tv despair

  • Cal: ....Mare? Why is your head on my chest?
  • Mare: know, just making sure you're still alive
  • Cal: you aren't seriously worried that I'm going to die in my sleep...are you?
  • Mare: *rolls over* Death, demise, die, those are my least favorite words right now.

now that i’m slightly more articulate and am able to form my thoughts about this episode, i’m actually a bit annoyed at the lack of screen time that we got of the midwives’ reaction to sister e’s death? a lot of the screen time was focused on the nuns, which was lovely, but i would’ve liked to have seen more of the younger generation of nonnatus house’s reactions. so, naturally, i wrote a list of headcanons.

-“i’ll write to jenny. she’ll want to know” being the first thing trixie says after sister j confirms the bad news

-delia breaking down on the steps because she barely knew sister evangelina and she wished she “got to know her better”

-barbara blaming herself because she’s sure sister e’s stroke is due to her impromptu delivery last night, and barbara being convinced that if she hadn’t asked sister e to come out with her then she would never have had another stroke, despite patsy and trixie’s reassurances

-patsy (strong, held-together patsy) completely breaking down at clinic when a small child asks where sister evangelina is

-barbara curling up in trixie’s bed and delia falling asleep in patsy’s bed the night of sister e’s death

-trixie doesn’t tell anyone, but she keeps a scrap of material from sister e’s wedding dress. she keeps it in her pocket, close to her heart.

-sometimes the midwives, especially barbara and trixie, will walk into a room and then have to walk straight back out again, because they’re hit by a sudden realisation that sister e will never sit in that chair again, or she’ll never make another cup of tea or read another book, and sometimes it’s just too much

-delia not really wanting to attend the funeral because she barely knew her, but she’s practically dragged there anyway by phyllis and patsy

-trixie and patsy sharing their favourite stories of sister e with phyllis over a warm mug of horlicks

-it takes a long time for any of them to be able to deliver a baby without crying

-delia rushing to take over sister julienne’s eulogy because the nun gets too emotional and well no one else is going to bloody do it are they?

-“i didn’t know her like i wished i did. but i did know that she was strong, and brave, and rather stubborn, actually. and she was loved. she was so loved, not just be us but by the entire community. everyone who met her was touched by her warm heart and compassion. she might have been harsh at times, but she was never cruel, and she blessed - and continues to bless - all of our lives, every day, with every hour that passes and every baby that is delivered. and we’re lucky. to have been able to know her and, most importantly, to have been able to love her.”

-and when delia catches sister julienne’s eye as she comes off the altar, and when nurse crane reaches over the pew to squeeze her hand, and when sister mary cynthia smiles at her as she sits down, she knows she’s said the right thing

feel 100% free to add your own, we’re all trash here after all

The air has changed. You haven’t been here in a while, but you know it well enough to realize that something is very, very wrong. A playlist for places where the light has gone out and only a skin-crawling sense of ruin remains.

1. Prologue ~ The Beginning of the Night /// Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective 2. Trial Underground /// DanganRonpa: Trigger Happy Havoc 3. Quiet /// Cave Story 4. Buried Imperial Capital /// Suikoden Tierkreis 5. Id ~ Dilemma /// Fire Emblem Awakening 6. Twilight of the Rulers /// Wild Arms V 7. Backside of the TV /// Persona 4 8. Unary Game /// Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors 9. The Night Unfurls /// Bloodborne 10. Dragon’s Nest /// MapleStory 11. Tooth Paste /// No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle 12. Ocean Breeze Dead End /// DanganRonpa 2: Goodbye Despair 13. Black Rose /// Eternal Darkness: Sanity’s Requiem 14. Ancient Move /// MapleStory 15. Cog in the Machine /// World of Goo LISTEN