Quotes From Last Night’s Game

“If we’re going to die, we’re going to do it in a dungeon!” - the cleric

“No more month-long ‘vacations’ in the swamp” - the wizard

“We just want to let the guy know we know stuff too.” - the rogue 

“Can we change his name to Sir Turd Ferguson?” - the barbarian 

“This guy could sell a horse in under a minute!” - the fighter 

“When they get back, I fuck around with them for about 20 minutes before I let them back on the airship” - the fighte

“I am not going back to that noble district for like 100 years” - the monk 

“Trident. Didn’t work” - the barbarian on the magical trident 

“You should use your winged boots like a hoverboard and cause someone to crash in to a pile of manure” - the barbarian to the rogue

“Who is this guy? Can I murder him?” - the rogue

“Give me the strongest whiskey you have, I’ll chug a gallon of it and purify myself” - the rogue after being poisoned

“I’m meditating in shame in the corner” - the monk, after tragic failure rolls 

“It’s a pig party!” -the DM

“And we’re just chanting 'BEAR! BEAR! BEAR!’” -the barbarian 

“But instead, you got to pee on some goblins” - the barbarian 

“You’ve been spending time with an endless wine cask and a bear.” - the DM 

“Here, buddy, I brought you an entire roasted pig.” - the rogue “Did you at least wrap it in tin foil?” - the fighter

“I’m waiting for my magic items like a kid standing at the mailbox” - the fighter 

“Somewhere on the ethereal plane, there’s just a cloud of vomit” - the rogue 

“I’m just sitting in my room imagining the rest of the party is off giving money to the poor” - the cleric (we’re drinking)

“Do you ever have one of those days where you just want to eat mashed potatoes until you die?” - the rogue 

“"We should put a cool flame paint job on the airship, decepticon stickers on the back” - the rogue 

“You can’t take him to the nobles, he looks like a rotten avocado” - the fighter on the acid-burned wizard

“Don’t leave the place all sticky while we’re gone.” - the rogue “I’m going to drink a slurpee in the pilot’s seat!” - the fighter

“I’ll stay behind, but only if you guys leave me the everfull wineskin” - the fighter 

“We need a magical airship dock” - the fighter 

“Barbarians practice anti-yoga” - the barbarian

I love all the posts on my dash, and all the love and acceptance from everyone that I see everyday. Thank you so much my loves!

mutuals, favorites


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Super sorry if I missed anyone! I love you all :)

Burt Reynolds: Turd Ferguson: Yeah well, why don’t you give me, ah.. why don'tcha give me Ape Tit for $200.

Alex Trebek: It’s not “Ape Tit.” It’s A Petit.. [ shakes head ] ..never mind! Let’s just go to “Animal Sounds” for $600. This is the sound a doggy makes. [ Connery buzzes in ] Mr. Connery.

Methinks the transcript this little snippet came from is COMPLETELY wrong! He wasn’t Burt Reynolds…he was Turd Ferguson! 

After crossing Burt’s name out I feel MUCH better about this little piece of comedy gold!