tw beautiful

anonymous asked:

I'm a feminist and I'd also like to be a good trans ally. Why are there so many trans people who characterize playing with dolls/wearing dresses/liking pink as a sign they were a girl, and why do some say that their interest in sports was a sign they were a boy? It may not be a community-wide issue, so forgive me that. It strikes me as essentialist and somewhat tactless. Is it okay for me to question people who say things like that? Thank you for your insight!

This is actually a form of institutional violence that trans people, largely trans women, face.

To copy-paste from a previous post I made on this matter:

Growing up, I had a few trans lady friends who were hyped about being openly/visibly butch and/or gnc trans women when they began transitioning.

Three of the bunch committed suicide after basically being blacklisted out of access to medical transition. Others were wealthy enough to be able to move to where they could have a second or third shot. A femme trans lady friend forgot to apply nail polish and makeup to one of her sessions with her doctor, and that led to him keeping her from medical resources for the next two years of care, and she, as well, ended up killing herself. I could keep listing story after story with similar narratives and endings, it’s really pretty common.

Gatekeeping, whether it’s within a medical context, or a social one, relies on heavily policing trans women to prescribe to normative gender expressions dialed up to 11. We don’t, and we tend to suffer. And I don’t think it’s at all fair to cast blame on trans women who follow those norms, not when our survival is paramount and we’re coerced into those conditions via potentially fatal consequences.

Like, I’m a sloppy/lazy femme in terms of my expression, often shifting towards the hoodie and jeans aesthetic because it’s just comfy, but every doctor’s appointment, every tribunal over my transition, best believe I was probably among the most stereotypically feminine presenting ladies those docs saw that day. Not a chance I’d risk it. Every job interview, every meeting when I was looking for housing, same deal. Survival wins over the microscopic impact I might have on the reproduction of gender norms in those instances, especially when my continued survival means I can live to fight those (and other) battles in other ways less tied to my survival.

So, to be blunt and concise, it’s not trans folks upholding harmful notions of gender. It’s cis folks…cis men and cis women, weaponizing society against us to uphold gender norms through us because we’re deemed as threats and as less legitimate, so our standards are often exponentially higher than our cis counterparts.

Like, I live in liberal Canada, and this gatekeeping shit still happens. I have sat down and taught so many trans people how to strategize and what language to use, what narratives will provide the path of least resistance, so that we can get what we need in the aggressively oppressive system we live in.

Like, as a young child, I played hockey, I liked micro-machines, I liked video games, I liked climbing trees, riding bikes, building forts, and track & field.

I told my therapist that in my third session when she asked about my childhood, just minutes after telling me she felt I was ready for hormones. I had to endure 23 more sessions with her, spread across the next year and a half, to get back to where I was mid-way through that third session, a long enough time for her to forget enough about those remarks on my childhood, before I could get access to hormones. When she asked about my childhood again in the 22nd or 23rd session, I told her I played with dolls, and that secretly, my favourite colour was pink as a child, and that I yearned to play house but no one would play with me, that I’d try on my mom’s shoes and some of her clothes, etc. etc. And after I tossed out enough cliche elements of the standard narrative (basically painting myself as a very heterosexual hyper-feminine 50′s housewife), I got access. I can’t say that if I ever got interviewed on public media that I’d stray from that safe narrative, because chances are, my doctors would/could see, and I could lose access to healthcare, employment, housing, etc.

Like I said, I’ve had friends who forgot to wear nail polish and were punished for it. I had a friend…in the dead of winter…who wore pants to an appointment and was suddenly told by the doctor that he had no confidence that she was a ‘real’ trans woman. A trans dude friend of mine got in a car wreck and had busted up ribs, and couldn’t wear his binder comfortably for a while, and his doctor refused to renew his prescription to T. He eventually had to find a new doctor, endure the waiting list, and get back on, which took like, 9 months.

So if we’re saying things like that, it’s almost always a self-defense mechanism. It’s very hard to tell who we can trust, and who has the power to derail our transitions, or kill our support networks, etc. And while I’m sure if all trans people revolted and told the truth, it might help disrupt that system of norms and standards and gatekeeping, but I could never ask others like me to take a stand on principle that would likely kill a great many of them. I know that without HRT, I wouldn’t survive more than maybe three months, it’s really that simple, and I know so many others in the same boat. It’d be like walking into a building burning from a three-alarm fire to try and activate the inactive sprinkler system, instead of calling the fire department to put it out. This isn’t our responsibility. 

I think it’s important to remember that trans people who are coerced into expressing these narratives are a tiny demographic, so our ability to significantly ‘reproduce’ or ‘essentialize’ any gender norms is negligible at best. And that in the overwhelming majority of the world, trans folks have to comply with exaggerated gender norms for our gender simply for survival. And that survival must take precedence over worries of us reproducing harm that we’d only be reproducing because cis people can’t get their heads out of their asses over their need to police everything about our bodies and our lives.

Like, in case you’re not aware, the “born in the wrong body” language stemmed from trans patients decades and decades ago, who were being experimented on, sterilized, mutilated, and tortured. Eventually doctors listened to us and our pleas to just treat our dysphoria, but our language didn’t fit necessarily with their worldview. They couldn’t accept that pre-transition trans men and trans women were actually men/women. That we had men’s/women’s bodies. That we were male/female. So we were coerced into using their language for us, in order to get the treatment we needed, to get any shred of support we could get. The cis-dominated structures of science and medicine are to blame for that sexism, cissexism, essentialism, etc. as well.

We’re just trying to get the help we need in a world that does not want us to get that help, and will generally only provide it if we tell them everything they want to hear. Some of the greener, fresh out of the closet trans folks push that sort of language/narrative hard, because it’s what they’re exposed to, it’s what they’re taught keeps them safe, and it’s pretty wrong to be critical of someone for surviving and actively reducing harm against themselves from society at large.

So if you get the urge to criticize a trans person for bringing that sort of thing up, maybe instead criticize the structures that prevent us from saying anything else.

to all the trans women who are fetishized by being called “chicks with dicks, traps, trannys, etc.”

to all the trans women who are told “i don’t date penises” or “i only date vaginas” by cis men/women

to all the trans women who are attacked by terfs daily

to all the trans women who do not want to have surgery

to all the trans women who want to have surgery

to all the trans women who are called rapists just because they want to use the bathroom

to all the trans women who experience dysphoria

to all the trans women who do not experience dysphoria

to all the trans women who required to pass as cis because they fear for their lives

to all of the trans women who are afraid to come out

you are beautiful and i love you.

5

So um,,,,,,,,Toffee. Ya know that big “photo” I have of him at my desk and everyone laughed and thought it was funny? Eheheh…I made it as my memorial shrine,,,, sorry,,,,

These were all doodles I did on my first week of Star while everyone was working out the final beats of how the Toffee episode would go. So while most of these are jokes (to cope with my pain) a couple of these drawings were working off of previous drafts or ideas being thrown around with how a battle with Toffee would go! So none of this is canon guys…except for the last pic

It pisses me off so much that countless people are going to see BATB and then returning and going ‘uwu all those hateful angry gays were wrong!! le fou was so great!!’ like

1) even if, magically, le fou was a fantastic character and fantastic rep, it doesn’t change the fact that people ABSOLUTELY can be wary of Disney fucking up yet another thing

and 2) le fou’s gayness was a joke when it was explicit, but he still wasn’t allowed to be truly gay - I went with my straight family and they all missed EVERYTHING. he dances with a transmisogynistic joke guy at the end of the movie for like four seconds - ACCIDENTALLY - his affection/care for gaston is a joke when gaston isn’t manipulating him with it, and the funny gay sidekick desperately in love with a mean straight guy isn’t… good rep at all

finally 3) gay actors being in the movie means shit if they’re playing straights, especially when the gay character is a joke and there’s an awful transmisogynistic joke

all of y'all can shut up

8

Acid attack survivors in India model new clothing range for powerful photoshoot

Survivors of acid attacks in India have become the face of a new clothing range designed by a woman who had acid thrown in her face while she was asleep four years ago.Delhi-based designer Rupa and her friends Rita, Sonam, Laxmi and Chanchal modelled the clothes from her new range, Rupa Designs, for photographer Rahul Saharan.

Rupa suffered extensive injuries when her stepmother threw acid in her face while she was sleeping in 2008.

She was allegedly left without any medical aid for six hours before her uncle found her and transported her to hospital, where she underwent eleven operations and spent three months being cared for.

Top 11 Filthy Beauty Secrets for Youths

1.      Don’t rub at the delicate skin underneath your eyes while frantically trying to clean the dregs of last night’s maddened house party make-up out of your skin before going out into the world. This will cause the infinitesimal fibres of your body to tear, releasing the inexpressible self-loathing that is the unnecessary but gross counter-balance to the wild egotism of your drunken self, causing you to age faster than your teetotaller best friend.

2.      Stretch every night in a dark room. This releases the tensions of the day and relaxes your sinews for the troubled sleep and worrisome dreams to come, so that you can wake springing, without physical soreness, and amaze friends and colleagues with your youthful, swinging stride. The effect is almost more psychological than physical, and comes from knowing that even if your mind could not truly be at rest, at least your hamstrings slept in peace.

3.      Once a month, after midnight, restless: spend hours meditatively examining every inch of your body on the bathroom floor, and trialling the strength of your ability to do no harm. Consider, then refrain from pressing down with the weight of the universe on blocked pores, read the stories of missed opportunities and sliding door moments in the split ends of your hair, see the faded lightning bolts of your growth into your place in the world in the stretch marks and scars, smell the uneasy brine of your hidden parts, and layer cream upon cream on top of yourself, as if you are the ocean crashing white and fresh at the high tide mark. Wake up, and wonder where your time has gone.

4.      Get new sunglasses. Stare.

5.      You know how your skin always looks perfectly airbrushed in your early morning blurry bathroom visit (before your eyes have adjusted into the daytime and the realities of the day ahead have set in, accompanied with the dread and knowledge that you will be constantly observed, analysed and responsible for an array of unnatural and finicky tasks, while always maintaining a presentable surface impression despite a roaring need to run under your cool surface)? To fix this, let yourself roll heavy with sleep back into bed, alone all day, periodically going to the bathroom as needed. Within weeks, you will see all the damage of years in the sun and human company magically reverse.

6.      Go and see a doctor about what’s bothering you, even if you feel stupid or like it’s such a tiny thing. Worlds of relief and solutions open when you ask for scientific, rather than propagandised, help about those little bumps on your arms, these terrible recurring pains in your gut that nobody will speak of, or tell them how much trouble you are having with acne.

7.      When you have a big party to go to, or even a small one, or even a date in a bar, reserve half your Saturday to prep time. When I say that, I don’t mean reserve it for the motions of styling your hair, your eyes, your body, your lips and your fighting teeth and nails, though these acts may be integrated. Reserve half your day to become slow and seductive in anticipation, drawing yourself baths, or lighting up conversations in with your friends, reading half a chapter of that book you always mean to read, then five chapters of an online story you are addicted to, play beats on as loud as they will go and fling open all the doors while you roam like a wild creature from the last millennia around the rooms of your house. Prepare your own soul for the face you want to wear tonight.

8.      If you are having trouble with your sensitive, skin, particularly in gross sensitive places, try going commando for a while. Start with just in bed if this makes you uncomfortable, then if it’s working, graduate to day time. This may mean learning the art of the midi, the long camisole or the flowing pant. As a bonus, you learn how so much of what took for granted is not even necessary at all. The resulting look in your eyes will scare old friends and attract strangers with new ideas.

9.      Exfoliate with a scrap of muslin cloth and the sense of scrappy, sloughing peace that you found in the garden of a woman who is either your mother, or who you wish were your mother. Tell her you love her, even though maybe you don’t particularly feel the truth of love in that moment, because you will eventually feel it at a time when it is impossible to say out loud. The sense of security from having expressed love in this future-oriented way will give you a glow the following night. Replace the dead skin cells with a muddy mixture of expensive dirt and chemicals marketed by a company founded by a woman you are moderately sure is actually a hedge witch from 1605 in disguise. When you start looking, you will soon realise there are many such companies. Don’t let this stress you out. Choose the one you can afford best, with the smell that best lines up with that one time you fell in love with your best friend, and the packaging that looks best in your bathroom trash.

10.   Realise that when someone gives you a physical compliment, this is a fairly rude thing to do, and is usually a reflection of that person’s surprise at something about you that does not line up with their pre-conceived idea about you. In fact, many times the person is using the compliment as a Trojan horse to comment on the change, and does not even mean that new lipstick looks particularly nice, just that it is different from the nude lips you wear every other day. As a result, learn to style yourself in the way that you have road-tested through the process of catching your reflection in shop windows and realising how good you look, or noticing someone copying a particular element of your style, or the amount of pleasure looking at a particular Instagram post of yourself gives you. These are much better indicators of what physical choices suit you. Note that this type of road-testing usually requires refreshing when either you experience a change in climate, city, career or level of irony about being a warm body in an exploding universe where the only truth is entropy.

11.   Adapt or die. Die eventually anyway. Contribute the creative crumbling of your beauty to the garden of the women you love.

You see this face? This is the face of a boy in the most beautiful state of disbelief to ever exist. Stiles stilinski has loved Lydia Martin for years–since the third grade–and has always seen her for who she really is. He listened to her when no one else heard. He paid attention to her when no one else did. He remembered everything she ever tried to hide. He knew how smart she was despite how hard she tried to hide it, and he only loved her more because of it. He never underestimated her. He never sidelined her or blew her off or thought of her as anything less than important. He complimented her. He treated her as an equal. He did anything and everything for her. He risked his life to save hers. But, above all of this, more important than any of this, he LOVED her. He loved her before anything supernatural tested the limits of their emotions. He loved her before they had to fight for their lives and the lives of others. He loved her when he was just a boy and she was just a girl. He loved Lydia Martin like no one else has, and when he knew he was going to be completely erased from existence, he wanted to let her know that. After years of confiding only in his best friend about his feelings, after years of everyone but Lydia knowing about his feelings, after years of silence, Stiles tells Lydia to remember in any way that she can that he loves her. So, when his friends have saved him, when the love of his life made everyone they know remember who he is to bring him back, he finally gets to hear from Lydia. He never–not once–acted like he needed Lydia to admit anything to him. He never pushed her or pressured her or nagged her or coerced her to love him just because he loved her. He simply loved her, but he didn’t realize how, all this time, that was what was needed most. This is the face of a sarcastic and cocky boy with a heart so big that it stores not only unconditinal love but also immense darkness finally having all the love he gave given back. This is the face of a boy who can’t believe that the love of his life–the girl he’s always loved–loves him back. This is the face of a boy who’s heart is skipping beat after beat because he can not believe that Lydia Martin has come to love him. This is Stiles Stilinski learning that he is loved. This is Stiles Stilinski in heartachingly beautiful disbelief because he loves the same girl that loves him. gif source: @obriens