Saeran x MC - Happiness
Okay so this is my first MM fanfiction…? One shot…? Idk. Anyways, Recently I’ve been obsessing over Saeran and I was like “If everything from the secret endings happened except MC ends up with Saeran instead of Saeyoung, how would it happen?” I based some things off of Ray’s phone calls towards the end of V’s route [they were so heartbreaking I cried actual tears ;_; I couldn’t stop for a long time either…] They aren’t spoilers tbh. In fact, unless you’d answered those calls, you won’t even know what those things are~ Lord above here goes nothing. This could get a bit angsty-ish.
Saeran knew you weren’t meant for him.
Both of you belonged to two different worlds. You were a bright ray of sunshine, full of optimism and hope. Sometimes sarcastic. Sometimes short tempered. But warm nonetheless. You just had a wide emotional spectrum. On the other hand, there was him:
Useless. Pessimistic. Pathetic. Reserved. Aggressive. Good-For-Nothing. Cold. Stoic.
You were a calm, fresh spring breeze and he was a cold winter’s whirlwind.
He had no real reason to live.
Saeyoung did save him from Rika’s clutches at the end of the day, but it was taking time for him to accept and adjust among the RFA members, and among the world itself. Remnants of the drugs he’d been forced to take still ran through his blood. He still hadn’t fully found it in his heart to forgive Saeyoung.
He wanted to…but his hatred had been so intense that it was taking longer than necessary.
Saeran was still incredibly hostile and reserved. Sometimes he would have bouts of aggression he wouldn’t be able to control. Other times, he just wanted to be left alone; his depression would return, which wasn’t a surprise. His trust had been shattered by the one person he pinned it on…and now he was supposed to suddenly reestablish that lost trust. How was he supposed to gather all the shattered pieces? There were probably about a million.
But still, he tried. And he constantly kept trying.
Saeyoung wouldn’t leave him alone. He would always make plans with Saeran. Always organize activities with the RFA to return Saeran’s happiness. Saeran knew his brother really regretted his actions of ignorance and the years that they both had lost, and he was trying his best to make it up to him.
Sometimes, Saeyoung’s plans would work, and he’d feel invited. He’d feel his happiness returning. But then he would immediately get struck down by the fear of getting too used to the emotion. Saeran had become reluctant to comply to Saeyoung’s wishes when he realized how volatile his happiness was.
That is until he saw how hard you were trying as well.
You weren’t even related to him. You had no duty towards him. Infact, he was the one who put you in danger. He took you hostage. Rigged Rika’s apartment to blow up. Threatened you. Put your life in danger.
Yet here you were, doing your best to help him…
You were constantly with Saeyoung and him. Judging from the RFA chatrooms that he constantly monitored when he was still with Mint Eye, he assumed his brother and you would end up together in a relationship. You even accompanied his brother on his quest to track down Saeran. You two seemed inseparable to him…so when Saeyoung claimed that you two shared a bond of friendship and blind trust, he wasn’t quite able to believe it. It was more of a bond beyond friendship really, but not a bond of lovers is what Saeyoung had said.
You were family to Saeyoung and the RFA.
Saeran honestly hated you.
He hated how you were always helping Saeyoung look after him.
He hated how happy you were with the task.
He hated how bright you were.
He hated how you were always buzzing around him.
He hated how you took care of him.
He hated how you were the first one by his side when he would wake up screaming and crying in the middle of the night due to the nightmares that still haunted him.
He hated how comforting he found your presence then.
He hated how you’d hold him in your arms until he fell asleep again. How you’d hold his hand. How he’d lay his head down in your laps as you’d gently run your fingers through his hair, stroking his head. Your sweet voice would lull him to sleep, and everything would be all right once more. He hated how easily you accomplished that.
He hated how you would always come back to him, even when he kept pushing you away.
He hated how your face fell every time he said something horrible to you.
He hated how you’d immediately smile and brush it off.
He hated how understanding you were.
He hated how you never left him alone.
He hated how you knew he didn’t want to be left alone, even though his actions said something else.
And most of all, he hated how easily you forgave him.
He hated how easily you forgave him of his crimes. His behavior. His attitude.
It baffled him, really. How could a person be so forgiving? Were you just naive? Or stupid? But Saeran knew you were neither.
You were kind.
He could only have wishful thoughts like “You are the only one who can see the good in me. In this twisted body and mind, you are the only one who can understand me. You won’t leave me will you? Please don’t leave me…”
And eventually as time ticked on and you stayed with him every second of the day, no matter how much Saeran denied it, he knew he had grown attached to you.
He was happier when you were around. He was more open to the other RFA members. More open to Saeyoung.
He began to heal with you by his side.
The passage of time was symbolized by his whitish-pink hair growing back to his original vermillion strands.
Saeran was finally able to go outside. He often went around with Saeyoung. He would always act reluctant, but he was actually quite happy on the inside. They would usually go to the nearby ice cream parlor.
He was forgetting his fear, bit by bit.
On days when Saeyoung was too busy, he would go out with you. It was always just to the ice cream parlor.
You would gladly accompany him, beaming all the way. He found it rather amusing actually. You were always so happy around him. Saeran. The epitome of brooding and dark. Someone who would never be able to find happiness.
He just couldn’t understand how you were able to remain so happy while being by his side. You were much more suited for Saeyoung than him. You and Saeyoung had the same sense of humor. You both had the same protective instincts when it came to him. Both of you had been happy your whole lives while he suffered. Your warmth not only healed Saeran, but Saeyoung as well. And Saeyoung cared for you deeply. Both of you completed each other…then why? Why were you always behind him?
You should just hurry up and go to his brother’s side. His brother always got everything in the end, so why should things be any different now?
He had always dreamed of being in a relationship with someone he loved. Holding hands. Hugging. Kissing. Being there for each other. Always.
But he knew it would be impossible with someone like you…someone who was so well suited for his brother. His wish would never come true. None of them ever had, so why should this one? He would keep his feelings to himself…
And so, he took what he got instead. As long as you wouldn’t forget him, he would be satisfied with what he had. He’d stopped pushing you away all the time. He would talk to you when you came to him. He started welcoming your presence.
Every time you were around, his heart would start racing and his insides would feel lighter. He would feel an odd sense of warmth within him blossoming in his chest. He didn’t know he could feel such thing. He never imagined he would ever feel this warm. He didn’t even know he was capable of feeling such an emotion. There was so much happiness. He would crave your presence when you weren’t around. He would want to reach out to you when you sat next to him. He would want to feel your hair. Touch your skin. Hold you close.
He would watch you when you were with him. He studied the way your eyes lit up when you would first lay your eyes on him after walking into the room. He memorized the way your laugh sounded. The way your eyes crinkled when you did. He studied your small habits. The way you would bounce your leg when you were restless, or bite your lip when you got nervous. The way your eyebrows would furrow when you got worried about something [it was usually him you worried about]. The way you would unconsciously start humming when you were happy, then abruptly stop when you would realize Saeran noticed your humming. He saw how easily you got flustered around him, and how your cheeks would be tinted pink on those rare occasions when he laughed or smiled.
Saeran eventually learned every little thing about you. Possibly even things like quirks even you weren’t aware of yourself. They would be his secrets, and his alone. They were special to him, since he was the only person who knew about them. He would take them to his grave.
You were his special person. You were the one who gave him happiness. Happiness that he believed he didn’t deserve. Happiness he thought he would never be able to find. He would have laid his feeling out for you to see and know but…
Fear stopped him.
The fear of losing happiness that wasn’t going to stay.
Every time he was at the verge of confessing, he would stop. He knew that you knew what he was about to say. Your disheartened expression after he would abruptly stop gave you away. And then you would give Saeran this sad smile. Saeran felt pain every time he saw that sad, understanding smile.
One day, you and him were out at the ice cream parlor once more. Instead of walking home, you had decided to dine in this time. Saeyoung was out on some RFA business, and you had insisted you’d stay behind with Saeran. Saeran still couldn’t understand why you did that. But unlike before, he accepted your presence.
Both of you were eating your usual. Saeran had finished off his scoop quickly and now sat watching you enjoy your dessert. He watched how streaks of sunlight shining through the clouds in the sky fell through the window and danced on your features, lighting them up with a soft glow. You looked breathtakingly beautiful to him, but of course, he would never admit that out loud.
You suddenly looked up to catch Saeran staring at you. A smile made its way on your face as Saeran immediately looked away out the window, his face leaning on a propped up, closed fist.
Saeran would feel your gaze trained on him and he slowly dared to look back. And there it was again when his eyes met yours: his courage was bubbling up. He felt the need to tell you how he felt. It had to happen.
After a pause, Saeran’s hand slowly inched across the table as he sat up straight. His fingertips brushed yours as his lips parted, preparing for the words to come out.
Your face had that cute blush once again as you were fully aware of what Saeran wanted to say, but you wanted to hear it from him. You listened intently for the words you had always been desperately been hoping to hear from the man you had grown to love and cherish. You were patient all this time.
You couldn’t wait anymore.
You could see the spark of life in Saeran’s eyes as his expression turned determined.
“I-..” he started again.
Before Saeran could fully express his feelings, a dark shadow of a cloud hid the sun’s light, dimming everything and snuffing out the light that was shining through the window just moments ago.
Saeran’s eyes widened as an old emotion returned: Fear.
Fear wrapped itself around him. Suffocated him. Whispered things to him.
“You don’t deserve this happiness.”
“You will lose what you hold most precious.”
“Were you actually foolish enough to assume that she liked you back?”
“Look at you…You’re pathetic. Laughable.”
“You will never experience true happiness that remains by your side.”
And just like that, Saeran flinched and quickly drew back his hand. He adverted his gaze.
“Nothing,” he finally said.
Your chest ached at Saeran’s retreat more than ever. You thought for sure that this time…this time he would tell you how he felt. Before you could control yourself, your face fell and your defeat and pain became apparent on your face as your eyes teared up. Your lips pursed as you abruptly stood up, abandoning your half eaten ice cream.
Saeran’s eyes returned back to you, confused and laced with fear at your expression.
“MC, where are you going-”
“Home,” you coldly answered.
“But you haven’t even finished off your ice cream. It’ll melt…” Saeran started in an attempt to keep you with him, but you were having none of it.
“I’m done here.”
Saeran’s expression wavered as panic seeped its way onto his face and into his voice.
“MC…are you angry at me? Did I do something wrong?”
“I’m not angry…” you said after a stretch of silence. “Just disappointed.” With that you turned around and started gathering your things.
Your words pierced through Saeran’s heart as Fear spoke up again.
“That’s right…you’re just a disappointment.”
“You two don’t belong together.”
“You will always be left back. You will always be left alone.”
“Were you actually gullible enough to assume you would ever be happy?”
“MC-” Saeran called out to you, getting up to stop you, but the light jingling of the ice cream parlor’s bell and the sound of a door sliding shut had already indicated that you left. He watched you walk by the window, hastily wiping your face as you stormed off.
“See? You even made her cry.”
Saeran’s expression wavered with uncertainty as his eyebrows furrowed. He clumsily sank back onto his chair as a suffocating feeling tightened around his chest. He could barely breathe. It was almost as if you took his life away with you when you left.
“Please don’t leave me…” he found himself whispering out loud, his voice violently shaking.
Abruptly, he stood up and ran out the door, allowing the cool breeze to settle on his warm skin. He ran in the direction you headed as fast as he could.
You couldn’t have gone too far.
“MC!” he called out for you, his head twisting around, his eyes searching for you on the streets.
That was odd.
You were nowhere in sight.
“MC!” Saeran called out again. He ran down the street, only to suddenly stop and backtrack. He had heard it.
It had called out his name.
He found himself standing at the mouth of an alley with a dead end. At the far end, he saw three figures cornering someone.
Saeran immediately knew who it was.
Anger boiled his blood as they shifted, revealing you, backed against the wall and hugging your small purse in an attempt to protect yourself. The leader of the trio, a hulking man, had a sneer on his face as he ran a finger down your face and across your neck.
You were trembling, but you stood your ground and kept trying to break past them, but to no avail.
Saeran could feel himself losing control.
How dare they…That too in broad day light…
And then the leader decided he had a death wish when he pinned your hands against the wall and ran his lips down your neck and across to your exposed shoulder.
You screamed out once again, struggling against the man’s hold violently. Your voice screamed out again for Saeran.
Not Sayoung. Not anyone. Just Saeran.
With his vision tinting red, Saeran stalked into the alley. Roughly grabbing one of them, he landed a punch straight in his face, knocking him unconscious with a single blow.
His surprise attack caught the other two off guard, and the leader of the trio momentarily loosened his grip on you, giving you the opportunity to slip away, kneeing him in the crotch as you did so.
The man doubled over, but Saeran wasn’t done with him yet. He grabbed the man by his collar and sunk his fist in his face repeatedly.
The anger had completely numbed him as he went on with no signs of stopping. How dare he touch you? How dare he violate you?
How. Dare. He.
He could feel someone trying to hold his arm back, but he just yanked it out of their grip and continued pounding the man into an unrecognizable pulp.
Your voice made him freeze as the red lingering at the corners of his vision cleared. The man before him was bleeding profusely and hung limp in Saeran’s grip, unconscious. The other one had disappeared. He probably ran away.
Dropping the man next to his companion, Saeran straightened up, panting heavily as he remained glaring at the man. He would have killed him if you hadn’t stopped him. He laid his hands on you in the most disgusting manner. He even violated you shamelessly.
”Saeran?” your voice shook slightly. You had seen Saeran have an aggressive fit before, but you had never seen this specific murderous look in his eyes.
Saeran noticed you masking your fear as you maintained your distance from him. His breathing evened out as his fist uncurled. He gave you an apologetic look, then adverted his eyes.
How could he meet your gaze? He went ahead and lost control of himself once again. He couldn’t even protect you. Of what use was he? If only he stayed by your side, none of this would have happened in the first place. He felt shame wrack his body as a lump of fear caught in his throat. Heat travelled to his eyes, but he refused to let the tears escape. Instead, he turned his back on you and turned emotionless and distant once more.
You knew Saeran misunderstood the worry on your face as fear as soon as he turned his back on you. You reached out for his hand to study his bruised knuckles, but he merely pulled it away and retreated into himself.
You called Saeyoung, asking him to pick the two of you up after filling him in on the details of the incident that just occurred.
The silence between the two of you was unnerving.
Saeyoung picked up on the mood and attempted to change it with a light hearted conversation, but to no avail. In the end, he left you and Saeran to yourselves after arriving back to his place.
As soon as he closed his eyes, he saw his mother. She was exactly as she had remembered her: a demon who let her anger out on Saeran. He could feel every blow she landed on him and screamed out in agony.
Then he saw Saeyoung when he was younger. He smiled at Saeran. Promised him that they would find a way out. That they would always be together. But that young, innocent Saeyoung proved to be a liar. A traitor. With a smug grin, he turned his back on Saeran. Saeran screamed for Saeyoung. Begged him not to leave.
And suddenly he was free falling in the darkness. He thought he would wake up, but instead, he faced his one true fear.
You stood there looking as beautiful as ever. However, the usual warmth about you was gone. You had a cold, disgusted look on your face as you looked down on Saeran. “You’re disgusting. Pathetic,” you said.
His happiness had turned into his worst nightmare.
And then your disgusted expression turned into a frightened one. The same one from that afternoon.
Saeran’s expression morphed into a desperate one. His featured twitched as his eyebrows furrowed. He extended a hand to reach out for you, but you flinched away.
“Don’t touch me. Stay away form me,” your voice echoed.
“MC-” Saeran’s voice shook violently. “MC, please. Please don’t leave me. Please.”
You turned your back on him.
You started walking away into the darkness. Saeran started after you, his hand still out stretched, only to stop abruptly. His entire body tensed as an invisible force restrained him from moving.
And then out of nowhere, the darkness around him started to coil up his ankles and wrists, snaking its way around his body and neck, binding him. His face remained forced to watch you walk away and abandon him.
Saeran roared as he struggled against the force that kept him rooted. His throat turned raw as his voice cracked. He could feel the wetness of his tears streaming down his face as he repeatedly called for you. Pleading.
Your name was the only one that fell from his lips.
But you walked away.
And the darkness swallowed him whole.
When Saeran woke up screaming, he couldn’t see anything. Everything was in a frenzy, and he knew he was having a panic attack. Air refused to enter his lungs as he clawed out blindly. The tears wouldn’t stop.
All the pain and suffering that he had forgotten came crashing down all at once.
His body heaved with the sobs that escaped him. He couldn’t stop the wailing.
Until he felt it.
A comforting hand ran through his hair, pushing his bangs off his forehead. Your familiar soft, soothing voice gently woke him up by calling his name. He felt his head on your laps as your other hand held onto his tightly.
And he held onto yours, as if you’d disappear as soon as he loosened his grip.
Your physical touch kept him grounded to reality as he slowly woke up from his nightmare. The blackness that devoured his vision started clearing off.
His eyes focused as the dim light of the side lamp kept in his room illuminated the place with its gentle glow.
His vision was still blurry as he felt the wetness of his tears stain his cheeks with no signs of stopping. His body suddenly felt heavy as air filled his lungs.
His breathing turned rhythmic as his heart calmed down. His head went blank as he slowly made his way out of the attack his nightmare had given him.
After a long stretch of silence, his eyes finally focused. He looked up at your face. You looked so worried that he almost wanted to kill himself knowing he was the reason behind your distressed expression. He felt like he should say something like “Don’t worry about me,” but instead:
“Sorry.” The apology escaped him before he could stop himself. He was expressionless when he said the next few words: “You’re not meant for someone like me.”
Silence filled the air as his face remained blank.
The look in your eyes was indecipherable at first as a storm of emotions brewed in them. You were mostly shocked at his words. But the pain and disbelief…it was unbearable.
Then the tears came before you could stop them. They fell onto Saeran’s cheek as your face remained frozen.
Saeran’s mint eyes widened as he realized what was happening.
“Ah…I wonder why I’m crying…” Saeran suddenly said as his tears started flowing again. “I know that you’re not meant for me. You’ll never be happy with me…so then why am I-…?”
You screwed your eyes shut as more tears fell out of them, your grip around Saeran’s hand tightening.
“I don’t know why I’m crying…and I don’t know why you’re crying either,” he said with a hysterical, defeated laugh. “I’m pathetic…I should have just died back then when I was with my mother…why didn’t I just die?”
You slowly brought his hand up closer to you and touched your forehead on the back of it as you sobbed harder. You ran your thumb across his bruised knuckles. “Stop,” you managed to gasp out. “Stop saying things like that, Saeran. Please.” Your sobs wracked your body as your eyes screwed shut tighter in an attempt to keep the tears in. “If you died, I wouldn’t be able to live with out you.”
Your indirect confession was left hanging in the silence as you still desperately clutched onto Saeran’s hand.
Your eyes opened when you felt Saeran sitting up. His eyes met with yours as they wavered with disbelief.
“MC. You’ll never be happy with me around. Happiness wasn’t meant for someone like me. Every small bit of happiness that comes to me immediately abandons me. I can never be happy, and I can never keep you happy,” Saeran said, his voice cracking. “MC…I’m…I’m scared…that if I be with you…I’ll destroy your happiness too…and then you’ll leave me like how everyone else did-” Saeran’s tears started flowing again as his voice turned louder and more broken. “MC. I don’t want you to leave me. I don’t want to be lonely again. Please, MC. Please don’t leave me.”
You shook your head and pulled Saeran in for a hug, wrapping your arms around his neck gently, cradling his head. Saeran’s body shook as he cried. He wrapped his arms around your torso and rested his head on your shoulder.
“I’ll be the one to decide who takes my happiness and who doesn’t,” you stated firmly, clearing your voice. “I will never leave you Saeran,” you continued softly as you ran your fingers through his hair, gently stroking his head. “I will never leave you alone. You are my happiness. You could never destroy it in a million years. And you deserve every drop of happiness in this world. I won’t ever let your nightmares haunt you ever again. I’ll be there by your side forever. I won’t ever betray you.”
“MC, I love you,” Saeran whispered, his voice cracking due to the previous screaming and crying from his nightmare. “Please never leave me,” he repeated as his arms around you tightened.
“I love you too,” you said equally as softly. You could feel Saeran’s body heat envelop you as your own face turned pink.
“You will never be alone.”
With that, Saeran let out a shuddering sigh of relief and relaxed in your arms, allowing happiness to visit him again.
But this time, it was here to stay.
Saeyoung had heard Saeran screaming out for him and MC in his sleep, so he rushed to his room, only to find you there first. He stood silently outside, listening to Saeran’s insecurities. Listening to you sooth and comfort him. Reassuring him.
A gentle smile made its way across his face when he heard you two confess to each other.
“About time…” Saeyoung mumbled.
By the time Saeyoung left, you and Saeran had fallen asleep once again, holding each other close, wrapped in Saeran’s blanket. You had told him how happy you felt when he came to save you that afternoon. You even kissed his knuckles to emphasize your feelings. You couldn’t stop giggling when you saw how read Saeran’s face had gone as he adverted his gaze, getting all flustered. And Saeran explained how his fear kept stopping him from confessing to you, to which you explained how you knew how he felt but wanted to hear it form him. Your patience had finally run out, which is why you got so angry. You didn’t hold any grudge against him. You loved him too much. All of these revelations had put Saeran’s mind to ease and both of you were finally able to relax after every misunderstanding had been cleared…and both of you drifted off to sleep.
Saeyoung could finally live with himself, knowing his brother had finally found his happiness.
Even if it meant sacrificing his own.
Saeyoung knew you weren’t meant for him.