do you know how many people I know that flirted with adults as children and are still traumatized by the experience with adults who reciprocated and took it further? they were children, and it was the responsibility of the adult to realize that the relationship is wrong and to not act, I don’t care how much a child is flirting with you. they do not have the impulse control of adults and are not emotionally mature enough to consent to a relationship with an adult.

and the worst part is, these people even as adults blame themselves because of all the assholes absolving pedophiles of any guilt all the time.

if you were a child that ever flirted with an adult, it is not your fault if they took advantage. you were a child being a child, and they were an adult being an abuser, taking advantage of a child being a child.

supahmeggs asked:

What your opinion on people thinking that it's sexist to say a man can't hit a woman even if she hits him first?

I wonder why people are so hung up on hitting someone? Like why are you looking for excuses to hit people? If someone hits you that is abuse and hopefully you are in a situation where you can call the cops and get away from this abusive and toxic person.

These conversations end up sounding like green eggs and ham “can I hit her when it rains, in the dark or on a train?”

Abuse Vocab: DARVO

DARVO refers to a reaction perpetrators of wrong doing, particularly sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. DARVO stands for “Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.” The perpetrator or offender may Deny the behavior, Attack the individual doing the confronting, and Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender such that the perpetrator assumes the victim role and turns the true victim – or the whistle blower – into an alleged offender. This occurs, for instance, when an actually guilty perpetrator assumes the role of “falsely accused” and attacks the accuser’s credibility or even blames the accuser of being the perpetrator of a false accusation. - source

get familiar with a particular abuse pattern and you’ll recognize it earlier the next time. abusive relationship dynamics catch you like a pitcher plant, so every moment you can spend not slipping down the inside of the trap is a victory.

[photo // post]

[[ Image Description: A photo featuring a maned lion pacing through a field, with a negative expression, with a post on it by user coldhabits.

The post reads: “shoutout to the abuse victims that still miss the good times they had with their abuser.

shoutout to the abuse victims who feel isolated because their abuser has more friends than they do.

shoutout to the abuse victims who constantly blame themselves for what happened because their abuser was so good at manipulating them into believing everything was their fault.

shoutout to the abuse victims who suffer in silence because their abuser is admired by others and no one would believe them.

shoutout to the abuse victims who were mocked, bullied, humiliated, exploited, and targeted by their abuser even after escaping the situation.

shoutout to the abuse victims who feel like no one will ever love or understand them the way their abuser did.

shoutout to the abuse victims who still struggle with the idea that they didn’t deserve to be treated the way they were by someone they trusted and cared about.” ]]

Hey do me a favor and boost this? 

spiritualabusesupport is a newly opened blog made by a friend of mine (which I now mod for) for, and just as the url suggests, is for supporting spiritual abuse survivors who are enduring/leaving/have left cults/high demand groups, here is some more information on the blog but Im just gonna put this here for those of you not quite sure what spiritual abuse is:

“Spiritual abuse describes the process by which a religious leader or a group itself misuses authority, power, and the trust that their followers give to them…[to exploit the followers] in some way that generally benefits the group’s leaders or the ideology…”

so please reblog this for you followers who might be or have been in these situations and are looking for support

thanks <3

anonymous asked:

is it common for abusers to to do something nice for someone for the express purpose of using it against them later?

TW: abuse

Hi Anon,

Yes, that happens a lot. Typically an abuser will be nice to someone or do nice things for that person in order to psychologically blackmail them, and use it against them, at a later date. This is part of what is called the “cycle of abuse”.

Underneath are links on abuse, if you want to have more information on this or are in an abusive situation yourself, please browse through them as they contain a lot of helpful tips and explanations:

Abuse

All the best,

Lost.

being someone with mental health issues, and looking after a friend with mental health issues: remember they can still be abusive.

 i know the narrative that we must love each other and be caring and kind and that is all true: but know that their abusive behaviour, taking from you and demanding more until you have nothing left is not love. it is not friendship.

 some of us were raised wanting to help others before ourselves and that leaves you open. you do not have obligations to sacrifice your entire self: u need to look after your own health first, your needs first, especially if that friend or partner will not give you the space to.

when you become assertive and these people react by trying to control you more, the abusive nature becomes clear. 

its a tricky thing to navigate but if you have talked over the same abusive behaviour, constant put downs, and anger when you put yourself first then its time to ask if this is a mutual friendship or if you’re being taking advantage of. 

Homophobes need not apply.

So it’s pretty unusual that i make a big ranting post on here, but after today’s events i can’t hold back.
I work for a large video game retailer, and we get customers of all shapes and sizes, 9/10 they are lovely.
Today, I met the most disgusting kind of human being. After swaggering up to the counter he looked at my colleague with disgust before slamming the box down (at a till which was closed) before demanding “serve me yeah darlin?”. I politely said i was not working on the till but my co worker would be more than happy to help.
“I don’t wanna be served by him, he’s weird.” Uncomfortable by this statement, my colleague asked me to serve, to which I agreed.
It was the next few lines that filled me with complete and utter disgust, “yeah i can’t stand the queers, fucking fags.” The guy said, with a foul smug grin, looking directly at my colleague.
At this point I immediately refused service, and told him that he should leave the shop as we dont tolerate verbal abuse. He said a few more homophobic slurs, pointing and swearing. I then informed him this is a family store and he had to leave.
At this he replied “I’m leaving, silly little midget bitch!”, and gained glares from other customers. Nice come back, right?
Luckily my manager heard what had happened, and he is not to return to the shop. I’m pretty quiet and don’t like confrontation usually, so today was pretty unusual (I’ll be honest I’m a 5"2 young woman with glasses - I’m not exactly intimidating or bursting with confidence) . But I hope to never come across someone like that again, and the fact he actually thought I’d be happy to help after giving my colleague and friend verbal homophobic abuse was absurd. Gay, straight, whatever, just because you are working does not give anyone the right to belittle or abuse you, whether it is verbal or physical.

Dear dad,

A year and two days ago, you walked out on your family. You left my brother and I without a father, and my mother without a husband.
Because of a silly disagreement and confrontation that could have easily been solved you left.
You walked out.

The truth of the matter is, you didn’t leave us a year ago. Instead, you were never really there.
The memories that I have involving you mostly consist of negativity and hurtful comments.

When mom was pregnant with your son, you wouldn’t help her do housework even though moving around too much was causing contractions.
At four years old I was cleaning the house because you wouldn’t, and mom couldn’t.
I don’t remember you helping me learn to read or ride a bike.
I don’t remember you helping me up after I scraped my knees.
I don’t remember you tucking me in at night.
There was no “Good job!” or “Well done!” when I finally did something right.


What I do remember is you smoking in your car while I had asthma attacks in the back seat.
I remember you and mom fighting three days before Christmas over who knows what.
I remember standing on a chair yelling “STOP.” Because you wouldn’t leave her alone.
I remember you telling me if I ate too much I would get fat.
I remember you yelling about the color of my hair and my pierced ears and what I wanted to wear.
I remember you yelling at my brother for something he couldn’t even control.

Dad, you don’t know me.
You don’t know my major in college.
You don’t know what I did in Thailand.
I don’t think you even know my birthday.

The point is, we coexisted in the same house for 17 years, one month, 6 days, but you barely knew me then and I don’t want to introduce you to the woman I’ve become.
I am stronger than I have ever been, and yet I am also the most broken person I will ever be.

Things have been hard.
Not because you haven’t been here, but because you kept trying to reappear.
You don’t know what it’s like to grow up without a dad, even though he was sitting there with you the whole time.

Dad, I forgive you.
You are not a good person.
You are not model parent or a model person, but I forgive you, because you deserve it.

I forgive you.