making lots of little hard-light shapes and putting them in jars and bottles as night lights
asking one of her gfs to lie on her for the pressure
brushing or running her fingers through her hair hundreds of times. or other people’s hair. fuzzing the shaved side of sombra’s hair. giving mercy and pharah and ana and hanzo and d.va and roadhog perfect little braids and ponytails.
going to the craft store to run her hands over soft fabrics. smooth, turquoise coloured silk and satin is her favourite.
You and Jimmy sat on the bench while all the other troops celebrated, you both were extreme light weights so after one drink, you were being stupid. You watched with him and laughed, as Ethel took your drinks away, and told the others to not give ya anything more. And as you laughed at the others as they joked and performed a bit you felt it. It was light against your thigh as it settled under the turquoise fabric and tool under your skirt. You drunkenly looked to your leg and followed the arm up to the torso of the very person sitting beside you, the man who was taken by the newest member of the troop. You blushed as he squeezed lightly before leaning forward and attaching his lips to yours. After what felt like seconds he pulled away leaving you in a flustered mess before he slipped his hand away, winked at you and left the tent, his beautiful hands going into his pockets as he left. You counted to ten… and then followed. However as soon as you stepped outside he grabbed your hand and pushed you against one of the trailers, where his mouth drunkenly pressed against yours, as your hand tangled into his brown curls.
“Jimmy.” You gasped as his lips moved to your jaw, and then your neck, and then your collarbone, your breath hitching as he did, “What about Maggie?”
“Maggie can wait.” He whispered as his hands went under your ass and pushed you up, and pushing himself between your legs, causing the skirt to push up as you wrapped your legs around him. This support allowed his hands to move to your button down and begin unbuttoning, as his lips went from your neck to the top of your breast.
“Jimmy, let’s go in your trailer. It is closer.” you moaned as he detached from you, leaving a hickey on your breast.
He began carrying you as you leaned your head on his shoulder, leaving your own mark on his neck as you listened to his soft moans, once he kicked the door open, he ran to the bed and slammed you into the quilt, finally getting the opportunity to pop the buttons off his own shirt as you sat up to deal with his pants, his member already at full attention as they fell to the floor, once down his pushed you back down and ripped your skirt down revealing the underwear you wore. your shirt was already ripped open and your breast were hidden behind the bra you wore.
“Are you sure about this?” You asked as he put his hands on your underwear and slowly started pulling down.
“I am positive.” he whispered before tossing yours across the room, removed his own and leaned over your exposed body, and thrusted inside, earning a loud moan….
The next morning your head laid over his chest, his hands rested on your back as your own laid on his bare chest. your makeup was smeared and your clothes discarded, the sunlight beginning to stream in, and the sound of the trailer door opening and closing.You felt peaceful, until you felt the cold water hitting your sweaty skin.
“You ass!”A voice screamed, a voice you could only identify as one person.
“WHAT THE HELL MAGGIE!” you heard Jimmy yell tiredly as he shifted under you.
“I left for one day…. one day was all it took for you to sleep with this bitch!”
“Hey! [Y/N] is not a bitch, I should know seeing how she is my best friend, the only bitch here is the one who is fucking the Hollywood producer.”
“What?” She asked confused, her expression softened as he pointed at her.
“You really think I wasn’t going to figure out that you were sneaking off with Stan? Bet you are sleeping with him just hoping he will give you your own show, since that is the kind of shallow bitch you are. I don’t even understand why I am with you. Last night…. was the best sex I ever had, and she loves me. I don’t want you anymore you selfish, shallow bitch. So just get the fuck out!”
“Jimmy…” She started to plead
“I SAID OUT!” He screamed as she went running out, he let out a breath before turning back to the bed.
“Did you really need to yell at her while showing her your dick?” You chuckled as he climbed back int bed, pulling you to him as he nestled his head into your shoulder.
“I meant what I said, except I failed to tell her one thing.”
“I love you, not her. She is too shady, and I feel like she only loves me for my hands, and nothing more. With you I feel like I am more then just a person with these stupid hands, I feel like a real person. I always wanted that feeling, and ever since Elsa picked you up four years ago, that is all I have had.However I was always…”
“too scared to tell me?” you whispered as he pulled back and pushed a strand of hair from your face.
“Yea. I hope this doesn’t ruin….”
“I love you too.” you gasped as he leaned in and kissed you, your hands finding his curls again as he moaned into your lips.
“Well guess I can officially call you my girl now right?” he asked after pulling back.
“Yea I guess you can.” You smiled as he settled back into your bare shoulder.
That felt like forever ago, when in reality it only happened eight months ago, a lot had changed, you had a nice ring on your finger, it once belonged to Ethel and she passed it on to Jimmy when he expressed his desire to marry you, and you had a small bean in your body. Your stomach was barley showing under your dress. However not all the changes were good, for the troop was dropping like flies, and the most recent was the hardest. Ethel, the woman you considered an important member of your life, and the grandmother you always wanted for your child, was dead. No one took the news worse then her own son, who cried into your lap when he found out. That was days ago and now his tears had turned into drunken slurs as he turned from you to the bottle for comfort.
You were currently standing in the tent with Eve, Penny and Paul as they practiced, your hands rested on top of the bump in your dress as you watched in the seat, a smile on your face until you heard the rather loud moan, from behind the curtain. Eve, Paul and Penny all looking towards the noise as well as you slowly pushed yourself up, and started walking onto the stage.
“I thought we were running a respectable entertainment establishment here, not a sex dungeon.” You hissed as you pushed though the curtain, and towards the sound. However when you ripped the second curtain back you stopped and stared in horror as a pale pink middle finger greeted you. He didn’t even notice your presence as he banged her back into the mirror again and again as she sat upon Ethel’s makeup station. The liquor bottle was shattered on the group and the smell made you sick. As you heard the other three come up behind you, you turned and ran from the space, and puked as soon as you reached the fresh summer air. And then came the tears, and you went to the only place you could think of.
It felt wrong, it felt foreign, it didn’t feel like her, it felt boring and bland and stupid. But I need it, I can’t have sex with her right now, not when I made her the way she is now, and I can’t hurt my baby more then I possibly have. What if they have my hands, what if they get ridiculed like I did, or put on display. I never want that, I want my child to have a normal life, I want them to have friends and fun, be able to go out without gloves, and be viewed as more then just entertainment or a freak.
I heard her moan, I knew I was done, and I pulled out one last time, and wiped a tear from my eyes. I turned around to see my friends staring at me with blank looks and heard the sound of heels clicking away from where we were.
“What?” I snapped as I went to push past, however Eve pushed me back.
“Penny. Get this bitch out of her.” She snapped as Penny grabbed Maggie’s hair and dragged her out of the tent.
“Hey get your hands off…”
“Now you. Sit down.” Eve instructed as I sank into my mother’s old seat.
“Jimmy, what the hell was that?” Paul asked as I rolled my eyes.
“Well Paul, that was sex, I am sure you and Penny have it.” I snapped
“Yea well not with other people.” He snapped back.
“What does it matter it isn’t like…”
“She saw what you were doing and just ran out of here and puked at the sight.” Paul finished my sentence as Eve crossed her arms.
“No.” I realized as my eyes widened.
“Yes Jimmy. The mother of your child, the person who has stood by you though all of this, who loves you more then anything, just saw you having sex with the woman you cheated on with her.” I put my head into my hands as I sighed.
“You messed up mate, why did ya do it?”
“Because….” I sighed as I looked at the smashed bottle, “I was drunk, and I needed some way to relieve some stress. I can’t have sex with [y/n], not after I already ruined her life and the life of her unborn child.”
“And how do you figure that? Because I know for a fact that [Y/N] loves you more then anything, and she is over the moon that you are engaged and about to be parents. She just wants you.” Paul answered as my eyes watered.
“Because I am nothing more then a freak, and I am sure that any child of mine will be viewed just the same. I have ruined that kid’s life, and it isn’t even born yet.”
“James Darling, that has to be the dumbest thing I have ever heard.” Eve snapped, “You have no ruined anyone’s life. Just because you are a freak doesn’t mean that you are a bad person, or don’t deserve to be truly happy. The fact that you even had sex with that thing again isn’t even as awful as what just left your mouth. Now I suggest you find your fiancee and apologize.” Eve instructed as she pointed toward the flaps of the tent, where [y/n] left from.
I slowly stood up and pushed between the two, as I started towards the flap, realizing what mistake I made. I loved [y/n], I always have. That night I drunkenly had sex with her, and then later revealed my true feelings, was the greatest night of my life. She has done nothing but right with me, and shown me nothing but love, and this is how I repaid her. She has made my greatest dreams come true, she loved me for who I am, and is willing to have a family with me, and this is how I repaid her. I burst into the sunlight as I looked to the left and right, seeing her no where. When I looked down, I saw her shoes thrown beside a pile of bile. I looked up again in a panic, not knowing where she would have gone. I started towards the trailer we shared since the day we made it official, and she wasn’t there, went to her old trailer, and she wasn’t there, went to Ma’s old trailer, and she wasn’t there. I ran around the whole camp and couldn’t find her.
Instead I found Maggie, who was smoking on the black horse of the carousel. She smiled at me as I walked towards her, “Maggie, have you seen [Y/N]?” I asked as she took a drag.
“Oh you mean your soon to be ex? No.” She smiling as I glared at her.
“Listen Maggie, I am sorry that I slept with you and have given you some form of false hope but I have no intention on leaving my fiancee and unborn child for you. What we just did was a stupid drunken mistake and I…”
“I know you have no intention, but do you really think someone like her would want to stay with a freak like you? Trust me honey, she has probably skipped town already, leaving me as your best bet toward love.”
“You are nothing but a stupid, fake, bitch Maggie.” I hissed as I started back towards camp, leaving her to smoke alone, with a smug look on her face.
“Sounds like something Ethel would say!” She screamed behind me…. and then it clicked.
I went in a sprint towards the woods on the other side of the lake. As I ran I thought of my apology, but all those thoughts left me as I got closer, and saw her outline by the small, white cross covered with flowers. Her back was to me, her legs pulled to her side, as she leaned on her right arm, her hair fell across her back as she possibly played with the hem of her skirt. As I slowly walked closer I could hear her teary voice in the silence as she looked at the grave.
“…I just can’t figure out what to say, leaving is not an option to me. I love him too much to just pack up everything and skip town, and I can’t do that to my baby. I know how Jimmy felt growing up without a father, and I will not let my baby feel that way. I just am scared Ethel. What if it is like the last time he did this? What if he leaves me for her? I just…. I love him.” She chocked out as I stepped closer.
“I love you too.” I whispered, her body stiffened at the sound, “I always used to tell Ma about how much I loved ya. I never wanted you to feel like you had to leave, and I know if Ma was here she would be kicking my ass for makin’ ya feel this way.” I took a step closer and slow sank next to her. Her body shifted to lean into me, her head resting on my shoulder as I wrapped an arm around her, “I’m so sorry for this, I just was so angry about all of this, and the booze just wasn’t cutting it anymore. I just need you, all of you, but I can’t ask you to risk it. So I made a drunken mistake and I never want to make it again. Maggie ain’t no you, and you are what I need.”
“So she was just meant for meaningless sex?”
“And you no longer love her?”
“I only love you.”
“And you aren’t leaving?”
“No, I would never leave you for her. I will never regret cheating on her with you, I will never regret loving you, or asking you to marry me, or agreeing to start a family with me. I will never jeopardize you or my baby again.”
“You promise?” She whispered with tears filling as I pulled her face to mine and gently kissed her nose.
“Then lets go home.” She whispered as she softly smiled.
I slowly got up, and took her hands in mine as I gently pulled her up. We walked back hand in hand, and I made a promise to my mother right there at my mother’s grave, that I would make her dream for me a reality.
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