in addition to this being an outfit post, I wanted to talk about something a little more personal today, too. this is to the people who are new to body positivity or who are just struggling right now. for those who look at others and think they’ll never get to where that person is. I’m here to tell you that even the most positive, confident people still have bad body days. which isn’t at all to say our bodies ARE bad, but just because we have learned to question how we look at ourselves - it doesn’t mean we also don’t fall into old familiar patterns of doubt and insecurities.
today I wanted to dress a bit more androgynous. I figured a cute feminine button down with suspenders and high waisted shorts would do the trick. I got ready, felt like a total babe when leaving the house, and then came taking the ootd pictures. I always check the first few that foxy takes to check the lighting and when I did this time, I found myself instinctively cringing.
what was I focusing so hard on? my legs. you see - despite being in the body positive/fat posi world for many years now..I still rarely see legs like mine. my limbs are obviously very large. so large that I’ve even had people ask if I have lymphedema. nope - just fat, like they’ve always been. as I’ve gained weight they’ve just gotten fatter..as would be expected. my legs are not smooth, they are lumpy and have rolls all their own. like I said, I don’t see legs like mine a lot despite spending a fair amount of time looking at fat babes. a lot of fat people seem to have slimmer calves/ankles which is definitely not the case for me. trying to fit into thigh high socks or ankle boots is laughable, really. so I haven’t gotten a lot of representation for my legs and I feel a tad guilty saying that when I first saw them today via picture - I didn’t feel so confident anymore.
I’m mostly just telling this so you can know that the ‘popular’ body posi people still have days like these. days where we feel totally confident leaving the house and catch a glimpse of ourselves in different lighting or angles and that confidence dissipates. you know what though? despite the insecurities and feeling a bit more bare than I was comfortable with, I still went into the bookstore and had a good time. I still let myself exist openly because no matter what my legs, or myself, look like..I still deserve to take up space like anyone else. despite not feeling 100% confident with them, I know that my legs and my body in general are not offensive for existing. my body is not offensive.
I’m posting these photos and this story because it scares me a little bit to do so. I know these pictures are more likely to be targeted and posted on fat hate boards, but you know what..I’m not ashamed of how I look in them or for existing as I am. nobody’s bodies are shameful - and that includes mine and it includes yours. so just know even when you’re feeling those unsettling feelings about your body, that it’s okay and you’re okay. despite it being hard - we’re all okay.
and now - ootd details :p
top ~ modcloth (4x)
shorts ~ newlook (US 26)
suspenders ~ ebay
shoes ~ journeys