HEY I’M BILLY AND I GO TO ******** HIGH SCHOOL IN BRISBANE AND THIS IS MY YEAR 11 ENGLISH ASSIGNMENT , THE TOPIC IS A STORY ABOUT YOURSELF, ENJOY Since I was young I always knew I was a different child to everyone else I knew that not only did I feel this way but others would let me know about it as well. I was in year 8 the year was 2009 and I was feeling very uneasy at school, something deep down that was bugging me for a couple of months now. My schooling was alright and my grades were average and I had no self-esteem what so ever, I didn’t talk much in class because to me the fear of talking out loud with my not so manly voice was just something I avoided through my year eight school life. I had a couple of friends but I didn’t know where I stood with them. My home life was good but not perfect, my parents split up when I was years of age so I didn’t have that connection with my father as I had a great relationship with my mother. I felt different to everyone else, I didn’t like football or sports I was into theatre and music and drama, all the others guys in my school soon realised that I was the quiet one and easy to pick on, the bullying I received wasn’t just verbal it became physical one of the few names I was called was “Faggot” “Gay” “Pussy” these words used to really get underneath my skin know one soar the pain I felt because I hid it and acted as if it didn’t phrase me at all. I was shoved into walls and people threatened to bash me, in my mind I thought it would go away but I think I was just hoping so. Year 9 is where things got worse bullying would happen every day in every class I had, I was just hoping that one teacher may see it and stop what was happening to me but I was wrong, they saw it but they didn’t intervene once. I started giving up on things I used to wait for like I was waiting for a teacher to say something to me or I was waiting for my mother to ask if everything was alright. Soon enough my life took an even worse turn I wasn’t looking at girls anymore I was looking at boys and I didn’t understand why this was I would use the internet a lot to see what was wrong with me and all I got was a group homophobic Christians telling me It was a disease and being gay is not what God wanted, I am Greek Orthodox so I am a strong believer in God. This was just another thing to make me feel more worthless and don’t deserve to live like this. July was them month I had decided to end my life, this wasn’t an easy thing to go through people telling me I shouldn’t be alive and even on Google there was just nothing out there that was going to help me out of the situation I was in, at this time in my life cutting myself wasn’t something that I thought was wrong, I thought I would get over it in a couple of months but soon enough it became an addiction and it was the only way I could let anything out. In late July my friends at school noticed my cuts and were worried for me but also didn’t know what to do, I was on YouTube one night searching for just one video that would make me feel better and someone that would understand me and know what I was going through I stumbled across a very popular Youtuber that goes by the name of “Davey Wavey” it soon became apparent that he was gay and he was talking about depression and suicide in LGBT (Lesbian , gay , bi and transgender) youth and this really got to me, tears started streaming down my face and I just couldn’t control myself. In this point in my life I felt like someone understands me and that I wasn’t alone and there are people out there to help me through and steer me away from cutting my life short. If it wasn’t for Davey Wavey I wouldn’t be here today. It was half way through June and I was watching his video’s every night, he made new videos every two nights so I was on the edge of my seat waiting for them to upload, I was watching his “ Coming out video” and again I couldn’t control myself and the tears came down my face again.
His videos were inspiring like no others I was completely immersed into them, it was like a video of my life and he was living it, everything he was talking about had relevance to me. My life was starting to get on track again well kind of, the bullies didn’t stop but I at least my mind was at rest not second guessing myself and the cutting became less. I wanted to tell someone about myself being gay but it was just too hard I wanted the close people to know but I heard that won’t work and the word will get around, I finally talked to my best friend about it and she loved me even more she had never meet a gay person before but she knew that it was just who I was and I couldn’t change it. My birthday passed in September and I still hadn’t said anything to anyone, my friend suggested that I talked to my parents after hours of writing and contemplating when I should do it, I stewed on it for days and it turned into weeks, One night something inside of me was not right and I knew it meant something it was about 11pm in the night and I dragged myself into my mums room and just laid there soon enough I busted into tears and I couldn’t keep the secret I had been keeping for any longer, I said “ Mum will you love me know matter, and no matter what I am?” she nodded her head as I started to talk I said “ I’m gay “ she hugged me and started to cry. She didn’t cry because she didn’t like what I was she cried because she knew know what was happening at school and she knew how much smack I used to cop, she saw my arms with faded cuts on them and was really aware of how much pain I was going through and she couldn’t do anything, we went to the school about bullying but nothing was done, I was about to change schools but I finally had a group of friends that were true friends and I couldn’t let them go. In October I decided to come out on Facebook, I received a lot of support and made many new friends that wanted to help me out, but again I did get even more hate but this time it was different I had people behind me to support me and I wouldn’t bottle it up anymore. People would congratulate me all the time for being happy with myself and it really impacted on my self-confidence and finally got it back I was over the moon. While coming out it was the hardest thing for me to do in my life it was unbelievably stressful and just so hard to except myself. But it was something I had to do and it was for the best. Year 10 came around and I had now established a lot of confidence so when people put me down it wouldn’t have the same affects as the past year, I was happier with myself at this point in my life I finally hit true happiness within myself and stopped living a lie. I realised I have so much to live for and that it does get better, whether it gets better in one week or one month or even one year it does get better that was something that I held onto while I was making my way through school. I am know in year 11 and people have stopped treating me like trash and have overcame many forms of homophobia, there are still some people that don’t except me but that is their problem and not mine. I never thought I was ever going to be treated like a human being but it has finally happened. I have realised being gay isn’t something you choose to be, your born gay and that is only a small part of yourself and you shouldn’t be any what ashamed of that, you are who you are. I wouldn’t ever want to change myself and be different to what I am now, I am Billy **** and this is my coming out story.
As time is coming to a point as if hatred is a fashion statement, gay bullying is becoming more and more of a common thing. Teen suicide is at the highest rate it is has ever been with 8 out of every 100,000 fifteen to twenty-four year olds in the United States committing suicide. Every day I hear friends of mine being picked at because they’re gay or assumed to be. It’s time for this school to stand up and make a change! No matter your opinion on homosexuality, it should not be used as a synonym for “idiotic” or “stupid.” Homosexuality is something that isn’t preventable, you were born that way! Imagine: only 90% of the population being straight, and daily you were pushed around and talked badly about FOR SOMETHING YOU’RE UNABLE TO CHANGE. Sexuality should be sexuality if race is race and religion is religion. Sexuality shouldn’t be a label, and this is what this school needs to know. I do not believe all the bullying will stop but there still needs to be people who will fight for what they believe in and prevent some of this from happening. All of us as your students are asking to have a program for people who are bullied to get together; and get to know each other; and learn about each other’s feelings. No matter if it’s for homosexual bullying or for bullying for the simplest things such as looks or personalities.
Thank you for your time,
I’m sending this into the Guidance Counselor at school along with letters I’m getting my friends to type. Whatcha think?