tw families

some good consent phrases

“May I hug you?”

“When I ask you if you want to do something, you know it’s always okay to say no, right?”

“Let me know if you get uncomfortable, okay?”

“How do you feel about (x activity)?”

(When someone’s insecure about having said no and asks if it’s okay/if you’re mad or upset they said no) “I’m disappointed, of course, but I’m really glad you were willing to tell me (no/that you were uncomfortable/etc.). That’s really important to me. Thank you.”

“I’d ALWAYS rather be told no than make you feel pressured or do anything to hurt you or make you uncomfortable.”

“I care about you, so when something I do hurts you or makes you uncomfortable, I want to know, because I don’t like making you feel bad.”

“Wanna do (x)? It’s okay if not, but I think it would be (fun/worthwhile/prudent).”

(When starting a social phone call): “Hey, are you busy right now?”

(When confirming plans made earlier): “Hey, are you still up for doing (x) at (time) on (day)?”

“Can I vent a little about (x)?”

“Can I tell you something (gross/depressing)?”

“Are you comfortable talking about it?”

“Do you think you could talk me through this problem I’ve been having? If you have the time and emotional energy of course.”

“It’s okay if that doesn’t work for you.”

“I’m interested in spending more time with you. Would you be interested in doing (x) together on (y day)?”

“No? Well let me know if you ever want to do something else.” (leave it open! don’t nag! let it go!)

Consent culture - it’s about way more than just sex!

Give people as much freedom as possible to make their own choices without pressure or control.

Even children deserve as much autonomy as allows them to remain safe and get their needs met - remember, you can’t train a child to make good/safe/healthy choices without ever giving them choices. A child who is taught to respect consent is a child who doesn’t assault people! A child who knows they have a right to say no is a child who knows that someone who infringes on their autonomy isn’t supposed to do that.

A consent-conscious relationship is a healthier and safer relationship, and a person who is aware of and deliberate about asking for, giving, receiving, refusing, and being refused consent is a healthier and safer person.

Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.

Shout out to people like me who have parents who are loving but are black holes of emotional labor… It took me a long time to realize that it’s okay to have mixed feelings about your parents, about your relationship with them.

Sometimes parents can love you but be somewhat toxic to you and your growth, and that’s a very hard realization to come to if you, like me, grew up extremely close to them.

Sometimes parents can love you genuinely but lack emotional maturity, forcing you to perform disproportionate amounts of emotional labor. Some parents manifest symptoms of their mental illness in ways that are toxic to your mental illness.

Some parents, like mine, try so hard to be good parents but fall back on habits of emotional manipulation because they haven’t processed their own traumas and are modeling behavior they grew up with. That doesn’t make their behavior acceptable, and it’s okay to feel exhausted and hurt when they betray you. You don’t have to forgive every mistake.

I want you to know that it’s okay to protect yourself, to need some space apart from them. The love you have for your parents is still valid, and you are making the right decision.

Placing a safe emotional distance between myself and my parents has been one of the most difficult, heartbreaking processes I’ve ever gone through… it hurts to try to curb the strength of your own natural empathy around people you love. It feels disingenuous to your heart’s natural state.

But I promise you, you are not hard-hearted or ungrateful, and you are not abandoning them. You are making a decision about your own emotional, mental, and spiritual health.

I know what it’s like in that confusing grey area of love mixed with guilt and anxiety, of exhaustion and quasi-manipulation and unreciprocated emotional labor, and I promise you, you are not alone.

Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.

lernonys  asked:

okay but if someone doesn't experience homophobia or transphobia then they're not lgbt it's as simple as that.... the lgbt community doesn't exist for the purpose of being "inclusive" it literally is by nature exclusive to people who experience homophobia and/or transphobia

No, I’m sorry, that’s simply not true. I’ve written an awful lot about this, which you can find under my ‘ace exclusion’ tag. But since there’s a lot under there, let’s hit all the highlights. Frankly, it’ll be nice to have an omnibus post I can just pass to people from now on. 

This post is not an argument of your point, it is a reference post, because you are simply wrong.

This post is going to be very, very long, and very, very US-centric. It is important to state right up front that this discussion is extremely Western-centric. I do not have the right personally to speak on gender and sexual orientations from indigenous communities of which I am not a member, but it is absolutely important to acknowledge that the colonization of gender and sexual identity of non-Western peoples is a) wrong as fuck and b) we need to knock it off and c) none of the stuff I’m writing necessarily applies to non-Western peoples/indigenous peoples. 

1) This ‘formed to fight homophobia and transphobia’ definition of LGBT is literally and completely an invention of Tumblr. It started on Tumblr, it really only exists on Tumblr, and it only exists for the sole purpose of excluding minority sexualities and orientations (not limited to but currently focused on asexuality). It’s a very recent invention and this specific definition is less than eighteen months old. Probably less than a year old, but I’ll be honest: I don’t have the time or patience to go through the history on Tumblr and read all the hateful stuff that I’d have to in order to find the first use of that particular little piece of nonsense.

Keep reading

Repeat after me: you are not obliged to love your family. You are not.
If they don’t have respect for you, if they make you feel inferior, if they bully you, ignore you, abuse you in any way: you are not a bad person for not loving them, or not wanting to stay around. You dont have to do any of those things. You can go and build a family with the people who truly love you and respect you. Okay?
Stay safe, my darlings.

I feel like roommates make fun of Derek for the things we have come to love as canon. (1/?)


Y/N: "Derek can I-”

Originally posted by sadphires

Y/N: “What? No. No, no, no. Don’t *immitates gif* me.”

Derek: “What?! I don’t do that!”

Y/N: “Sure.” *immitates gif again*

Derek: *gif*

Y/N: “See?! Right there! You just *gif*ed me!”


Originally posted by beaconhillsbetas

Y/N: “Isaac, you little shit, I am so much stronger than you. Don’t test me.”

Isaac: “Bull shit! I would kick your ass if it came down to it!”

Peter: “Children! Let the real wolves show you how it’s done. Derek, punch my hand.”

Derek: *gif*

Peter: *Stiles in gif*

Y/N: *after a moment of staring at Peter on the floor* “Well, that was just stupid. Even I could tell you that. He’s an Alpha, ya know.”

Peter: “I am the Alpha. I’ve always been the Alpha!”

Isaac: *after a moment of staring at Peter on the floor* “Yeah, okay.” *back to Y/N* “So, do you admit defeat?”

Y/N: “Never!”


Originally posted by izziebm

Originally posted by motivateyourselfeachandeveryday

Y/N, Peter, and Isaac: “Do you even own a shirt?”


Originally posted by whovian182

Y/N: “Oh, yeah. I forgot. Derek likes to make an entrance.”

Isaac: “Oh, God.”

Peter: “It’s just bringing in the pizza, for crying out loud.”

Derek: *gif* “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Y/N, Peter, and Isaac: *unanimous groan*

Hi friends, just a reminder that ‘gatekeeping’ is a term that was invented in 1943 to discuss news media and their control over the flow of information and is not a ‘trans term.’ It is used in disability activism as well as trans activism, and many other activist axes as well. If anyone tells you that you should not use the word ‘gatekeeping’ to describe ‘attempting to unjustly keep someone from information/community/resources to which they are entitled and which they require,’ because it ‘belongs’ to a certain group, just ignore them and move on.

Gatekeeping is a useful term for many minority groups, and anyone who attempts to tell you that you can’t use it is not cool. 

I have a son. His name is Mieczyslaw Stilinski, but we call him Stiles. I remember. When Stiles was a little kid, he couldn’t say his first name. Not sure why, pretty much rolls off the tongue, but the closest he could get was Mischief. His mother called him that until…I remember when Stiles first got his Jeep, it belonged to his mother and she wanted him to have it. The first time he took a spin behind the wheel he went straight into a ditch. I gave him his first roll of duct tape that day. He was always getting into trouble, but he always had a good heart. Always. We’re here tonight because my goofball son decided to drag Scott, his greatest friend in the world, into the woods to see a dead body.
—  Sheriff Noah Stilinski.
American Jew (PoC Profile -Religion)

I am not an immigrant or child of an immigrant; my great-great-grandparents are the ones who brought my family to America, but I thought it would be interesting to see how my cultural experience compares to those who are immigrants or immigrant children.

  • Beauty Standards

Of course, there is the typical stereotype that Jewish people have big noses. I’ve heard people comment that someone doesn’t “look Jewish” because their nose isn’t as prominent. Just because someone doesn’t fit the stereotype doesn’t mean their identification is any less true or important. 

  • Food

Food tends to be a big part of Jewish culture. I don’t know if this is true for others, but in my family we have a joke that goes: “They tried to kill us, we won, we ate”. This is pretty much used to sum up every Jewish holiday because the holidays tend to revolve around the Jewish people overcoming an obstacle or celebrating a victory. Some of my personal favorite foods from my culture are latkes, sufganyot (jelly donuts), matzah ball soup, and falafel. On the holidays, my extended family gathers and provides a feast. Some of my childhood memories are of my mom making homemade latkes and my dad and I eating all of them before anyone else could get to them. I also have memories of my great-aunt spooning me bowls of matzah ball soup to hand out to family and of my grandma bringing us lots of kosher for passover foods.

  • History

There’s not much to tell since my family is very Americanized. No one in my family is a immigrant or immigrant child, so there are no stories of that kind to tell. My mother will tell the story though of how when she went to college, some of her roommates had never seen any Jews and thought she’d have horns, because that’s how they were raised. My grandma and grandpa were both born in 1938, so they have vague memories of the Holocaust. 

  • Holidays

In my family, we don’t celebrate any of the minor holidays. We only celebrate holidays such as Passover, Chanukah, Rosh Hashanah, etcetera. On the holidays, most of my extended family gathers at my family’s house. Together we provide a feast of foods like brisket, meatballs, potatoes, latkes, and more. We all chat and tell stories and eat a lot of food. Our families don’t go to temple all together, as most of my family lives out of state and doesn’t belong to our synagogue. I remember enjoying services when I was younger because my parents would allow me to bring books to read because we attended the adult service, and not the kid service. I remember dreading services after my parents stopped letting me bring books because in my mind, they were very boring and dragged on forever. Now, I get a little bored, but my rabbi tells interesting stories and makes a few jokes to keep us entertained.

  • Home/Family life/Friendships

Being Jewish hasn’t really affected any of my relationships. All of my extended family is at least ½-Jewish, so they all understand at least some of the culture and traditions. My town has a high Jewish population, so I’ve never felt out of place because of my religion. My middle schools were dotted with bar and bat mitzvahs, which got repetitive after awhile, but it was still nice to see my non-Jewish friends participating in prayers and songs. 

  • Language

Growing up, my parents sent my brothers and I to Hebrew School at our temple. My town has two main temples, so our classes were pretty small. I’m sad to say that while I do know the Hebrew Alphabet and can read fairly fluently, I don’t know the meaning of the words. My Hebrew School also didn’t teach us to read without vowels (most Hebrew is written without them), so when my family traveled to Israel we had difficulty reading signs and directions.

  • Micro-aggressions

It annoys me when people assume I’m Kosher just because I’m Jewish. It also generally annoys me when people mock my traditions or are just plain ignorant about them. Just because they don’t know about my religion doesn’t give them the right to make fun of it. Ignorance is not an excuse.

This was actually more than a micro-aggression to me, but an acquaintance and I were having a friendly insult battle, and they referred to me as a “terrorist” just because my ancestors are from the Middle East. At the time, I laughed it off, because though it’s a terrible thing to say I know my friend didn’t know what she was implying (which of course doesn’t make it right). But months later, I still find myself thinking about that comment. I don’t make fun of my friend for her Albanian and Greek culture, and yet she referred me to in such a negative way without even realizing the magnitude of what she was saying. 

  • Things I’d like to see less of

I’d like to see less of people caring about others’ religions. This doesn’t mean you should be ignorant about them, but I hate seeing religion cause rifts between people. Just because people believe something else than you doesn’t mean they’re wrong. 

  • Things I’d like to see more of

I’d like to see more people having awareness/knowledge about other people’s religions. Most people only know about their own religion and don’t know anything about other religions. I’d also like to see more of schools discussing the Holocaust and other major events that revolve around religion. I don’t know if this is true for other schools, but in my school we never talked about the Holocaust. Most of my friends only know that it was something involving the deaths of many Jews and it was caused by Hitler, but that’s all they know. They don’t know about the atrocities committed or the lingering affects; the Diary of Anne Frank and all of the people who were killed just because of their belief.

  • Tropes/Stereotypes I’m tired of seeing.

I’m tired of people picturing Jews and only envisioning Orthodox Jews. People think Jew, and they picture a man wearing a tallis and a yamaka/kippah who keeps Kosher and has a prominent nose. Everyone assumes that we all are this religious when whether or not you celebrate the Sabbath and wear religious clothing doesn’t determine your Jewishness. I’m tired of Israel being just thought of as a conflict zone, when if you go there you’ll discover an amazing, rich culture and history. I’m tired of people being ignorant of our struggles and conflicts throughout history

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