“O You Gods, I am Isis, Osiris’s sister, Who wept for the father of the Gods, Osiris, Who put an end to the massacring of the Two Lands. His seed is within my womb. It is as son of the foremost of the Ennead Who will rule this land, become heir to Geb, speak on His father’s behalf, and slay Seth, the adversary of His father Osiris” (from spell 148 of the Coffin Texts, translation from “The Literature of Ancient Egypt” by W.K.Simpson)
detail from one of the coffins of King TutankhAmon (now in the Cairo Museum): the Goddess Isis with outstretched wings and kneeling on the hieroglyphic symbol for “gold”
I now present a joke SO BAD that you will never want to speak to me again.
The world’s first therapist actually lived in Ancient Egypt. His clients would come in and talk to him about all of their problems, people from all walks of life– scribes, merchants, priests, even the Pharaoh himself. The Pharoah’s appointment was from 1 to 2 every Wednesday, but he liked to talk so much that the appointment always ran over into his 2 PM client’s slot. The therapist didn’t mention it at first, because it WAS the Pharaoh, after all, the living incarnation of Ra, and he had no desire to be disrespectful, but after weeks stretched on, he politely told the Pharaoh that, while he didn’t want to interrupt him, he did tend to go over time. Fortunately, the Pharaoh was very understanding and said, “If I go over time by ten minutes, just let the next person in, even if I’m in the middle of a sentence.”
Sure enough, at his next appointment, the Pharaoh was in the middle of talking, when the next client knocked on the door and said politely, “Can I come in? Is someone in there?”
Pendant with a lapis lazuli scarab, representing the solar deity Khepri. Found in the tomb of the 18th Dynasty Pharaoh Tutankhamun (r. ca. 1332-1323 BCE); now in the Egyptian Museum, Cairo. Photo credit: Jon Bodsworth/Egypt Archive.