twist and locs

8

A few months ago I decided to not retwist my locs until after the new year in order to focus on strengthening them and focusing on overall hair health. Today, I finally sat down and washed, twisted, moisturized & braided my locs and it was just as therapeutic as I imagined. My hair feels stronger, my curls are soft and I’m in love. I’ve had locs for 7 years now and I can never understate just how much taking time to perform hair care routines helps in making me feel grounded.

Anyway this is my process 🌺✨🌺

Non sexual things your man would appreciate...

A hot meal after a long days work….

Fix his food on a real plate….

Acknowledge his efforts…

Start the shower for him…

If he’s running late from work on date night…don’t complain, just have his clothes ready. After all… he’s doing his best to get there…

Twist his locs(if applicable). Don’t know how? Learn for him…

Don’t complain about things he can’t change…

Surprise him with things that he likes but will never buy for himself…

Don’t just say you miss him…show him…

Learn or have him teach you about his favorite sport…you may like it as much as he do…

Believe it or not he appreciates the truth😳

Simply ask about his day…and actually listen.

Keep his secrets and never use them against him in heated moments.

Build his self esteem…encourage your man to do great things and he’s likely to produce great things.

Don’t ask him if he want you to do nice things…just do them.

Example:
Baby, you look tired…do you want me to rub your back? -VS- Baby you look tired, lay down let me rub your back…This makes a difference 👀

Never make him feel like you don’t need him or he’s expendable…

Believe it or not…most of us secretly or not so secretly love affection…

Allow him to be who he is…yes there’s room for us all to improve but don’t attempt to change his core values…

Write I’m notes or love letters…text are fine but a handwritten message is so much more personal…

Workout with him…

Embrace, encourage and support his growth…

***reblog and add to the list

Don’t Let the White Gaze Make you Feel Like your Hair is Alien

Over the weekend I decided to finally take my mid-back length twists out after 3 months. It was time. The new growth was extremely apparent and my hair was just looking dusty as hell.

Today, I decided to take my hair out of the 2-strand twists they were currently in, tie my hair to the back and leave a little hair out front. Not a particularly interesting style, but that’s what I was aiming for today. I didn’t feel like being noticed or questioned about my hair.

It ended up happening anyway.

A white man I usually passed every day without a word decided to take our brief eye contact as an opportunity to ask “Did you get a haircut?” out of nowhere. My kneejerk reaction was to be clear, direct and concise with him.

“No.”

“…”

After I got silent he immediately apologized and back peddled.  

“You’re fine,” I said while continuing in the same direction and staring at the Facebook updates on my phone on my way back to my desk.

He wasn’t fine.

Something about the interaction annoyed me and I couldn’t figure out why in the moments after the interaction. Was I overreacting? He literally just asked if I got a haircut. Harmless, right?

After giving myself a few moments to analyze my feelings and my perception of the situation I came to the conclusion that the interaction was odd. Why did he start apologizing profusely? Why was he so awkward about ending that conversation? Why did he momentarily forget which direction to go to after our interaction? It seemed weird for such a simple question for which I had a simple answer to.

As the lone black woman in the workplace (outside of the middle-aged part-time receptionist who I see approximately 2 days out of the week), I know I will be stared at and scrutinized much more heavily than many of my coworkers for simply existing while a black woman.

So I should have seen this coming already, right? Yep. I did and I handled it swiftly.

However, I still left feeling annoyed.

Oftentimes, white supremacy tries to invalidate and alienate black women for wearing varied hairstyles such as locs, braids or weaves. We’re mocked and vilified for the hairstyles we choose to wear while white people are given praise for the same hairstyles.

I preemptively said no because I didn’t want to explain how I installed my hair and removed my hair. I did not want to be made to feel alien for opting to vary up my hairstyles in ways that black women in particular and to remove any opportunity to delve into the nooks and crannies of my head.

I just didn’t have the energy for it.

The fact that he immediately thought to apologize and backpedal after I went silent with my curt “no” led to me to assume that the intentions behind those words may not have been necessarily about a genuine curiosity or appreciation about the “haircut” I may have gotten. It is likely that it was an underlying speculation about my hair as a black woman.

Did he expect me to drop knowledge about installing and/or removing twists from my head? Was he looking for me to say that I had a weave in? I’m not sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised.

Also, let’s be real, white people fucking know that I didn’t get a haircut.

With the concept of weaves being mainstream thanks to the internet and a certain white celebrity popularizing black hairstyles, most white people today have the basic idea that many black women like to add hair with their own and take it out every now and then for their enjoyment.

I don’t believe that white people are as ignorant about black people’s hair as they like to pretend. I have found that, more often than not, ignorance is feigned in order to pry into how our hair is done or to remind us that what we are wearing in our head is not our own hair.

I truly don’t believe that a white person who saw my hair go from shoulder length to mid-length over the course of the weekend believes that I grew it out that fast. Likewise, I don’t believe that the same white person would be ignorant enough to believe that I had to “cut” that same hair that I apparently grew so fast.

I haven’t been convinced that these questions are coming from a genuine place of curiosity and appreciation. It seems like white people just want to make a spectacle out of black women for daring to do things they don’t readily do to their heads.

So, yes, “did you get a haircut” is a super harmless question to ask, but within the context of the white gaze it could potentially mean something more insidious.

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Afro Hair Gallery - a.k.a. Ethnic Hair Vault
Hi guys! I’ve realized perhaps the most demanded cc I have encountered in my niche of the simblr world is without a doubt, African hair meshes; that is, natural afros, braids, dreads, twists,...

Just to tell you all that I added 15 new hairstyles to the Afro Hair Gallery, new ones that came hot off the press and older ones I hadn’t seen before. New ones on top. Enjoy. Let’s keep the diversity alive - over 700 page views in just a few days, wow! Thank you! And I will try to make a faster, more efficient system in the future, promise!