twerk$ha

I said this to @adifferentkindofson the other day but all of this baby stuff makes me think of someone trying so hard to fix something they fucked up a long time ago. Imagine you’re baking a cake and you realize once you’ve already put it into the oven that shit, you’ve forgotten the flour. Instead of just realizing that what’s done is done and you can’t fix it, you take out the “cake” and add flour to the baking mess, hoping against hope that this will help you and that you’ll have the cake you intended to have in the first place. Except of course it doesn’t work because you’ve already missed a crucial step and no amount of flour or anything else can fix what you’ve done. 

That’s what they’re doing with this baby mess. They’re trying so hard to make it look convincing now when they should have put actual effort into it months ago. It’s too late now. It doesn’t matter what they do, we’re not going to forget all of the shadiness of 2015 just because a few more things have been thrown at us. That’s not how any of this works. You either get it right the first time or you fail.

dragonbuttocksareironbullscake asked:

How about the companions react to Sole being held hostage? If that makes sense lol, love your reactions!

Cait: She rips the ransom note into shreds and spits on it. Slavers. Cowardly goddamn piece of shit slavers. She thought she’d finally escaped all of that, finally gotten away, but these scumbags are back again and this time they’ve got Sole. She isn’t going to stand for that. Not again. She stocks up on supplies and heads out towards the old building they’re holed up again. With fire in her eyes and lightning in her veins, she kicks down the door and slaughters every single one of them, making sure they see her face before she snaps their necks. She finds Sole on the roof of the building, guarded by the leader of the camp. After she’s done kicking the slaver off the top of the building, she tears the duct tape off Sole’s mouth - a little more roughly than intended - and makes them promise to never scare her like that again. She finds tears spilling down her cheeks when she thinks of what might have happened to them, to think that they might have ended up like her. After they’ve returned to Sanctuary, she makes them promise to never go wandering off again, not even for a second. From that day onwards, she holds them a hell of a lot tighter than she used to.

Codsworth: No one expects the sheer level of rage that explodes from the well-mannered robot after the ransom note is left in Sanctuary Hills. No one understands what it’s like to have waited two hundred years for someone to finally come back home, only to have them ripped away by filthy slaving scoundrels like the ones who took his only friend. He hunts down the raiders and charges into their hideout with all the confidence and courage of a Mr. Gutsy, charging at the conniving kidnappers with his buzzsaw whirring. He ends up almost setting the place on fire with his flamethrower, valiantly torching every raider in sight before sawing off the ropes around Sole’s wrists and making sure they’re alright. He finds himself sobbing as they struggle to their feet, overwhelmed with relief that he managed to get to them on time. He doesn’t know what he would do if he lost them again, and he tells them that. They give him an exhausted smile and promise not to stray too far ever again, which makes him feel a little better. Although he does give them a thorough scolding for being so foolish, once they’re back home in Sanctuary safe and sound.

Curie: Her entire body shakes with anger as she rereads the ransom note for the twentieth time. She can’t believe she let this happen, that she let her most beloved companion get stolen in the middle of the night! And it’s not just any raider. It’s that sick, disgusting creep who runs that twisted art gallery. Pickman. She clutches the blood-splattered paper so hard that it rips in half, and knows exactly what to do. Her stomach heaves as she makes her way to the Pickman Gallery, her entire body shudders as the door creaks open and that choking smell crawls up her nose. It is utterly inhumane how this monster treats people, and she refuses to let Sole end up this way. With her bag of caps clutched tightly in hand, she meets Sole’s kidnapper face-to-face. And she gives him hell. “How dare you do these things to people?! How dare you lay your filthy hands on ma chère, what is wrong with you?! You ought to feel ashamed of yourself, Monsieur!” Sole spends a solid fifteen minutes waiting for Curie to finish her rant, watching with glowing pride at how Curie rhymes off the wide range of medication that could make him less of a maniac, then comes to the conclusion that there is no cure for evil like him. She stands on her tiptoes and almost presses her face against his, demanding that he releases Sole this second. Pickman is so astounded that he forgets to take the ransom money, and Curie gushes for days after about how well she pulled off the rescue. Even after weeks pass, Sole is still unable to find the words to describe their amazement.

Danse: He blames himself for Sole’s capture, thinks about all the things he could have done to stop this all from happening. If he still had the Brotherhood he could have organised a rescue team, but that isn’t an option now, and he needs to act fast. He stocks up on fusion cells, gets into his power armour and heads off for the super mutant camp. The journey passes in a blur, and he can think of nothing in the world but getting to Sole on time, of saving them before it’s too late. But he refuses to bargain with mutants. He slams into the tower with his rifle at the ready, slaying every mutant in sight and hoping Sole can hear his shouts of “Ad victoriam!” He finds them bruised and bleeding in a gore-soaked cage, doing everything he can to slam the gate open. He scoops them up effortlessly in his armour, and carries them all the way back home, angry at first that he let this happen to them, then dissolving into wordless gratitude that they made it out unharmed. He refuses to let them go even when Sole assures him that they’re alright.

Deacon: He has to stop himself from slamming a fist into the nearest wall. His veins are flooded with a fizzing cocktail of anger and fear as he informs Desdemona of the news. She doesn’t have to tell him what his job is now - it’s his duty to know everything, so goddammit he’s gonna find out where they are and get them back. It takes only a few hours to track the band of raiders, starting from where they took Sole and ending at a pathetic collection of wooden shacks. He takes a long, deep breath and pops a Stealth Boy, slinking into the shadows and dragging the raiders off one by one, snapping their necks without a sound. When he finds Sole tied up in the centre of the camp, he does everything he can to ease their terror. “Sorry I’m late, boss. Got stuck in traffic.” He doesn’t protest when Sole hugs him in gratitude, and comforts them for as long as they need before helping them back to HQ. Throughout the journey, all he can think about is what he would have done if he’d lost them.

Dogmeat: Uses his nose to track down the people who took his best pal, finding them holed up in some old diner on the outskirts of the city. None of the raiders expect a German Shepherd to burst through the door in a pair of goggles and a red bandana - in fact, none of them can lift their jaws from the floor quickly enough to stop Dogmeat from running to the tied-up Sole’s defence. They’re on their knees, gagged and bound, watching with amazement in their eyes as their canine companion calmly sits down next to them, growling and snapping at every raider who comes near. None of them really want to shoot the dog - they could get some use out of him once the hostage is dealt with - so they let him stay by Sole’s side while they wait for someone to bring the ransom money. Night falls, and every raider in the diner is kept awake by Dogmeat’s constant whining and howling. When a raider comes by to try and shut him up, he gives a pitiful cry and paws desperately at Sole’s legs, as if trying to free them. They have to admit, it’s pretty cute how he leans his head against the captives shoulder, giving them huge, miserable puppy dog eyes. After a couple nights of this, no one has arrived with any ransom money, and it was only a couple hundred caps. Alright, dammit. They let the hostage go to keep the damn dog happy, surprised to find themselves a little moved by his love for his master. When they’re safe and sound in Sanctuary, Dogmeat is treated with an extra large brahmin steak as a thank you.

Hancock: He’s made it pretty damn clear that he isn’t the type of ghoul who stands for shit like this. He has a deep, passionate hatred for anyone who messes with people who don’t deserve it, but the guys who took Sole? They’ve got a whole new world of hell coming for them, and it’s just about ready to come knocking at their door. KL-E-O doesn’t even make him pay for the crate of ammo he buys, or the new shotgun and sword. After he’s finished stocking up, he calls a town meeting to let all of Goodneighbor know what’s happened, and assures him that he is not the type of mayor who’s gonna take this sitting down. He sets an example to every downtrodden drifter by storming into the raider hideout with guns blazing, tearing the raiders apart one by one until only their leader is left. When he plunges his sword through their gut, he makes sure to look into their eyes as they die. He unties the beaten and exhausted Sole and scoops them up into his arms, and both are met with a shower of cheering and applause when he gets them back to the city unharmed.

MacCready: Oh no. No, this isn’t happening, this is not happening again. He’s been beating himself up for far too long about what happened to Lucy - he should have moved faster, he shouldn’t have fallen asleep, if he’d only remembered to reload his rifle. He’s not going to make the same mistake again, not with Sole. But he doesn’t need caps to bring them back. He doesn’t waste a single second, collecting his rifle and heading for the location the raiders left on the ransom note. After taking a few shaky breaths to gather himself, he finds himself a vantage point and aims. Fires. A few minutes later and every raider in the camp is dead, leaving Sole tied up by the campfire and shivering. He races down to meet them, untying the ropes around their wrists and frantically making sure that they’re alright. He throws his arms around them, buries his face in the crook of their neck and tells them to never, ever scare him like that again. He doesn’t know what he would have done if he’d been too late.

Nick: He didn’t know a synth could get breathless until he read the ransom letter for the third time over. Ellie has to give him a little shake to bring him back to reality, reminding him that he’s Nick Valentine and he’s dealt with cases like this plenty of times before. But this isn’t just any missing person. This is Sole. He does everything he can to track them down - the raiders left him with only one location, a place to deposit the ransom money. They haven’t told him where Sole is being kept, so how can he be sure they won’t just kill them anyway? They’ve given him three days. Plenty of time. He spends the first two finding their hideout, some old warehouse on the outskirts of the Commons. After that, it’s time to come up with a plan. Oh, but if only he had time. He makes his way to the hideout with a half-formed idea in his head, and gets to work. The raiders inside ready their guns as soon as they spot him, but Nick Valentine has always got a plan. He tells them to freeze, unless they want the Institute’s wrath brought down upon them. He loudly informs the scattering raiders that they’ve stolen a very important person, and the Institute isn’t happy. It seems like every one of them is paralysed, too terrified to move a muscle as he frees Sole from their bondage and calmly escorts them out. When they’re safely out of range, he pulls them in for a hug and tells him he’s so happy that they’re safe.

Piper: She’s on her feet immediately, from the instant her eyes reach the final scribbled word on the ransom letter. It’s signed by Nelson Latimer, that stupid kid of Malcolm’s. She’s heard all about his ‘exploits’ around the Commonwealth, nothing more than some wealthy little snot trying to play the gangster, thinking he’s untouchable because his father’s from the upper stands. She doesn’t want to give this little toerag what he wants, but it’s not like she can murder the guy. Every imagined outcome seems more horrifying than the last, and she doesn’t have the time or the money to get herself a hired gun. She zooms around town with the ransom note in hand, pleading to the residents in Diamond City to please help her raise the two hundred caps she needs. It feels like giving up, but a lot of people are grateful for everything she’s done with the Publick, and give her what they’ve got in their pockets. It feels like giving in, but she marches to the outskirts of the city with a bag of caps and a plan. She meets the Latimer kid and his hired band of goons, throws the caps in his face and offers a little extra for an interview. “You know, I don’t think Sheltered Upper Stands Kid Makes Life Difficult For Do-Gooders” is the snappiest headline. How about “Insensitive Jerk Ruins Day? Over-privileged Douchewad in Sunglasses Spoils A Lovely Afternoon”. After untying Sole and helping them to their feet, she takes out her camera and snaps a picture of Latimer’s face. After taking Sole back to the city and making sure they’re alright, she gets them tucked up comfortably in her bed at home before racing downstairs with a single goal in her head: slander article.

Preston: Reading the ransom letter nearly knocks him off his feet. Being the General of the Minutemen, Sole has gotten themselves into some pretty hairy situations before, but nothing quite like this. This is serious. Those raiders actually got them. Everyone in Sanctuary knows there’s something wrong, they can see the worry creasing Preston’s face as he paces up and down in front of their house, trying to come up with a plan. There’s no chance of a peaceful resolution, he knows that, and the General would never forgive him if he just paid the money and left it at that. So he has a team of Minutemen assembled by the bridge, and leads them the location the raiders left on the ransom letter. It’s a bloody business - the raiders know immediately that this won’t be a peaceful transaction, surging in droves towards the army of Minutemen. Preston rushes straight for Sole, throwing himself between them an oncoming raider who was about to slit their throat. Once the hostiles are dealt with, he quickly unties them and, after a few moments of shocked silence, puts his arms around them and tells them how happy he is that they’re alright.

Strong: Doesn’t understand why stupid humans like bottlecaps so much, and doesn’t really care. The raiders took his friend, and he plans on taking them back… in true super mutant fashion. He charges towards the raider’s base and smashes through every opponent until he gets to Sole. Before they can thank him for the rescue, he hoists them over his shoulder and carries them all the way back home. It’s a little embarrassing, but Sole’s still grateful.

X6-88: There’s no shock, no panic, no hesitation. He reads the ransom note and is gone, every molecule in his body solely focused on getting him to Sole’s destination. The journey passes by in a blur until he sees Saugus Ironworks looming in the distance. And he tears the place apart. Every kill is deadly in its efficiency, he’s mechanical, exact, polished and razor-edged. There seems to be no emotion behind every Forged he cuts down, because he pushes his anger and fear and desperation somewhere deep inside of him, and lets himself move on autopilot until he makes it to the forge. That’s when the man inside the metal comes out. Seeing Sole tied up like that, staring down with terrified eyes at the flames below, that shocks him to the bones. His veins are flooded with white-hot rage as he leaps into action, throwing himself at the Forged leader with everything he’s got. His eyes are burning with unspeakable hatred as he throws the leader into the flames and rushes to Sole’s side, cutting through their bonds and getting them out into the open air. Sole can barely speak for awe and terror, but X6 only comes out with one thing. “I’m glad you’re alright.”

Just imagine Neil gets his first smartphone because he gets really into fighting people on Twitter and wants mobile access. He would be so confused on how to use the phone and he’s always asking Nicky for help. ‘What the hell I just wanted to text Andrew why did all of these faces pop up??? Where are tHE LETTERS???“ He’d proceed to accidentally send Andrew a bunch of emojis and then follow up with a “fuck sorry I don’t know what I’m doing” text when Nicky changes the keyboard back.

Where Paths Diverge (11B/11)

This is a Captain Swan: Choose Your Own Adventure story where you choose the plot (details here). It’s part of my Follower Appreciation (thanks guys!)

When Regina seeks revenge for Cora’s death and a happy ending with Henry something goes horribly wrong. A canon divergence fic from 2x20 “The Evil Queen” where Regina’s failsafe isn’t an auto-destruct. Now back in the Enchanted Forest Emma and Killian are forced to pretend to be married while they figure out what happened.

Beta by @belovedcreation  Banner by @wingedlioness

Part 1| Part 2| Part 3 | Part 4A| Part 4B | Part 5| Part 6| Part 7| Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11A

FF.net | AO3

~5.5K | Rated C for complete!

“Seriously?” Emma can’t help the frustration and disbelief in her voice; just when she thought things couldn’t get any stranger it turns out magic truth ice cream exists.

Surprisingly the woman–Sarah is it?–laughs: a soft almost creepy sound. “Always such a way with words.”

Emma doesn’t like the note of familiarity in her voice but doesn’t want to risk antagonizing her. She shares a look with Killian and though his sword is still drawn he looks as resigned as she is to putting up with the Dairy Queen’s shenanigans. She gives him a nod and he sheathes his sword.

The woman grins. “Excellent choice. Now which one of you will be answering my questions?” Emma’s eyes dart towards her and the outstretched cone (rocky road, her favorite) and her stomach twists. She knows it’s going to be her. Henry isn’t an option and Emma can’t imagine a pirate wanting to put himself in such a vulnerable position. Before she can reach out her hand Killian is stepping forward.

“I believe the honor falls to me.”

Emma almost protests but she doesn’t really want to eat the ice cream cone so she bites her lip instead.

The sorceress turns and looks at Killian then purses her lips and gives her head a small shake. “I think not.”  

She takes a step toward Emma and stretches out her hand. Emma grits her teeth.

“Look, Dairy Queen, if you wanted me to eat it why didn’t you just say so?”

She gives an enigmatic smile. “My name is Ingrid.”

Emma sighs. “Okay, Ingrid. Let’s just get this over with.” She yanks the cone from her hand and without stopping to think gives it a lick. Immediately she feels a tingle on her tongue and she pulls the cone away. It doesn’t hurt but Emma can feel the magic trickling through her.

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Can we talk about this for a sec? This is the synopsis for 3x7 titled, “Thirteen”. Cool, great……an episode looking like it focuses mainly on a Clarke and Lexa story line. I couldn’t be more excited! But wait, what’s this TV-14, SV rating? S=sexual situations V=violence (no, it really does. I looked it up)………..GHAAAAAAAA!!!!!! Read into it as you’d like. I sure as hell am.