turn into a giant flower

Magical Girl First Person Shooter

I had a great conversation with a (male) co-worker today (I work in videogames, fyi) where we were like “Man, we used to dig FPS games, but now they’re literally all the same. Maybe they were ALWAYS all the same, but now it’s really starting to show.”

He said, “if I never play an FPS again I will be a happy man”

and I joked “The only way I will ever play an FPS again is if I am in fact a magical girl sparkleprincess who turns squarejawed dudebrows into sparkleponies.”

And then halfway to the car I went… wait.

Since I don’t have the skills to make this and even if I could my current contract with my company means I can’t make it on my own I’m just gonna babble about it on the internets. 

What if you had a game where the underlying structure was literally just a normal FPS–a classic FPS, mind you, more Doom, Goldeneye, Perfect Dark, Wolfenstein, or Quake than Modern Warfare or anything–but instead of being Sir Whitebread Squarejawed McManpain mowing down people you are a classic Sailor Moon type magical girl. All the weapons are basically of the same types as a classic FPS in terms of what they do (pistol, shotgun, rifle, etc) except they are classic magical girl weapons in the forms of wands, scepters, staves, mirrors, hair pins, whatever. 

You start out in the middle of your typical Grimdark Real Is Brown Military Shooter, with two different sides of squarejawed manpain guys fighting each other, but instead of killing them, when you hit them with your attacks they turn into happy joy funtime sparklepeople of some sort. They end up in flamboyant lovely clothes and everything around them becomes supersaturated with color and they are immune to bullets. You are not, but you cannot die either because idk bullets don’t really hurt you they just desynch you and send you back to Magical Girl Land. People’s guns explode into rainbows and butterflies. Tanks turn into giant flying neon Lisa Frank whales. Grenades explode into flowers. 

You are here to bring peace and end war! In the name of the Sun and Stars, you will bring joy and love! 

You could actually pick from a number of protags with different abilities. I genuinely want a huge, fat, not even curvy but outright fat magical girl in a gorgeous fluffy pink dress who floats lightly through the air and is good at grenades, only they are bubble bath bombs. I want an Utena style magical girl in a waistcoat and spats. I want a trans magical girl where literally her gender is backstory and she’s just normal like the rest.  I want magical girls who aren’t white or Japanese, I want black magical girls and brown magical girls and all kinds of magical girls. There’s one Tuxedo Mask character and he’s the literal worst at anything so playing him well and actually beating the game with him is basically BRUTAL MODE. 

There’d be 4 player co-op mode where you’re still just going through this brown war zone healing the land and bringing PEACE AND LOVE. 

Deathmatch / capture the flag / other sorts of versus mode takes place in training sessions in Magical Girl Land where you train by seeing how many of your fellow magical girls you can temporarily turn into adorable kittens, puppies, and bunnies. Respawning is just the spell wearing off. 

There would be no ironic magical girl stuff here. This isn’t Madoka, this would be Sailor Moon levels of NOPE PEACE AND LOVE SAVES THE UNIVERSE  stuff. Unironic beautiful goodness. Endgame is that you have established your rainbow sparkle empire. 

I do not think you know how badly I want this. 

*e* LET ME BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR. This is not a ~shooter for women~ because frankly I’ve been playing shooters since I was a kid. This is not ~pink aisle~. This is subverting the classic shooter formula of “get gun mow down dudes” with “Get sparkle staff make everyone happy.” This is a shooter FOR EVERYONE that is ABOUT SPARKLE PRINCESSES

Furthermore, I’d want to avoid any weird fetishy sexualization. Some of the magical girls should be sexy, yeah! But others should not. They should all be women, first and foremost. No panty shots or any of that gross shit, just cute as hell girls spreading sparkle love. 

The signs as gardens
  • Aries: A wild pathway with tangled flowers creating a wall enclosing you in beauty.
  • Taurus: A garden filled with red, pink and yellow roses gently swaying in the wind.
  • Gemini: A yard filled with unusual colors and flowers sprouting up from all over, erratic and beautiful.
  • Cancer: A perfectly set garden roses and daisies, lilies and Tulips, organized neatly and growing beautifully.
  • Leo: A wide green expanse with tall sunflowers blooming proudly, reaching for the sky.
  • Virgo: Wild lavender in a wild place off to the side of the road, creating unknown beauty.
  • Libra: A pond with lilies growing gladly beside it, green surrounding every inch of you.
  • Scorpio: A secret path covered with dense rose bushes leading you to the most magnificent secret garden.
  • Sagittarius: A long green path with lovely blue, red and green flowers on each side of you leading to a flowing waterfall.
  • Capricorn: A giant flower maze turning and curving in every direction, a bench here and there but mostly just flowers everywhere.
  • Aquarius: Giant bushes shaped into statues smooth grass and beautiful roses growing around you.
  • Pisces: Blue, pink and yellow flowers covering all the grass with one giant tree in the center of it all.

Left: standard model. Right: slightly silly model.

An OC! Florian was designed for the dry-sounding ‘ecological management and restoration’, but instead has been… slightly influenced by their human co-workers and has turned into, well, a giant hippie. Enjoys flowers, bright colours, displaying sassy emotes on their viewscreen, and cute clothes. They’re perfectly happy being a robot, they have no desire to get a more human-looking chassis, and sees no reason why they can’t be happy being a robot and also enjoy expressing themself, right?

i love it!! so cute