I debated about doing this but, it’s really important to me so here we go…..I know Rusty’s mom is not the most likable character and I know people already hate her and want her gone but, I understand what Rusty is going through very personally. My mother is an alcoholic and has been for many years. It’s hard because in this situation, you still love your mom because she is your mom and NO, you don’t HAVE to love her but for someone like Rusty or myself, you end up doing so anyways. It would be easierto not love them but because you love them, life is inevitably harder for people like us rather than people who have loving, sober parents. Unlike Rusty’s mom, my mother is very open-minded and could care less if I was a lesbian, bisexual, or straight and has told me many times that I never have to be afraid to tell her who I am attracted to but, I still understood what Rusty felt like in tonight’s episode.
The truth is, when an addict looks to you as an enabler or codependent and you start saying NO, they like to hit you where it hurts. I think Rusty’s mom genuinely loves him but, when he finally decided to stop doing things for her that would only hinder her possibly becoming sober one day, she decided to attack him at his most vulnerable spot. Rusty is not ready to talk about being gay and for the team and Sharon, they know and respect him. For his mom, she is letting the addiction win right now and when that happens, the addict says things they wouldn’t say if they were sober. I can’t tell you how many times my mom has done something like this to me. My mom even takes it to the extreme and tells people I’ve been hitting her when I’m not around and uses the bruises from when she has fallen and passed out as “evidence” to my family. For so many years, I was the bad guy. I was the one that wouldn’t just let her be and my family looked down at me for these things. (Yes, I will admit that we have gotten into actual fights where we hit each-other but we are equally responsible in these incidents and she knows that WHEN she is sober. When she is not, she is the poor, defenseless victim even though she came after me and decided to fight with me.)
Being the child of an addict is possibly one of the hardest situations in life but what makes it so hard is the fact they are your parent. You are supposed to be able to look up to them, to trust them, to run to them when things go wrong. So what happens when you can’t? I saw a quote once and it has stuck with me for so long now and it goes like this “You can’t save people. You can only love them.”
It’s true. Unfortunately, all people in this situation can do to help is to continue loving the person. It’s easy to hate Sharon Beck, it really is but, I can’t. All I can do is cry because I’ve been there so many times with my own mother. It’s hard to want to go home because I never know if she will be sober or drunk. I never know if my mom will try to accuse me of something I didn’t do or if the visit will actually be nice. It’s hard to love someone in that situation but, it’s even harder to stop loving them so please, when you watch this show, try to understand how Rusty feels instead of just being mad at his mom. Addicts have it hard because even if they do get sober, they will struggle with the temptation for the REST OF THEIR LIVES. It is hard to realize when you love someone in this situation that you cannot force them to get help, they have to want it. THAT is why it hurt Rusty when he realized his mom didn’t go to rehab on her own will.
Saving addicts is almost impossible, loving them is hard, and having hope is hard but when you love someone, it is almost impossible to give up on them no matter how many times they hurt you, no matter how many times they lie to you, and even if they abandon you at the zoo, because every time they come back or tell you they love you, you realize you can’t give up on them. I’m lucky enough that my mom never abandoned me for her addiction but she has chose it over me many times, and growing up with that has been incredibly hard but, just like Rusty, I will never wonder if I will do these things to other people.
These are the lessons parents like these teach us, even if they fail to learn them their-selves. Sending all of you who know how this feels my love and know you are not alone, both addicts and those who love you. <3
Ps, I don’t mind if you share this. I wouldn’t post it publicly if I did. For too long, I covered up for my mom and refused to talk about it. Not letting the world know what I was going through has never helped me and I am not looking for sympathy or a pity party. I just want people to realize this is a very real circumstance and I appreciate that the writing team for the show has chose to focus on this aspect of Rusty’s life. In fact, I appreciate the fact Rusty Beck exists because through him they have addressed the issues of homelessness, prostitution, and growing up with an addicted parent. He is such an important character and an important reminder that you CAN be better than the circumstances you are thrown into.
that Major Crimes is being cancelled after it’s 6 season. For the past couple of years now, the powers to be at TNT never properly promoted it’s #1 rated show. Never booking it’s stars on any major network talk shows expect for that time Mary went on The View and The Talk. Other then that…No. It’s like TNT was working against its own show. Changing the date and time hoping the fans wouldn’t watch it but we did.
Also TNT must be a stupid network and I only watch TNT for MC and after MC is done and over with, I would no longer watch TNT. I mean, who cancels their #1 rated show? I know TNT is trying to revamp it’s network to reach a younger audience but young people watch Major Crimes and why the need to target younger male viewers? Older people watch TV too. I also think this move by TNT will backfire.
Like many loyal fans of MC, for the past couple of years, I’ve been watching MC out of habit. It seems like MC has become more focus on Rusty and his day to day life instead of the team and crime solving. I think Mary’s talent was underused and I hope she finds another show that will display her talent. Mary is a two time Oscar nominee and I hope fans don’t forget that.
Mary is that type of actress that when a character of hers is sad you are sad and when that character is happy you are happy. You feel what she is feeling. Mary does that in every episode of Major Crimes in her portrayal of Captain Sharon Raydor. Sharon was presented as a foe and someone you were not suppose to like when she first appeared on The Closer. (I liked her from the beginning but anyway) But through time she became someone people liked, respected and cheered for. I will even go as far as saying that I think the characters on the show like Sharon better now then they did Brenda. All that was possible because of Mary’s amazing acting ability. Mary was robbed big time for getting no nominated or win for her role as President Laura Roslin on Battlestar Galactica. I really hope people aren’t foolish twice and that she gets the recognition as well as the awards she deserves.