tw: binarism

me normally: its cool, characters with no explicit mention of their gender or sexuality can be headcanoned any way you want, just don’t be mean to other people about their headcanons and everyone can play this awesome game and relate to these characters :)

me after seeing this shit: actually you know what fuck you Blanche is totally agender now, Candela is a trans woman and her and Blanche are FUCKING MARRIED and Sporky my son is a bisexual trans boy FUCKING  F I G H T  M E

i want you all to look very closely at queer coding and villains in fiction and realize how often it coincides with jewish coding.

jewish culture produces what gentiles perceive to be unacceptably “bossy” (behaviorally dominant/“masculine”) women and unacceptably “feeble” (behaviorally gentle/“feminine”) men.. our deviation from white gentiles’ gender binary standards is treated as an aberration.

and (hopefully) we all know that jews have basically been stereotyped as the very notion of evil in western literature. idk i would just really like for my goyische friends to take extra care to notice stereotyped jewish coding in fiction

an example of intersectional acephobia if ever there was one...

“…seriously??” i thought to myself upon getting this notification via the YouTube app, in my email inbox and then on the YouTube homepage. i was just going to ignore it and move on, but after seeing the same notification for a third time i decided to look further…

…i was prepared for things to get worse, but not this worse. the above is only a sample of the bullshit that can be found on this guy’s YouTube channel. dare i even subject myself to watching any of the videos, let alone the video in question?

as always, curiosity killed the cat…

…… this guy was pointed in my direction by someone who has obviously watched several of my videos (ie. by someone who cannot not know that i am non-binary) but who is still misgendering me and who for some reason felt the need to disclose personal information about me, my mental health and my family to this acephobic misogynoiristic piece of shit asshat of all people??? as a means of combatting this asshat’s bullshit??? not to mention all of the other problematic things that were said.

i just… i can’t even. i can’t touch this right now. i will explode. it will be messy. it will be ugly.

seriously, do not touch this guy’s YouTube channel. i’m not linking it here for a reason. spare yourself the pain. i just need to vent somewhere. ugh.

I really hate how I feel the need to get permission to use labels that I know fit me.

Because I don’t have a paper diagnosis

Because non-binary genders are treated like not a real thing or not really trans

Because I can walk sometimes

Because I do well in school (even if it kills me)

Because I don’t look like someone with that title

Because I’m poor but maybe not poor enough

Because bisexuality is apparently not real

Because I’m not the right kind of thing

Because I’m too scared to ask for help or let myself break down

Because admitting that I am something is scary

a quick rant about those silly kids who see Tumblr posts on ~*Genderqueerness*~ and decide to Be Like Fake Trans because it's ~*So Trendy*~

…did i say ‘rant about those silly kids’? I meant a rant about the people who think genderqueerness is a 'trend’, that non-binary genders don’t exist and anyone who identifies as such is obviously just some attention-desperate trend-hopper only claiming genderqueerness because of Tumblr.

because, y'know. you can’t believe everything you see on the Internet. Therefore if you see something more on the Internet than in real life, it’s obviously fake. and if it’s predominately on Tumblr then Tumblr is causing the fakeness. and even if it is real then getting your information from Tumblr instead of a Qualified Gender Specialist still means you’re wrong, wrong, wrong. Right?

Okay. I know i can only speak from my own experience here, so… (note most of this predates my use of Tumblr. Hell, most of this predates the existence of Tumblr.)

  • Age 14: Boobs. And dysphoria. And presuming i would eventually 'get used to them’, which even then felt like bullshit because whoa. how would i ever get used to that.
  • Age 14-18 (high school): i am not even going to bother describing all this. Basically normal high school drama + dysphoria + turns out i’m asexual, which i didn’t realise at the time + pressure from my grandmother to 'be more ladylike’, all of which combined to make me feel like i failed at everything in life, including but not limited to being a proper version of my birth-assigned gender.
  • Age 18: Start seriously considering breast reduction surgery. Because after four years i am still Not Used To *Them* and probably never will be. Can’t afford it yet anyway but fully decide it will be the first and probably only purely cosmetic surgery i ever get.
  • Age 21, February-ish: College roommate makes casual (and derogatory) statement about 'those freaks who don’t like sex, they’re called 'asexuals’.’ Nod politely, wait for her to leave room, damn near break ankle diving for computer to look up this new and suddenly vitally important new word. Most of high school suddenly makes much more sense.
  • March: Lurking on AVEN forums, discover thread for asexual trans* people. First real exposure to transanything outside of crap TV shows depicting trans* folk as little more than drag queens and cross-dressers. Briefly wonder if my tomboyishness might actually be a bit more than that.
  • April: Did i say 'briefly wonder’? I meant wonder, dismiss as ridiculous, then spend a month with the idea popping up again at random (read: constant) moments. Eventually acknowledge i could very well be a trans guy. but not a very manly trans guy. Decide not to do anything about it just yet - not even properly research transgender issues. still sort of in denial and hoping it would 'go away’ if i just didn’t think about it. Yeah, kind of like i hoped i would just 'get used to’ my chest. even though it was now seven years since boobs showed up and i still wasn’t used to them.
  • May: In the midst of worse dysphoria than usual, decide to see if i can find any resources on drag kings, non-transitioning transgender men, or other relatively quick and non-permanent ways to 'transition’ (or at least pass) because i just could not stay as i was all the time and actually be happy. I mean, i could be happy sometimes - plenty of times - but consistent moments of misery would crop up based mostly on gender issues. Seemed kind of self-defeating to just roll with that shit when i knew the cause and might be able to find a way to fix it. Discover forum for transgender people, which includes forum board focusing on androgynes, genderqueers, and non-binary gender variants. Click. 'Oh my god! That’s me! THAT’S ME! That’s why i’ve never been fully happy with my body, even though i think it’s beautiful! That’s why the idea of being transgender made so much sense but the idea of being a boy didn’t! That’s who i am! That’s me, that’s me, that’s me!
  • Age 21-24: closeted genderqueer. That’s right, binarists. I knew i was a non-binary gender variant and didn’t come out right away and make it some ~*big trendy hipster 'oh my gender? you’ve probably never heard of it’*~ deal.
  • Age 24: got sick of being in the closet. Came out to Mum 'officially’ because i didn’t want her finding out accidentally. Started blogging and otherwise trying to spread the news about this shit because quite frankly, i shouldn’t have had to be in the closet to begin with. I shouldn’t have spent seven, count 'em seven, years being so unsure of myself. I shouldn’t have spent months knowing i wasn’t cis but not quite sure what i really was. I shouldn’t have found out everything i did through freaking accident.
  • Age 25: still genderqueer. Hello there.

So. Basically, i have no doubt there are people who discover genderqueerness through Tumblr, or Facebook, or Twitter, or whatever. That’s damn near how i discovered it; it was just luck of search engine results and timing that landed me on a transgender forum instead of a transgender Tumblr account. That does not make the gender identity of the people who discover genderqueerness that way any less valid. It just means there is still a serious breakdown in queer education. (Which is quite true of just about every queer area.) That so many people are finding out about genderqueerness through Tumblr says more good things about Tumblr than it does bad things about non-binary gender identities.

I also have no doubt there are some people who appropriate genderqueer identities as a trendy attention-getter. Kind of like how there are some fully straight girls who appropriate lesbian/bisexual identities and make out with other girls in order to gain male attention. This does not mean all lesbians/bisexuals are 'fake’ or all androgynes are 'fake’. It means the world still has assholes in it. This should not be a shock to anyone.

TL;DR: if you call my gender a trend/phase/etc. i will call you an incompetent douchenozzle who doesn’t even know what a 'trend’ is. Four years? Including three in which i didn’t tell anyone else about my trendy-ass self? On top of seven years of just, what, desperately searching and waiting for this trend to appear and make my trendy life complete? Eleven. Unfucking. Years. of gender issues. SO TRENDY.

so much oppressive thought depends on the perceived proximity to the white western concept of womanhood

(example: this is why being non-intersex dfab trans is privileged over being dmab trans and/or intersex - dfab trans people are perceived by the cis majority as moving “towards” maleness, seen as more positive than dmab people seen as moving “towards” femaleness, and intersex people who are seen as an aberration from the false binary idea of sex and gender. however, all of us are oppressed because we are unable to perform cis white gender standards “correctly.” all of this is complete nonsense irrelevant to what trans and intersex ppl’s actual genders and sexes reflect but it’s Cis Thinking)

and it’s not just strictly gender-related oppression that sees it this way either.. it’s bigotry against queer people (queer men are percieved in closer proximity to womanhood and queer women are seen as not performing womanhood “correctly” - nb people are seen as an impossible outlier), jewish people (again, jewish women are perceived as unacceptably dominant/“masculine” and jewish men are perceived as unacceptably feeble/“feminine”), people of color (cannot possibly perform white gender standards “correctly”), disabled people (you get the idea), poor people, fat people.

it’s a pervasive thought present in almost every form of oppression in the western world

I hate freaking gender-neutral pronouns...

Honestly, the big deal surrounding them is freaking confusing.

At this point, I might just say “screw it” and embrace being called “binarist” and “cis-scum”, simply for not wanting to use weird freaking pronouns like “xe”, “xis”, “xir”, “they”, “their”, and “them” for gender-neutral people. 

I don’t freaking care.

I get too much of a headache thinking about gender sometimes.

Besides, “they”? That is a plural. A person is singular.

i cant BELIEVE im having to come back from my hiatus to post this

hi ok i cant believe this needs to be said but if youre telling an nb person that they cant use certain pronouns (especially if youre binary) then you really need to stop bc nb people are erased on a daily basis and misgendered a metric fuckton and if certain pronouns (for example purr pronouns) make someone comfortable then its not your place to say anything.

for me personally a lot of specifically non-binary pronouns (like ne/nem/nir or ey/em/eir or zhe/zher/zhirs) and even they/them pronouns make me feel like i am alienating myself and they are very dissonant and more androgynous and they make me feel personally depersonified and not just depersonified as a person like the word normally means but depersonified as in it makes me feel like im inconguous and clashing with everything around me and like i dont have the right to be considered as valid of a being as anyone else and it makes me extremely uncomfortable.

thats also without even mentioning that i end up constantly misgendering myself because my memory sucks balls unless i have something to associate said pronouns with.

the new pronouns that people are coming up with solve these issues, believe it or not, because they stem from preexisting words and they arent abrasive and settle in nicely with previously established language, and aren’t as jarring in the middle of a sentence as a lot of non-themed nb pronouns.

if your problem stems just from the fact that they come from objects or animals or even mechanical things or space or mythology, then fuckkkkk off. you are blatantly ignoring the fact that literally every single name (unless it’s just a random assortment of letters) has SOME kind of meaning, and often that meaning is a plant or location or something akin to those things.

take, for example, the name lila. it can mean a shitload of different things.

it can be a derivative of the name lilith, from mythology. it can be taken to mean the flower lilac. it can mean night, or dark haired, and it can also be a shortened version of the name delilah, which according to various sources on google, means (in hebrew) amorous, delight, languishing, temptress.

and that’s just one name. so tell me again why it bothers you that these pronouns are based off of things, hm?

basically, you’re full of bullshit, and using this bullshit as a way to erase nb ppl and pronouns that actually make them comfortable. fuck off.

then if your problem is that these pronouns are somehow objectifying or some shit because they are derivatives of plants, animals, etc.- then why do you even care if youre not the one using the pronouns. not to mention that if you are objectifying people because of them, then you are the problem.

if your problem is that it’s appropriating nb pronouns, then you really shouldn’t have a fucking problem in the first place, because a non-binary person cannot appropriate non-binary pronouns. how fucking hard is that to understand. if a cis person is using them because theyre “"trendy n cute !! :)”“ then yeah thats appropriation and its gross because these are pronouns that have been made specifically for nb people, who are an already marginalized group.

if your problem is that they’re too ”“"cutesy”“” or what the fuck ever and you cant take them seriously, then whoops! looks like it’s your problem again. yes, in my opinion, a lot of these pronouns are fucking cute! and you know what! that’s okay! i know that for me, personally, the very fact that so many of these are cute is what makes them more comfortable than traditional nb pronouns for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not to mention that that’s a REALLY SHITTY way to look at things because things that are “”“cute”“” are seen as traditionally feminine and arent taken as seriously and if youre bashing them because theyre “”“cute”“” and therefore maybe potentially more feminine (in your eyes) than traditional nb pronouns, then congrats! youre also being misogynistic! get your head out of your asshole and really look at the cause of what youre saying! wow!

dont be a transphobic binarist asshole!


We have no criterion, no clear line, to determine who is bisexual and who is not - nor, I think, do we desire one.  Bisexuality is an orientation composed of shades of meaning, shifting vectors of love and lust.  It is named only through self-identification, which itself may be none to easy to pin down.  In this way, a bisexual identity is one that challenges dualisms.
—  Kathleen Bennet, “Feminist Bisexuality: A Both/And Option For An Either/Or World”, 1992.  

i’m really tired of being told binarism isn’t a thing.

i was tired when i attended the 2011 trans leadership summit hosted by the transgender law center and miss major called on people in the audience with “ma’am” and “sir” based entirely on appearance, even after the facilitator asked her/the speakers not to do that multiple times, even when some audience members corrected her or clearly fumbled for words at being misgendered

i was tired when the genderqueer caucus at that same conference was taken over by well-meaning binary trans women asking for 101 instead of letting us network or share our experiences

i was tired when i tried to read whipping girl and absolutely could not get past the fundamental binaries the text is based on, the constant lumping together of trans men and non-binary (dfab sometimes specified) people, that all dfab people have male privilege (even if male is in no way part of their identity; and, vice versa, no dmab trans people do even if part of their identity is male?)

i was tired when i attended every trans march from 2009 on and they all barely mentioned genderqueer people, definitely didn’t know the word “non-binary,” and every single performer addressed the audience as “ladies and gentlemen” and “trans brothers and sisters”

i was tired when at the 2013 trans march the chant list for “when [X identity group] are under attack, what do we do? stand up fight back!” didn’t have genderqueer or non-binary people listed, and i had to step forward to ask if i could lead a rendition that included us

i was tired when at the 2013 trans march we finally led a chant of “hey hey ho ho the gender binary’s got to go” only to be immediately shut down by a trans woman protesting “hey the gender binary is very important to some of us” who was very resistant to our explaining that we did not want to do away with binary genders but with the enforced compulsory binary

i am tired of trans men and trans women telling me there are too many pronouns and identities to keep straight and that we need to standardize them and until then they will just treat me as a trans man, and that because they’re trans they cannot be oppressive towards me on a gender axis

i am tired of messaging the transgender law center and the national center for transgender equality asking for non-binary/genderqueer inclusion, thanking them for even mentioning “gender non-conforming people”, asking for clarification on legal rights and being told “we never thought about that, it hasn’t come up” without any sort of “we’ll look into that” (re: having to choose a restroom when neither “corresponds” to my gender identity; having an ‘F’ marker and a flat chest and going topless in public; having employers respect a non-binary pronoun in speech and/or on paper; having a genderfluid presentation and how do restrooms and dress codes work for that; having to choose a binary legal honorific like ‘Mr.’ or ‘Ms.’ on your petitions because that’s the congress system; etc etc)

i am tired of being told that there are plenty of resources for non-binary dfab people seeking to transition when i’ve found so very few accounts of low-dose t and its effects and its access, of getting approved for or even wanting top surgery without nipple grafts or of getting a reduction deemed medically necessary, of how to present as femme while still validating your gender as not cis woman (and as not trans man), of vaginectomy or any type of genital surgery other than phalloplasty or metoidioplasty, of oophorectomy and hrt that isn’t full-time t or full-time e, of what kinds of oopho +/- hysto +/- vaginectomy are medically possible or advisible or have surgeons willing to perform them or insurances willing to cover them, of medically transitioning while openly non-binary, of how to shop for clothes that don’t make you dysphoric about your chest but aren’t super manly masculine andro

i am tired of being told that i, a dfab person who does not identify as male or masculine in any way and whose presentation varies, benefit from male privilege (as opposed to do not face transmisogyny or misogyny, which is true) and must always identify my dsab or else i am being deceitful and disguising my privilege

i am tired of the constant dividing and redividing by dsab at all times under the guise of preventing transmisogyny, and the insistence that this is in no way and could never be cissexist or binarist

i am tired of the argument that because the western white gender binary is western and white, western/white non-binary people are not truly oppressed by binarism (/are oppressing themselves?) and are privileged over cis people of color not only on a race/color axis but on a gender axis as well (because intersectionality isn’t a thing?)

i am tired of being told that because transmisogyny and racism and colonialism/imperialism and male privilege exist, binarism cannot and does not exist (because again, intersectionality is not a thing, and dfab people are universally privileged over dmab people in a totally non-cissexist way)

i am tired of being told binarism is a madeup attempt to escape male privilege, to be a special snowflake, to claim to be more oppressed, to get attention, to reinterpret plain ol’ cissexism

i am tired of having zero representation, of being grateful for a trans dc poster campaign that has a single white gender non-conforming person with the pronoun ‘they’ who talks about both binary genders, of being told that because tumblr/internet presence therefore overrepresentation

i am tired of being told non-binary people are included in “trans,” that we have no cause to feel excluded; that we cannot have “trans*” to indicate a space where we might be included because some people have been using it wrong, that we are overrepresented and overpowered and overincluded when i never see any trans organization use “trans*” much less genderqueer much less non-binary because it’s too much work to keep up with anything past “gender non-conforming” and surely our needs will be met by the binary lobby anyway (except where is our legal gender marker battle, where is our laws about “corresponding” restrooms and dress codes and locker rooms and fluidity and solid nb identity - oh wait that’s too confusing for now isn’t it, whups best wait a few decades wouldn’t want binary trans people to not get their rights first, they’ll come back for us right?)

i am exhausted and it is because of binarism and because non-binary people are routinely excluded from trans discourse and activism, are not even thought about, are a surprise and an afterthought and a nuisance and don’t fit neatly into an oppression hierarchy and a shared-experience model

and seriously y’all. binarism. it’s a thing.

Gender and Culture/Dual Language Pronouns

I’ve been thinking about this for a long while, so please read this through. I would like an active discussion about this. If you have any thoughts or feelings or gut reactions, please feel free to reblog and/or message me about this.

I’ve been thinking a lot about nounself pronouns and how they help to fight binarism. Like, I really really like how limitless the possibilities can be and how much room it allows for choices for people.

But. I think we’ve been too rooted in the English language. Yes, I’ve seen the pronouns with Latin, Swedish, and Danish roots, but there are so few of those. Especially because binarism is so rooted in colonialism and imperialism, I feel that these pronouns are far too limiting for nb poc of different cultures. Personally, I’ve been playing with mixing languages. I’m Vietnamese, so here are some examples of Vietnamese-English hybrid pronouns:
- hoa/hoas/hoaself (roughly pronounced hwah, meaning flower)
- tho/thos/thoself (roughly pronounced t-haw, meaning rabbit)
- cay/cays/cayself (roughly pronounced kay, meaning tree)

Obviously, these pronouns are specific to the culture(s) in which the language is prominent and are therefore inaccessible to those not in that ethnic group. Like even if you are a nonbinary white person who grew up in Vietnam, even if your Vietnamese is better than mine, I don’t care. These pronouns are not available for your usage. You, as a white person, have to understand the violent history of colonialism and how that has contributed to binarism and the erasure and fetishization of nb poc.

The pronouns listed above are in no way extensive or perfect, but I want to discuss them with others because I’m torn! On the one hand, I really like that the combination allows me to have a connection with my culture. On the other hand, I can see how it might be problematic to combine languages because it then dilutes the cultural connotations and because it makes these pronouns even less accessible to people.

There are tons of issues, but we need to discuss them! So please! Share your thoughts! It is imperative that we address this. From my experience, the vocal people of the trans and nb communities on tumblr are mostly white. This issue is important to me as a nb poc struggling to find a place where I fit in the community.

If you are white or cis, feel free to reblog this to help increase awareness. But know that it is not your place to talk. It is not your place to comment, so please refrain from doing so.