get rough, when he feels alone and his father tells him he’s worthless, with his fists and words alike, when his mom looks at it all with pursed lips or ignores it altogether. When the trailer park is suffocating and the dust invades his lungs, makes it hard to breathe. Sometimes doubt creeps in and then it’s almost impossible for him to believe it will ever happen; he’ll be stuck here for the rest of his days, become a copy of Robert Parrish because it’s his fate, it’s in his blood and he’ll have a son sitting in the exact same position, singing to himself one day one day one day.

Snapping out of that depressing train of thought, he suddenly remembers the free magazine he picked up at the grocery store earlier. From the rack next to the entry, filled with daily news and picked up by the busy fingers of housewives and old people taking their weekly stroll. He’s passed it numerous times and never felt the need to take one with him, until today. He doesn’t know what came over him, just that he desperately wanted to pretend to do something normal. And why not?

He takes it out now, from under his thin jacket, unfolds it and looks at the picture of some actress he vaguely recognizes posing on the front.

It’s been so long since he read something just for him. He used to go the library when he was younger, used to spend full days there, befriending the old, sweet lady behind the desk, reading everything he could get his hands on. But when he realized there’s a way to escape this, that the world is so much wider than the name double-wide suggest, that maybe there’s a way for him to not only read about magical places and people going on adventures, but actually live those things and see them for himself, the library turned into the last item on his list of things to do. He picked up several jobs and poured all his remaining time and energy into studying and getting A’s; the library was forgotten. At times, when the night is too heavy to sleep and the walls are too thin to not hear what’s playing in the bedroom next to his, he thinks of the old lady with her white hair that gave him pieces of her chocolate sometimes and wonders what happened to her. If she still works there, if maybe at times she wonders about him too after he abruptly stopped coming, if she’s even still alive.

Now he opens his magazine and pictures the one his father reads and notices the stark difference between the two. He rifles through it, not particularly caring about the content or finding it exceptionally captivating, but enjoying himself nonetheless. Skimming through it, he abruptly lets it fall open on some ad, perfume he thinks, featuring a man, a car and the gray sky above. The man is leaning against his expensive, fast car, wearing expensive designer clothes. Adam’s enthralled by how casually powerful the man looks and by the quiet authority he radiates. Like nothing can hurt him, like he’s above pain. At first, it’s just the power that evokes Adam’s wonder, then he pays closer attention to the guy’s face; zooms in on his high cheekbones, the strand of dark hair falling on his forehead, his pronounced jawline. The way his clothes fit him just right, accentuating the right things, the right way and Adam is in awe.

There’s a mixture of several things going through Adam’s head, the most prominent being want. Which he shuts down immediately without realizing why and replaces with one day one day one day. He looks at the car again. Without giving it second thought, he rips the picture from the magazine and folds it carefully, stuffs it into his pocket.

The picture is burned in his memory now and he thinks he’ll use it as motivation, to try to become that person one day. Because that’s what he wants. That’s the want overpowering his thoughts. Being that man, radiating the same power, being able to dress like that, owning a car like that and doing it all as effortlessly as if he’d been born into it.

He takes it out sometimes, from under his mattress. He’s not sure why he feels the need to hide it like that, it’s not like there’s something bad on there. He just doesn’t want his dad to find it and realize that Adam wants to be that man, he tells himself. He doesn’t want his parents to know that that is his goal in life, he tells himself. And he tries not to think of the why’s to much. Why he decided on that picture, why he hides it, why it makes him want.

Years later he’ll realize that maybe it wasn’t just the power the man radiated and the effortless way he looked like money and success and was everything Adam wanted to be but wasn’t. He’ll think that maybe it was a mixture of those things, combined with the fact that he was extremely attracted to the guy, but just didn’t realize it. That the want to be him, could’ve easily also been the want to be with him among other things. He’ll think that there have been so many more instances in his life where he interpreted his own feelings wrong, or simply repressed them and twisted them so that he didn’t have to face the real thing. Subconsciously of course, until Ronan started looking at him and the pieces all fell in their place and he realized something about himself that had been there for a long time, but was never allowed out.

When he gets together with Ronan, he analyzes the feelings he had for Blue and he realizes they were just as real as the one he has for Ronan. Maybe they weren’t as strong, but they were there. And something clicks inside him, because he knows now that Ronan wasn’t the first boy he was ever attracted to, which is what he thought in the beginning, and he knows that he’s still very much into girls too, but that it’s all fine. He’s got time to find himself and figure out what that means for him. Which he does in great detail. Adam Parrish, a man of science, likes to understand things, approaches this objectively, eyes on his goal.

He doesn’t doubt his attraction or love for Ronan because he is absolutely sure that those things are there. He does not doubt his feelings for Ronan once. He just wonders whether he’s the only boy he’s ever liked or if there were others.

When he was younger, he didn’t give his sexuality much thought. He always thought he was straight so there was no real reason to think about it and anyway, living under his parents’ roof, the possibility of being something else than straight, stepping out of line of what his dad thought was right, wasn’t much of an option. He liked Blue, he had a girlfriend before that, when he was fourteen. She gave him his first kiss, but other than that it wasn’t anything exceptional. She was a girl from his school he had to work with one day. She was pretty and she smelled nice. She had a gap between her teeth and he remembers finding that charming. They worked on the chemistry project in the library, she kissed him one day, he liked it, she asked him to be her girlfriend and eventually she broke it off, no doubt expecting dates and time spent together, but Adam simply did not have the money or time to spare. He didn’t like her that much that it really hurt or anything, but it stung a little. Knowing dating just wasn’t for him, yet another thing on his seemingly endless list of one day, something he’d do when he got out of here.

If he was being honest with himself, he was a little disappointed. It’s not like he expected butterflies to fly around and the sun to start shining just for them, but the couple kisses they shared didn’t really do anything to him. That didn’t stop him from wanting more of them, though. Her lips were soft and brought him affection he had missed his whole life. The feeling of her hands on his hips warmed his skin in a way he was not familiar with, so even if real feelings were missing, he also definitely didn’t want her to break up with him .

He figured it was better anyway. He put her out of his head and forget about her quickly enough, only sometimes allowing her to open the doors in his mind and wondering that if he could’ve been able to show her a little more attention, she’d have stayed longer.

Then he met Blue and he really liked her too. Her originality and fire drew him in and did things to his head. It was easier with her somehow because he saw her in the company of Gansey, because she was pretty affectionate herself and wasn’t afraid to say what she thought or let him know what she wanted or didn’t want. She took his hand and it was easy to lay his head in her lap. It was nice and he knew that if he were to kiss her, it’d be different than the kisses he shared with his former girlfriend. He thought maybe he’d feel something else than simply that’s nice.

It was good. While it lasted.

Because of course it didn’t last. He was Adam Parrish, why would he be able to love someone the right way? Maybe love was a big word, but why would he be able to – to be enough? Because that was exactly what it was. He was not enough.

The words it’s not going to be you echoed through his mind for days on end and the fear that he would end up exactly like his father encased him, held him captive. When those words came out of her mouth, he knew. He just knew that if it wasn’t him, it’d be Gansey. Because of course. Of fucking course.

When he gets together with Ronan, everything is great and his anger doesn’t matter because Ronan has his own anger inside to match Adam’s. They get together and every touch, every word shared between them leaves a trace in his skin, strikes a match until his insides are burning with want and need and love. Finally he can feed his hunger. Ronan doesn’t mind if Adam kisses him fiercely, barely giving him space to breathe, all but attacks his mouth with his own. He doesn’t mind Adam taking of his shirt and tracing the warm skin, following the trail of his tattoo with his mouth. Doesn’t mind the hickies on his neck, the scratches on his back.

The physical aspects of the relationship is explosive and wonderful. But that’s not all. Ronan is the first person to ever be truly gentle with him, the first person that looks at him as if he deserves everything.

He makes Adam laugh harder than anything ever has, sometimes so much he literally cannot breathe, until he has tears in his eyes. Ronan knows when to crack a joke, make fun of Gansey, draw out a grin with force if he has to after a shitty day at work. But also knows when to leave it alone and simply let Adam lay his head on his lap on the couch and gently run his fingers through his hair when he’s feeling down. Because the truth is, while Adam Parrish has always thought of himself as unknowable, somehow Ronan Lynch has managed to know him.

He knows him. He understands him. Like no one ever has. And Adam realizes that, even if he didn’t notice before, he had always understood Ronan the same way. Back when he couldn’t stand being in the same room with him for more than five minutes before one of them made a biting remark. Even then, they’d understood each other on some level.

So, no. If there is one thing in the world he is absolutely sure of, it’s his love for Ronan. While figuring out his sexuality is definitely confusing, that is not. It’s the surest and realist thing in his life at the moment.

Once, when Adam was about ten, he had a friend. Called Jason. The boy had curly black hair, dark skin and piercing brown eyes that glittered in the sun and made Adam feel warm and fuzzy inside. It was the first real friend he’d ever had, or as real as fleeting friendship at that age can be anyway and Adam cared for him deeply. When Jason smiled, he had a dimple and for some reason having it directed at him, filled Adam with an indescribable pride. There was something about him that made Adam want to be around him as much as possible and never let go. Seen as Jason was his first friend, he didn’t think much of it and figured that’s just what friendship was.

The whole thing was over pretty quickly, Jason moved away. Adam is pretty sure he never even knew his last name.

When he thinks back to that now, he wonders if it wasn’t something other than just friendship. And then he thinks back to the first time Gansey had laid his charming eyes on him and shown Adam his electric smile and the feeling that had evoked inside him and wow. That’s a whole other realization.

Now lying on his small mattress above the church that’s his home, next to the boy he thinks of when he thinks of home, he wonders how he never noticed what really, was there all along. He thinks it’s probably a mixture of wanting to survive and homophobic bullshit shoved in his head by the people that raised him.

Now, lying on his small mattress above the church that’s his home, next to the boy he thinks of when he thinks of home, he lets himself feel and think and understand something about himself.

‘Why the fuck are you thinking this hard? It’s two in the morning’, Ronan mumbles into the crook of his shoulder, sleep already pulling at his senses, one hand wrapped around Adam’s waist.

‘I’m not.’ It’s a lie, automatically leaving his mouth. Adam spends his life thinking too hard, over analyzing every little thing. He’s never had to share the inner workings of his mind with anyone.

‘Yes, you are. You’ve got that little crunch between your eyebrows. That means you’re thinking too hard.’ But this is Ronan and, again, Adam is taken aback by how good Ronan knows him. The inner workings of his mind may be a mystery to most people, but Ronan has never been like most people.

He doesn’t say anything for a little while, lets the silence fill the room. Ronan kisses his shoulder and Adam can feel his eyelashes fluttering against his skin. Soft as a confession whispered in the dead of the night.

‘I’m bisexual’, he says then, finally, shattering the quiet.

And it’s out there. The nervous flutter in his stomach has nothing to do with fear or dread. He feels most comfortable around Ronan and this is nothing new really. It’s just that it’s the first time he’s ever said those words aloud, the first time he knows with a certainty they’re real. And that sensation is new to him, it flutters in his stomach, but a good kind of fluttering. One that’s as pleasant as the spring sun warming his skin after winter has gone to sleep.

Ronan makes a noise that could be interpreted in many different ways, but the way he pulls Adam closer to him and nuzzles his nose to his temple and drops a kiss on his ear, indicates it’s most likely one of encouragement and support. The gesture fills Adam’s body with warmth and his heart beats with the incredible love he has for this boy.

‘What brought this on?’

‘I don’t know. Just thinking back on my life. I have this ad in my car, for perfume or something. And I always convinced myself I kept it because one day I wanted to be the guy. But now I think I kept it because I was ridiculously attracted to him even though I didn’t realize it.’

Ronan lets out a small laugh. ‘Well, I’m fucking gay. I think I always sort of knew though.’

Adam wonders if Ronan has ever admitted to that before and he’s pretty sure he never has. He simply got together with Adam and that was enough for them. But here, in the safety and comfort of this room and each other, it’s okay.

He thinks of how Ronan used to hate himself so much and that, some of it at least, was tied to his sexuality. How he used to be so angry and scared and hidden from everyone. How self acceptance was a long and painful process for him. He thinks of how proud he is of Ronan, of how strong he is and of how far he’s come. To say those words without shame above the church he visits every Sunday. The church where he belongs but for a long time felt like an intruder, like he was wrong.

Ronan shouldn’t have to give up parts of himself because others won’t accept him. He shouldn’t have to hide. He’s gay, but he also believe in god with an intensity that Adam saw reflected in his eyes the few times he has accompanied him to church.

Adam himself is not religious, but he respects it and can see the beauty of it in certain things. But more importantly, he’s aware of how deeply rooted it is in Ronan’s life and how it’s a part of him. Adam loves all parts of Ronan, wants him to be able to love all parts of himself too. He’s glad Ronan feels comfortable enough saying those words above his church.

‘I’m glad you finally figured it out. ‘M proud of you,’ Ronan mumbles then, almost asleep, saying things he maybe wouldn’t have said wide awake, but that Adam would’ve gotten anyway.

Adam plants a kiss on the top of his head and closes his head. ‘I’m proud of you too.’

And that’s how they fall asleep, entwined like vines and trusting someone, finally, to accept them for who they are.

They’re growing still. And discovering themselves, but now that they’re safe and relatively happy, most of the time, it’s a process Adam actually is kind of looking forward to. Maybe he doesn’t have to be unknowable. Maybe he can just be Adam Parrish, loved by his friends and boyfriend, safe, attending Harvard in the fall, bisexual, in love and proud. Of who he is.

Proud of being Adam Parrish. He decides he rather likes that thought.


Thanks for reading! Title from Chanel by Frank Ocean, because that song is almost as Bi™ as Adam Parrish is