tw: clothes sizes

9

in addition to this being an outfit post, I wanted to talk about something a little more personal today, too.  this is to the people who are new to body positivity or who are just struggling right now.  for those who look at others and think they’ll never get to where that person is.  I’m here to tell you that even the most positive, confident people still have bad body days.  which isn’t at all to say our bodies ARE bad, but just because we have learned to question how we look at ourselves - it doesn’t mean we also don’t fall into old familiar patterns of doubt and insecurities.

today I wanted to dress a bit more androgynous.  I figured a cute feminine button down with suspenders and high waisted shorts would do the trick.  I got ready, felt like a total babe when leaving the house, and then came taking the ootd pictures.  I always check the first few that foxy takes to check the lighting and when I did this time, I found myself instinctively cringing.  

what was I focusing so hard on?  my legs.  you see - despite being in the body positive/fat posi world for many years now..I still rarely see legs like mine.  my limbs are obviously very large.  so large that I’ve even had people ask if I have lymphedema.  nope - just fat, like they’ve always been.  as I’ve gained weight they’ve just gotten fatter..as would be expected.  my legs are not smooth, they are lumpy and have rolls all their own.  like I said, I don’t see legs like mine a lot despite spending a fair amount of time looking at fat babes.  a lot of fat people seem to have slimmer calves/ankles which is definitely not the case for me.  trying to fit into thigh high socks or ankle boots is laughable, really.  so I haven’t gotten a lot of representation for my legs and I feel a tad guilty saying that when I first saw them today via picture - I didn’t feel so confident anymore.

I’m mostly just telling this so you can know that the ‘popular’ body posi people still have days like these.  days where we feel totally confident leaving the house and catch a glimpse of ourselves in different lighting or angles and that confidence dissipates.  you know what though? despite the insecurities and feeling a bit more bare than I was comfortable with, I still went into the bookstore and had a good time.  I still let myself exist openly because no matter what my legs, or myself, look like..I still deserve to take up space like anyone else.  despite not feeling 100% confident with them, I know that my legs and my body in general are not offensive for existing.  my body is not offensive.

I’m posting these photos and this story because it scares me a little bit to do so.  I know these pictures are more likely to be targeted and posted on fat hate boards, but you know what..I’m not ashamed of how I look in them or for existing as I am.  nobody’s bodies are shameful - and that includes mine and it includes yours.  so just know even when you’re feeling those unsettling feelings about your body, that it’s okay and you’re okay.  despite it being hard - we’re all okay.

and now - ootd details :p
top ~ modcloth (4x)
shorts ~ newlook (US 26)
suspenders ~ ebay
shoes ~ journeys


 

real talk, what is up with hot topic shirt sizes. now i’m no super model, but i don’t think that i should be wearing an extra large t-shirt. 

news flash, hot topic - plus size people like your clothes too and i think you should make your standards a bit larger so you can accommodate all kinds of people. some of your shirts are really cute. people of all sizes are really cute. like, c'mon. make your sizes a bit bigger.

i’m not being funny but the average clothes size in the uk is a 14-16

but for some products, the asos website lists their sizes as:

s - 8

m - 10

l- 12

xl - 14

the ’m’ for medium implies that it’s in the middle, between ‘small’ and 'large’ and is an average. a size ten is not average in our country. and a size fourteen is not 'extra large’.

NO WONDER WE ALL HAVE COMPLEXES. WE’RE BEING JUDGED AND LABELLED AND BRANDED BY PEOPLE WHO’VE NEVER MET US. THE AVERAGE IS NO LONGER THE AVERAGE. NORMAL IS NOW 'DISGUSTING AND REPULSIVE’. A SIZE FOURTEEN, ON AVERAGE, IS NOT LARGE, LET ALONE EXTRA LARGE. YES SOME PEOPLE WHO ARE A SIZE FOURTEEN ARE UNHEALTHY, BUT SO ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO ARE A SIZE ZERO SO WHY ARE THERE SO MANY STIGMAS ATTACHED TO SIZES. DON’T BRAND PEOPLE WITH ’S’ OR ’M’ OR 'L’ OR 'XL’. THAT’S NOT A THING. YOU CAN’T SAY SOMEONE’S 'EXTRA LARGE’. THAT’S HOW YOU DESCRIBE A PIZZA NOT A PERSON.

Hooray for Pants!

(TW: body image and clothing sizes)

I’m not sure when it happened but out of nowhere one day none of my pants fit anymore. I would wake up in my dorm, open my drawer and there was not a single pair of pants in there that I could wear. Even worse was that lately I have been really achy in the morning and trying to get into a pair of jeans was actually painful. This was just a huge blow to my confidence. Having my own clothing hurt me was just so upsetting. The day I came home for spring break I asked my mom if i could buy pants for the first time in 5 years and she gave me some money (yes, my mom is pretty awesome). Thanks to Target and its cool little different style system (Its got numbers for all different fits of jeans) I now actually have 3 pairs of jeans that fit and damn does it feel good. I don’t care what the number on the label is its nothing but a unit of measure, but it just feels so much better knowing I have clothes that fit. It makes me feel happy to be the size I am instead of trying to shrink myself to something else just so I can get dressed. So Hooray for Pants!