john: only eats stuff that’s completely cooked. tempura shrimp, california rolls, etc. roxy keeps calling him a wuss. he orders one of those rolls that’s a take on philly cheesesteaks/cheeseburgers and grins at the face she makes. that’s not real sushi, john, what the fuck? oh really roxy? i thought sushi was just the rice part! he eats 3 pieces of it at once. he is utterly, incredibly sick later.
rose: only eats nigiri. in japan they don’t usually eat rolls, she informs dave as he goes to town on a hand roll. most of the rolls you can order here were made for dumb westerners who couldn’t comprehend the concept of raw fish by itself. dumb westerner this, dave retorts, and nearly chokes on his hand roll. rose raises her eyebrows and grins as she daintily dabs wasabi between the fish and the rice on her nigiri.
dave: orders hand rolls pretty much exclusively and refers to them as his fishcream cones. has a variety. arranges them in order of how much he likes them. eats a bite out of one, then sets it down and takes a bite out of another. then sets it down and takes a bite out of another. dirk makes a pained noise. dave sets it down and takes a bite out of another.
jade: orders sashimi. loves the fish but her doggy side hates the rice! she eats twice as much as everybody else and seems ready for more. no wasabi, no ginger. all fish all the time. she keeps talking with pieces of fish hanging out of her mouth. everyone is vaguely horrified.
jane: does this the professional way! orders omakase and scoffs as everybody else just orders rolls. as a result she gets the objective best sushi and takes her time savoring every piece. only uses the wasabi and soy that the chef includes with the sushi. keeps commenting aloud about how glad she is that she did it this way. roxy elbows her and says jane is welcome to a piece of her spicy tuna if she wants. jane quietly accepts.
roxy: everything is spicy. spicy tuna rolls. spicy scallop hand rolls. spicy salmon rolls. spicy tuna nigiri. if it’s a roll with sriracha sauce in it she’s ordering it. if it has jalepenos or any kind of spicy pepper on it, she’s ordering it. her greatest achievement is eating the entirety of the sushi place’s challenge too-hot-to-handle roll and not having to pay for her meal. eats way too much and spends the next hour and a half groaning about how full she is.
dirk: is not sure he can trust uncooked fish. look, ok, he knows that people used to eat this all the time, but fish were pretty toxic on earth in 2425, ok, and he had to cook them to get the toxins out. makes a lot of noise about how he’s not sure fish and cream cheese ought to go together. eventually appeased. is DELIGHTED when roxy helps him find a roll that says “citrus” and there are tiny paper-thin lemon/orange slices in it. eats too much but pretends to be fine even though jake keeps grinning and poking his stomach.
jake: goes immediately to the weirdest rolls and orders them. splits a philly cheesesteak roll with john. eats sea urchin and loves it. does a quail egg shot, then does another one, and another one. he fucking loves those things. orders a gigantic variety of nigiri so he can sample as many kinds of fish as he can and loves them all. announces every one is his favorite after he tries it. in addition, eats a shitload of edamame.
karkat: tries some spicy rolls and, without admitting that they are too much for him, orders something super mild immediately afterward. dave knows and elbows him. karkat demands an elbow toll of one of dave’s hand rolls, and dave acquiesces – but it’s one of the ones he’s already had a bite of. karkat gives dave a dirty look. avoids crab rolls, even with dave’s assertion that none of them use real crab. makes a lot of noise about how humans must have a deathwish if they’re eating raw fish all the fucking time. eats too much.
terezi: asks which sushi is the MOST R3D and then orders whatever is pointed out to her. ends up with a bunch of tuna and spicy tuna and R3D SN4PP3R even though she’s told it’s not very red. makes loud slurping noises as she swallows the fish. makes the chef bring her a bottle of sriracha and starts just dumping it into her mouth. starts scraping red tobiko off other people’s rolls and into her mouth. john finally loses it and asks if they can just buy a stupid thing of tobiko so she stops being stupid. terezi, nose deep in the tobiko the instant it’s brought to the table, is appeased.
kanaya: joins jane in the omakase because if anybody ought to know what’s good here, it’s the chef. is the perfect model of etiquette. read up on how to properly eat sushi before she came here. attempts to say “arigato gozaimasu” when the chef gives her sushi. doesn’t rub her chopsticks together because the internet said it was rude and nearly gets a splinter, which rose offers to help her remedy. wow rose get a room, dave drawls as kanaya turns brilliant green. eats exactly the right amount and sighs loudly when karkat grumbles about how full he is afterward.
callie: orders sashimi only with jade, but gets dozens of different kinds of fish as opposed to jade sticking to her favorites. stacks them and mixes them like lunchables. informs everyone else on what combinations are the best. mournful that there isn’t much blood in the fish, but enjoys herself anyway. when she’s informed she can finish her meaty fishflesh meal with mochi ice cream and tempura fried oreos, her eyes light up and everyone realizes they aren’t getting out of there for another hour.