Bruce: Ugh, I GUESS I’ll just let this giant green guy take over my body, it’s not like I was doing anything important.
Hulk: SMASH! Also I can talk in complete sentences, guys, nbd.
Iron Man: From now on every Tony Stark is going to be Robert Downey Jr, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Cap: (sarcasm) (punches a nazi in the face) Buckkkyyyyyy!
Wasp: Hey Hank. Hank. Hey what if I went out with Tony? What would you think of that, huh Hank? (Usefulness of weapons fluctuates wildly.) Hank, listen to me. Hank. (Low-key angles for Carol Danvers threesome.) Hank.
Ant Man: Science!
Thor: Asgard sucks balls, dad, I’m all about Midgard now! Hey Jane Foster, how YOU doin’? (repeated improper use of “thee” and “thou”) (disparaging comment about humans) (epic music)
Mockingbird, Carol Danvers, Black Widow: (minimal screen time and/or villainy)
T’Challa: (dignified silence)
Hawkeye: JEsus ChrIST, how am I the most competent member of this team?