two of every animal

the signs as dad jokes
  • Aries: how to defeat your enemies; you cut off their feet
  • Taurus: I wandered why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me
  • Gemini: need an arc to save two of every animal? I Noah guy
  • Leo: my friends bakery burned down last night now his business is toast
  • Virgo: I'm always on time with my jokes, I guess you could say I'm always pun-ctual
  • Libra: a bicycle can't stand on its feet because it's two tired
  • Scorpio: are cats empathetic because they're feel-lines?
  • Cancer: did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now
  • Aquarius: I wasn't planning on getting a brain transplant but then I changed my mind
  • Sagittarius: don't trust stairs they're always up to something
  • Capricorn: there was once I cross eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils
  • Pisces: I saw a beaver movie last night and it was the best dam movie I ever saw!
signs as rly bad puns
  • <p> <b>aries:</b> It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it<p/><b>taurus:</b> My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast<p/><b>gemini:</b> There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils<p/><b>cancer:</b> Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside<p/><b>leo:</b> When the window fell into the incinerator, it was a pane in the ash to retrieve<p/><b>virgo:</b> Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now<p/><b>libra:</b> I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy<p/><b>scorpio:</b> Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy<p/><b>sagittarius:</b> The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran<p/><b>capricorn:</b> I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction<p/><b>aquarius:</b> Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.<p/><b>pisces:</b> I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down<p/></p>

I’m reading book 16: The Warning, which is the, like, “Animorphs does modern day internet things” themed book, and I’ve been thinking about updated Animorphs in the internet age.

– Visser 3 spending two months investigating the source of every. funny. animal. video/vine/news story, paranoid and convinced that the Andalite Bandits are somehow sending complex messages with Vines. Human controllers try to tell him that it’s just a thing, but he insists, runs them through complicatd software analyzing for visual patterns.

– The Animorphs carefully managing their social media profiles so that their internet personas don’t change. Jake checking in regularly to make sure people have met their minimum Instagram quotas and snapchatted random videos and updated Tumblr queues (well, that one is just Cassie, obvs.).

 – Jake finding himself just staring at the Fb page for The Sharing, checking it every day. Feeling a gut-punch every time someone follows the page, getting sick every time one of their photos come up in his feed because Tom is tagged.

 – Marco seeing his mother as Visser 1,  getting out his old iTouch that has all the texts from his mom on it, the ones he’s kept to read sometimes. Reading through them one more time, everyday messages to his younger self about pickups from friends’ houses, about dinner, about school. Deleting them. Throwing the iTouch against the wall until it breaks. (It doesn’t help.)

 – Funny animal videos losing something for Cassie, not cheering her up like they used to. She pays more attention to survival tips, to vet blogs, blogs of anatomy and scientific illustration, graphic illustrations of injuries. She tells herself it’s so she knows how to help if– when— someone gets hurt, but really it’s just because she’s started to see the world in terms of what can break. She knows she won’t always be able to fix it, but she needs to at least know what could go wrong or she might panic.

 – Rachel likes to look over Cassie’s shoulder, because Rachel’s started seeing the world in terms of what she can break and she likes to get inspiration. It scares her a little, the visceral fascination with damage and injury and pain. She accepts it.

 – Tobias never really had any social media profiles that need upkeep, but spending so much time alone he used to know every way of downloading shows, every site. Torrenting master. He doesn’t really miss it except at night, on his branch, when he gets the same lonely, scared feeling he used to have in whatever crappy bedroom he was staying in as a kid. He stops missing it eventually, but he does want to get his talons on a go-pro at some point because he’s pretty sure he could win every photo contest ever.

NOAH’S ARK

The answer can be found in Genesis 6:1-6 (NKJV),

1 Then the Lord said to Noah, “Come into the ark, you and all your household, because I have seen that you are righteous before Me in this generation.

2 You shall take with you seven each of every clean animal, a male and his female; two each of animals that are unclean, a male and his female;

3 also seven each of birds of the air, male and female, to keep the species alive on the face of all the earth.

4 For after seven more days I will cause it to rain on the earth forty days and forty nights, and I will destroy from the face of the earth all living things that I have made.”

5 And Noah did according to all that the Lord commanded him.

6 Noah was six hundred years old when the floodwaters were on the earth.

@xnotourdivisionx

“You can come in, Lestrade… I’m not that fragile.” Sherlock called as he heard Greg loitering. “I’m a junkie, not a Chinese porcelain doll.” He quipped, a smirk gracing his pale lips. He was recovering… But it was a long process. “Come and sit with me. I am currently making paper elephants. Mrs Hudson took away my knifes and my interesting equipment. Replaced them with books on Origami and knitting.” Sherlock scoffed in horror, “I have already filled Noah’s proverbial arch with two of every animal and it’s only 3pm.” 

What a waste of a great mind…

However, Sherlock hated to admit, but he had never been so popular among his friends. Every day he had three or four visitors. He knew that some were there out of obligation but not all of them. Some actually wanted to see him. See how he was doing. Occasionally the paranoia told him they were there to see the once great man crumbled up on the floor, clutching his abdomen in pain from the detox. He hadn’t quite pinned why Greg visited so often, but he was slowly warming to their time together. 

He even asked Mrs Hudson to pick up biscuits for the Inspector. Everyone had an item of food in his cupboard now… Now that the kitchen was no longer a working laboratory. Sherlock sure had a lot of explaining to do to Lestrade…

Little Blue Post-It Notes

Junmyeon x Reader

Genre: Fluff {Little angst, but only for like 3 seconds and then it gets fluffy again}

Note: When I was writing this I realized Junmyeon wasn’t in it enough so I now plan to make a part two to this. Just know that, while he may not be in it a lot, this is a really good part {not just saying that} so please do read this. Part two will be posted this week, I hope, so stay tuned and I will link that part here as well as in my masterlist when it is written!~Rin


                                                   Italics are notes


Placed on the front step of your dorm every two like clockwork is a stuffed animal. Always different in style. Always fluffy and soft to the touch. Always with a little anonymous note that was a different cheesy pick up line.

Of all your beautiful curves,Your smile is my favorite :)

Are you a camera?Because every time I look at you,I smile.

Are you a tower?Because Eiffel for you.

Does your left eye work, because you’ve been looking right all day.

Are you an interior decorator?Because when I saw you, the entire room became beautiful.

Are you a magician?Because whenever I look at you everyone disappears.

Every second week saw you waking up cheerfully at six in the morning without fail. All of your members knew to be prepared for an endless day of smiles and laughs that bordered on incessant. Even if that was so they loved seeing you all bubbly and talkative when that was not your normal disposition.

You had always been an insecure person before your debut and even more so after. You would always place yourself behind your members on music shows trying to hide yourself. Performing on stage you were a force to be reckoned with, talking in interviews you were hesitant and shy.

Sure thousands of fans complimented you every day, but it never felt real. Comments scribbled onto a tiny blue post-it note seemed so much more sincere to you. At first you thought nothing of the notes, but when you realized that they were a consistent thing you began to believe in what they said. Someone out there was willing to devote time to you, however little it was, to make sure you knew you were beautiful and that meant the world to you.

You only wished that you knew who it was, because you had fallen in love. All you knew was that it was a fellow idol. The first ever note you received didn’t come with a plush toy, it was handed to you by your manager when your group was preparing to film their stage.{That was the only time your secret admirer had been around when you got to read one of his notes.}He would have never handed it to you if it had been a fan, because you had made sure to tell him that you didn’t want any notes of the like from fans.

The fact that he was an idol made it that much better cause if you were ever to go out with him {like you wanted} he would understand your schedule. Maybe spending time together would be hard, but you had already fallen in love with him through his sense of humor. You were willing to do whatever it took to make a relationship with him work. You only had to find him.

“Y/N what’s with you today?”

“I’m just worried about getting this stage perfect. We’ve never done a concept like this before so I want our best face to be presented for our fans.” You didn’t look up from your hands as you wrung them nervously in your lap. The hairstylist took a straightener to your hair while your fellow member looked on in worry.

“You worry about that with every new concept, but I know that this is not that, ” She placed a hand on your shoulder and your eyes flicked up to her face before settling back on your lap. “It’s the second week of the month Y/N. Why aren’t you singing? Why aren’t you smiling? Why aren’t you gushing about your little blue-” The lack of response forced your attention up to your member whose face now held a sad expression.

“Don’t give me that pity look…Okay so I didn’t get a stupid pick-up line on our doorstep today. What does any of that matter right now? We are having our comeback right now nothing else matters, but that so get your head in it.” You heard her mumble under her breath as she looked away from you. “ If you have something to say please do.”

“Fine. You are being unreasonable about this whole situation right now. You would understand if he missed one day, cause you said it yourself, he’s an idol and probably busy. What is really ticking you off this much.”

“It’s the anniversary of when he gave me the first note. A year has passed and not once has he missed giving me one. Not once. So why now on such an important date? Did he want to get my hopes up and crush me when he knew it would mean the most to me? I can’t see any other reason and it is crushing me, but I have to go on.”

“I’m-” You wanted anything, but the apology you knew would be coming your way. Disregarding the stylist perfecting your look, you pushed out of your chair and stormed out of the dressing room. Heels clicked on the floor as you made your way out to the side of the stage.

Exo was filming their monster performance so you plopped down in an open chair to watch. Anger flooded through your system, your secret “admirer” the source of all of it. Seeing red you clutched onto the arms of your chair until you exhausted yourself.

Who were you kidding with all of this anger? Disappointment and shame hid beneath it waiting to crack the facade you were adopting. You couldn’t believe you had fallen in love with someone who only wanted to wreck any shred of self esteem you had. You felt like a complete idiot and decided wallowing in your feelings was your only course of action now.

You would’ve been happy to do that, but someone stood in front of you and you couldn’t be rude so you were forced to look up. In front of you stood Junmyeon of exo looking irresistible with his gray hair purposely tousled, a fake cut on his nose and wearing a black hoodie. He said nothing just smiled at you and stuck out his hand.

In it you saw a little blue post-it note with familiar handwriting scrawled on it. Shakily you lifted your hands up and took the note out of his hands. Eyes skimming over it you confirmed that it was like all the others you had received. The was only one difference that made your heart beat wildly… a name.

Will you be my significant otter?~Junmyeon

“I’m sorry if I caused you any trouble by waiting to give this to you. It’s just that I didn’t have the confidence to give you that first note a year ago and I wanted to redeem myself. I hope you don’t hate me and take my question into consideration.” Heat rushed to your face and you slowly raised your head to look Junmyeon in the face. He beamed back at you before turning to join his members.

“Wait…If you’re free after this or at least still around when we’re done we can go get coffee.”

“Words cannot espresso how much I would love that.” The sudden pun caught you off guard and you snorted before you could stop yourself. “Cute. See you after!” With that Junmyeon walked back to his studio, winking at you before he disappeared backstage.


Gif Credit to @lawlliets (I couldn’t find who made the gif so I wasn’t able to credit it sorry about that!!)

For AAW, I’m doing an ace-themed animal doodle every day. Day Four features two cuddly cockatiels.

The doodles with the most notes will be available on coffee mugs and cell phone cases in my Etsy store, Pride & Joy Prints, next week. (Note: the text will be customizable for these.)

The reason we believe what we believe is because it was repeated over and over again until finally we were like, “Okay! I get it! Two of every animal.”

If you’ve been around for a while you may have noticed that the medieval way is to pick one, or possibly two, activities for each animal, and make sure those activities are in every picture. So tigers stare in mirrors, griffins delicately cradle their prey, and the ibix… falls on its head.

This is actually something it does on purpose, as its primary defense mechanism.  Its horns are strong enough for it to land unharmed even after jumping off the highest mountains.

Image Sources: [x]

For AAW, I’m doing an ace-themed animal doodle every day. Day Two features these cat and dog friends.

The doodles with the most notes will be available on coffee mugs and cell phone cases in my Etsy store, Pride & Joy Prints, next week. (Note: the text will be customizable for these.)

It was Riley’s first vet visit yesterday. She kept burrowing behind me; she’s been doing that all week when she’s in a new environment. Tomorrow it will be one week since I adopted her. It’s insane how much one can love a little animal that poops and pees every two hours, but it has been so cool watching her learn and experience so many firsts. She’s learned so much this week. I am exhausted, but I am learning a new kind of love, and it’s been quite the experience.

6

Two Of Every Animal is the new project Aesop Rock and Cage are undertaking together. These two Def Jux powerhouse rappers will release a full album sometime next year and if we’re all blessed by the hip-hop Gods, tour together :D

Aesop Rock and Cage is going to be the best underground rap duo since Slug and MURS. Details will be posted when more are announced to the public.

I am a Harry Potter fan and it’s been a while I wanted to make an illustration series. Since the movie is coming out soon, I decided to combine the two things and draw every animal from the book Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. I am calling this project “Fantastic Bests and How I Draw Them”. I will post one a day and I am sure I will regret this, but here is the first one yaay!

You can follow the project on Instagram.