tw: mental health

Screaming out to the void because I don't know how to talk to my loved ones about my emotions:

Literally nothing worse then when everything is going pretty well in life and then your brain hits you with that,

“Hey you know this is the calm before the storm right? Here have a healthy random Anxiety attack! (:”

autism is widely underdiagnosed in girls because autistic women tend to present as quiet and reserved, which is just how women are supposed to be.

personality disorders are underdiagnosed in men because they tend to present more explosively and involve more narcissistic behaviours, which is just how men are supposed to be.

sexism isn’t good for anyone. don’t be fooled.

I want to talk
about what happened
without mentioning
how much it hurt.
There has to be a way.
To care for the wounds
Without reopening them.
To name the pain
without inviting it back
into me
—  If there is a way, I’ll take it.

i feel like so many people push the idea that to recover you have to forgive your abuser(s)

no. you don’t. you do not have to forgive your abuser(s). you are under no obligation to ever forgive your abuser(s). you are allowed to believe your abuser(s) are not worthy of forgiveness. you are allowed to be unashamed and unapologetic about not forgiving your abuser(s).

you can recover at your own pace, in your own way, that works for you!

okay but Sherlock realising he doesn’t want to die. sherlock finally realising he doesn’t want to die. all those things he says about death in the room with culverton. those are his own thoughts. his own feelings. his own realisations completely separate to the situation he finds himself in. as far as he’s concerned in that situation he isn’t in any immediate peril (until culverton decides to get hands on), he set it up that the drugs going into his system are only a saline solution. he set that whole thing up. he trusts that john’s coming for him. as far as he knows everything’s as close to safe as he can make it. so everything he says about death, about being scared of death, about not wanting to die. that crack in his voice when he realises that he honestly truly believes what he’s saying as culverton asks him to repeat it. that’s all him. that’s all him

he went into that room still unstable and suicidal. he left it knowing, if nothing else, that he really. really. wants to live

People Are Ignorant About ED’s

I’d say a lot of people who suffer from an ED will turn away getting help because they feel like they are not skinny enough for it. Despite the emotional, physical and psychological pain their ED may cause- if they are not at a BMI of say 15 or less, they may turn down help due to embarrassment. It’s awful that people feel this way, and it takes great strength to seek help for an eating disorder when you are not underweight.

I know I would feel stupid coming forward and asking for help for my ED. Why? People will be confused, and would probably label me as an attention seeker. Why would I need help if I’m not skinny? How can I have an eating disorder when I look normal?

There are myths that people have about those with eating disorders. Myths taught to them by TV, eccentric magazine articles and other sources. I guess I can’t blame the public for being so misinformed about eating disorders. I was like that, too. They’ll get half the story of an AN sufferer. Only the juicy bits that the journalists feel will evoke the biggest reaction from the readers. Anything else is swept away, and forgotten.

You’ll hear the stories of anorexia nervosa sufferers, claiming to have not eaten in 3 weeks. Claiming to have quit drinking water, exercising 8 hours a day and being on the verge of death. Those stories do hold some truth, but the fact that the public is only made aware of these extreme cases of AN makes the rest of the AN sufferers seem…insignificant. The public wears blinkers. If someone is not severely underweight, if someone is eating (people think those with AN are on some kind of never-ending fast, the fuck?)- then someone can’t have AN. Case closed, brushed aside.

This misinformation is not necessarily the public’s fault. I mean, they believe what they read. Who is really going to do extensive research on EDs? Who really cares? I shouldn’t be mad, but I am.

The fear of judgment some of us feel will stop us from getting help. Fearing not being taken seriously, being laughed at, called an attention seeker, being told we’re not AN, we’re not skinny enough to be, we eat too much to be, we aren’t good enough to be, we aren’t. I’m merely speaking for myself and maybe one or two of my MPA friends. I’m not saying all of those with an ED feel this way.

This is the main reason I do not want help. I’m simply not skinny enough for it. I’m not a severe case of AN, I don’t even have bulimia, I am like… I don’t know what I am. I’m embarrassed. Too embarrassed to come forward and say I have an ED because I sure as hell don’t look like I have one.

The funny thing is though, those with EDs almost always start out at a normal weight/overweight. Their ED is there. The public will only really see it once it becomes “severe enough” to be seen. And then people act all confused, shocked, and hurt.

The closed minded nature of misinformed people have made EDs taboo.

DISCLAIMER: I am not generalizing. I am speaking from my own personal experience.

Repeat after me: you are not obliged to love your family. You are not.
If they don’t have respect for you, if they make you feel inferior, if they bully you, ignore you, abuse you in any way: you are not a bad person for not loving them, or not wanting to stay around. You dont have to do any of those things. You can go and build a family with the people who truly love you and respect you. Okay?
Stay safe, my darlings.

a note from someone who struggles with mental illness to another

when you have a broken arm you go to the doctors and they fix and set the bone for you. when you need surgery the doctor performs it.
with mental illness, one thing that is hard to accept is that you have to be your own doctor. psychiatrists can give you meds and therapists can give you advice. but ultimately you are the one in charge of healing you. you are in charge of taking your meds daily and you are in charge of employing your therapists advice. and most importantly, you are in charge of waking up every morning with the will to fight your illness even when you feel like there’s no hope.
it’s terrifying; how are you supposed to save yourself when it’s your own mind that is fighting against you? it’s frankly unfair, but that is the shitty fight that comes with mental illness. you have to realize YOU are the light at the end of the tunnel YOU are the person who will save yourself.
it’s horrible but never give up. take charge of your own happiness, find your own inner strength to rise up and save yourself – you are strong enough.
And please please remember that you are never alone. Message me if you need a friend I’m always here for you

Tonight an Armenian man was admitted to the psychiatric hospital on an emergency basis with some kind of really serious psychotic break, but we couldn’t figure out what was going on with him because he didn’t speak English.

So we called the hospital administration for an Armenian translator, which is apparently complicated at the best of times but practically impossible on Christmas Eve. Finally somebody agreed to come in from far away, but he seemed pretty confused and angry by the whole thing and didn’t actually speak English that well. My boss tried to explain the situation to him, but he wasn’t interested and might not have even really understood. He just demanded “Take me to man, I will translate.” So we did.

So the translator goes into the patient’s room, and the patient gets really excited and starts talking in Armenian in this very animated way. The translator gets more and more upset, and finally he takes my boss into the corridor outside the room and shouts,

“THIS MAN IS A FUCKING LUNATIC!”

People really hate you for loving yourself 🤔The #bodypositive movement has been mocked by so many and I’ve felt almost embarrassed by it and never thought I’d make a post explaining my journey to self love and positivity.

Ofcourse as a fat darkskin women I’ve heard my fair share of hate and ridicule in my everday life, but never online. I’ve learned to surround myself with like minded people who understand media manipulation and marketing targeted at women to make them hate themselves for corporate greed. 💅

A few days ago I was getting dressed to go to the park with my five year old neice and she asked me “why are you so fat?” Ofcourse my first reaction was to laugh because it was hilarious! Why am I so fat!? But then she processed to say “you used to look normal and know you’re so big”.

Normal. I was never “normal”. I’ve been fat my entire life except for two years in high school when I spent half the time starving myself and the other half purging my food. It was the word normal that triggered such an intense emotion. I tried to figure out a away to explain to this little five year old girl that fat is normal. It’s my normal and it’s ok. Because in just her five years on earth she’s already been taught that it isn’t. And all of my life I have been taught that it isn’t until I switched my narrative and realized that for me it is.

Screw all the “but your health” creeps. No one gave a damn about my health when I went days without eating and had a ‘healthy" bmi. No one cares until you choose to live your life without the “rules” that have been engraved in us like stone. So yea I think my fat stomach, stretch marks and flabby arms are beautiful and you know what you can kiss if you don’t!🍑