$550/room in collective house

Bayside, CA

i beg you to read through this entire ad because it is fucking hilarious. if you’re lazy i bolded the best parts.

People often say our house is one of the most unique houses they have ever lived in or seen. Then we often say “ Exactly. You are the ten-millionth person to say that”, so, if you say something else, like: “Icch! I hate this house, you weirdos!” you could go down in history and be remembered because no one ever says that.
Sometimes we are conscious, sometimes we are idiot. Sometimes we are against the terrorists, sometimes we are for them. Sometimes we are sustainable, local, natural, organic, bpa free, soy free, gluten free, caffeine free, gmo free, food free, slavery free, and vegan but other times we eat bacon cheeseburgers cause Buddah said everything in moderation, or maybe that was my mom who said that, We dont care, but we expect you to know and you’ll be tested on this section. If you want to bring your own gluten or soy to sprinkle on your bacon avocado tofu tempeh maple syrup burger that is ok too.
Our house is a three storey farmhouse with 6 bedrooms, its super sized, its a big box, its a cozy cavern. And, its solar powered, situated on hundreds of acres of open grassland ,within walking distance to Arcata, (2.7 miles from downtown). (93 million miles from Mr. Sun) You can walk anywhere safely, only danger is stoned dreadlock kids may not see you and bump into you. Sorry dude.
Dont move to Arcata if you hate dreadlocks. We dont have any ourselves, maybe use to have some, but our house does have a big attached sunroom and is heated mostly by passive solar and maybe you never heard of that and it sounds fishy so it also has gas heat. It stays very warm. Our house is like a sunlight spa.
Pets are not allowed we already have too many. Unless you can bring a baby elephant, even if you stink and dont bathe, if you had a baby elephant you would be awesome. All the utilities are included with the rent. Washer and Dryer on premises. The room has big views all around of fields and hills.
Current residents like to tan, surf, rock climb, practice yoga, garden, hunt mushrooms, have campfires, do auto mechanics and carpentry, study herbology, light incense, rub crystals, practice massage therapy, practice ayurveda, sell real estate, grow fruit trees, make art, grow livestock, ride motorcycles, deer and goose hunt, twirl, and learn to play musical instruments and write craigslist postings. 

We also all work and have real life jobs and careers or are in school and no one trims for a living. Or if they do, they are really clever cause we thought they worked at Safeway.

All rooms in the house have great views. Full disclosure: except at night. The house has no mold or dampness, it stays dry and very warm and has a huge sunroom and a huge living room for lounging, yoga, twirling, pacing, marco polo, and looking out at the farmland which surrounds us. All around us is undeveloped pastureland, with cows, coyotes, wild geese and owls at night whooting, but we are only 2.7 miles to downtown Arcata. We have big garden spaces that we share. There is the possibility to make your own new garden also.
And there are beehives. And there is a salmon creek. And there is a ghost in the old well.
And in late summer there are wild berries and you can make as many pies as possible and put them in our chest freezer.
Our house is an art and nature paradise, we hang art all over the walls and this is a great space to make your own art, due to abundant natural light. In the common spaces are tall 10 ft ceilings and views of nature. But no one will force you to look at nature. You can, if you feel overwhelmed by beauty, go into your room and look at a computer cause we have wifi.
There are no rules about meals or lifestyles in our house, except to keep the place tidy. And no poisonous snakes or tarantulas as pets.
We like to hang out and share food spontaneously, but we all keep to our own schedules. We would like someone who is artistic, or musical or health conscious or into fitness or gardening and nature, or just original and interesting and a does not watch TV all day. We dont have one, by the way. We do have a nice piano. .
We have a 100% non tobacco smoking policy on the premises. We dont get stoned all the time or drink, but light useage is OK. If you get stoned and your personality changes, but you dont know it, that is extremely anoying. If you talk baby talk to your lover and whisper at the kitchen table around other housemates you will be tasered. Deposit is $750 but it is negotiable. If you dont have it, but you have something more special than money, special talks, money walks. Please email show contact info