turbo the snail

Today we said goodbye to Turbo.
Turbo was my mystery snail who was 2 years old. He LOVED carrots and he also LOVED to try and jump on top of Boba.

Unfortunately Turbo passed away due to a collapsed mantle today.

I know to most he’s just a snail but truly I will miss him so much.

Boba stayed by his side right to the end.

I love you Turbo and I am glad that you have found rest.

SO IM GOING TO TALK ABOUT MY BIGGEST FUCKING PET PEEVE OF ALL TIME

YOU KNOW THAT SHITTY MOVIE CALLED TURBO? ABOUT THE FUCKING FAST SNAIL? WELL THAT MOVIE IS A GOD DAMNED RIP OFF. OF WHAT? A 2004 SHOCKWAVE GAME CALLED SNAIL MAIL.

LOOK AT THIS PIECE OF SHIT. I LOVED THAT SHIT.

EVIDENCE: THE MAIN SNAIL OF “SNAIL MAIL” IS NAMED TURBO THE SNAIL. THE FIRST THING YOU HEAR WHEN YOU START THE GOD DAMNED GAME ON A COMPUTER IS “HI, I’M TURBO THE SNAIL, STEER ME WITH THE MOUSE.”

THE MAIN SNAIL OF TURBO THE MOVIE? OBVIOUSLY NAMED TURBO.

YOU COULD SAY THIS IS COINCIDENCE, BUT NO… LOOK AT THIS SHIT…

LOOK. THAT SNAIL HAS A FUCKING TURBO ROCKET FUCKING SHIT THING ON HIS GOD DAMNED FUCKING BACK. YOU KNOW WHO ELSE HAS THAT? SHITTY WALMART BRAND FUCKING TURBO FROM THE FUCKING MOVIE.

LOOK AT THAT SMUG ASS FUCKER. YOU THIEF. YOU ABOMINATION. YOU WALMART BRAND PAPER PLATE.

STILL NOT BUYING IT? WELL TAKE A LOOK AT THIS:

SO HERE’S THE GAME, RIGHT? YOU CAN STILL BUY IT ON AMAZON.

WHEN DID IT COME OUT?

FUCKING 2004. THATS RIGHT.

NOW, TELL ME, WHEN DID TURBO COME OUT?

2013. FUCKING 2013. THIS BULLSHIT IS UNBELIEVABLE. I COULDNT MAKE THIS SHIT UP IF I TRIED.

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