The Villain Wrangler

Okay, so I haven’t been on Tumblr in years, but now I’m hooked on Tumblr mini stories, and my favorite of all time is that of The Villain Wrangler. So I imagined this AU where TVW is Arthur from the modern The Tick, on Amazon (this is a distinct flavor of Arthur, trust me), and that Ivar the Boneless has come to join the supervillains. I write dialogue-heavy stuff and some people don’t like it and that’s my main mode when I’m just noodling around, so…

I literally created this account (my second ever on the site) to be able to engage with people on The Villain Wrangler and gather other tumblr stories and prompts. So here’s my very goofy take on TVW. Note: The Tick is comedy and I hope I succeeded a tiny bit with that because I’m not really a comedy writer. Enter The Villain Wrangler… thanks for indulging me. Since I’m a Tumblr newb I housed this on AO3.

Also I used an additional prompt noted on AO3 which provided a line of dialogue in this fic.

But here’s the text of it:


Ivar the Boneless’s face is a growl of determination. “If I must be here, in Your Time, then yes, I shall join your alliance of villains. In this time, I shall spread the word that never have our gods been as those who would coopt them say they are. Though I know English, it is only through the corrupt deeds of the–

"The Villain Wrangler nods. "I see. Yes. Exactly. The corrupt deeds of the–yes.”

“They are the true conquerors, the conquerors of our gods, and this may only be temporary, for I must save my people, but if I am here, then yes, I join you in your cause.”

“I see. Yes. Thank you.”

The Villain Wrangler’s phone rings. “Ah. Ivar. Yes. Please get acquainted with, ah, your comrades.” He steps out of the Villains For Assistive Technology meeting room as someone else takes his place.

The Squid Lord traipses over to Ivar on eight legs. “We can update your chair–” he’s beginning to say, “So you can get around the city.”



“Yes, Arthur. You can’t forget dinner tonight at Mom’s.”

“I’m in a meeting, Dot! A very important meeting!”

“Family still matters, Arthur. Do you want to leave me alone with the feet man?”

“No. No, I don’t. I really don’t. But you have to be careful calling me. I have to go.”

His Make a Wish phone is ringing anyway.

“Yes,” comes a voice thick with an Eastern European accent. “I wish you to know that the presence of one young Ivar the Boneless has been requested.”



“I see.”

“There is a small child who knows she needs a bone marrow transplant and she immediately thought of this Ivar. It is luck alone that he would materialize in our present day reality, and if he has joined you and your consortium–”

“Yes. Yes, he has.”

“Yes. This makes sense. For you see, he has always championed the old ways, and being that he himself–”

“Yes, yes, well, and he is a historical figure and so we know… Thank you. I will let him know his presence is requested. Where?”

“Saint Mary’s. Two o'clock on Wednesday if you can manage it–her procedure is the next day.”


The Villain Wrangler, AKA Arthur, outfits Ivar with a cell phone and tries his best to teach him how to use it. “It has the Internet so if you get bored–”

“It is a cat computer? Yes I have seen this where I stay.”

“No, it’s a phone, just… if it rings you do this, then you talk. Here, I’ll call you.”

“In my country the cats eat mice. Here they eat rocks. I do not understand this.”

“Listen, you’re a historical figure, you’re important, people might want to talk to you.”

“Ah. Yes. Political negotiations. I rather kill them. But not children. When I was a child, I was spared.”

“Yes. Yes, well I wouldn’t really know, but I–”

“And my pain was lessened by a healer who had Odin walking inside of him.”

“Yes. That’s good.”

“And so this child.”

“Yes, her name is Maria.”

“I will go to her.”

“Thank you.”

“Yes. You are welcome, Villain Wrangler. It is my duty.”

“Yes, thank you for understanding our place in the–”

“I will eat up her sadness and do whatever I can to help.”“Thank you, Ivar.”


I am seriously guffawing at NBC comparing Timeless’s ratings with the other shows. Yeah, of course it didn’t have This Is Us numbers.  This Is Us aired at 9pm.

They stuck Timeless at 10pm. There’s a world of difference between putting a show on at 9pm vs putting it on at 10pm.

Just be completely transparent and say that it cost more than other shows and was not wholly owned by NBC and that’s why it was cancelled.

iriwa replied to your post “iriwa replied to your post “iriwa replied to your post “iriwa…”

my fave remains You Stupid Bitch, but “It was a Shit Show” is my fave from 2nd season. and the one about love triangles, I just love all the clever lyrics in this one.

Ah, “The Math of Love Triangles.” That’s good too.  It gets really hard to choose sometimes.

The only song in the series that annoyed the heck out of me is the Santa Ana winds song. It just kept going on and on and on and on.

I pretty much like everything else.

My fave from season 1 is still probably “Sexy Getting Ready Song.”
Rick and Morty Creator Dan Harmon “Loathes” the Show’s Sexist Viewers
Rick and Morty co-creator Dan Harmon has blasted his show’s sexist fans in an interview with Entertainment Weekly, calling their behavior “disgusting.” ...
iriwa replied to your post “iriwa replied to your post “iriwa replied to your post “Jacqueline…”

Heh, I liked the new boss! I like the actor, and they really appealed to me by making him a HP fan ;) I’m ready to ship, even though I feel like it’s not really a shipping kind of show. I LOVED “Who’s the new guy” meta song.

I liked the soft-shoe number with Josh and Greg (”We Tapped That Ass”) as well as that Spice Girls-esque girl squad song (”Friendtopia”).

iriwa replied to your post “iriwa replied to your post “iriwa replied to your post “iriwa…”

The ed sheeran parody grew on me so much! At first I was like meh… but I kept rewatching it and noticing new details and loving it more and more. So many hilarious little moments.

It started out and I was like, “Ugh, of course an Ed Sheeran parody”… and then I just kept watching and it became cumulative chuckling.

I watched the show in a binge so maybe the songs don’t stay with me as much as they would on a week-to-week basis. I’m really going to have to decide if I’m going to watch them weekly or just wait for the season to end and binge them again.

iriwa replied to your post “tvw watches “Killjoys””

Aaw, Pawter moment - the moment when I knew I was done with the show. Johnny/Dutch friendship was the only thing woeth staying for, and in the end it wasn’t enough.

They don’t spend enough time with each other either. We probably got more Delle Seyah/Aneela scenes. 

I feel invested enough to stick with the show for its two remaining seasons. Well, that and I don’t watch it by myself. It helps when you have someone to watch it with, I guess.

I rearrange my ranking list after I finish a full season and there’s a considerable gap between Killjoys and The Tunnel for me despite the plot of The Tunnel being pretty stupid. I’ll forgive a lot when I get a damn good central platonic relationship between a man and a woman.

The Alvis thing was… like, his relationship with Dutch was never built up like Pawter’s with Johnny. It’s just like, “We need to sacrifice someone for stakes.”

iriwa replied to your post “Not sure where to put tennis commentary since it’s sport but since I’m…”

Coco is a proud Trump supporter, which automatically puts her on my hate list. And the the thing with Radwanska at the net… Why would you be so unpleasant on purpose? Especially after winning?

I guess Aga wants to be unpleasant to her opponent all the time. LOL.

I spend a lot of time trying to figure out who the present players remind me of. Aga is like a combination of “Poor Man’s Hingis” with the viewing experience of Conchita Martinez. It like, “I don’t want you to win this tournament but I am amused by how much you piss people off.”

Shapovalov is raw and maybe needs a coaching upgrade. Lost his match in 3 straight tiebreaks.

Glad to have a reason to cheer against Coco. (The broadcast is trying so hard to make us like her and I was beginning to feel like a jerk for being annoyed.)

I was getting around to the idea of enjoying Sharapova rip through opponents but then went to a forum where people are making all sorts of excuses or making her to be a victim in the whole Meldonium thing and now I want her to lose. LOL.

Stash of one liner jokes or puns
  • I shot my first turkey today. Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section, it was awesome!
  • I have the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
  • I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
  • I bought a book on how to build a staircase the other day.  It’s a step by step guide.
  • I taught my pig karate and when I came home the other day he was doing pork chops.
  • My Dad used to say ‘always fight fire with fire’, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
  • I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.
  • A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
  • I’ve got a weird math quirk.  I’ll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.
  • I was just saying to myself the other day, “I can’t believe that cloning machine worked!”
  • People quite often ask me how I became so good at deer hunting.  I just stand there, on my huge pile of deer, and shout down “I’m just on top of my game.”
  • What do you call a snake that studies past events?  A hisssssstorian.
  • I found a spider in my shoes.  He looks ridiculous, they’re too big for him.
  • I bought my gym membership at Costco.  I’ve got 36-pack abs now
  • And the Lord said to John, “Come forth and you shall receive eternal life.”
    But John came fifth, and won a toaster..

It’s my birthday (or it was, stupid time zones) so here’s my follow forever! I wanted to write something about each one of you, but I realised that my english is really bad, so I gave up. Maybe next time!

And as you can see- I don’t follow much blogs. These are my favourite ones! I’m still new- I have this blog for…4 months? so yeah, I don’t have much friends here, haha

I want to thank you. Everyone- even if you don’t follow me, even if it’s the first time you heard about me. I’m really thankful, this is a completly new world for me, new people, new things, and here, on tumblr I learned about everything. Thank you all for being here, even if we’ve never talked (so let’s change it!).



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I’d like to thank you all for being with me all these years, and I hope 2015 will be amazing, and every single one of you achieve your dreams. All of my followers are very important, you’re the reason I’m here keeping up with my blog, which is a big deal for me. Thanks for everything. Here are awesome blogs, amazing people list that make this website more special to me.


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