tw: binarism

I always feel weird about any sort of politics/discourse that encourages women to become non-women or that views womanhood as somehow less ~radical~ or ~cool~ than other genders? 

like yes there is always important work to be done in realizing how much our current gender system is arbitrary/artificial/oppressive, but I think there also needs to be an acknowledgement of the structural misogyny in our society? Like, recognizing how gender as a system of exploitative labor primarily relies upon women being the exploited class? 

and I think a lot of ~liberal~ ~queer~ individual identity-based theory seems to completely ignore this, and somehow place womanhood as being equally as oppressive as manhood?

idk I’m having trouble wording this.

I feel like the discourse around “binarism” has shifted from “the gender binary is a western white colonialist invention that has been violently imposed on marginalized people” to “women are somehow oppressive for continuing to be women” and that’s fucked up

I feel like there’s a lot of misogyny at play too in all of this, since women are again being blamed by non-women for perpetuating the systems of violence that target women? kinda like how trans women are blamed for “perpetuating” gender.

idk this kinda goes back to my feelings about how maleness is a more harmful structure than “cisness” in general 

thoughts?

Introduction

Hello fellow tumblers!

Are you familiar with the term “transage person”?

Most of you probably aren’t, but don’t worry it’s not your fault, it’s the fault of normative CIS binary-oriented society. Recently you probably saw brave people declaring theselves as trans* or genderless people.

But did you know that age, just like gender, is just a social construct. Ever felt that you are not 15 years old, but actually 68 years old? Or maybe you felt ageless, and you couldn’t actually say how old are you? When introduced you and said “Oh this is Mark, he is 23.” did it trigger you and you felt very uncomfortable because you knew that deep down you are actually 7?  Or did you wake up one day and felt like you are 75, and then week later like you are 13?

Don’t worry, that’s completely normal, you belong to the group of transage people. 

This blog will cover various topics regarding social justice and rights of transage, chronofluid and ageless people and you, my friend, are welcome to read it.

me normally: its cool, characters with no explicit mention of their gender or sexuality can be headcanoned any way you want, just don’t be mean to other people about their headcanons and everyone can play this awesome game and relate to these characters :)

me after seeing this shit: actually you know what fuck you Blanche is totally agender now, Candela is a trans woman and her and Blanche are FUCKING MARRIED and Sporky my son is a bisexual trans boy FUCKING  F I G H T  M E

so much oppressive thought depends on the perceived proximity to the white western concept of womanhood

(example: this is why being non-intersex dfab trans is privileged over being dmab trans and/or intersex - dfab trans people are perceived by the cis majority as moving “towards” maleness, seen as more positive than dmab people seen as moving “towards” femaleness, and intersex people who are seen as an aberration from the false binary idea of sex and gender. however, all of us are oppressed because we are unable to perform cis white gender standards “correctly.” all of this is complete nonsense irrelevant to what trans and intersex ppl’s actual genders and sexes reflect but it’s Cis Thinking)

and it’s not just strictly gender-related oppression that sees it this way either.. it’s bigotry against queer people (queer men are percieved in closer proximity to womanhood and queer women are seen as not performing womanhood “correctly” - nb people are seen as an impossible outlier), jewish people (again, jewish women are perceived as unacceptably dominant/“masculine” and jewish men are perceived as unacceptably feeble/“feminine”), people of color (cannot possibly perform white gender standards “correctly”), disabled people (you get the idea), poor people, fat people.

it’s a pervasive thought present in almost every form of oppression in the western world

and you would know

I just had a BINARY trans GUY tell me that im not “really genderqueer” and that im a special snowflake blah blah blah…. Im sorry, but just because you dont like me or just cause I dont fit your dogmatic belief system about what a “real” genderqueer “should” be doesn’t mean you get to decide what gender I am or whether Im as “official” as you. Thats called identity policing and misgendering, and its binarist as fuck. I respect your Identity why can’t you respect mine? The hypocrisy…

an example of intersectional acephobia if ever there was one...

“…seriously??” i thought to myself upon getting this notification via the YouTube app, in my email inbox and then on the YouTube homepage. i was just going to ignore it and move on, but after seeing the same notification for a third time i decided to look further…

…i was prepared for things to get worse, but not this worse. the above is only a sample of the bullshit that can be found on this guy’s YouTube channel. dare i even subject myself to watching any of the videos, let alone the video in question?

as always, curiosity killed the cat…

……..so this guy was pointed in my direction by someone who has obviously watched several of my videos (ie. by someone who cannot not know that i am non-binary) but who is still misgendering me and who for some reason felt the need to disclose personal information about me, my mental health and my family to this acephobic misogynoiristic piece of shit asshat of all people??? as a means of combatting this asshat’s bullshit??? not to mention all of the other problematic things that were said.

i just… i can’t even. i can’t touch this right now. i will explode. it will be messy. it will be ugly.

seriously, do not touch this guy’s YouTube channel. i’m not linking it here for a reason. spare yourself the pain. i just need to vent somewhere. ugh.

i want you all to look very closely at queer coding and villains in fiction and realize how often it coincides with jewish coding.

jewish culture produces what gentiles perceive to be unacceptably “bossy” (behaviorally dominant/“masculine”) women and unacceptably “feeble” (behaviorally gentle/“feminine”) men.. our deviation from white gentiles’ gender binary standards is treated as an aberration.

and (hopefully) we all know that jews have basically been stereotyped as the very notion of evil in western literature. idk i would just really like for my goyische friends to take extra care to notice stereotyped jewish coding in fiction

i cant BELIEVE im having to come back from my hiatus to post this

hi ok i cant believe this needs to be said but if youre telling an nb person that they cant use certain pronouns (especially if youre binary) then you really need to stop bc nb people are erased on a daily basis and misgendered a metric fuckton and if certain pronouns (for example purr pronouns) make someone comfortable then its not your place to say anything.

for me personally a lot of specifically non-binary pronouns (like ne/nem/nir or ey/em/eir or zhe/zher/zhirs) and even they/them pronouns make me feel like i am alienating myself and they are very dissonant and more androgynous and they make me feel personally depersonified and not just depersonified as a person like the word normally means but depersonified as in it makes me feel like im inconguous and clashing with everything around me and like i dont have the right to be considered as valid of a being as anyone else and it makes me extremely uncomfortable.

thats also without even mentioning that i end up constantly misgendering myself because my memory sucks balls unless i have something to associate said pronouns with.

the new pronouns that people are coming up with solve these issues, believe it or not, because they stem from preexisting words and they arent abrasive and settle in nicely with previously established language, and aren’t as jarring in the middle of a sentence as a lot of non-themed nb pronouns.

if your problem stems just from the fact that they come from objects or animals or even mechanical things or space or mythology, then fuckkkkk off. you are blatantly ignoring the fact that literally every single name (unless it’s just a random assortment of letters) has SOME kind of meaning, and often that meaning is a plant or location or something akin to those things.

take, for example, the name lila. it can mean a shitload of different things.

it can be a derivative of the name lilith, from mythology. it can be taken to mean the flower lilac. it can mean night, or dark haired, and it can also be a shortened version of the name delilah, which according to various sources on google, means (in hebrew) amorous, delight, languishing, temptress.

and that’s just one name. so tell me again why it bothers you that these pronouns are based off of things, hm?

basically, you’re full of bullshit, and using this bullshit as a way to erase nb ppl and pronouns that actually make them comfortable. fuck off.

then if your problem is that these pronouns are somehow objectifying or some shit because they are derivatives of plants, animals, etc.- then why do you even care if youre not the one using the pronouns. not to mention that if you are objectifying people because of them, then you are the problem.

if your problem is that it’s appropriating nb pronouns, then you really shouldn’t have a fucking problem in the first place, because a non-binary person cannot appropriate non-binary pronouns. how fucking hard is that to understand. if a cis person is using them because theyre “"trendy n cute !! :)”“ then yeah thats appropriation and its gross because these are pronouns that have been made specifically for nb people, who are an already marginalized group.

if your problem is that they’re too ”“"cutesy”“” or what the fuck ever and you cant take them seriously, then whoops! looks like it’s your problem again. yes, in my opinion, a lot of these pronouns are fucking cute! and you know what! that’s okay! i know that for me, personally, the very fact that so many of these are cute is what makes them more comfortable than traditional nb pronouns for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not to mention that that’s a REALLY SHITTY way to look at things because things that are “”“cute”“” are seen as traditionally feminine and arent taken as seriously and if youre bashing them because theyre “”“cute”“” and therefore maybe potentially more feminine (in your eyes) than traditional nb pronouns, then congrats! youre also being misogynistic! get your head out of your asshole and really look at the cause of what youre saying! wow!

dont be a transphobic binarist asshole!

bye!

We have no criterion, no clear line, to determine who is bisexual and who is not - nor, I think, do we desire one.  Bisexuality is an orientation composed of shades of meaning, shifting vectors of love and lust.  It is named only through self-identification, which itself may be none to easy to pin down.  In this way, a bisexual identity is one that challenges dualisms.
—  Kathleen Bennet, “Feminist Bisexuality: A Both/And Option For An Either/Or World”, 1992.  

i’m really tired of being told binarism isn’t a thing.

i was tired when i attended the 2011 trans leadership summit hosted by the transgender law center and miss major called on people in the audience with “ma’am” and “sir” based entirely on appearance, even after the facilitator asked her/the speakers not to do that multiple times, even when some audience members corrected her or clearly fumbled for words at being misgendered

i was tired when the genderqueer caucus at that same conference was taken over by well-meaning binary trans women asking for 101 instead of letting us network or share our experiences

i was tired when i tried to read whipping girl and absolutely could not get past the fundamental binaries the text is based on, the constant lumping together of trans men and non-binary (dfab sometimes specified) people, that all dfab people have male privilege (even if male is in no way part of their identity; and, vice versa, no dmab trans people do even if part of their identity is male?)

i was tired when i attended every trans march from 2009 on and they all barely mentioned genderqueer people, definitely didn’t know the word “non-binary,” and every single performer addressed the audience as “ladies and gentlemen” and “trans brothers and sisters”

i was tired when at the 2013 trans march the chant list for “when [X identity group] are under attack, what do we do? stand up fight back!” didn’t have genderqueer or non-binary people listed, and i had to step forward to ask if i could lead a rendition that included us

i was tired when at the 2013 trans march we finally led a chant of “hey hey ho ho the gender binary’s got to go” only to be immediately shut down by a trans woman protesting “hey the gender binary is very important to some of us” who was very resistant to our explaining that we did not want to do away with binary genders but with the enforced compulsory binary

i am tired of trans men and trans women telling me there are too many pronouns and identities to keep straight and that we need to standardize them and until then they will just treat me as a trans man, and that because they’re trans they cannot be oppressive towards me on a gender axis

i am tired of messaging the transgender law center and the national center for transgender equality asking for non-binary/genderqueer inclusion, thanking them for even mentioning “gender non-conforming people”, asking for clarification on legal rights and being told “we never thought about that, it hasn’t come up” without any sort of “we’ll look into that” (re: having to choose a restroom when neither “corresponds” to my gender identity; having an ‘F’ marker and a flat chest and going topless in public; having employers respect a non-binary pronoun in speech and/or on paper; having a genderfluid presentation and how do restrooms and dress codes work for that; having to choose a binary legal honorific like ‘Mr.’ or ‘Ms.’ on your petitions because that’s the congress system; etc etc)

i am tired of being told that there are plenty of resources for non-binary dfab people seeking to transition when i’ve found so very few accounts of low-dose t and its effects and its access, of getting approved for or even wanting top surgery without nipple grafts or of getting a reduction deemed medically necessary, of how to present as femme while still validating your gender as not cis woman (and as not trans man), of vaginectomy or any type of genital surgery other than phalloplasty or metoidioplasty, of oophorectomy and hrt that isn’t full-time t or full-time e, of what kinds of oopho +/- hysto +/- vaginectomy are medically possible or advisible or have surgeons willing to perform them or insurances willing to cover them, of medically transitioning while openly non-binary, of how to shop for clothes that don’t make you dysphoric about your chest but aren’t super manly masculine andro

i am tired of being told that i, a dfab person who does not identify as male or masculine in any way and whose presentation varies, benefit from male privilege (as opposed to do not face transmisogyny or misogyny, which is true) and must always identify my dsab or else i am being deceitful and disguising my privilege

i am tired of the constant dividing and redividing by dsab at all times under the guise of preventing transmisogyny, and the insistence that this is in no way and could never be cissexist or binarist

i am tired of the argument that because the western white gender binary is western and white, western/white non-binary people are not truly oppressed by binarism (/are oppressing themselves?) and are privileged over cis people of color not only on a race/color axis but on a gender axis as well (because intersectionality isn’t a thing?)

i am tired of being told that because transmisogyny and racism and colonialism/imperialism and male privilege exist, binarism cannot and does not exist (because again, intersectionality is not a thing, and dfab people are universally privileged over dmab people in a totally non-cissexist way)

i am tired of being told binarism is a madeup attempt to escape male privilege, to be a special snowflake, to claim to be more oppressed, to get attention, to reinterpret plain ol’ cissexism

i am tired of having zero representation, of being grateful for a trans dc poster campaign that has a single white gender non-conforming person with the pronoun ‘they’ who talks about both binary genders, of being told that because tumblr/internet presence therefore overrepresentation

i am tired of being told non-binary people are included in “trans,” that we have no cause to feel excluded; that we cannot have “trans*” to indicate a space where we might be included because some people have been using it wrong, that we are overrepresented and overpowered and overincluded when i never see any trans organization use “trans*” much less genderqueer much less non-binary because it’s too much work to keep up with anything past “gender non-conforming” and surely our needs will be met by the binary lobby anyway (except where is our legal gender marker battle, where is our laws about “corresponding” restrooms and dress codes and locker rooms and fluidity and solid nb identity - oh wait that’s too confusing for now isn’t it, whups best wait a few decades wouldn’t want binary trans people to not get their rights first, they’ll come back for us right?)

i am exhausted and it is because of binarism and because non-binary people are routinely excluded from trans discourse and activism, are not even thought about, are a surprise and an afterthought and a nuisance and don’t fit neatly into an oppression hierarchy and a shared-experience model

and seriously y’all. binarism. it’s a thing.

fun activity for people who dont think nonbinary genders are real

take all of your shit opinions, mold them together into a shit crayon, and write a list of all the reasons youre bitter and dont want people to be happy with their gender

then take that list and shove it directly up your ass

huffingtonpost.com
'Millionaire Matchmaker' Makes Controversial Statement About Bisexual Men

“Millionaire Matchmaker” star Patti Stanger doesn’t seem to think bisexual men exist.

This is not just controversial statements being made here. These statements are downright wrong and very harmful to the bisexual community.

TW: binarism, biphobia, monosexism

A SHORT ANNOUNCEMENT

Non-binary people =/= unicorns

Non-binary people =/= special snowflake wannabes

Non-binary people =/= cis people in denial

Non-binary people =/= nobody

Non-binary people =/= label-obsessed

Non-binary people =/= upholders of gender presentation norms

Non-binary people =/= binary people

Non-binary people =/= anything other than who we are.

It’s fairly simple, you know.