two of every animal

the signs as dad jokes
  • Aries: how to defeat your enemies; you cut off their feet
  • Taurus: I wandered why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me
  • Gemini: need an arc to save two of every animal? I Noah guy
  • Leo: my friends bakery burned down last night now his business is toast
  • Virgo: I'm always on time with my jokes, I guess you could say I'm always pun-ctual
  • Libra: a bicycle can't stand on its feet because it's two tired
  • Scorpio: are cats empathetic because they're feel-lines?
  • Cancer: did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now
  • Aquarius: I wasn't planning on getting a brain transplant but then I changed my mind
  • Sagittarius: don't trust stairs they're always up to something
  • Capricorn: there was once I cross eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils
  • Pisces: I saw a beaver movie last night and it was the best dam movie I ever saw!

I’m reading book 16: The Warning, which is the, like, “Animorphs does modern day internet things” themed book, and I’ve been thinking about updated Animorphs in the internet age.

– Visser 3 spending two months investigating the source of every. funny. animal. video/vine/news story, paranoid and convinced that the Andalite Bandits are somehow sending complex messages with Vines. Human controllers try to tell him that it’s just a thing, but he insists, runs them through complicatd software analyzing for visual patterns.

– The Animorphs carefully managing their social media profiles so that their internet personas don’t change. Jake checking in regularly to make sure people have met their minimum Instagram quotas and snapchatted random videos and updated Tumblr queues (well, that one is just Cassie, obvs.).

 – Jake finding himself just staring at the Fb page for The Sharing, checking it every day. Feeling a gut-punch every time someone follows the page, getting sick every time one of their photos come up in his feed because Tom is tagged.

 – Marco seeing his mother as Visser 1,  getting out his old iTouch that has all the texts from his mom on it, the ones he’s kept to read sometimes. Reading through them one more time, everyday messages to his younger self about pickups from friends’ houses, about dinner, about school. Deleting them. Throwing the iTouch against the wall until it breaks. (It doesn’t help.)

 – Funny animal videos losing something for Cassie, not cheering her up like they used to. She pays more attention to survival tips, to vet blogs, blogs of anatomy and scientific illustration, graphic illustrations of injuries. She tells herself it’s so she knows how to help if– when— someone gets hurt, but really it’s just because she’s started to see the world in terms of what can break. She knows she won’t always be able to fix it, but she needs to at least know what could go wrong or she might panic.

 – Rachel likes to look over Cassie’s shoulder, because Rachel’s started seeing the world in terms of what she can break and she likes to get inspiration. It scares her a little, the visceral fascination with damage and injury and pain. She accepts it.

 – Tobias never really had any social media profiles that need upkeep, but spending so much time alone he used to know every way of downloading shows, every site. Torrenting master. He doesn’t really miss it except at night, on his branch, when he gets the same lonely, scared feeling he used to have in whatever crappy bedroom he was staying in as a kid. He stops missing it eventually, but he does want to get his talons on a go-pro at some point because he’s pretty sure he could win every photo contest ever.

signs as rly bad puns
  • <p> <b>aries:</b> It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it<p/><b>taurus:</b> My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast<p/><b>gemini:</b> There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils<p/><b>cancer:</b> Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside<p/><b>leo:</b> When the window fell into the incinerator, it was a pane in the ash to retrieve<p/><b>virgo:</b> Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now<p/><b>libra:</b> I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy<p/><b>scorpio:</b> Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy<p/><b>sagittarius:</b> The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran<p/><b>capricorn:</b> I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction<p/><b>aquarius:</b> Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.<p/><b>pisces:</b> I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down<p/></p>

In the story of noah the two of every animal is really symbolic to the two ovaries and the two testes.the egg comes from the two ovaries and the sperm come from the two testes which is two everything. And they are located in the lower part of your body which is described as your lower nature or your animal nature so when the sperm is released by the millions you would say the animals are coming onto noahs arch in other words to be produced in the uterus which is what the arch on the top of the ankh represents! And when a Woman is pregnant her stomach is shaped like a arch.
And the 40 days and 40 nights is really symbolic to the 40 weeks it takes for the formation of the human body in side the womb which is 40 weeks!
40 weeks we are being formed in the waters of life in the amniotic fluid!
Moses was in the wilderness fir 40 years and before that for 40 years he was the prince of egypt and jesus was also tempted by the devil for 40 days and 40 nights so that number 40 really symbolizes spiritual maturity.
◦ All those biblical stories should not be taken literal they are metaphors to explain functions of our body. The bible has to be metaphysically decoded.

For AAW, I’m doing an ace-themed animal doodle every day. Day Four features two cuddly cockatiels.

The doodles with the most notes will be available on coffee mugs and cell phone cases in my Etsy store, Pride & Joy Prints, next week. (Note: the text will be customizable for these.)

If you’ve been around for a while you may have noticed that the medieval way is to pick one, or possibly two, activities for each animal, and make sure those activities are in every picture. So tigers stare in mirrors, griffins delicately cradle their prey, and the ibix… falls on its head.

This is actually something it does on purpose, as its primary defense mechanism.  Its horns are strong enough for it to land unharmed even after jumping off the highest mountains.

Image Sources: [x]

For AAW, I’m doing an ace-themed animal doodle every day. Day Two features these cat and dog friends.

The doodles with the most notes will be available on coffee mugs and cell phone cases in my Etsy store, Pride & Joy Prints, next week. (Note: the text will be customizable for these.)

It was Riley’s first vet visit yesterday. She kept burrowing behind me; she’s been doing that all week when she’s in a new environment. Tomorrow it will be one week since I adopted her. It’s insane how much one can love a little animal that poops and pees every two hours, but it has been so cool watching her learn and experience so many firsts. She’s learned so much this week. I am exhausted, but I am learning a new kind of love, and it’s been quite the experience.

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Two Of Every Animal is the new project Aesop Rock and Cage are undertaking together. These two Def Jux powerhouse rappers will release a full album sometime next year and if we’re all blessed by the hip-hop Gods, tour together :D

Aesop Rock and Cage is going to be the best underground rap duo since Slug and MURS. Details will be posted when more are announced to the public.

I am a Harry Potter fan and it’s been a while I wanted to make an illustration series. Since the movie is coming out soon, I decided to combine the two things and draw every animal from the book Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. I am calling this project “Fantastic Bests and How I Draw Them”. I will post one a day and I am sure I will regret this, but here is the first one yaay!

You can follow the project on Instagram.