Me singing about Tuna Helper
  • Me: If I had to live without you,
  • What kind of life would that be?
  • Oh, I...
  • I need you in my arms, need you to hold,
  • You're my world, my heart, my soul,
  • If you ever leave,
  • Baby you would take away everything good in my life,
  • And tell me now
  • How do I live without you?
  • I want to know,
  • How do I breathe without you?
  • If you ever go,
  • How do I ever, ever survive?
  • How do I
  • How do I
  • Oh how do I live?

I pretty much just made tuna helper or something.

1 can clam chowder
1 can kippered herring
4 or 5 cloves garlic 
some random bit of leek from the fridge
a little bit o water
almost all the egg noodles
fish sauce cuz I hate salt but love salty things
fake ass parmesan cheese

put into a fucking pot on med heat. stir whenever. don’t burn yer tongue like I did and let that shit cool.

viola! you dirtied one pot and didn’t have to think really hard about food!
congratulations you.  

Homemade Tuna Helper

Noodles of choice
One can of tuna
½ c peas
¼ c Brie
2 T Parmesan
¼ t garlic powder
¼ t onion powder
1 t Italian seasoning
¼ c milk and 1 T butter or ¼ c cream
2 T Greek yogurt
S&P to taste

Cook noodles and peas together in “salty like the sea” water until al Dente - firm but cooked through - 10 mins for these noodles. Drain. Add both cheeses, milk and butter or cream, seasonings, stirring until cheese is melted. You shouldn’t need to cook it anymore after draining. Add tuna, mix well, add yogurt and S&P.

Tuna Topping (for pasta & other things)

Another thing I enjoy making because of the protein/fat content and simplicity. The flavors distract from the tuna’s fishiness and I find it quite a bit tastier with pasta than Tuna Helper.

Ingredients (serves 1-2 people); everything to taste:

  • 1 (5 oz.) can of tuna, drained
  • 1-2 tsp. soy sauce
  • 1-2 tsp. vinegar* (I probably wouldn’t recommend Balsamic.)
  • 1 tsp. sesame oil
  • ½ tsp. garlic powder
  • 1-2 tbs. Sriracha hot sauce (optional)
  • ½ tsp. lemon pepper (optional)
  • 1 tbs. sugar (optional)

Combine the ingredients in a small bowl with a fork. You don’t need to heat this recipe up if you don’t wish to (but if so, I would recommend you do so on the stove rather than microwave; at low to medium heat).

*You may substitute vinegar with lemon or lime juice.

Serving Suggestions:

I usually have cooked spaghetti on hand for this but pretty much any kind of noodle could work well with this topping.

For the dorm cooking crowd- it’s also good on crackers (I recommend Ritz). And it’s probably also good in a salad. Feel free to experiment with it.