A Scene from the Official Novel Deep Time

        ‘What’s happened?’ Clara asked, appalled.
        ‘The TARDIS is dead, Clara,’ the Doctor replied.
        ‘It’s not your fault.’
        ‘Isn’t it?’ The Doctor looked bleakly at her. His eyes were like chips of blue ice. ‘I brought us here. You, me and the TARDIS. I knew it was going to be dangerous. I said so, right at the start.’
        ‘It’s always dangerous. Well, nearly always. But usually…’
        ‘Usually we escape. We survive.’ The Doctor sighed. ‘Well, you needn’t worry there. We can still do that. There’s still the Carthage, remember.’
        ‘I know, but Hobbo said it may not fly.’
        ‘Oh, I’m sure she’ll find a way. She has to. Otherwise we’ll all end up like this, eventually.’ The Doctor tapped a knuckle on the TARDIS console. And then, with sudden and explosive fury he smashed his fist down on the metal. He saw Clara flinch as the noise of it echoed around the room and smiled sadly. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.’
        ‘It’s all right, really…’
        ‘No, I think I’ve broken a finger,’ the Doctor held up his hand with a grimace of pain.

        Clara took his hand gently, and closed her fingers around his. His hand felt cold and she thought she could detect a slight tremble. Suddenly his skin looked pale and thin, like an old man’s. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said.
        ‘So am I.’

        ‘Hey, Doc,’ said Hobbo. She stood in the doorway, poking her head into the console room. ‘I tried firin’ up the Carthage an’ guess what? Looks like we might have a ship after all.’
        The Doctor nodded absently. ‘Good, good. That’s good.’
        ‘Maybe the TARDIS will be better if we get her away from the time well,’ suggested Clara. ‘Maybe once we’re free of the Carthage and the Phaeron, it’ll get better. You know, regenerate or something.’
        The Doctor nodded absently. ‘Yes, possibly,’ he agreed, but there was no conviction in his voice.
        ‘And we can’t just leave the others anyway, can we?’
        ‘They’re going to need you to help get the Carthage working, aren’t they?’
        ‘Yes, probably.’
        She led him away from the console and out of the TARDIS. She was careful to shut the door behind them, wincing as the hinges squealed in protest.

                                             —-From the official Doctor Who Novel Deep Time

        This book was written between Series 8 and Series 9, which means the writer Trevor Baxendale must have seen the smashing-TARDIS-console scene in S08E12 already, but I’m not sure if he knew anything about punching-the-diamond-wall while writing this. Nevertheless, this scene has captured the emotion and interaction between 12th Doctor and Clara so well that it moves me every time I read this. The thing is, in the Doctor’s own future, when he was punching the wall and climbing to his own death, his hands would bleed and break and hurt like hell, and he will always remember the time when Clara closed her fingers on his hands. And he would feel it, he would actually feel it in his mind TARDIS. And he would see Clara leading his way during his climbing by taking his hands. 


I really don’t know what ‘I love you’ means

I think it means ‘don’t leave me here alone.’

                                                                                                      - Neil Gaiman                                                                                                                            

Inspired by http://zerolemis.tumblr.com/post/141551019849/neil-gaiman-chrisriddellblog-dark-sonnet-by