tw: internalized misogyny

if you were previously homophobic but realize you were wrong: that’s ok, u are learning
if you are struggling with internalized misogyny: that’s ok too, keep fighting to overcome the sexism that society perpetuates
if you were accidentally trans phobic but are fixing it: great, we need everyone on our side
if at any point u were wrong and are trying to fix it: we accept you and we were all there. keep working to be a good person

Remember, kids, the anti-feminism movement is primarily run by men (and their brainwashed girlfriends) who don’t want to have women equal to them. 

So when a woman says,“I don’t need feminism,” she does. Pity her. And then fight harder for equal rights so that someday, women don’t feel like they need to pretend to not want equality to get a guy to like them. 

I actually feel really sorry for girls that “don’t make friends with girls” because they long ago decided that girls make too much drama and are too superficial.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some good guy friends, but girl friends are literally the best in the world. Girls will support you and defend you and be there for you. Girls will never complain about a “friend zone” and you don’t have to worry about a girl being your friend just to get in your pants. And I’m totally including queer women in that because girls aren’t shitty and will respect your boundaries.

idk it’s just SO WEIRD AND GROSS to me that girls are told from a young age that “girls create drama” so it’s better to have guy friends. Especially since any girl drama is insignificant compared to the shitstorms that straight men will stir up.

Some Clarification on Internalized Racism/Misogyny

Internalized racism is not someone disagreeing with a black person’s opinion despite being black themselves.

Internalized racism is my grandmother saying that you can’t count on black people because they’re lazy.

Internalized misogyny is not a woman wanting to look cute for a guy on a date.

Internalized misogyny is my mother’s friend saying that I can’t get a man because I won’t let him dictate what I wear to the grocery store.

Internalized racism isn’t a woman wearing hair weaves.

Internalized racism is my other grandmother wearing blonde wigs because she doesn’t think highly of dark skinned people and because good hair is “silky, straight.”

Internalized misogyny isn’t being sweet for your boyfriend.

Internalized misogyny is my mother suggesting that my cousin’s girlfriend deserved being cheated on “because he’s young” or maybe his girlfriend wasn’t interesting. 

…and so on and so forth.

Basically, before you just start tossing bullshit around, clarify what it actually means instead of just using buzz words to validate your shoddy opinion.

  • Woman: I believe and advocate for the law to treat every person equally, regardless of sex and/or gender.
  • Feminist: Then you must be a feminist!
  • Woman: No, I believe modern feminism has lost its roots, that it is no longer about reaching equality and is instead about women dominating over men. Because of these reasons I am an anti-feminist.
  • Feminist: Then you can just give up your rights to vote, education, and all the other things feminism has gained for you!
  • Woman: I didn't say I was against the equal rights gained by feminists in the past, I said I was against the modern form of fem-
  • Feminist: You must just have internalized misogyny! You are clearly brainwashed by the patriarchy into thinking that somehow feminism isn't good!

I’ve seen a lot of you making sarcastic comments about posts like “I want someone to sit in pajamas with and watch Disney movies.” If you’re shitting all over people saying this–if you’re shitting all over young teenage girls idealizing relationships–you obviously do not know what makes a long term relationship work at all. At all, at all.

Yeah, you want someone who will take you to the movies and fancy dinners where you get all dolled up and wear your cutest clothe and they bring flowers, things like that. That stuff’s nice. That’s the mountains.

But we don’t live in the mountains. We live in the valley. If you’re hoping for a successful long term relationship, you need someone who KNOWS that we live in the valley. Someone who understands that big, romantic gestures are all well and good, but that they aren’t a relationship. Getting all gussied up for the next event? You really think that’s what a relationship is?

A relationship is deciding to make sandwiches for lunch, not worrying that you might get something stuck between your teeth, knowing that if you do, shit, they’ll tell you.

A relationship is feeling comfortable enough about someone that you CAN feel secure and happy just sitting in your pajamas and watching old movies.

Now, I would talk about how transparent the misogyny is when y'all mock posts like that, but you clearly aren’t ready for that. 

Men's 'right' to women's bodies knows no age limit

The other night on main-stream TV I saw a woman being interviewed about her new book on menopause.

She was saying that menopause should not be a taboo subject and that women need to be able to discuss the subject openly. (So far, so good.)

She then said that all women should know and understand their bodies and how they function and that menopause is natural and should be treated as such. (Still so far, so good.)

Then she said that menopause has both advantages and disadvantages - but that “the good news” is that “loss of libido is treatable”.

Wait, what?

It is “treatable”.

Women can get “medical treatment” for loss of libido.  Although menopause is “natural” - loss of sex drive is a “treatable” condition. 

Surely a contradictory stance?!

Even though menopause is “natural” and it is “common” and “normal” to loose one’s sex drive in menopause - not wanting to have sex is a medical condition requiring “treatment”!  That “treatment” is available for this entirely “natural, normal and common” aspect woman’s experience - is apparently “good news” (interestingly, she didn’t say who it was ‘good news’ for).

A woman not wanting to have sex - has been medicalized and pathologized to the point that it needs “treatment” - in other words, when older women do not want to have sex - that is a problem, requiring correction. 

Why is that? Well, let’s have a think shall we….um…

Monica Lewinisky wrote an INCREDIBLY GOOD article on the scandal and misogyny and slut shaming she faced and on internet bullying and other topics for Vanity Fair. I really recommended it. In the article, she also calls out feminists who threw her under the bus, but also lays out an incredibly good indictment of misogyny and male dominance in our culture as it related to her experiences.

It’s rattled me somewhat because to see what feminists were saying about her at the time GREATLY shook my faith in the movement. It was ABYSMAL. Monica Lewinsky expresses respect for feminist causes and achievements but does not, unsurprisingly, identify herself as a feminist. This is one of those times where NOT identifying as a feminist makes sense. Because this is a person who seems committed to pro-women cause, but it NOT for the hypocrisy and internalized misogyny and other fucked up problems with the mainstream feminist movement.

I still identify as a feminist, but I’m so disappointed. I know feminism as a movement has long had many huge problems, but something about how the article was framed and the quotes she showed of prominent feminists and their EXTREME misogyny toward her…it just REALLY articulated for me how fucked up the mainstream movement is. There are too many prominent feminist figures who are actually anti-woman when they find benefit from stepping on other women they see as “less-than.”

Hey though, remember when there was a manga series that had a two chapter part on a transwoman who struggled with her identity and likened herself to Jeanne D'arc, always forced to keep fighting and defending herself from the views of others?

And once her entire class heard her talk about how much pain she went through, they all apologized over their misunderstanding (having thought she stole a girl’s makeup when it was actually hers all along) and rallied to get the school to allow her to wear the female uniform and go by Jeanne from then on?

In other news, I still really love Genkaku Picasso like burning.