This OC is not mine. I would like some one to critique this fail of an OC. The person who made this OC hasn’t finished with its profile. I just want to see what you Mods think.
Probably a lot.
Name: Kou Masakki (‘Light True Brightness)
This is gonna be “themey” isn’t it?
Birthday: 15th August
Star Sign: Leo
Planentary Symbol: Sun
Favorite Color: Gold
Exceptionally themey. While I’m okay with having a general idea or theme that inspires the character and runs through the story/profile/whatever it can get old fast. Especially if you take the theme too far and that’s almost all there is to the character.
Height: 5’ 8’’
Weight: 110 lb
Congratulations, your OC is at least 30 lbs. underweight! #sarcasm
Hair color: Short reddish blonde
So strawberry blonde…
split on the right side so that he has a wisp over his left eye
You mean “parted” and “bangs?”
Honestly this is just stupid sounding and is a little…flowery. Behold, as I make it sound better: “His hair is short and strawberry blonde. It has a heavy side part on the right, making his bangs fall in front of his left eye.”
See, much better.
Likes: Gardening, dogs, chocolate, camping
Dislikes: being indoors too long, staying up late
Phobia: Nyctophobia (Fear of the Dark)
And there’s that blasted themey-ness again.
School: Shiba Koen Junior High School
Favorite Subject’s: History and Astromany
“Astronomy.” The word you’re looking for is “astronomy.” I don’t know what “Astro Many” is…but I could make a really bad joke about the Houston Astros right about now. I’ll spare you all though.
So he’s magically friends with everyone? Got it! Furthermore, where’s Mina-chan in all of this? And where’s Setsuna? And Mamo-chan? Did the creator forget some people when they listed the implausible list of friends or were they left out on purpose? Furthermore, why’s this character friends with everyone?
Dream: Make a BIG difference in the world
Well gee, that’s generic.
And really, you’re going to leave all the important parts out of your unfinished profile? Really? It could have redeemed the character…probably not, but you never know.
This…I can’t even suggest ways to fix the character. Not because it’s so bad, but because it isn’t done. I mean, you can see something’s gonna be a complete wreck before it’s done, but a lot of the times you can’t fix things until they’re done.