tw-:ed

anonymous asked:

I've been skinny my entire life. I have low self esteem, and an eating disorder. You don't know what it's like to be skinny shamed by people that are bigger than you. To be threatened by girls that are 6ft tall and 200-300 lbs. to be told daily, "guys aren't dogs, they like meat not bones". If it weren't for my boyfriend I'd be dead. I'm only 5'3 and 92lbs and deal with this everyday. Please.All I'm asking if for you to be understanding. Btw, I admire your confidence and hope to have it one day.

i am very confused as to why you are pleading with me to understand body shaming. i don’t know where this is coming from. show me where i have skinny shamed someone?

body shaming of any kind sucks and it shouldn’t happen. i’m not about it and people who body shame aren’t people i want to associate with. i wish you positivity and healing because this type of thing shouldn’t happen to anyone.

i talk about fat phobia on this blog because i am fat and fat activism is important to me. i talk about fat phobia because it is a system of oppression and even thin people with low self esteem or thin people who experience body shaming benefit from that system. even smaller plus size people experience privilege over super fat people in this system. i talk about what i experience and that doesn’t mean i don’t care about or don’t understand the struggles of other people.

i just really don’t have the time or headspace to explain why this ask is so shitty…and really downright confusing. i don’t know if i am reading it wrong or what?

if any of my followers want to attempt to tackle the differences between fat phobia and skinny shaming, feel free and i would be appreciative.

if not, anon, you have the same internet i do and i learned these things so i’m going to leave it up to you to do a little digging and figure it out for yourself.

ps: in your ask you describe being ‘threatened’ by girls who are 6ft and over 200 lbs as if they are threatening only because of their bodies? i am 6 feet 400 lbs and i am not scary just because of the size of my body so i’m kind of confused and weirded out by this portion of your ask?

Having one of those days where I know I need to eat but my appetite is complete poo
Survived a cheeseburger and I still have cheese fries and a heath milkshake to go but it all tastes weird right now and I’m annoyed
Like I love food, it’s the one fix I can get every day that isn’t substance/sex related so I’m uber salty that I don’t get to enjoy it today

Yaknow, sometimes I am really jealous of people with no body issues/history with eating disorders who can just cut down a bit because they want to lose 5 pounds.  I’m jealous that it’s not a big deal for them, and it never will be.  They can just start exercising a bit more or cut out their midnight snack and lose 5 pounds without craving more restriction and more loss.  I will never have that, and while I shouldn’t feel like it’s something that I want, I really do.  I want that normalcy in my life.

I love you guys all so much
I just want you all to know that even if thoughts are clouding your mind like they are to mine tonight, I want you to know that it’s going to be okay. I have come such a long way, and so have all of you, and I refuse to allow myself to fall back into my bad habits.
So let’s all continue to take deep breaths, and relax.
Happy thoughts, good vibes. Blessed

I rarely talk about body image, because it’s not what drives my eating disorder. But we live in a society that perpetuates such awful beauty standards and ideals that it’s almost impossible not to have some issues with your body if you’re a woman. 

So, real talk, I was going through photos of myself from the NEDA walk today and all I could see was my face: how much I hated how I looked in the pictures other people took. The self-loathing that I’ve worked so hard to counter came on sudden and strong, reminding me that if I let myself be seen it will always end up like this - that I will never be enough. In that moment I wanted to self-destruct, to punish my own body for not matching my internalized unhealthy expectations. 

And let me be clear that it’s not that now, a few hours past, I’m suddenly in love with my body. Because I’m not. But I am really angry. I’m angry that some old white dudes who run corporations that perpetuate beauty standards and the diet industry tell me what is or isn’t okay. I’m angry that I care. I’m angry that I would ever allow anyone else to control how I feel about myself. I’m angry that I would ever destroy myself, make myself less, hide my body or take up less space in the world to appease someone else. I’m really not down with the idea of anyone who would ask that of me having power in my life.

So here’s to being seen, taking up space, and radical self-love. Here’s to honoring my body, whatever it may look like and countering the narrative that there is a specific way that is good for bodies to look, one boxed in way that makes you beautiful. (Which - ugh - sounds so freaking cheesy I can hardly stand it, BUT body positivity is actually really important.)  Most importantly, here’s to never, ever, giving over my power to anyone else. 

Knowing that I have to wait 3 weeks until my assessment at the clinic is hard. And the fact that I’m supposed to maintain my weight until then doesn’t exactly make things easier. I’m feeling quite lost right now and don’t really know where to go from here. Do I start increasing my intake slowly in order to make sure I can maintain? I’m very hesitant about starting the refeeding process without medical attendence because I had signs of refeeding sydrome last time. Does anyone have tips? I’d really appreciate it :)

my eating disorder is trying to pull me back in saying that if i don’t “diet” for the next week until the wedding i won’t fit into the dress i bought for it which is INSANE considering i bought it a week and a half ago and i know i can’t give in because if i give my ed an inch it’ll take a mile but i’m terrified of this fucking dress not zipping up next saturday

TW

What’s the worst thing that could *really* happen if I quit therapy and ignored the fact that I have a problem until I was faced with an urgent medical crisis? (I know the answer is death, it’s always death. But like… idc)

My family literally encourages eating disorders. My mom had one, I developed one, and now my mom is helping my already thin sister to diet and all she talks about is food and calories and weighs and measures everything just like I used to. Not only is it extremely triggering for me but I’m also really worried about my sister.