twerk break

klance secret agent AU

  • lance works for allura’s government agency and he’s in charge of extracting top secret files
  • keith is shiro’s business partner for an independent for-profit organisation and he just makes the coffee and looks pretty
  • he’s also a field agent but he’s on suspension because he stabbed someone in the thigh
  • keith: ‘hey bidge’ pidge: ‘can you smell that’ keith: ‘wha-‘
  • pidge: ‘can you smell the sweet scent of justice’
  • lance: ‘romance is for bitches and people who like chicken little’ hunk: ‘….i like chicken little…..’
  • lance later that night on his top-secret mission: ‘does hunk think i hate him….i didn’t mean to insult him…..i love my friends’
  • keith in the same building going after the same files even though he shouldn’t be: ‘who the hell is muttering out loud’
  • lance grabs the documents from the safe and is about to run when someone slide tackles him and pins him to the floor. he’s all owen wilson ‘wrow’ cos they’re strong and muscular, before he sees a mullet peeking out from their ski mask and gets so angry he squawks
  • lance, breathless: ‘your hair is fuckin ugly’ masked stranger: ‘you fight like shit’ lance: ‘hey! that’s what greg said to me in 6th grade i’m sensitive to it ok’
  • lance tries to rip the guy’s mask off but his arms are pinned down so he pretends to die
  • keith: ‘what the fuck- wake up!’ lance: ‘……..’ keith: ‘oh my god i can’t kill another person god god’ lance untangling his arm and ripping keith’s mask off: ‘ha!’
  • lance: ‘….oh. oh wow’ keith pulling lance’s mask off: ‘shut up- oh’
  • lance: ‘get off me man’ keith: ‘boys. i like em. doot doot doot doo doo
  • lance tries to run for the exit but keith holds onto his leg and slides on the floor while they’re both screaming
  • lance: ‘you’re a field agent?? how did you get qualified!!!’ keith: ‘i’m!!!! SUSPENDED!!!!!!’
  • he trips lance up and sits on him to get the documents but they’re both equally flustered and equally hopeless
  • keith, hair brushing lance’s forehead, voice soft: ‘give me the stupid documents’ lance: ‘kiss me- kill me first’ keith: ‘what’
  • lance: ‘i said kill’ keith: ‘you said kiss i’m not stupid’ lance: ‘oh do you want to? i know i’m irresistible but no thanks’
  • keith: ‘you’re a stranger’ lance: ‘not a stranger to the art of smoochy smoo’ keith scoffing: ‘i wouldn’t kiss you if my life depended on it’ lance: ‘don’t worry. i’m not into mullets’
  • keith whispering: ‘i bet i’d hate it’ lance: ‘your whole family tree stinks’ keith grinning: ‘what kind of insult is that?’ lance.exe stops working
  • they’re both out of breath and kinda trailing their eyes over each other’s faces before keith snatches the documents and runs out of the door, throwing a look over his shoulder
  • lance laying there in a T-pose: ‘oh wow. hunk and chicken little i am so fucking sorry’
  • allura: ‘did you get them???’ lance: ‘…anyone tell you you look radiant today princess?’ allura: ‘coran did more for this quiznakking team today and all he does is twerk on the break room fridge’

what if iasip pertained to millennial interests

s13 ep 1: dee shows dennis an unfunny meme, which sets dennis off. he spends the whole episode carefully crafting the perfect meme, only to show it to an unimpressed gang.

ep 2: mac’s tinder dates are all canceling on him and he doesn’t know why. dennis is behind it, getting umreasonably jealous that his best friend is finding attractive men online to date, and ends up sabotaging their plans. mac is pissed.

ep 3: frank and charlie go to the club and learn how to whip, nae nae, and dab. dee tells them their moves are terrible and teaches them to twerk. all hell breaks loose.

i can’t do this

5SOS Preference #7.

Preference: Frat Boy.
Here’s part 2!
Here’s part 3!

Luke: “Jesus Christ,” (Y/N) groaned under her breath as she entered the frat house, being immediately shoved and ran into by multiple grinding bodies. The smell of weed burned her nostrils and the yearn for alcohol burned in her veins as she studied the structure of the house, noting that there were way too many people to count inside. “Come on, (Y/N). You’ll love it!” Her best friend, Amber, squealed as she tugged the back of her already short dress an inch higher up her thighs. (Y/N) was unsure of how much she would ‘love’ this party. She was actually still in shock that she had let Amber convince her to join her out this evening, considering she had a huge psychology final tomorrow and she should have stayed planted on her bed in her dorm with her notes in front of her face. “Let’s just get a drink.” (Y/N) yelled over the music, rolling her eyes as Amber grinned and sauntered her way over to the kitchen, grabbing vodka out of the cooler that was set up. Amber mixed the vodka with some other kind of alcohol, and (Y/N) knew that the two of them were going to end up too drunk to function in a matter of an hour as she watched the amount of alcohol poured into their cups. Amber handed her the drink, smirking as (Y/N) tasted the lime green liquid with a satisfied smile on her face. “This is really good! What’d you mix?” She asked her friend, sighing as Amber shrugged her shoulders and took a drink from her own cup. “Let’s go dance!” Amber suggested, (Y/N) shrugging as she figured she should at least try to have fun instead of being a sour puss all night long. After setting their drinks down on the counter, they made their way into the living corridor, where multiple couples were sprawled around the room together. Grinding, twerking, and break dancing were all being performed in each corner, and (Y/N) had to admit that she was somewhat impressed with some of the moves she saw being performed. She and Amber took the middle of the floor as Hot in Here by Nelly came over the speakers. The two girls were swaying their hips, teasing anyone watching as they twirled their dresses enough for them to get a slight glimpse of their asses as they got low to the floor, sensually rubbing on their thighs as they swung their hips to the tune. Just as the song came to the last chorus, (Y/N) felt a pair of hands on her hips and a body pressed into her backside. She gasped and turned in the arms that were holding her, seeing Luke Hemmings, the leader of the frat house they were in, standing tall above her with his bottom lip tucked under his teeth as she still slowly grind her hips to the song. “Can I help you?” (Y/N) asked him, not pleased with the boy who had taken an interest in her. After all, she knew of his reputation. Drugs, sex, and constant relationship troubles due to his cheating and partying habits. He didn’t seem like a nice boy, and (Y/N) was well aware of his intentions with girls like herself. She refused to be lead into his game. Luke smirked, letting his lip go from his teeth as he slowly nodded his head, rubbing circles into her hips with his thumbs. “If you can follow me upstairs, it’d help a lot.” He winked, causing (Y/N) to roll her eyes and scoff at him, tearing herself from his grip. “I don’t think so, Hemmings.” She snapped, crossing her arms as she finally stopped her dancing. Luke laughed, placing his hands on his hips as he looked down at the shorter girl. “And just why not, little lady?” He taunted her, causing her blood to boil. (Y/N) stepped closer to him, a smirk gracing her lips as she pulled Luke down to her height by the collar of his shirt, the two of them too close in proximity for (Y/N)’s liking. “I don’t fuck frat boys,” She whispered as she let him go and pushed him away, walking in the opposite direction with an exaggerated swing of her hips.

Ashton: History was such an easy subject. It was simple to understand the concept, at least, it was for (Y/N). Of course, she was majoring in the study, so it would be easy for her. However, some of her classmates were not so lucky to be able to understand the subject as easily as her. She wrote her notes hurriedly, legible enough for her to be able to look back over when she returned to her dorm after class; her tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth as her hand dashed across the lines of her paper without any trace of hesitation. “If you keep sticking your tongue out like that, I just might have a heart attack.” a voice spoke beside her, causing (Y/N) to jump in her seat as she turned to place a body with the voice. Her throat turned dry as she noticed Ashton Irwin, captain of the football team and most recognizable frat boy, sitting next to her. His head leaned against the palm of his hand as he stared at (Y/N), his paper noticeably blank in front of him. “Have you not been paying attention to this lecture at all?” (Y/N) grimaced as she spoke to the boy, disliking the fact that she was even cursed to sit next to someone with such a low value of morals. She mostly disliked Ashton’s reputation; since he was popular for fucking girls and leaving them the next week. She knew his intentions, she knew who he was as a person, and what he was about when it came to school. She was still surprised that Ashton was managing to pass history with the amount of classes he missed due to his massive hangovers after the parties that his fraternity threw every other night of the week. “So I get distracted. Is that such a problem?” Ashton smirked, looking down at (Y/N)’s two full sheets of paper that he knew he probably should have copied down, but he didn’t care at the moment. His goal was to invite (Y/N) to tonight’s party, and he did not intend to take no for an answer. “Yes, Ashton, it is a problem. We have a huge test in two days!” She whisper-hissed, feeling annoyed by his continuous conversation. Ashton knew that (Y/N) disliked him, but that just made him want her more. She was probably the only girl in the school that hadn’t thrown herself at him due to his popular status, and that drove him wild. He intended to get her to become involved with him one way or another, and he knew just the way to do it. If only she would come to one of his fraternity’s parties, she would see why Ashton was worth all the talk he got. “Good, then that means you can come out tonight.” Ashton smiled, taking his head off of his palm as he sat up straight in his seat next to her, causing (Y/N) to laugh aloud. Few students turned and shushed her, but she flipped them off and continued to write as she talked to Ashton. “If you really think I’m coming to one of your parties, you’re insane.” She remarked, stopping her writing as the professor turned his smart board off so he could lecture more verbally. Ashton crossed his arms, leaning against the desk in front of them as he eyed her. “You would enjoy yourself, you know? We’ve got great music, awesome booze-” (Y/N) cut Ashton off with a groan, shaking her head as she began putting her notes back into her folder she carried to class with her. “I don’t do parties, Ashton. I have too much to focus on instead of a good time every night.” She rolled her eyes as it was now Ashton’s turn to chuckle at her comment, his eyes narrowing slightly. “Are you scared to have fun?” Ashton taunted, causing (Y/N) to pause her movements. She looked ahead of them at their professor for a few moments before shaking her head. It wasn’t that she was afraid of having fun, she was afraid to let the party life consume her and get in the way of her history major. Too much would be on the line if she began partying with Ashton and his fraternity, so she always refused any time Ashton invited her to come to their parties. “No, I’m not scared to have fun,” She mocked him, throwing her hair over her shoulder. “I’m just not interested in letting fun consume my priorities.” She bit back, watching as Ashton shrugged his shoulders and let out a sigh. It was difficult to get her to agree to coming to one of their parties, and he knew he was going to have to promise her something that he knew would never happen. “If you come to the party, you don’t have to drink. I won’t drink, either. We’ll just hang out and babysit everyone.” He swore, feeling sick in his stomach as he thought of the lame idea. (Y/N) sincerely smiled, her eyes softening at the way Ashton offered her a simple hangout instead of getting drunk and having sex. “Really?” She asked, unsure if he was being honest. Ashton quickly nodded his head, standing from his seat as their professor dismissed their class. (Y/N) grinned and nodded her head as well, holding her folder to her chest. “Then I’ll be there! No alcohol, just hanging out.” She said, walking past Ashton to get back to her dorm. Ashton sighed and rolled his eyes, thinking of ways to get (Y/N) drunk so that the two of them wouldn’t be bored out of their minds in the night’s events.

Calum: “Goal!” (Y/N)’s friend, Callie, squealed as she stood from the metal bleachers. The crowd were all cheering in unison, all of them excited to see that the school’s team was going to be winning the tournament soccer match. It was only the semi finals, so they would still have one more game if they won, so (Y/N) kept her cool instead of getting excited with the rest of the fans. Callie sat back down, a wide smile on her face as she watched her boyfriend, Calum, running up and down the field with the ball between his feet. He was the star player of the team, as well as one of the cocky frat boy’s that (Y/N) found herself not too fond of. (Y/N) couldn’t believe that someone as sweet and innocent ended up with someone as devious and wild as Calum. “Isn’t he just so great?” Callie swooned over Calum, causing her friend to roll her eyes as she stayed silent, not wanting to comment her true opinion on her boyfriend. Callie began clapping loudly as Calum shot the winning goal, the crowd behind her screaming and chanting his name over and over. (Y/N) could see his shit-eating grin from her spot on the bleachers as Calum walked off the field, giving hand shakes and high fives to his teammates as he joined them in the locker room for the after game ritual. Callie grabbed her bag as she stood behind (Y/N), the two of them exiting the bleachers and going to stand by the locker room so they could meet Calum when he exited. “Are you going to join us to celebrate?” Callie asked her friend, her voice hoarse from all the cheering she’d been doing during the game. (Y/N) quickly shook her head in denial, not wanting to go to one of Calum’s frat parties that usually ended in an argument between he and Callie. She knew that she would need to be sober to comfort her friend when she came home with make up stained cheeks and messy hair; she needed to be well rested to listen to the sob story she was bound to hear in the later hours of the night. “Not this time.” She spoke, laughing as Callie rolled her eyes. Calum finally exited the locker room, dressed in his jersey and skinny jeans, sweat still clearly visible on his muscles and skin as he rested his arm around Callie’s shoulder in a proud stance. “Hey babe,” He whispered to her as he kissed her temple, a smirk on his face as Callie blushed and wrapped her arms around his waist. (Y/N) rolled her eyes mentally, tapping her foot impatiently. Callie had their only dorm key, so she had to wait around for her to finish her session with Calum before she could return to her bed to sleep the rest of her Saturday night away. “Are you celebrating tonight?” Callie asked for clarification, her voice soft and shy around the boy she was head over heels for, and Calum scoffed at her question as if it was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard leave her lips. “Of course! Do you really think we’re gonna let this victory go unnoticed?” Calum laughed, stopping as he spotted (Y/N) standing with her arms crossed over her evident chest. He smirked at her, letting go of Callie as he walked to stand next to her. “And will you be joining us, buttercup?” He flirted, Callie’s nose scrunching at the nickname her boyfriend used for her friend. (Y/N) stepped away from his close body, shaking her head the same way she had moments before. “Absolutely not. I have better things to do than show up at one of your stupid parties,” She snapped at Calum, his smirk growing more and more as he watched her annoyance grow with each passing second. “What would be better than drinking with the lot of us? Sleeping all day?” Calum made fun of her, having heard Callie talk about how much (Y/N) slept and how lazy she seemed to be. (Y/N) flipped him off, standing beside Callie as she was ready to leave the field to be away from Calum. “I’d rather sleep than see you shagging ten girls in one night.” She spoke, instantly biting her tongue as Callie gasped. Calum’s eyes slightly widened as he replaced his arms back around her shoulders, awkwardly clearing his throat as he avoided her questioning eyes. The trio began walking back towards the college dorms, a tension built between them now that (Y/N) had admitted to her knowledge of Calum’s cheating record. “You don’t have to come, but keep your nose in your own fucking business.” Calum barked at her as he and Callie dropped her off at her dorm, and (Y/N) laughed in a menacing tone. “Keep your dick in your own fucking pants and we won’t have a problem.” She smirked, knowing she’d crawled too much under his skin for his enjoyment.

Michael: (Y/N) stood awkwardly in the middle of the back yard to the frat house, her arms hugging themselves as she watched the band performing in front of her. They were a huge hit on the campus, and she had to admit that she liked the music they played; however, she hated the band members. Luke Hemmings, Ashton Irwin, Calum Hood, and most importantly, she hated Michael Clifford. She hated their attitudes, but she hated Michael’s constant flirting with her when she showed no interest. She hated his reputation as an alcoholic, she hated his way with girls, and she hated the fact that he took nothing seriously in school. She was almost positive he failed most of his classes, yet it didn’t bother Michael as long as he could have a good time at the end of the day. She hated him for his leisurely activities, but she had to admit that he was well talented when it came to playing the guitar and singing harmonies with Luke and Calum. The crowd around her were all dancing, singing along with the band. Some girls had even thrown their bras and panties up on the stage, Michael taking some of the bras and commenting on the cup size to cause the girls to swoon and freak out that he’d complimented their breast size. (Y/N) rolled her eyes, venturing out of the back yard as soon as the set ended. She found herself back at the kegs, filling a cup with beer that she thought tasted like absolute garbage, but she needed a sort of buzz to continue her partying at the frat house with the boys she disliked the most on campus. (Y/N) was very unsure of how she’d even gotten to this party, but she was sure it had something to do with the fact that her best friend, Brittany, was trying to fuck Ashton from her chemistry class. (Y/N) agreed to tag along so that Brittany wasn’t by herself in case something happened, and now she was starting to feel nervous about staying around. She pushed her nervous feeling aside as she sipped on her beer, watching the crowd from outside come inside the frat house like a stampede as everyone cheered about the performance and called out about getting drinks and getting the party started. (Y/N) rolled her eyes, spotting Brittany arm in arm with Ashton as he whispered in her ear and she bit at her lip. (Y/N) smiled at her friend, giving her a subtle thumbs up as she leaned against the counter, watching the party before her begin to take place. As she began to get to the bottom of her cup, she noticed a head of dyed hair next to her, his smirk too prominent for her to miss as she looked up into Michael’s green eyes. He filled his own cup of beer, staring down at (Y/N)’s exposed chest due to her low cut dress she decided to wear out for the night. “How’d you enjoy the show, hm?” Michael yelled in her ear, the music bumping too loud for her to hear him otherwise. She sighed and put her cup on the counter between them, motioning for Michael to fill her cup once again. He did as she requested, waiting for her answer. (Y/N) smirked, knowing how to get Michael to leave her alone in the span of two minutes. “You all were pretty mediocre,” She spoke, lying through her teeth. “If you could better yourself on your solos, you’d be a better band.” She laughed, watching Michael’s mouth drop and his eyebrows raise to his hairline as he listened to her insult his band’s performance skills. He laughed sarcastically, handing (Y/N) her cup as he leaned against the counter next to her. “You’re probably the only one here who doesn’t like us,” He commented, still too confident in his own self. Which, he had a right to be confident in guitar playing, but (Y/N) didn’t want him to know she thought he was good. “I must be the only one with real music taste.” She spoke, not thinking as she said each word. Michael choked on the beer in his mouth, swallowing the small coughs he could muster as he looked directly into (Y/N)’s eyes. “If you want a real show, come with me upstairs and I’ll show you how talented I really am,” He whispered into her ear, his hands coming up to cup her thighs as he slowly trailed them up to her ass, giving it a tight squeeze as (Y/N) gulped the lump in her throat. “Fuck off, frat boy!” She spat, wiggling out of Michael’s grasp as he laughed and shook his head at her. He rolled the sleeves of his flannel up as he trapped her between his arms once again, leaning his forehead against hers so she was forced to make eye contact. “Don’t act like you weren’t turned on,” He smirked, but (Y/N) was fed up with his cockiness, and she threw the remaining contents of her beer into Michael’s face, drenching him in alcohol. He groaned, moving back to wipe the liquid off of his skin and out of his eyes as (Y/N) stood still, her anger clear in her face. “I said fuck off, frat boy.” She spat, walking past Michael and out of the fraternity as all eyes were now turned to Michael, who was drenched in beer.

He sees you doing a dare (Cashton)

Masterlist

Ashton:
“Guys, this isn’t even funny” you said.

Since you lost a bet, you had to go into Spenser’s and buy a lollipop.

(To anyone who doesn’t know what Spenser’s is, it’s a store that sells sex toys and shit like that. And buying a lollipop isn’t that bad? Imagine buying a dick lollipop)

“Yeah it is” your friend laughs.

Your in a group of 5 girls, all of them were wearing short shorts. One girl had on a crop top, another wore a baseball tee, another a t-shirt, another wore a muscle tee, and the last wore a plaid shirt.

As for you, you wore skinny jeans, a sweater and your hair was out into a messy bun. Basically, they dragged you out of bed. But they let you out some makeup on.

Before you can reply to them, they pushed you into the store.

Quickly, you started to run, focused on looking for the lollipop. You tried to avoid the dildos and the vibrators, but they were everywhere.

Lingerie was on every shelf and nasty things were in ever wall.

The music was really loud, and the place was pretty packed with guys.

Finally, you found the candy. You grabbed a rainbow lollipop and ran to the cash register.

The lady gave you a look, but scanned it anyway.

Seriously, this lady should be used to it.

Then, I realized that she has on a 5sos bracelet merch. I’m screwed.

“It’s a bet, I loss.” You sweated.

She laughed. “I don’t know how Ashton is going to react to this.”

“I just hope he doesn’t find out.”

She gave you the lollipop and you walked out the store.

You didn’t notice, but one of your friends had a camera out.

“Okay, I bought it.” You sighed.

Your friends began to laugh.

“What?”

“Now eat it.” One of them said.

You slowly began to unwrap it.

You knew they would make fun of you sucking in it, so you took a big bite out of it, then started chewing on it.

They all groaned. “Your suppose to suck on it!!!”

“What the hell?!?”

“Seriously!”

-some where in the UK-

“Hey Ashton, watch this video” Luke said, handing the phone to Ashton.

Ashton looked at the video. “Don’t let her give you a blow job?” He read out loud with confusion.

He pressed play. He focused on you, being pushed into Spenser’s, running around, grabbing a lollipop and paying for it. He began to laugh when he saw you biting on the lollipop instead of sucking.

He then liked the video and left a comment.

-back to you-

“What the fuck!?! You put it on YouTube!!!!” You yelled at your friends.

They all were laughing. “Hell ya, that shit was funny.”

The one with the phone got a notification. Her face went serious.

“What happened.” You asked with a worried face.

She began to crack up. Her hand raised up and showed you the notification. “Ashton liked and commented.”

“What?!?” You grabbed the phone.

‘She doesn’t bite!!! She does it quiet nice actually’

Calum:

You were a pretty good dancer. You can shake your hips and twerk, you can break dance and do flips. Since you were a hip hop dancer, your friends decided to take advantage.

Last week, you and your friends were betting, and you loss.

It was hot, so you wore high wasted shorts, a red sweatshirt, and high top converse. Your hair was straightened and in a high pony tail.

You were at target, and your friends notice your boyfriend and band mates.

They were all wearing sunglasses and hoodies, so you didn’t recognize them.

“Y/n, do you remember that you have to do a bet?”

You nodded.

“I dare you to dirty dance on the guy in the middle.”

You sighed.

Your friends blasted the song gas pedal and you ran to the guy in the middle.

You began to twerk and hip hop dancer on him.

The other boys backed up and watched.

After a while, you backed up and began to apologize to the guy.

“I’m sorry, it was a dare.” You said shyly.

He faced you.

He took off his glasses. “Y/n?”

“CALUM?!?”

You turned around and see your friends cracking up on the floor.

“You knew it was him?” You said.

After they finished laughing, they finally answered. “Yah, you went all out on him.”

“You were all up on his grill.”

Update on the Fuckboys: Part Zwei
  • Fuckboy 2: god i'm so hungry
  • Fuckboy 1: i'm hungry for hetalia-text-messages
  • Me: go fall in a well full of legos
  • Me: naked
  • Fuckboy 1: ooh, she wants to see me naked now
  • Fuckboy 2: so are you single
  • Me: yes
  • Fuckboy 2: will you-
  • Me: no
  • Fuckboy 2: *aggressively twerks and break-dances in front of me* hey my eyes are up here baby ;)
  • Fuckboy 1: ooh she's checkin' out your ass
  • Me: god why me