twilight logic

the entire “vampires are pale because they’re dead that’s why they can’t be poc” theory is so stupid and up its own ass like do you think black people actually turn caucasian  upon death  w HAT t HE f Uc K

Last night I was watching the conjuring while my friend was on FaceTime this is the conversation that occurred:

Me: I love that scene.
Her: Which one?
Me: The one where Renesmee points at the terrifying demon witch thing.
Her: Did you just say Renesmee?
Me: Yeah, I don’t know her real name or who she is supposed to be in this movie. You know what I never understood the whole concept behind naming her that, I mean when Bella was preggo and thought it was a boy she was all “I’ll name him EJ, Edward Jacob.” Edward and Jacob are perfectly normal names then the baby pops out and she names it Renesmee. Did she sneak off before the birth and throw scrabble tiles at the wall?
Her: Don’t believe that shit, if that little demon seed was a boy she would have named it Jakeward or some shit.
Me: *Laughs uncontrollably

Twilight logic.

Bella: Stop mom! I don’t want going to college. My boyfriend is a vampire, I need let him bite me.

Jacob: I don’t know what happens but LOOK MY ABS. LOOK ME. I’M A SEXY WEREWOLF.

Edward: Bella don’t trust in the puppy.

Y’know one thing I never understood in Twilight?

How is it that no matter how long Edward spent wrapped around Bella, he was still cold? Like, she kept getting colder from him. But she’s a warm-blooded human and he’s a vampire that doesn’t need to (and therefore doesn’t) regulate body temperature and is just always whatever room temperature is.

Shouldn’t he have absorbed heat from her and eventually reached her temperature? Like when you grab a cold blanket but then when you’re wrapped up in it it gets warm? Is he generating cold somehow? What the fuck?

Anyway, is it me or is the superwholock fandom the present day equivalent of the Twilight fandom?

Talking to my friend about Twilight
  • Me: Did you know it's possible for Renesmee to have kids with Jacob. Vampire/wolf/human hybrids.
  • Friend: Ewwwwwwww
  • Me: Yeah cuz the point of imprinting is that the wolf imprints on someone that will best supply them with procreation.
  • Friend: Ew.
  • Me: So it's pretty much someone that will be able to give them gorgeous werewolf puppies.
  • Friend: One that's not even technically human.
  • Me: Well, I didn't know if it was possible because when you're a vampire you can't change to support a baby which is why nobody else tried to have kids. And so when she's full grown, she won't change anymore so I didn't know if she could get knocked up but apparently, she can.
  • Friend: Unless they did it before she stopped growing... Ew. I don't want to think about that.
  • Me: Ew. That means that she'd have to be younger than seven when they...
  • Friend: Shut up shut up shut up! Ew. Ew. Ew.
  • Me: *makes sexual innuendo face*