tw: cannibalism

I was at what appeared to be a group therapy session when suddenly a man with an oversized gun walked in. Stefan Karl Stefansson (the actor who played Robbie Rotten in Lazytown) handed the man a giant lollipop, and the man just walked out. Only a few seconds later (despite never having left the room), Stefan informed everyone in the room that the police had arrested the man who was a wanted cannibal and that they had confiscated his truck full of “food”.

τῷ δ᾽ ὥς ποθι Μοῖρα κραταιὴ
γιγνομένῳ ἐπένησε λίνῳ, ὅτε μιν τέκον αὐτή,
ἀργίποδας κύνας ἆσαι ἑῶν ἀπάνευθε τοκήων
ἀνδρὶ πάρα κρατερῷ, τοῦ ἐγὼ μέσον ἧπαρ ἔχοιμι
ἐσθέμεναι προσφῦσα: τότ᾽ ἄντιτα ἔργα γένοιτο
παιδὸς ἐμοῦ
-
Thus mighty Fate spun for [Hector] at his birth
with her flaxen thread, when I myself gave birth to him:
Quick-footed dogs would eat their fill of him, far from his parents,
before a brutal man, whose inmost liver I wish I could
devour, clinging on: at that moment would acts of vengeance for my son be born.
— 

Iliad 24.209-14

Translation notes: Hecuba uses a different word for “swift-footed” than the famous epithet of Achilles, but synonyms aside, it seems likely that she is purposefully associating him with corpse-desecrating dogs. (The beginning of the epic also hints at this, when it relates that the rage of Achilles made many heroes prey for dogs.) Hecuba’s own rage over Hector’s death then drives her to wish, viciously dog-like herself, that she could eat Achilles’ liver out of his torso.

I can’t believe I just saw a pro-lifer trying to argue against abortion by comparing it to Jeff.

“Jeffrey Dahmer had body parts in his refrigerator just like Planned Parenthood!”

Oh, how witty… except when you stop to consider that it makes no sense.

The people at Planned Parenthood aren’t eating the babies.

And they don’t have a particular fondness for black ones.

WEIRD CONVERSATIONS WITH LIBRARIANS
  • Me: I have a couple of books on reserve.
  • Librarian: You here for the pile of stuff on cannibalism and dismemberment?
  • Me: Yes.
  • Librarian: Weren't you here last week for a bunch of books on castration?
  • Me: Maybe.
  • Librarian: I don't want to know.
  • Me: I don't blame you.

Fritz Haarmann, age forty-five, was convicted of raping and murdering twenty-seven young men in Hanover between 1918 and 1924. Haarmann, who was a police agent and private investigator, lured schoolboys or drifters from the Hanover railway station back to his apartment. There he attacked his victims and killed them by chewing through their throats. Afterward he sold their flesh to local butcher shops and restaurants, claiming it was pork, while dumping their bones into the river behind his apartment. It was the finding of numerous skulls in the river that hed to Haarmann’s eventual arrrest.

Haarman confessed to police:

“I never intended to kill those youths. Some of the boys had come before. I wanted to protect them from myself because I knew what would happen if I had my way with them. I cried out, “Submit to me but do not let me loose control.” When I would go out of control I would bite them and suck their necks. Some of the boys at the Cafe Kropcke liked to practice “terminal sex” and “breath play”. Sometimes we struggled for hours this way. It was sometimes difficult for me to get an erection. Lately it has happened more often. It used to worry me; “God oh God, where is it going to end?” I would throw myself with my full weight onto these youths. The were worn out by the excesses and the debauchery. I would bite through their Adam’s apple and probably strangle and throttle them with my hands. I would collapse on the corpse. I would then go and make myself some strong black coffee. I would put the body on the floor and cover the face with a cloth so that he would not gaze back at me. I would open the abdomen with two cuts and empty the intestines into a bucket. I would dip a towel into the abdominal cavity and keep doing it until it had soaked up all the blood. Then I would make three cuts from the ribs towards the shoulders, grip the ribs and force them open until the bones around the shoulders broke. Then I would cut into that area. I could then extract the heart, lungs, and kidneys and chop them up and put them in my bucket. I would then sever the legs and then the arms. I would clean the flesh off the bones and put it in my hole. It would take me five or six trips to take everything out and dump it down the toilet or into the river. I would cut off the penis after I had emptied and cleaned the chest and stomach cavities. I would chop it up into lots of little pieces. I always hated doing this, but I could not help myself - my obsession was much stronger than the horror of the cutting and chopping. I would take apart the heads last. I used a small kitchen knife to peel away the scalp and cut it up into little strips and squares. I would put the skull face down on a straw mat and wrap it in rags so that it would make less noise. I would then smash it with the blunt edge of an ace until the joins in the skull split apart. The brain went in the bucket and the bone chips into the river opposite the castle. I gave the clothes away or sold them.”