tw: internalized fatphobia

anonymous asked:

about the mental illness and trauma thing: I always thought that bigger bodies looked better than thinner bodies (just because idk why) -- my abuser attacked me for gaining weight, so once I got away from him I actively tried to gain weight because I knew it would make HIM find me unattractive, even though I myself found it attractive. Is there any chance that some of these survivors were like that or ...?

We’ll never know what these survivors were actually thinking, unfortunately. Unless we hear it directly from their mouth, I dont feel comfortable assuming . 

As far as your particular story, it stems from fatphobia. Not /your/ fatphobia, per se. But you worked on changing your body to keep yourself looking attractive to a fatphobic person. I’m glad you’re comfortable with your body to not feed into internalized fatphobia.. but that’s still not fun to feel that you need to change your body to get away from someone. 

Hugs to you. <3 

- Mod Dom. 

Former fat people are the most bitter & fatphobic people on this earth , im sorry you couldn’t love yourself & that your miserable but that’s not any happy fat persons problem & you need to stop harassing them & acting like some kind of fucking savior because all you are is a jealous ass that cant stand to see anyone happy that didnt kill themselves to be what society wants .

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Virgie Tovar’s Guide to Fat Girl Living: Internalized Fatphobia

“hang out with some fat people, make some fat friends!!!”

I think the worst thing about being fat is when you believe it defines you.

I can be thinking about all my accomplishments and being proud of myself, but then I remember that I am overweight and it just cancels everything out for me. Everything I do and everything I have done that is worth being proud of is overshadowed by my weight and suddenly I feel worthless and disgusting.

In my head I can reason away that I am being irrational, but the feeling is still there.

I was raped by my (then) boyfriend at age 15. When I went for help after seeing him with a co-worker (who then flaunted her pregnancy, despite me trying to talk to her), and tried to talk to a shrink, I was not only told that the PTSD I was suffering was not my biggest problem and so not worth her time, but was questioned as to “why I went back for a second time”. She scoffed at me when I told her I felt like it was love. Like I deserved it. Because I was fat and unloveable, and he was the first person to show me a shred of attention.

Submitted by kananyeh:

Opinion? I found this pretty offensive in some way.


“I’m fat, and therefore I am the authority on this, so listen up everyone: if you’re fat, you’re not allowed to wear what you want or be a sexual person!”

“It’s our ~job~ to look presentable for thin people.”

Okay friend.

It’s not anybody’s job to do anything to make other people more comfortable with them because they’re different. 

My job is to be kawaii as hell all day long because it makes me happy. Maybe that woman’s job is to be luscious as hell because it makes her happy.

-1,000 fatty points, sir.

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Virgie Tovar’s Guide to Fat Girl Living:

Internalized Fatphobia

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check out @MarieDenee’s new video “watching our words” - stop telling others what (not) to wear!

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I’ve gained some weight recently and as a result I’ve been struggling with body image issues. Don’t get me wrong, I try my best to be body positive and not fatphobic, and I have no problem seeing other fat people as the gorgeous and amazing people they are, but I can never quite see myself in that light. I guess it’s like, I feel like my curves are in the ‘wrong’ places, and my fat isn’t pretty like theirs is, it’s not settled on my body in a way that looks as beautiful as others. And yes I know, I don’t have as much extra weight as others so maybe I don’t even have a right to be complaining about this, I don’t know… I just have a lot of internalized shit going on.
ANYWAY, long story short, I drew this in an attempt to accept myself as I am and to prove to myself that my curves can be beautiful even if they are in the 'wrong’ places and my torso looks like the stay-puft marshmallow man and my arms are fat and my thighs are jiggly. Accepting myself and my body is a work in progress, but I’m working on it.

My sister has always been fatter than me… sometimes we could share clothes, but she was always bigger.

When I was young, we used to play this ‘game’ called ‘Bigger or smaller?’: whenever we would be in a public place and we spotted a fat woman, my sister would covertly ask me ‘Bigger or smaller?’, wanting to know if she was bigger or smaller than that woman so she could visualize how others saw her fat body.

Isn’t that majorly fucked up? I am only now realizing how much she must have hated her own body to have felt the need to do that. :/

FYI: This is the smallest that my butt has been in my post-puberty life.

(My measurements are 36″/32″/42″ now– pre-testosterone, at my curviest, my measurements were 34″/28″/48″)

I am always going to have a very big butt, and there is nothing I can do about that. I am INCREDIBLY self-conscious about it, but there it is. 

Today’s sketching.

Felt like an important return because I realized- I’m just not making enough images about people who look like me. I believe in reflecting the totality of what I see. In a year where I felt so impacted by police killings, and #RepresentationMatters and #WeNeedDiverseBooks campaigns, I realized that my politics are not reflected in the way my art is coming out.

I still remember the first time I saw that vintage photoset of queer couples in tuxes and petticoats and just how real it made me feel, to see this proof that we existed in history; or how big of a deal images of fat women being happy and thriving were when I first started gaining weight; or this wave of something that washed over me when I saw these majestic paintings of black women by Sara Golish.

I want to be part of producing images that make people in my communities feel heard and seen and real. So that’s my goal for 2015.

Two things about tonight:

1. I spent a long time in a space that was (inaccurately) read to be a women only space (for a department event) and it made me incredibly uncomfortable, as a nb person and since our department has people of many genders among its ranks. It reminded me very much of joyyoungpoetry’s poem “Unbuttoning My Boy Shirt” and I kept thinking about decepticons and how I am such a good one bc I dress femme 90% of the time. And I kept wrestling with myself for being uncomfortable and I hated my dress very much and had such a hard time decided what to wear bc I wanted to be in a nice button up with a tie but I don’t have access to those clothes really and I have a hard time giving these worries value, they often feel so silly.

2. I forgot how weird people are about bodies and fat. I forgot all my friends and I spent years unlearning internalized fatphobia and that my best friends worked hard to create a space to support and understand me and my body. To make my body feel valued and valuable. To not hate their bodies when they tended toward mine. Yeah. Not everyone is like that, even in a radical feminist space. And that’s really fucking disappointing.

internalized fatphobia, suicidal thoughts,

i cant do this any more
i just want people to thinj im beautiful and hot but they dont and they never will and i just want to know what its like not to be fat one time, like to go to a normal store and buy domething because it looks how its supposed to look
i dont think i can try out for the role that i want in the class production because the character is supposed to be sexy and attractive and theres just no way anyone would ever think of me that way, and the girl who im going up against is thin and honestly i just want to die because im so embarrassed that i even thoughy i might have a chancr
whats it like to be normal
i just want to be normal for a day just to know